Chapter Thirty-Three
Annabelle had been awake since half past three in the morning.
Not intentionally. She'd just… stopped sleeping properly after Raven left. Something about there being no loud rock music at midnight made it harder, not easier to sleep.
But today wasn't about that. Today was about the library.
She stood in the center of the newly reopened space, surrounded by chaos that she was pretending was organized preparation.
Daisy was hanging posters that kept falling down every thirty seconds.
Gloria was rearranging the children's reading corner for the third time, moving cushions around like she was directing a West End production.
Arty was setting up folding chairs with the calm efficiency of someone who'd learned not to get involved in Gloria's creative vision.
And Blossom was arranging biscuits on plates with careful calmness while obviously thinking about something else.
Probably Lilah. Who was still in Australia. Being gorgeous and successful and definitely not having a breakdown over someone who'd casually mentioned they were leaving and then actually left.
"Annabelle, love, where do you want the juice boxes?" Daisy appeared at her elbow, holding a box that was already leaking something pink and sticky.
"Oh. Um." Annabelle blinked at the box. "Maybe on the refreshment table? Next to the… actually, maybe in that bin. Is that one leaking?"
"Only a bit. I'll just…" Daisy tilted the box, which made the leaking worse. "Right. Bin it is."
Annabelle managed a smile. She'd been managing a lot of smiles lately. Professional smiles. Teacher smiles. The kind of smile that said I'm absolutely fine, nothing to see here, definitely not falling apart inside.
She was getting quite good at it.
"The reading corner looks perfect, Gloria," she called out, because Gloria was starting to eye the cushions again, and if she moved them one more time, Annabelle might actually scream.
"Does it?" Gloria straightened up, hands on her hips, surveying her work like a general surveying a battlefield. "I'm not sure about the blue cushion. It's clashing with the curtains."
"It's perfect," Annabelle said firmly. "Really. Don't change a thing."
Gloria looked suspicious but mercifully left the cushions alone.
Annabelle checked her list. Decorations: done. Refreshments: mostly done, aside from the leaking juice boxes. Reading activities: planned. Children arriving in an hour. Parents arriving in an hour. Lily giving a speech. Everything was fine. Everything was going to be fine.
She'd made it fine.
That's what she did, wasn't it? Made things fine.
Fixed things. Smiled through things. Pretended that her heart wasn't in approximately eight thousand pieces scattered across her kitchen floor, next to the biscuits she'd stress-baked at five a.m. and then burned because she'd been crying too hard to notice the timer.
"You alright, love?" Arty appeared next to her, holding a stack of programs. "You look a bit peaky."
"I'm fine!" The brightness in her voice was almost convincing. "Just excited. Big day. Library reopening. It's wonderful."
Arty gave her a look that suggested he wasn't buying it, but thankfully didn't push. "Programs are done. Where do you want them?"
"Oh, by the door? So people can grab one as they come in?"
"Sensible." He started toward the entrance, then paused. "You did a good thing here, Annabelle. Whatever else is going on, you should be proud of that."
Her throat tightened. "Thanks, Arty."
She watched him walk away and had to take a very deep breath to stop herself from crying in the middle of the library reopening setup. That would be ridiculous. Inappropriate. She was fine.
Everything was fine.
"Ms. Swift?" A small voice made her turn around.
Jamie Long stood in the doorway, looking uncertain. His mum must have dropped him off early. He was clutching a book to his chest and not quite meeting her eyes.
"Jamie! Hello, sweetheart." Annabelle crouched down to his level, which was a mistake because it made her dizzy, but she smiled through it. "You're early. That's lovely. Do you want to help me set up the books in the reading corner?"
Jamie nodded, but he didn't move. Just stood there, looking small and sad in a way that made Annabelle's heart crack a little bit more.
"Are you alright?" she asked gently.
"Is…" He bit his lip. "Is Raven going to be here?"
Oh.
Oh no.
Annabelle's smile felt like it was going to shatter. "I… No, probably not, sweetheart."
"Only she was at the fundraiser, so I thought maybe she was going to be here too."
Annabelle wanted to tell him that of course Raven was coming back, that everything would be fine, that sometimes people left but they always came back if they cared about you. But she couldn't. Because she didn't know if any of that was true.
"I'm sure wherever she is, she's very proud of you for practicing," was all she managed.
Jamie nodded slowly, but he still looked sad. "She sent me some videos online. But it’s not really the same, is it? I miss her."
"Me too," Annabelle whispered before she could stop herself.
Jamie looked up at her with wide, understanding eyes that were far too old for an eight-year-old. Then, without warning, he wrapped his arms around her waist in a tight hug.
Annabelle hugged him back and absolutely did not cry. She was a professional. She was fine.
"Right," she said brightly when he pulled away. "Shall we make sure those cushions are comfortable for the reading? I think Gloria's been rearranging them, so we'd better test them out."
Jamie almost smiled. It was enough.
Nina bounced over, looking excited. "Ms. Swift, everything looks so amazing. And Jamie, you’re early.
But I’m glad, because I wanted to tell you that I saw Raven on Instagram this morning.
She's at some fancy recording studio in London.
The photos looked incredible. All these guitars and…
" Nina's face suddenly fell as she realized what she was saying. "Oh. Oh no. I'm sorry, I didn't think…"
"It's fine," Annabelle said quickly, her smile locked in place even though her chest felt like it was caving in. "That's… that's wonderful. I'm glad she's doing well."
