Chapter 29
WHEN MY PARENTS RETURN HOME FROM WORK that night, I give them both long, big hugs. Mom and Dad look surprised, but they hold on tight to me anyway. I have no idea if they’ll let me hug them like this ever again, so I take in the warmth and comfort as much as I can.
Then, I step back, take a deep breath, and say, “Umma, Appa, I have something I need to tell you.”
Their eyes go wide in concern.
“Hana, are you okay?” Mom says. “Whatever it is, you can tell your appa and me. No secrets between us, right?”
Dad looks equally worried, but he just nods along.
“You two better take a seat,” I say.
We walk over to the living room, and I wait for my parents to get situated on the couch.
When I don’t say anything for a long time, Dad blurts out, “Are you pregnant?”
I go crimson. “Appa! No!”
My parents both let out huge sighs of relief.
I decide to just get it over with. My heart pounding in my ears, I say, “But I am bi.” I rack my brain for the Korean word for it, something I googled while getting ready for this talk. “Yang-sung aeja. I like both guys and girls.”
My parents grow completely still. The entire room is so quiet that I can hear the water dripping from our kitchen faucet. Drip. Drip. Drip.
They stare at me, and I brace myself for my parents’ reactions.
But then, Mom bursts out laughing.
“Hana,” she says. “We already know. Well, for the longest time your appa and I thought you might be lesbian before you started talking about some of the boys at school. But your strongest crushes were always on your female classmates, so we figured you were more into girls. The way you’d talk about your friend Minjee. .. you were obsessed!”
Dad nods again.
“Wait, you guys knew ?” I say, filled with a mix of shock and relief. “Even I didn’t know I liked Minjee in that way back then. Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
Mom shrugs. “We didn’t want to assume too much, just in case. And more importantly, we wanted you to tell us only when you were ready.”
“Okay,” I say, letting out a quick breath. My heart’s still beating super fast, but it doesn’t feel like it’s about to explode anymore. “Well, Minjee is my girlfriend now, officially. And I have a lot more things to catch you guys up on.”
My parents’ facial expressions range from surprise to anger to horror as I tell them everything that’s been going on for the past few weeks.
Mom gasps when I tell her about the show’s possible cancellation. “Can they do that?”
I shrug. “Part of me hopes Mr. Kim’s just bluffing, but he also said he’d be willing to pay for all the repercussions of canceling the show, because to him, that’s better than having us finish it. He’s really homophobic.”
Dad nods. “I’m not surprised. A lot of my friends are. One of them has a gay son and repeatedly says that he hopes the military will ‘turn him straight.’”
Knowing how close-minded some people are, what Dad said isn’t surprising, but it still makes me feel sick.
“Wait,” I say. “If a lot of your friends are homophobic, then why aren’t you?”
I have no idea if this is even an appropriate question to ask, but I can’t help but be curious.
Dad hesitates and looks at Mom, who nods at him.
He then slowly says, “I wouldn’t consider myself to be totally accepting.
To be honest, your umma and I... we are still cut from the same cloth as Mr. Kim and that older, less-accepting generation.
It’s very difficult for me to understand.
But even though we can’t exactly understand it, we will always care more about you and your happiness. ”
This is the most I’ve heard Dad say in a while. I’m still processing everything he’s said when Mom adds, “We love you, Hana. No matter what.”
Dad nods. I’m full-on bawling as I launch myself at my parents for another big group hug. Mom laughs again, and the three of us embrace for a long time.
“So,” Mom says when we break apart. “What do you plan on doing about Mr. Kim?”
Mom’s and Dad’s faces go sheet white when I tell them that I plan to publicly come out.
“Honey,” Mom says, “I understand why you want to make this kind of statement and will support you no matter what, but you do realize that by doing all this, you might jeopardize your chances of ever getting hired in another show or movie in Korea, right? There’s no telling how people will react to your words, and the risks are big.
You are still young. You have a whole future ahead of you.
Are you sure you don’t want to just let all of this blow over? ”
I think about earlier today and how out of the three teens in our friend group, I’m the only one who felt relatively safe about coming out to my parents.
