Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Sometimes, Ren mistook the feel of the summer sun on his skin with the aching itch of his heat coming on, burning his veins inside out.
It was why the summer was his least favorite time of year.
Even if he froze half to death every winter, he preferred that to the low, simmering heat that had him on edge for several months.
Ren squinted, tilting his head up to peer at the offender—so high up in the sky, too bright, too hot on his face. The Wolf kingdom was well known for being dark, gray, and constantly cloudy, yet, the sun had been out constantly since Ren had left the prison.
Autumn had gone too quickly, and while winter dragged by, spring was gone the instant it arrived.
The moment the little white flowers Ren had grown so fond of had bloomed, they were burned to a crisp by the oppressive heat.
It didn’t stop Falk from bringing him one every day and it didn’t stop his lips from curling upwards every time he placed the flower in Ren’s hair.
Ren’s chest tightened at the thought of Falk, and he snorted a laugh at himself.
He had been released from prison over a year ago now, and somehow living with Falk since then and being courted by him for the last three seasons wasn’t enough for Ren to desensitize himself to thoughts about Falk.
His body reacted to Falk without him actively thinking.
Falk had teased him plenty of times about it until Ren blushed with embarrassment.
But he and Falk were… good. Better than good, Ren sometimes let himself think.
He tried not to think too hard about anything—about how wonderful Falk was, how happy he was in his current situation, how he could see himself living his little life here in the castle forever.
He was scared that, if he thought of it too many times, the gods themselves would hear him and everything would come crumbling down.
He only met with Dr. Bram once a week now, and while the doctor was still helping him work through many things, Ren found them chatting like friends for half of their sessions nowadays.
But Ren was happy.
And Ren was terrified at how happy he was.
He was terrified that he was thinking so far to the future, to things about his job and to what he wants to make of his life here.
He was terrified of where his mind went when he thought about him and Falk.
But mostly, he was terrified at how when he felt heat under his veins, his first instinct wasn’t to panic about his heat.
Instead, it was to wonder if Falk was near his rut—if they would line up again this time—if maybe he was ready this time to spend it with Falk.
The last few he had had weren't terrible—he had spent them alone in one of the rooms separated from the rest of the castle where Omegas could feel safe from prying Alphas. He had ached for something—someone—but hadn’t asked for Falk.
Ren shook his head and pressed the backs of his hands to his cheeks, trying to cool the flush which had appeared there before Flory and Des could notice.
The two other Omegas didn’t seem bothered at all by the sun as they laughed and chatted, seated on the blanket Flory had brought down to the courtyard for their lunch.
“You okay, Ren?”
Ren smiled at Flory and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You’ve barely eaten your sandwich,” Des hummed, looking pointedly at the food Ren still held suspended in his hands.
Ren had been bringing it up for a bite, but his thoughts had wandered in the time it took for the food to reach his mouth. “Yeah… the sun makes me so sleepy,” he said.
“Yeah, but it’s good for you,” Flory hummed.
She tipped her face back as though to prove a point.
She let the rays wash over her dark skin and the long column of her throat she showed with the movement.
“Plus, Falk should be back soon anyways. So you two can go hole yourself up in your room and ignore the rest of us.”
Ren scowled over at her. “We do not ignore the rest of you.”
Des and Flory exchanged a glance before Des leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, smiling at Ren. “So, when do you think you two will claim each other? Like, as mates?”
Ren spluttered over his answer. It felt like Des had been able to hear all of the things Ren had been thinking about only moments before.
His tongue refused to form any coherent words for so long his friends started laughing.
“What do you mean?” he finally gasped. “We’ve only been…
he’s only be courting me for two seasons now?—”
“That’s much longer than most people do,” Flory hummed. “Mont courted me for a summer.”
“Yes, but you knew him for your entire life,” Ren said.
“I sure hope Kade isn’t planning on courting me for that long,” Des said.
“Yeah, if he ever starts,” Flory snorted.
Des waved a hand at her, brushing her off and turning his attention back to Ren. “You two really haven’t thought about it?”
Of course Ren had; Ren thought about everything when it came to Falk. The endless considerations seemed to never stop, turning over repeatedly until he stopped breathing, until Falk snapped him out of his daze.
