15. Eleven
Eleven
Beau
“ T otally called it,” I whispered, staring at the text greeting me this morning. “Beau’s Best Friend Forever.”
BBFF: We’re floating the river tomorrow. Meet at the south launch point by ten.
I stared at it for a solid five minutes, grinning like a fool until the thought hit. People drown in rivers.
I thought I eroded the craggy edges of the grumpy mountain I now considered a friend, but maybe I misread Jake’s shifting demeanor.
Maybe the jerk was slow playing me, luring me into a sense of safety before he threw me into the quarry. Seemed like something he’d do .
Red flags waving all over the place, and I was too dumb to care.
It took four rings to get an answer, and I wasn’t sure if the possibility of death or Fallon picking up left me sweating.
“Beau?” she said, her voice slightly breathless. “Hey.”
I bit my lip, my eyes closing as I remembered hearing her breathless six months ago.
“Beau, deeper. You feel so good like that.”
Clearing my throat, I ruffled the hair at the base of my neck. “Yeah, hey, Fal. Um, this might be a weird reason to call, but I got a text from Jake this morning, and I wanted to verify it’s a trap.”
“Jake?”
“Jake, I’m going to come. Don’t stop.”
An unsteady breath released from my parted lips, my eyes squeezing tighter.
God, she looked so beautiful at the bonfire. Blissed out and pleased, lost in need and lust, unaware of the world around her. Unaware of me.
I shouldn’t have trailed behind them as soon as I caught sight of Jake gripping her hips and dragging her into the shadows.
I knew why they disappeared and what they planned to do. Knew it was a form of self-harm to see them together. I hoped it would get them out of my head. See her with Jake. Hate him for it, hate her for it, and move on.
Except… it hadn’t hurt like I thought it would.
“Beau?” Fallon said. “Jake sent you a text?” She lowered her voice. “Was it a death threat? Jesus, I’m sorry. I sincerely thought he’d gotten to a better place with it.”
“He invited me to float the river tomorrow.”
She remained quiet on the other end. Then she spoke carefully. “That could be a death threat.”
I laughed just as she cracked up.
“Beau, I think he’s trying. I’ll be there. Would you like me to pack you a life vest, just in case?”
Groaning, I slid out of bed and headed for my dresser, picking through for a clean shirt. Every article of clothing, even my underwear, had been folded. Mom.
“You’ll never let it go.” I clucked. “Listen, that current was strong.”
She hummed her fake sympathy. “Even in knee-deep water. Unfortunate that you couldn’t pull yourself up…”
“I was seventeen!” I protested with a laugh. “Less impressive upper body strength back then, but I got it sorted. The entire traumatic experience is the reason I can bench four hundred pounds these days. I had to compensate.”
She snorted. “Four hundred pounds, huh? Been training for the Strong Man Olympics?”
I may have exaggerated.
“Besides, you don’t have to prove yourself. Do you think anyone remembers watching you get dragged down the river and your shorts catching on that rock or the fact you walked back to the car bare-ass naked?”
Unlike me, Fallon was not exaggerating. Not a great day for me.
“Jake remembers. I guarantee.”
A hint of laughter laced her tone. “Remembers your naked ass, you mean? Doubt he’d forget. You’ve always been fit. People take notice.”
My stomach did a weird flip, unsure which observation caused it. “Ha. Yeah. That guy is obsessed with my ass. You’re his beard.”
“More like his accomplice.”
Her sly little comment sucked all the air from my lungs.
Holy shit . Did that… Was she implying… No. Would she want that?
Probably. Fallon loved a good time. Would he want that?
No. Jake appeared ill anytime we accidentally touched in innocuous and benign moments of poor spatial awareness—not uncommon with rigidly straight men.
Not to mention, he also planned to drown me in the river because he had uncompromising feelings about my history with his girl.No matchmaking or subtle propositioning here.
Right?
But maybe?
Please?
No. Wrong. Definitely not. No, thank you, anyway. Not interested in adding another mess to the flaming heap of garbage I call life.
