Chapter 5 #2
With a heavy sigh, she turned from the window and began her nightly routine, trying to find comfort in the familiar motions.
Yet, as she got ready for bed, everything seemed off.
Her perfectly organized bedroom felt too structured after the comfort of Jo’s home.
As she brushed her teeth, she couldn’t meet her own eyes in the mirror for fear she would see them accusing her of being too scared to live a real life.
Even her beloved romance novel seemed to mock her with its promises of passion and happy endings.
As sleep finally claimed her, Evelyn’s last conscious thought was of Jo’s smile.
Not the confident one she wore at the bar, but the soft, genuine one she showed while they had talked by the fireplace.
The one that made Evelyn feel like maybe she could be brave enough to do something different.
But I wasn’t brave , she thought. I ran away instead, maybe leaving behind the possibility of something real .
Tomorrow, she would go back to her everyday life.
Back to her research, her books, and her carefully planned routine.
Yet, as she fell asleep, she knew something had shifted.
That no matter how hard she tried, things wouldn’t feel quite the same anymore, because now she knew what she was missing.
The beer grew warm in Jo’s hand as she sat motionless on her couch, staring at the last dying embers in the fireplace.
“Well, that was different,” Jo muttered to the empty room, taking another sip of her beer.
The taste had gone flat, much like the evening itself.
She couldn’t remember the last time someone had left her house in such a hurry.
Usually, she was the one making excuses, finding reasons to usher women out before things got too complicated.
She sighed. Evelyn hadn’t even given her the chance.
Jo replayed the evening in her mind. The way Evelyn had melted into their kisses, how perfectly their bodies had fit together, the soft sounds the woman had made.
Everything had been going according to plan, following the familiar script that Jo had perfected over years of casual encounters.
Except it didn’t feel like just another conquest , she thought, frustrated that her mind kept circling back to that thought. It doesn’t make sense.
Even before Evelyn fled to the bathroom, Jo had fought the urge to slow things down and savor each moment.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” Jo asked the empty room, running a hand through her hair.
Mica’s words from earlier that evening echoed in her mind.
“Don’t you ever think about settling down?
Finding someone special?” At the time, Jo had brushed off the suggestion with her usual bravado, but now, sitting alone in her quiet house, the question hit differently.
Setting her beer on the coffee table, Jo leaned into the couch cushions.
Her eyes drifted to the motorcycle posters on her walls, the ones that had caught Evelyn’s attention earlier.
She remembered how Evelyn had noticed the contrast between those and the photographs, how she had seemed genuinely interested in understanding the different facets of Jo’s personality.
“I’ve got layers,” Jo had told her. Now she wondered if maybe she had been hiding behind those layers for too long.
The truth was that none of her previous encounters had left her feeling so hollow, regretful, and wanting more.
Usually after a woman left, Jo felt relieved, ready to move on to the next adventure, but thinking about Evelyn walking out that door made her chest ache in an unfamiliar way.
I should have stopped her , Jo thought for the tenth time.
She closed her eyes. But what would I have said?
Sorry I came on too strong? Sorry I couldn’t control myself long enough to show you I wanted more than another one-night stand?
It sounded pathetic in her head. And I doubt that, after this mess, Evelyn will return to Sapphire anytime soon .
Jo pictured her curled up in her apartment, probably mortified by what had happened.
Will she tell her sister? she wondered. Her friends?
Will they laugh about it over brunch, just another story about that butch at the bar who couldn’t take a hint?
That thought made Jo wince. “I could have been different with her,” Jo admitted to the darkness.
She could have taken Evelyn on real dates, learned about her research, shared her own passions beyond the superficial charm she usually relied on.
She could have shown Evelyn the woman behind the muscles, leather jacket, and sexy smile.
The one who baked cookies at midnight when she couldn’t sleep, who kept a collection of classic literature with her motorcycle repair manuals.
But she hadn’t. Instead, she had fallen back on old habits, letting physical attraction override the deeper connection that had been building between them.
And now Evelyn is gone, probably never to return .
Jo’s eyes drifted to her phone, sitting silently on the coffee table.
She could call Mica, tell her she had been right all along, that maybe it was time to consider something more serious.
No way, she thought. Not even Mica would understand how I’m feeling tonight.
Plus, she had no desire to admit it all out loud when everything felt raw and vulnerable.
Instead, she found herself walking to her kitchen and pulling out flour and sugar from the cupboards.
Baking had always been her escape, her way of processing emotions she couldn’t quite face.
As she measured ingredients with practiced precision, she thought about how Evelyn might have reacted to this side of her.
The domestic, nurturing side that so few people got to see.
“She probably would have loved my chocolate chip cookies,” Jo murmured, then caught herself.
“What am I doing? One evening with this woman and I’m already planning baking dates?
” But even as she mocked herself, Jo knew something had shifted.
The carefully constructed walls she built around her heart had developed a crack, and Evelyn had somehow slipped through before Jo even realized what was happening.