For Keeps

20. Sixteen

Sixteen

Beau

H e watched me.

Those dark eyes studied my face when his girl swallowed me down, and I know because I stared right back.The intense focus of Jake’s eyes when Fallon’s lips wrapped around my aching cock. Never, and I mean never, had I been more grateful to another human for taking pity on me.

But it was that heavy gaze clashing with mine that sank me. I wasn’t sure which made me come faster—her skilled mouth or his attention.

A real team effort, the filthy pair of them.

I shouldn’t feel so pleased about it. Being a third wheel in a couple’s exploration had never worked out. It wouldn’t this time, but there was precisely a zero percent chance I’d turn them down. Dignity be damned, I just didn’t care.

Because it was good. Like, stupidly good. Good enough that I went home and jerked off to unload again, hardly an hour after coming down Fallon’s throat.I masturbated and imagined them fucking, too.

I imagined them as charged and electrified from the entire encounter, stumbling home in agony to get off again because the night played on repeat in their lewd and elicit thoughts, too.

I jerked off again this morning. The crack of dawn, up for work, and pumping with a grip so tight I worried I secretly hated myself.

I came with a strangled groan, a pillow over my face to hide my grunts as I fucked into my fist, hips snapping in punishing thrusts and wishing it was Fallon’s mouth I emptied into.

Or his.

Because those eyes killed me, and maybe I did hate myself because no matter how attentive or heated his look was, it wouldn’t be his lips stretched around my dick.

Jake was straight. Comfortably straight. Unbothered by my sexual history because he was confident in his own—that kind of straight.

It wasn’t weird afterward, not like I expected, which freaked me out. It should have relieved me, but it ate at my gut instead.

Didn’t matter. These kinds of arrangements weren’t intended to include careful introspection. Just horny fucking.

Of course they thought I fit the bill. A good time with a guy blowing through town with no ambitions to uproot or unsettle their lives. Temporary.

I could do temporary. I always did temporary.

I missed Fallon more than I wanted to admit and longed for her more nights than I cared to acknowledge. I both loved and hated the tug she had on my heart. Stupid, it was so stupid. Two weeks didn’t equate to love; years of unrequited pining meant even less.

I shouldn’t feel this good about it.

But I did.

All the shoulds disintegrated into dust.

Expectations crumbled. Every assumption twisted and turned, landing firmly in the unknown land of Make This Make Sense.

Jake smiled all day at work. Not at me, the somewhat predictable storm cloud, but at everyone else.

He laughed. He threw out jokes.He took over for Everett, pouring concrete into the south foundation. A notoriously shitty job that he volunteered for after Everett complained of a pinched nerve in his neck. He even gave Jim his coffee when Patrick accidentally kicked Jim’s thermos over.

“Still owe me that beer, Dalton. Don’t get cheap on me now.” Jake patted my hard hat after lunch, following up with a jovial nudge of his elbow.

Less than an hour after the day’s final whistle, I carried two pints of beer to a table at The Pub and sat by Jake as he barked a story about a football game our senior year.

The fucker looked so happy boasting about his remarkable fumble recovery that I didn’t call him out for exaggerating his yard gains.

I excused myself, sat at the bar, and waited for Rena to finish serving a surly group of college kids who were home for the summer.

“It was seventy yards,” Jake said coolly, sliding onto the barstool beside me. “Saw you roll your eyes, dick.”

I bristled, my focus trained on Rena’s back. “Hardly fifty. Might have been forty, to be honest.”

He snickered, taking a sip of his beer. “Speed, agility, and effective decision-making, Dalton. You always hated my athleticism.”

“No. I hated your self-aggrandizing.”

Jake smiled into his drink. “Too close to your own, huh?” He set his beer down, hands twirling the glass in a slow circle. With his dark eyes on the lacquered bar top, he said softly, “We should talk about it.”

“Talk, then,” I murmured, signaling to Rena. She winked, already pouring me another.

“We’re good, Beau. Me and Fallon. Great, actually.”

“Fantastic,” I muttered, wondering when his foul mood became mine. Truthfully, it relieved me that they were good. I didn’t want to be the cause of their bad.

I happily took my beer, ready to drown this shit attitude.

“Beau.”

“It doesn’t bother you?” I blurted.

“No,” was all he said, entirely too calm for a man who watched me eat out his girlfriend last night while he jerked off. Twice.