With nerves eating me up, it was joke time.“Hence the invitation? He’ll get me alone, drown me, and claim the river responsible, citing one embarrassing incident.”
“One?” Fallon drawled.
Fine. Drinking and floating often resulted in stupidity. But that only bolstered Jake’s credibility for my “accidental” drowning.
“I want to go,” I said, tugging my shirt over my head and stepping into shorts. “Seems fun, and I bet my buddy wants to tie his tube to mine so we can spend the two hours chatting as we idly float down the river and take in the scenery.”
Maybe hold hands.
Fallon agreed. “That absolutely sounds like Jake.”
I tiptoed down the hallway and skirted the edge of each stair to avoid the loudest creaks in the middle. Safe in the living room, I hurried to put on my shoes before my mom breezed down for an interrogation.
“So, what are you up to today?” Grabbing my keys, I headed for the car. I’d grab a coffee in town and snag an inner tube from the general store if they had any left.
Fallon squealed when she told me she was heading to the community center for her new job as a youth advocate.
“Awesome, Fal! That’s fantastic.”
“Thanks. Lucky for me, Minnie Mueller melted down and called some kid a shithead. It opened a position right on up! It’s not glamorous, but that’s social work.”
I smiled, tying my laces. Fallon’s dream job was doing anything with kids who needed someone in their corner. She grew up lonely in her own family. She didn’t want anyone else to feel the same. It made my heart happy to think of her life falling into place, building a community for herself and others where everyone was welcome.I admired her.
“How are you liking it?”
“I started a few days ago, and I hate working Saturdays, but it’s so rewarding, Beau. These kids light up with positive attention, and their parents are relieved to drop them off somewhere safe and know what they’re up to. Saturdays are drop-in activities. I need to figure out something fun to do. I was thinking board games.”
“For teenagers?”
She hesitated. “Yes.”
Switching the phone to Bluetooth, I pulled out of the driveway. “Sure.”
“Teach them to crochet?” she suggested.
“Totally,” I said. “Assuming your teenagers are seventy years old, of course.”
“Beau!” she screeched, breaking into laughter. “I loved board games and crocheting as a teenager.”
Fallon did things because she genuinely wanted to, not to put on a show or try to impress others. So very opposite of me as a teenager—and quite possibly still.
“Well, as an ambassador of fun—human pi?ata, remember—I can assure you, teenagers might need other avenues of entertainment.”
I parked in a tight spot at the edge of town, squeezing out of my car. Tilting my head toward the clear morning sky, I took a deep breath. Didn’t feel as hard today.
“Let me help,” I offered.
“Pack your floaties?” Adam asked, grinning as he patted me on the back.
“No need. Got these to save me.” I flexed, imagining the sunlight breaking through the fir trees to complement my tan skin. Might resemble a bronzed statue in such favorable conditions.
Jake passed by and rolled his eyes. He grabbed an inner tube from his truck bed and tossed it over. It bounced at my feet.
“You fool,” he muttered, biting his lip. He shook his head and resumed unloading supplies while Adam and I talked shop—my dad’s shop specifically.
Adam apprenticed for my pops after high school, taking a full-time position and helping him expand his business.
Now and again, Jake glanced over, maybe afraid his old best friend might steal his new one.
With the growing guest list, it would be an epic float today. Most were familiar faces, high school friends, or, in the case of Trevor Parker, tolerated historical figures. Admittedly, not as smarmy these days. Chloe said he’d chilled out since marrying Tori.
The three stood with a few other Woodburn alum, laughing and blowing up floats beside the cracked mud of the river’s edge. A couple of their friends splashed in the cold water, hooting and hollering profanities. Melted mountain snow fed the river, the temperature a stark contrast to the heat of the day.
By mid-morning, the sun was already intense. I pulled off my shirt, rubbing sunscreen over my torso as I stared at the fast-moving current. I was grateful for better-fitted swim trunks and laced them extra tight.