Who knows how many of us are really out there, in the Korean entertainment industry and beyond?
People see queerness as such an anomaly, as if there aren’t that many of us.
But what if we’re actually the norm, and we’re all just in hiding?
Something deep inside me tells me I’ll forever regret it if I don’t make this statement now. Regardless of what might happen with my career.
“Yeah,” I say. “I am. I may be just starting out, but if this industry isn’t okay with who I am, then I don’t want to keep working in it anyway.”
Mom looks intently at my face for a long moment and then sighs. “All right. Well, like I said before, we support you no matter what.”
She wraps me into a hug. Dad lingers behind for a few seconds before also slowly coming around to embrace Mom and me again. I try to harness the gratitude and love I feel now so I can remember it when I’ll need it the most.
When I feel ready to break apart from my parents, I walk into my room and call my manager.
“Sophia?” I ask.
“Yes?”
“I want to make a public statement telling the truth about what happened so everyone knows about what Mr. Kim is trying to do now.”
Sophia doesn’t say anything for a few seconds after I explain to her what I want to say.
I’m afraid she’s hung up, when she finally replies, “Hana, from a professional perspective, I can’t advise you to follow this course of action.
It’s a huge risk, career-wise, just because of how people might react.
You might not get another show or movie in this industry again. ”
“I know. I already talked to my parents about it, and that’s what they said, too.”
“Yes, I figured as much.” She lets out a short sigh and continues, “But on a personal level, I know why you feel the need to do this and why this is important for you. Even though I manage your career, I also care about your personal well-being and happiness. So if you’re absolutely sure about making this sort of statement, despite the risks, I’ll set up a press conference for you. ”
“How about you? Wouldn’t me issuing this statement hurt you career-wise as well?”
“Well, yes, probably.”
“You’re more than welcome to say I forced you into this. I don’t want to risk your career, too, especially not after you’ve been so good to me.”
Sophia laughs. “No, I wouldn’t allow that. I can handle whatever comes next. Don’t you worry about me.”
“Sophia... thank you.”
“No problem. Just be sure to send me a transcript of what you want to say so I can look over it before the actual conference. And make sure Minjee and her team are okay with you coming out, since this directly impacts her, too.”
“Will do.”
As soon as I hang up, I text Minjee, asking her how things went with her parents.
I expect her to respond right away, like she always does. But first minutes and then hours pass with no response from Minjee.
I try calling her. Straight to voice mail. I call again. Nothing changes.
Even though I’m anxiously worried about Minjee, I start working on my statement since we’re so pressed for time. My parents help, and so does Bryan over text and video chat. By the end of the day, I have the statement ready to send to Sophia and Minjee.
I’m about to go to bed when I get a call.
When I pick up, the other line is completely silent. I’m wondering if it’s a butt dial when Minjee says, “I came out to my parents. And it didn’t go well.”
Her voice is raw, like she’s spent the last several hours crying. My chest immediately tightens, hurting from the pain in her voice.
“Do you need anything?” I ask. “Are you safe?”
“Yeah,” Minjee says breathlessly. “I’m just exhausted.
We’ve been arguing nonstop all day. They finally went to bed a few minutes ago.
Honestly, I consider myself lucky they didn’t kick me out.
I have no idea what my parents are planning to do, but at least I have a roof over my head.
I know a lot of kids who came out and weren’t so lucky. ”
Her voice breaks at the end, and hearing her cry makes my own eyes tear up.
“We don’t have to go through with this,” I say. “If you just want to lie low or think it’s better for you to not come out publicly, we don’t have to do this. I can scrap my statement and we can go back to filming the rest of the show. Just say the word.”
“No,” Minjee replies, almost immediately. “Things have to change. We have to at least try.”
I wish she were next to me so I could kiss her and hug her tight.
“You’re so brave,” I say. “Seriously, if you need anything at all, a safe place to stay, someone to talk to... don’t hesitate to let me know. I love you.”
It’s only after I say it that I realize I’ve never said those words to her before.
Minjee lets out a quick breath. “I love you, too. Now, let’s bring down the homophobic patriarchy.”