I took a swig of my beer, wiping my mouth. “It should.”

“I know.” He hung his head, that onyx hair falling into his face.“It doesn’t, though. Not like that. Not like jealousy or insecurity.”

Spinning to face me, Jake seemed even bigger somehow. His knee brushed against the side of my thigh. He remained utterly unaware of it while my heart leaped into my throat.

His gaze drifted to my tapping fingers. “We talked about it, and I think she gets it. Or she wants to, anyway. She feels guilty for enjoying it, too. Not because she’s into hotwifing.” He hesitated. “But because she’s into you.”

I blinked, then blinked again. His hands stayed planted on his glass, not reaching for my neck to strangle me. Wow.

“It’s not a big deal,” he continued too casually for that confession. Probably damn near killed him to acknowledge that, but suddenly my mood wasn’t hovering in the shitter.

“It was hot and fun, right? I mean, for you, too? Right?” He scanned my face, wincing. “Or maybe not.”

“Nope, it was hot, bestie. Excellent stuff,” I hurried.

Oof. Play it cool, dude.

Clearing my throat, I added, “Kinky shit, you surprising motherfucker. Wouldn’t have pegged you for the sort.”

Wrong word choice, idiot.

If Jake understood the term “pegged,” he politely ignored it and moved on.

The air, thick with the scent of stale alcohol and wafting perfume from a table of women behind us, hung heavy with an uncomfortable pause. I didn’t know where to go from here.

“Okay, well. Um. So. If it’s not weird, and everyone is good… that’s… good.” Jake’s hand ruffled through his hair, the jerk looking nervous. Gold. Pure gold.

I took another drink and enjoyed the beautiful position of leverage, relaxing slightly and smacking my lips.

I’d had threesomes and once a clumsy foursome. I wasn’t inexperienced or embarrassed with how things might go down. Jake and Fallon wanted me to join them for some raunchy and dirty sex to feel a little naughty?

Let him beg.

For once, I was the clear leader on this scoreboard. I smiled at Rena as she worked her way down the bar, serving patrons and raising her eyebrows at me.

“I mean, we talked about it,” he rambled, his hands fidgeting with his messy hair before moving to fiddle with the collar of his shirt. “We’re good with… good. It’s not like you’re staying or anything. You’ll be gone when this strike ends. Could be tomorrow!”

Christ, was he jittery. A divine sight, really.

“Could be,” I murmured into my beer, hiding my laugh. “How unfortunate for your fantasy, should I take off tomorrow.”

“Asshole,” he grunted, smacking my arm. “Fuck, man. I’m nervous, and this is hard, all right?”

Grinning, I flicked his knuckle. “Oh, I know. Kind of adorable to see you all flustered. Got a real pretty blush on those cheeks.”

I swear Jake broke a tooth, maybe two, clenching his jaw tight as he did.

Rena glanced at us and shifted farther down the bar to take an order.

“Tell you what,” I said, lowering my voice and giving him an out. “You admit I’m your bestie, and I’ll consider fucking your girl for you.” I finished my beer in one go, on top of the world. “Since she likes it so much.”

“Beau,” he warned.

Please. Like this wouldn’t get him revved up for when I plowed Fallon later.“Admit it,” I said.

He sighed. “You’d consider fucking her regardless, dipshit. Don’t act like you’re doing me a favor.”

“Fair point,” I conceded. “I’ll think about it. Keep you posted.” As if I hadn’t already decided.

He snorted. “Don’t you want to know the rules first?”

Not really, but he didn’t need to know that.

I lifted a shoulder, popping an indifferent shrug. “May as well, since I’m here.”

He shared their mostly predictable terms. Fallon could pull the plug at any time for any reason. Jake’s pervy eyes had to witness everything—such a god complex, that guy. This wasn’t dating Fallon. Her pleasure came first. Don’t rub my balls in his face—that kind of stuff.

“It ends when you leave,” he said quietly, taking care of the tab even though it was my turn. “Everything, Beau. You leave her alone after that. You understand?”

Yeah, I understood perfectly well. I was the toy they wanted to play with to make life more interesting, so long as I wasn’t looking for a permanent home.

I patted my pockets and checked for my phone and wallet, deciding to walk back tonight with this buzz. It was mainly from the beer, but anticipation spun me a little, too.