“Need help with your back?” Tori asked, approaching me. A smile played on her lips as she adjusted her little pink bikini. “Can’t be too careful.”
My eyes flickered to Trevor. He watched us with a smirk, not dropping his gaze while he spoke to Chloe.
That’s a nope.
“Already got it,” I said. Jerking my thumb over my shoulder, I announced I needed to take a leak and excused myself.
Hiding behind a boulder near the gravel lot, I squirmed and twisted to put sunscreen on my back. Sucked being single sometimes, but I didn’t trust Tori’s tentacles wouldn’t latch on and refuse to let go.
“Beau.” Fallon laughed, stumbling upon me. “Gimme.”
“I’ve got it,” I muttered, wishing for longer arms. Felt like a fucking T-Rex right now.
She snatched the bottle from me before I finished the sentence. Her palms smoothed over the tops of my shoulders, sliding across my back.
“You ever work construction with a sunburn? I doubt it’s comfortable.”
“No,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes tight and focusing on the rough water frothing in the river and the laughter in the distance. “It’s probably not.”
But neither was this. Fallon’s hands felt so good rubbing over my skin. Her finger traced the scars from my surgery, studying them momentarily. She then resumed massaging. I groaned, dropping my head back.
“Sorry,” I murmured. “Not being a perv. That just feels incredible.”
The dry grass and pine needles cracked beneath her feet as she stepped closer, the barest brush of her bikini top grazing against my skin. Why’d she have to wear one? Couldn’t swim in a potato sack or something?
“Yeah?” she said. Warm breath fanned between my shoulder blades as she pressed harder, using her knuckle this time. “Still bothering you, huh?”
I hated talking about my accident and the consequences of it, but Fallon had always been so easy to talk to.
I hid nothing about the miserable state of my existence when we were together at Christmas. And she hadn’t enjoyed my company any less just because I was a loser.
I groaned again, wishing I could touch her skin, too. Fallon was gorgeous, with her thick thighs and round hips. That cute tummy she both hated and refused to cover up because she hated it. Like a personal challenge to not let the opinions of others rule her decisions.
It only made her more beautiful. More interesting. More comfortable. More fun. More… everything. Goddamn. More everything.
I twisted my fingers in the fabric of my swim shorts, gripping like a lifeline to avoid reminding her how good we could make each other feel. When we were together, we’d forgotten about pain, stress, or responsibilities and got lost in one another.
The times I brushed her hair out of her face to catch her illuminating smile as she nipped at my chest and worked her way down my body. When her nails scraped along my stomach, sweeping through the downy hair trailing my belly button. Taking me into her mouth as I pawed at her nipples, those gorgeous rose-colored points pressing into my back presently.
Another shuffle, not even an inch, and she was closer. “I’m sorry I can’t do more,” she said.
“Nah,” I whispered, my fingers gripping the fabric tight enough to throb. “This—this is good.”
Her chest rose and fell against my back with each fast breath, and I swear I felt her heart pounding between us.
“Fantastic.” She swallowed, her hand brushing the same spot back and forth. “Can’t have fun if you’re not feeling good. You… like your fun.”
My entire body stiffened when I registered her disappointment beneath those words. I felt it in the marrow of my bones. Felt it the night we ended things.
“It’s not always just about fun, Fal. It can be about more than fun, too.”
She said nothing for a moment, then spoke quietly. “You said it was just for fun.”
“I did.”
Her voice was barely a whisper. “Was that it?”
“You think that was it?”
Birds chirped overhead, the woods lining the riverbank bustling with life. Animals scampered through nearby undergrowth, and insects buzzed. But I heard nothing beyond the heavy stammer of my heart as I waited for her answer.
Another beat of silence, and she whispered, “No.”
Before my body took over, I stepped away. I needed distance to avoid getting hard. Didn’t want to tattle on myself for my naughty and unrelenting crush on a woman who wasn’t available. Who’d never been available, even when I had her.
“Baby?” Jake called, rounding the tree line.
Fallon cleared her throat, adjusting the bun on the top of her head. Jake stopped when he realized she wasn’t alone. His eyes darted between us.
