Chapter 15 #2
He let himself touch Falk more than he had previously when they kissed, tracing over his chest and squeezing at his arms and sides, wanting to feel his muscles under his palms. Falk kept his hands on Ren’s hips rather than letting them wander, which he was grateful for.
Falk let him lead the kiss this time, not trying to press too much, and letting Ren’s tongue slide into his mouth. Ren tilted his head to one side to deepen the kiss, coaxing Falk’s tongue to move against his own.
Ren froze when Falk shifted beneath him, letting something hard press against the juncture between his ass and his thigh.
Ren reeled back, making Falk groan. “I’m sorry,” Falk said quickly. “I can’t?—”
Ren knew this was bound to happen, but he hated how his body so quickly fell into a fight or flight response Dr. Bram always mentioned.
When it came to his anxiety, it was a constant weight on his shoulders.
Ren swallowed hard, shoving it down and trying to take a few breaths like the doctor had shown him.
“It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s… it’s okay, I know you can’t?—”
“We can stop,” Falk said. “Or you can get off my lap so you can ignore it, or?—”
“No.” Ren shook his head. “I said it’s okay.”
“Ren, wait, you don’t?—”
Ren gave Falk a look that had him shutting up. He slid down until he was seated in between Falk’s legs. He stared at the obvious bulge in Falk’s pants and swallowed again. “Can I touch you?” he asked.
“You really don’t need to?—”
“I want to,” Ren said, voice stern enough to show the sincerity of his words.
“Do you actually want to or do you feel like you should want to?”
Ren paused, folding the question over in his head a few times before he nodded, “I want to.”
“Then, okay. You can touch me,” Falk murmured.
Ren didn’t let himself hesitate before pulling down Falk’s pants and undershorts. He didn’t let himself look before he wrapped his hand around Falk’s cock, making Falk hiss.
“Slow down,” Falk said, sitting up a bit more. “You don’t need to rush.”
Ren ran his hand from the base of Falk’s dick to the top, twisting his hand over the head and making Falk groan. Ren’s lips quirked up at the sound, a rush of excitement coursing through him.
He pulled his hand away for a moment, spitting in it before reaching out again. He didn’t miss the way Falk’s eyes widened before they were squeezing shut again as Ren pumped his length several times, falling into an easy rhythm he normally used on himself.
The little sounds that fell from Falk’s lips, the way his breath hitched when Ren twisted his hand a certain way, the groans he was obviously trying to hold back all went directly to Ren’s head.
He thought he might already be addicted to them, watching Falk’s face change as Ren brought him pleasure.
Ren smiled to himself as he sped up his motions and felt Falk’s hips cant upwards, his cock twitching in Ren’s fist.
“Gods, Ren,” Falk murmured, forcing his eyes open to see Ren’s hand run over him again and again. “I’m going to cum.”
“I hope you would, yes,” Ren hummed, biting his lip in concentration.
Ren jolted slightly in surprise when Falk groaned loudly, cumming over his hand only a moment later. He almost pulled away entirely, but knew exactly how awful it would feel, so kept his hand tight around Falk’s cock and tugged him through his orgasm.
“Gods, Ren,” Falk repeated, chest heaving.
Ren’s hand paused before pulling back entirely. He glanced all around the room, wondering what to do about his hand, but before he could get up, Falk grabbed him and dragged him down into a kiss which Ren deepened.
When Ren was properly kissed breathless, Falk grinned as he pulled back and pecked him once, twice, three times on his cheeks. “Thank you,” Falk murmured.
“You don’t have to thank me,” Ren giggled. “I told you I wanted to.”
“I know,” Falk said, “but I also know how hard that must have been for you—for you to push past that mental barrier you’ve built around sex.” Ren shivered at the word, knowing Falk was right.
Once Ren had properly washed his hands and Falk had trailed after him into the bathroom to wipe himself off, they crawled back into bed and Ren let Falk tug him against his chest. He sighed as he let himself relax against Falk, feeling warm and content with another wall coming down between them.
“Ren?”
“I want us to have more trust in each other,” Falk said slowly. “I know… I know it’s hard for you to trust people. I know you have a lot of anxiety around relationships with other people. But I want you to know I’m not going to lie to you. You can trust me.”
Ren sat with Falk’s words for a long while, sorting through them and debating what to do with them. “Okay,” he murmured with a nod.
Falk smiled. “Thank you.”
Ren paused for a moment before speaking up again. “But,” he said, “Then I want you to start trusting me more.” Ren licked his lips nervously before continuing. “I know… I haven’t proven I’m very… trustworthy, yet. But when I say something, I need you to believe me. Trust goes both ways.”
Falk was quicker to hum in agreement than Ren was expecting. “Okay,” Falk said, tightening his embrace around Ren and leaning down to press his nose into Ren’s scent gland. “I’ll believe you from now on.”
“Thank you,” Ren murmured. He curled his hands into the fabric on Falk’s back, tugging at the shirt slightly as he exhaled a shuddering breath. He felt dizzy with how he had spoken so honestly. He had never had a single person in his life he felt like he could make such promises to.
“I really do promise,” Ren whispered again, unsure if he said it for Falk or for himself.
Falk kissed his neck and whispered, “I know.”