Chapter Thirty-Four
Raven's hands were sweating.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd been nervous before a performance.
Years, probably. Maybe never. She'd played Glastonbury in front of a hundred thousand people without breaking a sweat.
She'd done stadium tours, late-night talk shows, acoustic sessions for radio stations at six in the morning after exactly zero hours of sleep.
None of it had made her feel like this, like her heart was trying to escape through her throat.
But then, she'd never had to play for the one person whose opinion actually mattered.
She peered through the window in the library door, guitar in hand, watching Annabelle move through the crowd with that bright, brittle smile that everyone else seemed to accept as genuine.
Raven knew better. She could see the exhaustion in the set of Annabelle's shoulders, the way her laugh was just a fraction too loud, the tightness around her eyes that said she was holding herself together by sheer force of will.
Lily was mid-speech, thanking everyone for their support, thanking Annabelle specifically for everything she'd done. Annabelle stood near the front, hands clasped in front of her, nodding along with that same fixed smile.
She hadn't seen Raven yet.
Jamie stood beside Raven in the doorway, clutching his own guitar, a cheap beginner's model that Raven had brought with her for him. She’d managed to attract his attention when everyone was busy, managed to get him out here without anyone noticing.
His face was pale, his fingers trembling slightly on the frets.
But he needed this as much as she did, so he had to be included.
"You remember what we practiced?" Raven murmured.
Jamie nodded, not taking his eyes off the crowd. "G, D, Em, C. Just keep repeating."
"That's it. And if you mess up, just keep going. Nobody'll notice."
"What if I freeze?"
"Then I'll cover for you. But you won't freeze." Raven looked down at him, this quiet, anxious kid who reminded her so much of herself at that age. "You've got this, Jamie."
He looked up at her, and some of the fear in his eyes eased. "Okay."
Lily's speech was winding down. Any second now, Nina would run over and whisper to her, and then…
There. Nina was moving, practically bouncing across the room to Lily's side, whispering frantically in her ear. Lily's eyebrows rose, and she glanced toward the doorway just as Raven pushed the door open.
Raven gave a single nod.
Lily cleared her throat, that knowing smile spreading across her face. "Before we officially cut the ribbon, I've been informed that our very special guest would like to say a few words. Well, not words exactly. Please welcome back… Raven."
The room went completely silent.
Then someone gasped. Then someone else. And then everyone was turning, craning their necks to see, and Raven stepped forward into the library with Jamie following close behind.
She found Annabelle in the crowd immediately. Their eyes locked, and Raven watched the color drain from Annabelle's face, watched her mouth fall open slightly, watched her hand come up to press against her chest like she couldn't quite breathe.
Raven forced herself to look away before she lost her nerve entirely.
"Hi," she said to the room at large, her voice rough.
She hadn't planned a speech. Speeches weren't her thing.
But everyone was staring at her, waiting, and she supposed she owed them something.
"I, uh. I wrote a new song. It's about… making mistakes.
Running away when things get hard. Being too scared to stay and see things through. "
She could feel Annabelle's gaze burning into her, but she still didn't look. Not yet.
"I wanted to play it for you. For all of you, because you welcomed me here when I didn't deserve it, and you let me be part of something that actually mattered." She swallowed hard. "But mostly, I wanted to play it for someone who taught me that maybe I don't always have to run."
Now she looked at Annabelle, whose eyes were bright with unshed tears.
"This is 'Why Make it Right?'" Raven said quietly. "And I've got a very talented backing guitarist. Everyone, this is Jamie Long."
Jamie stepped forward, and a ripple of surprised delight went through the crowd, particularly from the children, who started whispering excitedly. Even Kayley Long, standing near the back, looked torn between pride and complete bafflement.
Raven positioned her guitar, gave Jamie a nod, and began to play.
The opening chords were simple, melancholic, building slowly. Jamie came in right on time, his four chords steady and sure beneath her melody. The kid really was pretty good. He just needed someone to believe in him.
Then Raven started to sing.
"I packed my bags at midnight / Told myself I had to go / Said it was for the best / But that's a lie I think you know / I'm good at running, always have been / Good at doors that close behind / But I never stopped to wonder / What I left for you to find."
Her voice filled the library, raw and honest in a way she'd never quite managed with Krimson Kisses. This wasn't performance. This was confession.
She could see people swaying, nodding along. Arty had his arms crossed, but he was smiling, the bastard. Gloria had a hand pressed to her chest, looking thoroughly moved. Blossom and Daisy were holding hands, both of them misty-eyed.
And Annabelle… Annabelle was crying properly now, tears streaming down her face, not even trying to hide them.
Jamie was fully into it, playing with more confidence, even adding a little flourish between chord changes. Raven caught his eye and grinned, just slightly, and he grinned back.
"Why make it right when you can run? / Why stay and face what you've become? / Why risk your heart when you can hide? / Why choose the truth when you've perfected lies? / I don't know the answer yet / But I'm done running, I can promise you that."