She gestured to me. “I was helping Beau with his sunscreen,” she explained, offering him the lotion. “Unless you’d rather do it for him?”
“T-Rex arms,” I blurted, panicked and stupid.
Jake eyed me with consideration, ignoring her taunt. “Yeah, that checks out.”
“Bestie.” I followed on his heels as he returned to the launch site. “Thought of all people you’d defend me.”
Fallon shuffled behind us, a half-smile on her face as she watched. Her red hair radiated in the sunshine, and that bright blue bikini hugged her curves tight.
“You think the fact you volunteered and helped my girl entertain a group of teenagers by teaching them fight tactics earned you goodwill?”
Jake winced, examining the bramble he stepped on, rubbing the sole of his bare foot.
I wore shoes, hating the river mud squelching between my toes or stepping on a submerged twig lined with fish eggs. Gross and worth Jake mercilessly teasing me about wearing Crocs.
“Yeah, I thought it would earn me something,” I argued, watching people launch into the water and start without us.
Shit. Goodbye, witnesses.
Jake tugged at the collar of his shirt, pulled it over his head, and tossed it into the front seat of his truck.
Hair peppered over his chest, trailing to disappear in his swim trunks. The dark hair contrasted with his fair skin, which was light enough to make the thick-lined ink of his tattoos pop along his torso. When did he get those?
His muscles flexed as he bent to pull something from the glove box. My eyes, those stubborn fuckers, fixed on his back and the hard, solid contours of his body.
Tight and well-formed, compact but strong. Jake was lean and muscular. What did those muscles in his arms look like when he hovered over Fallon, thrusting into her? What did her legs look like wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer?
“Here,” Jake mumbled, tossing a cylinder can at me. “Sprays. No need for a rubdown.”
Oh, fuck me. I could really go for a rubdown, though.
It took sinking my teeth into my tongue to refrain from the comment. I grinned instead, clasping my hands to my chest. “BFF, you care about me. Cancer prevention.”
Slamming his door, he announced, “I’m drowning him. Fuck promises, baby.”
I rolled my eyes at Fallon. “He’s always saying shit like that.”
Two hours on the river, and my dick behaved. Fallon’s did, too—for the most part. Jake only dunked me twice. But he at least waited until the gentlest bends, and I declared that progress.
Fallon seemed just as pleased as me, her eyes drifting between Jake and me. Our arguing and taunting didn’t exhaust her. If anything, she appeared amused. I would pay to hear her thoughts.
Except I was broke.
Meeting at the exit point, everyone toweled off and joked around. Trevor and his best friend, Ben, shuttled people back to the launch site. Rather than go home, people cleaned up and shot the shit.
These things usually turned into parties, and Ben brought a grill and Trevor a cooler of beer, extending the festivities.
As the sun set, the crowd grew. With the dimming light and cooling air, more and more people arrived. The gentle splash of water over the rocks mixed with the shrieks and laughter of drunk fools.
I spent most of the afternoon sitting on a sun-warmed rock, chatting with friends and keeping my eyes off Jake and Fallon.
Mostly.
Guilt spread like venom in my veins as I watched them. I puffed otherwise, but I’d wanted to earn Jake’s friendship for my entire life. And we were finally friends, even if he had begrudgingly accepted what I forced upon him.
My feelings for Fallon hadn’t changed. If anything, they were getting stronger. But longing and rejection were the status quo when it came to her. I was used to it.
But that wasn’t all of it. Why would it be when I could make things more complicated by forcing down the fluttering in my stomach every time I glanced at Jake?
And it killed me, not because he was your all-American alpha male, straight as they come. It wasn’t even the history of our rivalry, not anymore.
It killed me because looking at Jake like that betrayed my friendship with Fallon. My attraction to her boyfriend didn’t diminish my feelings for her, but it made things infinitely more complicated.
Two friendships I risked with two friends I wanted. Two friends who wanted each other.And one asshole, clinging to decency with a weakening grip.