Chapter 20
Dax
I ’m sitting in my car, outside my father’s house, dreading going inside. This is the last place I want to be right now, but it’s Cedric’s birthday, and I promised him I would go to dinner with them.
He’s always trying to find a way for my father and me to connect.
I must admit, he’s determined. No matter how many times I tell him it won’t work, or how many times he sees with his own eyes that my dad doesn’t give a fuck about me, Cedric keeps trying.
Half the time, I don’t know whether I appreciate it or if I just want him to let it go.
I’ve accepted that we will never have a good relationship, that he will never want to be close to me. Maybe it’s time Cedric accepted it too.
My phone buzzes on the passenger seat. I assume it’s my brother, telling me to hurry up and get my ass inside, but when I glance over, it’s Miles.
My lips automatically pull into a grin. There is absolutely no reason to smile simply because he’s sending me a text, but I’ve come to accept that my responses to Miles aren’t like my responses to anyone else. Everything feels bigger with him, which is both annoying and exciting.
I pluck the phone off the seat, wondering what he’ll say.
I was surprised when he said I should participate in the charity auction tomorrow.
He was so determined that my ass is his, I thought he might be too possessive for that.
Have I ever wanted a man to be possessive with me before?
Fuck no. Does the thought of Miles being possessive get my dick hard and twist up my thoughts?
Hell yes. Like I said, my responses to him aren’t what they are with anyone else.
Miles: Are you there?
Well, shit. Isn’t that sweet? He’s both a super fucking intense sex machine and a secret softy.
Me: Just pulled up. I was about to go in.
I’d joke about his text, but it means a lot to me that he’s checking in. I’m not used to that, partly because I’ve never talked to anyone about my daddy issues, and partly because, well, he’s Miles , and from what everyone sees on the surface, this isn’t the kind of guy he’s supposed to be.
Miles: Hope your dad isn’t too much of a dick.
A laugh tumbles from my mouth, but surprisingly, it also eases my tension. He’s still Miles, and it’s not like he’s had a personality transplant.
Me: He probably won’t be a complete dick. More…passive-aggressive or disinterested.
Which fucking sucks.
Miles: That’s probably worse.
His words couldn’t be truer. They poke and prod at my insecurities.
Me: Yeah, it is.
Miles: I’m here if you need me. You can come over after if you want. I’ll fuck that ass until you forget all about him, fuck you all night and tomorrow so you’re nice and full of my cum before the bachelor auction.
My dick stirs, heat flooding my groin as I begin to plump up.
Me: I would much rather be there taking your cock than being here.
But I also can’t depend on Miles to make me forget my fucking life either. It’s not like my situation will ever change.
Me: I’m gonna go in. I’ll message you later.
Me: And thanks. For checking on me. It means a lot.
I don’t wait for a reply, instead getting out of the car and shoving my phone into my back pocket.
Cedric and Dad live in the same house we all lived in when Mom was alive.
The first time I’d ever lived anywhere else was when I left for college.
It’s hard being here sometimes because there are memories around every corner.
Every closet I’d tuck away in while playing hide-and-seek with Mom and Cedric.
The table I would sit at to do my homework, Dad getting upset with me because school didn’t come as easily to me as it did to Cedric.
The backyard where Dad would play catch with Cedric, but never asked me to play.
His excuse was always that sports weren’t my thing, and he wasn’t wrong, but that’s not why he never played with me like he did with my brother.
He just didn’t care enough to make the effort.
I climb the porch steps, trying to ignore the twisting and turning in my gut. The door opens as soon as I hit the top stair, my brother giving me a wide, happy smile, and that helps loosen the tension that being home always makes me feel.
“Hey, big bro,” I tell him.
“Hey, little bro,” he replies.
We embrace, and not for the first time, I think about how lucky I am to have him. How despite the bad shit in our lives, we’ve always stayed close, had each other’s backs, and never let anything get between us. It hasn’t always been easy, but I can’t remember ever not being thankful for him.
When we were kids, Cedric would help me with school. He would go over concepts I had trouble grasping, so the next time Dad would see me doing homework, he would be proud of my progress. That’s always been the kind of brother he is.