He couldn’t imagine anything without Falk. All of the ideas he’d had when he looked to the near and far future had Falk at his side.
“We haven’t talked about it,” Ren said slowly. “But we haven’t even spent a cycle together yet. I feel like most couples do that first to see if you’re… compatible?”
“You can lay together before that, you know,” Des pointed out.
Ren had also considered that—he didn’t know if he really wanted Falk for the first time when the two of them were taken over by their wolf sides, when they wouldn’t be completely in control of what was happening.
He didn’t want their first time to be in the throes of their heat and rut and be something they would barely even remember or think about as they took each other.
But he had assumed Falk, with how quiet in his affection he was, would want to wait for their cycles to align.
“We haven’t talked about it,” Ren repeated with a huff.
“Have you two truly not done anything together?” Flory asked, peeking an eye open to look over at Ren. “Falk seems the type to want?—”
“Yes,” Ren interrupted, his face flushing red. “Of course we’ve done stuff, just not… that.”
“Awe,” Des cooed. “You’re so cute and shy about it. You really are a virgin, aren’t you?”
Ren froze, staring at Des blankly for a moment before smiling sheepishly and shaking his head. “Not really.”
“What do you mean?” Flory asked. “Did you have someone when you lived up on the cliffs?”
“Not exactly,” Ren hummed, his pulse thrumming quicker in his throat as he swallowed. “I… I was raped before I came here,” he said slowly. Both Des and Flory sat up straighter. “That’s… why I did what I did—that’s why I killed those Alphas.”
“What?” Des gasped.
“How did you not know that?” Flory snapped, shoving Des’s shoulder. “You literally helped the Warriors with him when he was in prison!”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t given any details,” Des argued. “And you’re mates with the captain who arrested Ren!”
“Mont can’t tell me anything,” Flory huffed.
“It’s okay,” Ren put his hands up, trying to placate the two of them; they were always butting heads.
Ren was shocked they hadn’t ripped each other’s faces off in the time they’ve been friends.
“I… I obviously don’t talk about it and only Falk and Dr. Bram really know any details.
But that was why I was in the infirmary for a while even when I was a prisoner—I”—Ren licked his lips quickly, feeling his mouth dry out all at once—“I miscarried while I was there?—”
“What?” Flory and Des said at once—one angry and one horrified.
“I guess it was the stress?” Ren said helplessly. “I don’t know. I didn’t want it though, I didn’t?—”
“Well, of course you wouldn’t have wanted it. Why would you want a pup from an Alpha like that?” Flory said, her voice raised with her slight frustration. “They should have been able to give you something though. You should have told them so they could have gotten rid of?—”
“I didn’t tell them,” Ren said quickly. “I didn’t tell anyone until after it happened.
” He took a breath before admitting what he had told Dr. Bram a few months ago, “I didn’t even really let myself know it.
” His eyes flickered between the two of them, hating the pity present on their faces.
But Dr. Bram said he had to learn to let people feel bad for him—to let people feel sympathy toward him and learn how to accept it wasn’t always pity, sometimes they truly felt sad for him.
“I didn’t want to deal with it, so my mind just…
decided it didn’t happen,” Ren said, voice quiet.
“I’m sorry, Ren. I really didn’t know,” Des murmured.
“How would you know?” Ren shrugged. “I don’t really tell you guys anything.”
“Well, just know you can,” Flory said, her voice stern as she turned her narrowed gaze on Ren. “We’re your friends, Ren.” Sometimes, Ren still didn’t believe anyone would willingly want to be around him.
Yet here Flory and Des were.
And yet, Falk stayed by his side.
“Yeah, I know,” Ren hummed.
Luckily, they didn’t have to sit for too long in the now awkward atmosphere where Des was desperately trying to make things not so tense with his rambling stories and discussions about the weather. Ren saw the patrol from far away, their horses moving at a leisurely trot.
He grinned when he spotted them, getting to his feet and heading over to the barn. Flory was at his heels a moment later, and he was sure Des had gotten up to follow them as well.
“How was the patrol?” Flory called to them, a teasing lilt to her voice.