Jake followed me outside, stepping into the twilight of a hot pink and bright orange sky. A picturesque backdrop for the ruggedly handsome asshole shoving his hands in his pockets. He kicked at the sidewalk like a shy teenager.

“You going to be this bashful when we’re naked together, amigo? Because that makes things awkward as fuck, trust me.”

He muttered something under his breath and dropped his head. “Okay, so how many times have you done this?”

I backed up to a concrete planter, leaning against the edge. “Guess.”

He sighed heavily. “Fallon likes you, and I won’t kill you for her sake.” He sighed again. “Kind of want to, though, if I’m being honest. This is agony for me, Beau.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. With that pained grimace and the tight furrow of his brows, I believed him.

Softening my tone, I said, “So why do it at all? Sounds like you’re the one pushing. Playing with fire when, by your accounts, there’s plenty of heat to keep you warm.”

His chest expanded, shoulders sinking as his eyes lifted to mine. “Truthfully? I’m now wondering that myself. This was stupid. You’re right. It’s not worth the risk for a little fun.”

“Let’s not get hasty.” I pushed off from the wall, waving my hands to settle down. “Take a breath. It can be confusing, trust me.” Jake’s eyebrows shot up, and I clarified. “Figuring out what you’re into. Wrestling with desire and guilt and shame and excitement.”

Jason aside, I didn’t speak much about coming out. Shame didn’t keep me in the closet necessarily; more like a fear of the consequences in a small town. I knew I would leave at eighteen, and my world would open up .

Determining the difference between attraction, admiration, and jealousy had been complicated at fourteen when I first noticed the flutter in my stomach as I watched a kid named Crosby Archer lick ice cream off his bottom lip at baseball camp.

My best friend, my real best friend, was a handsome dude, and I loved him to death, but my stomach didn’t flutter when he licked ice cream off his bottom lip. So what was different about Crosby?

“Was a bit of a mindfuck when I was a teenager,” I admitted. “I had no idea how to tell the difference between liking a guy and liking a guy. How could I explain that I was into something just because I was into it?” I shrugged. “Sometimes you want what you want, and it’s not much more complicated than that.”

The relief on Jake’s face was palpable. “I was afraid Fallon would hate me for…” He flexed his fingers at his side. “That she would think there’s something wrong with her because of what I’m into.”

“Nah. You’ve got a pretty special girl there. She loves you.” It took effort to hold that practiced smile. “She sees your heart.”

He stared at his shoes. “She’s everything, Beau. I’m trusting you with her.” I opened my mouth to answer—thank him or reassure him—but he continued before I could. “Your parents didn’t care about being bi? Your friends?”

“I didn’t tell anyone other than Jason until I moved to L.A. You know how this town is.”

“I do,” Jake said quietly.

“When I casually told my parents about a guy I’d been dating, they didn’t even blink. They’re church-going folk, but they’re progressive and supportive. Kate wanted to know about butt stuff. Not receiving, but giving . Cut that off pretty fast.”

God, my sister. Good luck to Jason.

The streetlights kicked on as darkness blanketed us, a reminder that the evening grew later. I jerked my thumb over my shoulder. “I should get going.”

He perked up. “Are you walking home?”

“Yep,” I said, already on my way down the sidewalk. “Had three pints before your delayed ass finally showed up to claim this beer I owed you and you paid for.”

“I’ll take you home.” The way he said it left no room for arguing. “My truck is in the public lot.”

We walked together in comfortable silence. The familiar tension sank into agreeable companionship. Despite all my teasing about friendship, I would have felt lucky to get an uneasy truce at best.

I hadn’t expected… this.

He gestured toward the far side of the lot, his truck parked in the corner. Gravel crunched beneath our shoes as we crossed.

“I’m not an insecure man,” he said, letting himself into the truck. I climbed into the passenger seat. “I’m confident in my relationship with Fallon. But she’s the only person I’ve been with. I understand your experience surpasses mine.”

My jaw dropped, and I gaped across the bench seat.

“You can close your mouth,” he muttered, scratching his neck.

That couldn’t be right. Jake spent months away in Alaska over the years, and brief breakups with Fallon peppered some of that time.

“Fallon said—”

“Fallon assumed. I didn’t correct.”

“Why?”

He left one hand on the wheel and the other hanging out the window. He didn’t start the car.