“I missed you.” He ruffles my hair like I’m a kid.
“I missed you until you did that,” I tease. “Happy birthday, Ced.”
“Thanks.”
We head inside, and the first thing my father says to me is, “You’re late.”
“Five minutes. I was here but got a phone call.” Hey, Dad. How are you? Me? Oh, I’m fine. School is going great. I missed you too.
“We have reservations,” he adds.
“Dad,” Cedric says, “we have time. We’re not going to be late.” As always, my brother tries to keep the peace. Before him, it was Mom.
Why do you hate me?
“You know how I feel about being on time. It tells me you have no respect for me.” He’s always felt that way, and while I get what he means, there’s no reason I had to come inside at five when our reservations aren’t until six and the restaurant is only fifteen minutes away.
“Sorry,” I tell him, not wanting to ruin my brother’s birthday.
“How’s school?” Cedric asks, as if the two of us don’t talk all the time.
If he thinks he’s being slick, he’s not.
I know he’s trying to change the subject, while also giving me a chance to talk about how well I’m doing.
It took a lot of work for me to get good in school, and it’s something I’m proud of.
I never thought I would be able to do it, especially something like nursing school.
“Really well. I’ve got all A’s,” I say.
“That’s awesome. Just like last year,” Cedric replies.
I try not to smile. He isn’t even subtle about it.
“You’ll have enough credits to graduate this year?” Dad asks, ignoring my accomplishment.
“Yes. The only reason I didn’t last year is because I transferred to Peach State.” Which he knows, but of course he has to have something to complain about when it comes to me.
“It would have made more sense to finish what you started without transferring.”
“I am finishing what I started!” I raise my voice. “I just wanted to spend more time with Ced.” Well, that and the fact that I had more fun at Peach State when I went to visit than I did in Atlanta. I vibe better with everyone here.
I rub a hand over my face, already wishing I could bolt. Why is it always like this?
“I was glad to have Dax at school with me, and Peach State is a good fit for him. They have a good nursing program. And can we not do this today? I just want to have a good birthday.”
I immediately feel guilty, though I’m pretty sure my father is the one who did something wrong, but he also gets me riled up easily, so maybe I’m wrong.
“I’m not doing anything, Cedric. I’m talking to him about college, and as I’m the one paying for it, I’m allowed.
But we can leave the discussion for another day.
” Dad squeezes Cedric’s shoulder in a way he would never do for me, and as small of a thing as that is, what it does to my heart doesn’t feel small.
We hang out for a bit, Cedric and my father telling me what’s going on at work, before we head out to Dad’s car.
I immediately get in the back so Cedric doesn’t try and bridge the gap between me and Dad by putting me in front with him.
We both know that’s not what our father wants.
As Dad drives us to the restaurant, the two of them end up discussing the housing market, something I know nothing about, so I pull my phone out to see if there’s a reply from Miles.
Miles: You think I’m nicer than I am.
No, I don’t think I do.
Me: You think you’re more of an asshole than you are.
Miles: Maybe I have you fooled.
The thing is, I really think he believes that. I don’t know what happened in his life that has hurt him so much. Losing his mom, of course, but it feels deeper, rawer.
Me: Maybe you have yourself fooled.
Miles: I want your hole.
He deflects, but I let it go because now isn’t the time to argue with him.
Me: My hole wants you. I’m feeling very empty.
Miles: No one fills you the way I do.
I could turn this into a joke, play it off like I disagree, but I don’t want to.
Me: No one fills me the way you do.
Miles: Fuuuuck. You’ve got me hard.
Me: Just the way I like you.
“Why are you grinning at your phone like that?” Cedric asks, and I realize we’re parked at the restaurant, my brother turned toward me, brow pinched in curiosity. “Oh my God. You like someone, don’t you? Does my little brother have a boyfriend?” He smiles.
My heart stumbles at the word boyfriend .
“Ew. Gross,” I tease.
I don’t have a boyfriend, and I’ve never wanted one, but with Miles… I think I might be willing to make an exception.