The bridge stripped down to just her voice and Jamie's gentle strumming, quiet and vulnerable.
"Maybe I'm terrified / Maybe I don't know how / Maybe I'll screw this up / But I'm here now / I'm here now."
Then the final chorus, building, swelling, her voice cracking slightly on the last line because she was looking directly at Annabelle and every word was for her, only her.
"Why make it right when you can run? / Why stay and face what you've become? / Why risk your heart when you can hide? / Why choose the truth when you've perfected lies? / I found the answer, here it is: / Because running's how you lose everything / Because staying's how you live."
The last chord rang out into silence. For a moment, nobody moved.
Then the room erupted.
People were cheering, stomping their feet, clapping so hard it echoed off the walls. The children were going absolutely wild, shouting Jamie's name. Someone yelled, "Encore!" Several others took up the cry.
But Raven barely heard any of it.
She was looking at Annabelle, who was backing toward the door, shaking her head slightly, tears still streaming down her face. Their eyes met one more time, and then Annabelle turned and fled.
Without thinking, without even acknowledging the crowd, Raven thrust her guitar into Jamie's hands.
"You were brilliant," she said quickly, and then she was moving, pushing through the crowd, ignoring the hands reaching out to her, the voices calling her name.
She had to find Annabelle. She had to.
The corridor was empty, fluorescent lights humming overhead, children's artwork lining the walls. Raven looked left, then right, her heart hammering.
"Annabelle?" Her voice echoed.
A sound, a half-sob, quickly stifled, came from around the corner. Raven followed it, her footsteps loud on the linoleum floor.
She found Annabelle standing in the middle of the corridor, arms wrapped around herself, staring at a bulletin board covered in children's drawings like it held the secrets of the universe.
"Hey," Raven said softly.
Annabelle didn't turn around. "You came back."
"I came back."
"I heard your song on the radio. On my drive to school yesterday." Annabelle's voice was thick with tears. "It's really good. Number four on the charts, they said."
"Number two, actually. As of this morning."
"Congratulations."
"Annabelle…"
"You didn't have to come back," Annabelle said, still not turning around. "I'm glad you're finding success. I'm glad you got your music back. You don't owe me anything."
"I owe you everything." The words came out fiercer than Raven intended. "You gave me my music back. You gave me… Christ, Annabelle, you gave me myself back."
Finally, Annabelle turned around. Her face was blotchy, her eyes red, mascara smudged. She looked absolutely wrecked.
She'd never been more beautiful.
"I'm sorry," Raven said, the words rushing out before she could lose her nerve.
"I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for walking away after everything you did for me, after you…
" Her voice cracked. "After you saw me. Really saw me, all the broken bits, and you didn't run.
And I ran anyway because that's what I do, that's what I've always done, and I… "
"Raven…"
"I'm not finished." Raven took a step closer.
"I had this whole speech planned. Practiced it the entire drive here.
But now all I can think is that I'm tired.
I'm so bloody tired of leaving things unfinished.
I'm tired of running away when things get hard.
And for once in my pathetic life, I'm going to see something through. "
Annabelle was crying again, silent tears tracking down her cheeks. "See what through?"
"The library project. I've been working with my label for the past two weeks. We're setting up a charity for school libraries, funding, books, music programs for underfunded schools. The profits from 'Why Make it Right?' are going to it. All of them."
Annabelle's hand came up to her mouth. "Raven, that's…"
"I'm calling it 'The Safe Place Fund.' After what I told you about the library being my sanctuary when I was a kid.
When everything at the group home or with some set of foster parents was shit, when I couldn't stand to be around anyone, I'd go to the library and just…
exist. Without anyone expecting anything from me.
" Raven swallowed hard. "You gave these kids that.
You fought for it. And I want to make sure it keeps happening. Not just here, but everywhere."
"That's…" Annabelle was openly sobbing now. "That's the most incredible…"
"But more than that," Raven continued, closing the distance between them until she was close enough to see glints of gold in Annabelle's eyes, "I want you to be involved.
To help run it. To make sure the money goes where it matters, to the teachers who give a damn, to the kids who need it most. Because you know what matters. You've always known."
For a long moment, Annabelle just stared at her, tears streaming down her face, breathing unsteadily. "I'll think about it," she whispered finally.
Raven's heart plummeted. She'd expected… what? Open arms? Immediate forgiveness? She'd walked out on Annabelle, broken her heart, and a charity fund didn't fix that. Nothing fixed that.
"Right," Raven said, her voice hollow. "Of course. That's… yeah. Think about it. Take all the time you need."
She turned to walk away, blinking hard against the burning in her eyes. She'd tried. She'd come back, she'd made the grand gesture, and it wasn't enough. Maybe she'd broken this too badly to repair. Maybe…
"Wait."
Raven stopped, her back still to Annabelle, hardly daring to breathe.
"Wait."