“Because it would have made her feel guilty about her choices while I was away, the men she was with. We broke up because it wasn’t fair for her to deprive herself of life experiences while waiting for me. But for me? She’s my endgame, Beau. I knew I would always return to her, regardless of the interim. I didn’t need more than that. She never specifically asked, and I never specifically stated. Just as I never asked about her.”

Damn. Jake was a loyal motherfucker, not in it for casual hookups… Like my real best friend .

Holy shit. Did I replace Jason with another Jason? But, like, a grumpy, mean, and cantankerous Jason?

I rubbed my jaw, considering that. “Then how do you know she—”

His sharp glare cut me off. “Aside from one of those assholes presently sitting beside me? It’s a small town. People talk plenty, even if she won’t.”

He turned over the ignition, starting the truck.

“You never wanted to ask her?” Shit. My insecure ass would have choked on every exposed detail.

“No,” he grunted. The kind of grunt that communicated his desire to drop it.

“But you asked her about me?”

I tried to ignore the tingling delight of being different. Significant somehow.Judging by the discomfort in Jake’s astronomically tight jaw, he did not share that same gratification.

Before he drowned in displeasure, I tossed him a lifebuoy, towing that line back to the safety of good old-fashioned taunting.“Maybe you want to add masochism to your kink list. It had to hurt something awful to hear about what an amazing lover I am.”

He snickered, relaxing against the seat and hitting the highway. “Yeah, well. She said my dick is bigger.”

My regret doubled with not getting a good look at him jerking himself in the woods. Between the darkness, keeping his cock in his shorts, and the delightful distraction of Fallon’s lips wrapped around me…

“Shit, for real? She said that?” I glanced at my crotch, frowning. “Nothing wrong with average. My guy’s a hard worker.” I eyed Jake. “How much bigger?”

He burst into laughter, smacking my chest. “I’m messing with you.”

That satisfied glint in his eyes said he was not .

Even with the stupid teasing, this was nice. Windows down, warm air brushing through my hair, hanging out.

“Don’t look so excited, asshole. I’m not whipping it out to show you,” he said, staring at the road.

“Dipshit. I don’t just start sucking cocks.” I shot him a glare. “And I sure as shit wouldn’t suck yours.”

He chuckled, signaling to turn off the highway and onto my parents’ street. “You have a big mouth, but I doubt you could handle it anyway.”

Holy shit. I ruffled the hair on the back of my neck. Was Jake flirting with me? Yes, he just didn’t know it. Too tender to tease him for it, I let it drop.

He pulled into the driveway, put the truck in park, and turned his entire body to face me.

“Look, you’ve got Hollywood and an entirely different life to return to. I know we’re small-town jerks on your radar, but Beau? Don’t treat Fallon less than she deserves. View me how you like, give me shit, or taunt me if you’re so inclined, but you treat her like a queen while you’re here. Understand?”

I sighed, closing my eyes. He really did love her, and I really did hate him a little for it. “Yeah, buddy.”

“Okay. Good.” Those intense eyes flitted over me before he turned away and stared out the windshield at the house. “I know you have options here. People to be with if you want. You’re Good Time Beau, with the smile that charms the masses.”

I raised my eyebrows, drumming my fingertips excitedly against the door. “What’s this you say?”

Jake rolled his eyes, huffing a laugh. “Shut up, dickhead. I’m asking you to keep the playboy ways to a minimum if you’re going to be with her.” Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he clarified, “By ‘minimum,’ I mean not at all. Zero others. It’s not fair, I know, but—”

“Not an issue,” I mumbled, uneasy with how hard that request hit. Not for the request itself, but because they thought I needed it.

“Okay,” he repeated, nodding to himself. “So you’ll let me know?”

Fuck me. The guy couldn’t read a situation if he thought I hadn’t already agreed to this.

“Let you know if I’m going to dick down your girl real nice so you can jerk off all over her after and claim her like a brute?”

His head collapsed against the steering wheel. “Why you gotta ruin this with your mouth, Beau?”

I patted his back, opened the door, and slid out. “The only thing my mouth will ruin is your girl’s pussy. See you soon, buddy.”

Jake was still blasting angrily on his horn when I closed the front door behind me, laughing.

My mom poked her head from around the corner. “Out with friends again?” She smiled brightly. “It’s so nice to see you happy, Beau-Bear. Had us worried for a while there.”

Before I could ask, she disappeared upstairs with a laundry basket on her hip. Probably with my clothes neatly folded inside.