"I wasn't thinking, I just…"
"Really, Nina, it's fine. I'm happy for her." The lie tasted bitter. "I need to go check on the… something. Excuse me."
She walked away before Nina could apologize again, before the carefully constructed smile could crack, before anyone could see that hearing about Raven looking happy in London at recording sessions, without her, without even a response to her letter, was like a knife between her ribs.
Raven was fine. Recording her album. Living her life. Looking happy.
And Annabelle was here, pretending she wasn't falling apart.
"Annabelle." Lily appeared at her side, looking concerned in that way that meant she'd noticed Annabelle wasn't fine. "Come here for a second."
"I'm fine," Annabelle said automatically.
"Bathroom. Now."
Lily didn't wait for an answer, just took Annabelle's arm and steered her toward the small bathroom at the back of the library. Annabelle went, because arguing with Lily when she was in headteacher mode was pointless.
The bathroom was tiny and smelled like the industrial cleaner they'd used yesterday, and as soon as the door closed behind them, Annabelle's carefully constructed composure crumbled.
"I can't do this," she whispered.
"Yes, you can."
"No, I really can't. Jamie asked if Raven was coming back and I didn't know what to tell him and Nina says she’s in London, Lily. She's at recording sessions and she looks happy and I sent her that letter and she never responded and I don't know what I expected but…"
"Breathe," Lily said firmly, taking both of Annabelle's shoulders. "Breathe."
Annabelle breathed. It came out shaky and wet and probably not very effective, but she tried.
"You sent the letter," Lily said. "That was brave. That was honest. That was you being real instead of trying to fix everything. That's enough."
"But she didn't…"
"Sometimes people are in your life to teach you something," Lily interrupted gently.
"And if Raven taught you to be more honest about the not-perfect things, about the messy things, about the things that hurt…
then that needs to be enough. You don't need her to respond. You just needed to be honest. You need to be responsible for you, not for everyone else. You’ve done what you needed to do to make yourself accountable, to make yourself a better person, and that has to be enough, Annabelle. "
Annabelle wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. Her mascara was probably ruined. "I feel so stupid."
"You're not stupid. You're human. And you're allowed to be sad about this."
"But everyone's out there and I need to…"
"Everyone out there knows you worked your arse off for this library. They're not going to care if you've been crying. They're going to care that you saved their children's library." Lily squeezed her shoulders. "You did that, Annabelle. Not Raven. You. Give yourself some credit."
Annabelle nodded, even though her throat was too tight to speak.
"Right." Lily handed her a tissue from her pocket. "Fix your face. We've got a library to reopen."
By the time they emerged from the bathroom, Annabelle had managed to pull herself back together. Her smile was in place, her shoulders were back, and if her eyes were a little red, well, she could blame it on allergies or emotion or literally anything other than the truth.
The library was packed now. Children sitting cross-legged on the floor, parents standing around the edges, villagers chatting in clusters.
Gloria was holding court near the refreshment table, no doubt taking credit for something.
Daisy was bouncing excitedly near the door.
Arty caught Annabelle's eye from across the room and gave her a small, encouraging nod.
Blossom appeared next to her with a cup of tea. "You look like you need this."
"I look that bad?"
"You look like someone who's been up since four and crying in the bathroom." Blossom's smile was kind. "Drink the tea. It helps."
Annabelle took the tea gratefully and tried not to cry again because people kept being nice to her.
Lily moved to the front of the room, and the chatter gradually died down. She didn't need to raise her voice or clap her hands. She just stood there with the quiet authority of someone who'd been herding children for twenty years, and everyone settled.
"Right then," Lily said. "Thank you all for coming. I'll keep this brief because I know you're all eager to get back to the tea and biscuits."
A ripple of laughter.
"But I wanted to take a moment to thank the person who made this possible.
Our library was facing closure. Our children were facing the loss of something precious, a space to read, to learn, to dream.
And one person refused to accept that. One person said 'absolutely not' and then worked herself to exhaustion to make sure it didn't happen. "
Annabelle's face was burning. She hadn't expected this.
"Annabelle Swift organized the fundraiser, rallied the community, and quite frankly wouldn't take no for an answer from anyone. Including me." Lily's voice was warm. "So before we officially reopen this library, I think we owe her a round of applause."
The room erupted in clapping. Annabelle stood there, frozen, as people smiled at her and even Gloria actually looked pleased for her instead of annoyed.
It should have felt good. It should have felt like victory.
Instead, it just felt hollow.
Because the person she wanted to share it with wasn't here.
"Thank you," she managed, her voice barely carrying over the applause. "I… thank you. I couldn't have done it without all of you."
The applause continued, and Annabelle felt tears threatening again, which was ridiculous because she'd just cried in the bathroom and this was supposed to be a happy moment.
Lily was still standing at the front, smiling at her. Then Nina appeared at Lily's side, slightly breathless, and whispered something in her ear.
Lily's expression changed. Something flashed across her face. Surprise, maybe, or satisfaction. She glanced at Annabelle, then back at Nina, who nodded eagerly.
"Actually," Lily said, raising her voice over the dying applause. "It seems we have a special guest."
Annabelle's heart stopped.
No.
No, it couldn't be.
The library door opened.
And there stood Raven.