Chapter Ten
I think I understood now what the guys saw when they looked at me doing something I loved. I still wasn’t sure what happened, I asked a random question while chopping the veggies Seth felt were safe enough to make it through my talents.
And it was the right question. His expression lit up and he went off, explaining his college courses and what he was learning. Once he finished explaining that, he went into why he was learning it and the possibilities it opened up for him in the future. He was working on making his background well rounded, expanding his knowledge as much as possible so he was in a good position when he graduated.
“Are you going to stay where you currently work for a long time?”
Seth seemed to think it over for a moment. “I don’t think so. I don’t want to be stuck. I’m contracted to stay with them for a few years once I graduate since they’re helping with my education. Ultimately, though, I think I kind of want to do my own business.”
“Oh, you want to be the boss?”
“It does sound rather nice.” He rubbed at the black stubble along his jaw as he thought about it.
And I may have briefly gotten distracted with the way his muscles flexed underneath his dark skin. How was it possible for a guy to make the smallest movement look like the hottest thing ever? Didn’t make sense at all. Their bodies were just built so differently from a girl’s.
Seth continued, not noticing how he was so easily flexing. “The thought of being able to do the projects I want, it’s exciting. Right now, I’m a grunt man. I lift things. Nail things. Don’t do much. But the idea of putting together a house, planning it out, determining how it’s all going to work out. It’s a puzzle and I want to be the one to solve it.”
“I never thought of it like that,” I admitted.
“Not many do.”
“If there’s one thing you want to build, what would it be?” I asked.
“A hospital. Hands down, I’d want to build a modern hospital big enough to accommodate a trauma center. There are no close trauma centers around here. If someone needs more extensive emergency care, they need to use a helicopter to get to the nearest one. I’d love to work with the towns and figure out the needs and build one here.”
“That actually sounds really impressive.”
“Yeah, which is why I’m trying to learn more than the structure of a house. I can build that with my eyes closed at this point.”
“Bored already?”
“No, I like building houses and knowing I’m a part of something that is going to become a home. That I’m able to help build a foundation to people’s lives. But I still want to do more.”
I scooted closer, finding the small of his back with my hand and rubbed soothing circles over it. “This is why you’re amazing,” I said. Gathering my courage, I leaned up and kissed his jaw.
He quickly captured my lips with his. Our kiss was sweet and when I pulled away, I was smiling a little shyly at him.
Seth was grinning back at me, eyes dark with need. Awareness built in my shoulders first and then slowly traveled down my back and through my entire body. I was completely captivated by this man, wanting to be closer to him, to feel him. Luckily, Seth broke the spell, turning back to the sink where he was seasoning chicken in a huge bowl.
“It’s not fair that we’re only talking about my future,” he said, his voice a little gruffer than normal. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“I know you’ve been having trouble figuring out what you want to do, especially with college applications due pretty much any moment.”
“Right,” I said, thinking about the very little I’d done for that. It really was right around the corner, and even Mrs. Odera had reminded me to apply to some music programs. I just couldn’t get myself to do it. She’d even written me a recommendation.
I was still struggling wrapping my head around the fact I had a future I got to choose for myself.
“Do you want to talk it out a little?” he asked, no judgment in his voice.
It helped to calm my thoughts and I nodded in response.
“Okay. Well, what are your interests? What makes you the most happy?”
“Really? You know.”
He shrugged. “Sure, but it helps if you say it out loud. Who knows, maybe suddenly you have a need to dress like a mime and want to join the circus.”
That got a laugh out of me at the pure ridiculousness of it. Seth looked all too proud of his little joke. I rolled my eyes and stared down at the forgotten veggies. I grabbed the knife and went back to carefully not chopping my fingertips off.
“Obviously music has been my life up until now. And I only ever thought it was going to be my future too. It’s hard to break away from that.”
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Seth said.
I shrugged. “What kind of future do I have in the music industry? I’m not a performer. I don’t even like when I have to perform myself. I do it because I need to rather than because I want the attention it gives me.”
Seth held his hand up. “Teacher, producer, therapist, journalist. Agent. All those have nothing to do with being a performer.”
“Therapist?”
“I looked it up recently actually. Music therapy. Bryan mentioned it as an option for you after seeing everything you’ve been doing for those kids at the rec center.”
“That isn’t music therapy.”
Seth turned the sink on and washed his hands. After he finished and dried his hands, he turned to me, crossing his arms over his chest. Again, I was momentarily distracted by his forearm. “What do you think music therapy is?”
I shrugged. “Sitting in a room and listening to music?”
“You should look into it. While you aren’t working as a therapist, what you’ve been doing for them falls in line, I think. You are giving those kids a safe space to express themselves in ways that they haven’t been able to. And we both know they need that. And you’re doing it without even realizing how special those music classes are for them. Just look at the holiday concert. Half the participants created their own songs for it. Because of you. Your help. Your support. Your encouragement.”
Seth pulled me into a hug, barely giving me time to safely put the knife down before I stabbed one of us.
“I love and hate how much you do for them and you don’t even realize it. If anything, you probably feel like you don’t do enough for them.”
I sunk into Seth, listening to his voice as it rumbled through his chest, letting it quiet everything in me. That was something that was happening more and more often lately with the guys. When I was with them, when they talked to me, gave me hugs, touched me, I became quieter in a comfortable, settled way. Like they calmed me into a state of peacefulness that I hadn’t felt in a while. It was becoming scary addicting.
“Music therapy,” I whispered.
“There’s something to consider. You keep your connection to music and you work with children. Seems like a good fit for you.”
“It’s definitely tempting. When I think about everything I’ve done, my favorite has been when I worked with the other kids. Especially with Calvin.” I let the idea of it settle inside me. It felt nice. Right. “I’ll look into it.”
“And if it doesn’t, look up circus schools. I think those exist too if you really want to be a mime.”
I laughed and nudged my elbow gently into his side as a warning. “Where did that come from?”
“I just figured Toby rubbed off on you. I caught him looking at circus schools the other day.”
“Are you serious?”
Seth nodded slowly. “Telling Aunt Laura was the most hilarious moment in a long time. She was ready to find him and knock some sense into him.”
We laughed as we finished cooking dinner and Seth told me more Toby moments of silliness when it came to researching different degrees. Like when he seriously considered puppetry or even floral design.