16. Twelve
Twelve
Fallon
B lunt nails scratched gently down my arm, a shiver in their wake.
Jake glanced at me, smirked, and continued his conversation with Trevor and Tori.
When Trevor cornered Jake, I swear he cracked a few teeth. Tori boxed him in, and my rescue proved futile.
With a smart mouth and prickly temperament, Jake had been skilled at collecting rivals growing up. He hid his heart as if it was a weakness to be sensitive and thoughtful. A man willing to break his back to help others, even if he grumbled about it.
But Jake hated Trevor something fierce—authentically fierce.
My gaze flickered to the rock where Beau had planted himself, arms wrapped around his raised knees as he smiled and laughed with Chloe and her best friend. I stopped myself from interrupting, hating that every playful grin he flashed at them made me jealous.
Jake’s fingers stroked along my spine, a steady sweep that carried an ache of guilt. We were solid. I loved him, loved what we had.
My heart sang for him, my body called to him, and my soul connected to him.
So why was I looking at someone else? What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I nearly jump out of my skin when he caught me putting sunscreen on Beau’s back? I’d put it on Adam not ten minutes before and thought nothing of it.
“You get off on thinking about me with him?”
Why was I pushing this? I danced a dangerous line between fantasy and guilt when Jake and I were settled. We had our future in Windmere—together—humble as it was.
“Yeah. Maybe I do.”
Even more confusing, why did he let me push?
Stable. We were stable.
“We were just having fun, right, Fal?”
Beau’s disinterest in anything serious made for sexy and fun times six months ago when I wanted the same. But now wasn’t then, and Beau wasn’t Jake.
“You good, baby?” Jake murmured, his soft lips grazing my skin.
The same deep and familiar voice that whispered into my ear when we made love. God, those whispers—I lived for them.
He frowned, studying me for a moment before excusing us. He guided me away with his hand splayed against my lower back.
“Hey, look at me.” Jake walked me down the river bank and away from the party. “Baby.”
He smoothed his thumb over the pinched lines on my forehead, massaging gently. “You’re worried about something. Give it to me. Let me help.”
I sniffled, my lip trembling as I kept my eyes on the ground between us. “I feel so guilty.” I sucked in a sharp breath. “I don’t want to be the reason you’re—”
“Hey.” He kissed my forehead, pulling me against him and holding me tight. “You’re the reason I do anything, Fal. Without you, I’d be a miserable son of a bitch.” He hesitated, his shoulders shaking with quiet laughter. “An even more miserable son of a bitch.”
I buried my face in his chest. His shirt smelled faintly of river water from tugging it on before he dried off.
“You’re a good man. Don’t pretend otherwise. I wish you’d ease up on yourself.”
He sighed and cupped my face, forcing me to look at him.“I made it weird, right? Made you uncomfortable? I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have asked you to tell me what you did with Beau. You were friends for years, still want to be, and I was an asshole,” he mumbled under his breath, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have pushed after he and I became—”
A pained look crossed over his face.
“Became?”
Jake swallowed his pride, the softie he was. “Became friends.” Registering my satisfied smile, he quickly added, “That stays between us, Fal. I mean it.”
I hooked my fingers into the waistband of his swim trunks and hauled him to me. My palm swept beneath his shirt, caressing his skin.
Crickets chirped in the brush, the faint rustling of birds settling in the trees as dusk fell upon us.
“I liked it,” I said softly, forcing myself to hold his gaze. “It makes me feel awful that I liked it, not awful that you asked.”
He released a long exhale, running a hand through his hair and clenching his jaw. “It made me hot, too,” he reminded me.“I’m a pig, well aware. It was fun, and I don’t want to dissect all the reasons why, and I don’t want you to feel bad about something that felt good. Maybe I am a competitive ape. Maybe I’m just a fucking fool, I don’t know. It was hot and fun.”
I bit my lip. “I like hot and fun, but mostly? I like you allowing yourself to have fun. You deserve it, Jake.”
He was so hard on himself and put so much pressure on his shoulders to care for everyone that he forgot to take care of himself, too.
Headlights cut through the trees, and a car passed on the highway in the distance. More arrivals.Jake’s eyes followed the car, like maybe it was difficult to meet my eye.
“Jake, look at me.” Reluctantly, he did. “You’re everything. Everything . If you think I need more, you’re wrong.”
Guilt swarmed. I didn’t need more, but I’d entertained fantasies of wanting more since Beau’s arrival. The shame threatened to swallow me. But we didn’t hide, Jake and me. Not from each other.
Jake chewed on the corner of his lip, his eyes fixed on mine. “I believe that. So why do you look like you feel so damn guilty?”
“I enjoyed putting sunscreen on Beau,” I admitted. “I swear, I didn’t offer knowing I’d…” I cleared my throat. “I promise, Jake, I’d never, never betray your trust.”
His smile was so slight that I almost missed it. “You think your face didn’t tattle? Touching an attractive man made you horny.” He shrugged. “It didn’t piss me off like I would have thought.”
A quiet beat rested between us. I bit my tongue to allow him the space to fill that silence, afraid anything I said would scare off whatever lingered on his mind.
“What does that mean?” I whispered, tugging on the hem of my oversized t-shirt—one of Jake’s old ones. So threadbare, it stretched long enough to be a dress. It smelled like him—musky cologne and the clean scent of soap.
His hands curved around my hips as he stopped us at the party’s edge. With his chin resting on my shoulder, he said, “Your heart is mine, baby. Right?”
I swallowed hard and nodded.
Jake kissed my temple before escorting me back to the party.“Then there’s nothing wrong with hot and fun.”