Chapter 28
AFTER OUR MANAGERS LEAVE, MINJEE AND I CALL Bryan and put him on speakerphone.
“Yikes on a bike,” he says in English after we explain the situation to him.
If things weren’t so dire, I’d tell him no one actually uses that expression.
“So, forty-eight hours is not a lot of time, but I know a few people that might be able to help. Go home for now. I’ll let you know what they say. ”
“Okay,” I say. “Thanks, Bryan.”
“Yeah, thanks,” says Minjee.
I hug Minjee one last time before heading back home. My parents aren’t in yet—today is one of their working-late days—so I sit alone in front of the TV.
It’s a weeknight, so the only things on air right now are melodramas meant for older viewers and reruns of episodes that already premiered.
I switch through the channels and stop when I find a rerun episode of Fated Destiny .
It’s the episode where Minjee’s character and I first clash against each other at the palace.
The day we shot that scene seems like such a long time ago, even though it’s only been a little over a month.
Everything’s so fast-paced in the K-drama production world that it really messes up my perception of time.
When we shot the scene, I was only thinking about Minjee and how cold it was. Today, as I watch the episode on TV, I focus on myself. Every expression flickers on my face so rapidly, and I still feel all of Sora’s emotions as if they were my own.
I remember how excited I was when I was first cast in this show, how passionate I was about my role and how thankful I was of the huge opportunity. Somewhere along the way, I lost all that, weighed down by the intense shooting schedules and drama both on and off set.
I wish I could go back to how things were when I first started the show, but I know that’s not possible. Even if we did somehow get everything with Mr. Kim figured out, there’s still that horrible last script.
The episode ends, and I make myself take deep breaths.
One thing at a time , I think to myself. Everything will work out.
When my parents come home a few hours later, it’s absolute torture to not be able to tell them what’s going on. But I can’t. It’s impossible not to confide in them without telling them about Minjee and me. I wish I were out to them so they could help me figure out what to do.
Not wanting to just sit still and do nothing, I text Bryan.
Did you hear anything back from your friends yet?
Bryan responds immediately.
Yeah! Was actually just about to message you and Minjee. Let’s all meet back at the café we were at tomorrow? Don’t know where else would be safe to talk.
Hope flickers inside of me, like a candle lighting up a dark room. I agree to meet my friends there before going to sleep that night, carefully guarding that small glimmer.
Bryan is the only person sitting at the café when Minjee and I enter through the doors the next morning. At first, I almost don’t recognize him.
Instead of being his usual flashy, colorful self, he’s dressed down in a black turtleneck and gray pants. He’s more pale and solemn than I’ve ever seen him, and even with sunglasses covering his eyes, I can tell how tense he is by his scrunched-up shoulders and tapping fingers.
Bryan takes off his shades when we sit down, and I see the exhaustion in his dark circled eyes. The three of us all look bone-tired. I feel like I’ve gotten ten years older in the last twenty-four hours.
“So,” Bryan says, “I asked around in my friend circles about our current situation. I didn’t give them the exact details of course, but I just asked if anyone had similar experiences with being bullied by an executive or whatnot.”
“And?” Minjee asks, biting her lip.
“Well, one of them had a similar experience in the K-pop world. She said she had a hard time breaking into the industry because of some bullying, but she managed to get past that because she stood up for herself and a lot of people backed her up. Like, fans and such.”
“So... are you saying we should go public with what’s going on?” I ask, feeling both really inspired and terrified at the same time.
Bryan hesitates, scratching his head before replying, “Well, whether you do is entirely up to you, of course. But it is one possibility. I think nowadays people our age are also a lot more tolerant about queer stuff, even though a lot hasn’t changed government-wise in Korea since old people still run things.
It’s a huge risk for sure, but maybe it’s worth it? ”
I think back to how alone I felt when I got home yesterday, about how I wished more people like my parents knew I was bi so I could get some kind of support.
I’ll probably get a lot of homophobic backlash online, but surely Mom and Dad would accept me for who I am?
I’m terrified that I’ll end up getting rejected, but maybe Bryan is right. Maybe some people will back us up.
“We could issue a statement,” I say, looking to Minjee and Bryan. “Just explaining what’s going on. I’m sure lots of people around the world would be upset if they knew the truth. Especially the viewers of our show in more tolerant countries.”
“Okay, I hate to play the devil’s advocate here,” Bryan says, “but since this is kind of my idea, I feel obligated to remind you that this is really risky. In the process of doing all this, you and Minjee would have to come out. Are you willing to do that? Do your families even know you’re queer?
Full disclosure, but I really can’t come out anytime soon.
Yeah, there are queer K-pop stars that are out like Holland, but my folks probably won’t be okay with it.
They’re really conservative and homophobic. ”
I look down at my hands. I’m so afraid at just the thought of coming out to my parents, but some part of me is hopeful since nothing they’ve said in the past has made me believe that they’re homophobic. But then again, they also haven’t said anything in support of LGBTQ+ rights, either.
“You’re right. I need to check in with them first before I do anything publicly.”
I look to Minjee. She’s as pale as a sheet.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she says when our gazes meet. “But I need to talk to my parents, too. They’re pretty traditional, so there’s a good chance they won’t take it well.”
Bryan sighs. “I really wish you two weren’t under such a huge time crunch.”
I shake my head. “Honestly, I’ve wanted to come out to my parents for a long time now.”
“Things would definitely be a lot easier if we didn’t have to sneak around behind our parents’ backs,” Minjee agrees. But she still looks pretty scared.
I take her hand. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t think this is a good idea. Or I can just say I’m the one that has a crush on you. You won’t have to come out at all.”
Minjee shakes her head. “No,” she says. “I can’t let you do that. Plus, it’s about time my parents knew I’m not interested in guys at all.”
Bryan sits back in his chair. “I guess it’s decided, then. Sorry I can’t come out, too. I want to, for solidarity’s sake.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s okay. Safety first. If you for sure know your parents won’t be okay with it, then you shouldn’t.”
“Yeah,” Minjee agrees. “Just have our backs during the fallout.”
Bryan rapidly nods. “Of course. Let me know if I can help with anything.”
I pull Bryan and Minjee in for a tight hug, wishing I knew everything was going to be okay.