20. Chapter 20
Chapter twenty
Lauren
As soon as the door shut behind Aiden, Mr. Fitzwilliam gently took my arm and walked me to the closest chair. “Move,” he told the young man at the bistro table, who was clearly on a first date with the woman across from him. The guy jumped up from his chair and the young woman quickly left her seat as well. They both grabbed their drinks and scurried to the back of the store. If they became a couple and got married, one day they’d be telling their children about their crazy first date at Karma.
Mr. Fitzwilliam took a seat across from me. “I didn’t know,” I said again.
“Here,” Rowan said, shoving a glass of water at me.
“I’m fine.” It would have sounded more convincing if my voice hadn’t cracked on the second word. I took a sip of water and tried to center myself. “I’m fine,” I said with more conviction. “Can you please help the people in line? They’ve been waiting.”
Rowan’s eyes widened like she’d completely forgotten about the customers staring at us. “Of course,” she called out as she ran back to the counter.
Mr. Fitzwilliam reached across the table and wrapped his weathered hand around mine. “Brandi didn’t know either.”
“Max?”
He nodded and my stomach dropped. For a terrible moment, I thought I might throw up the small sip of water I’d drunk onto him.
“I’m not telling you to make you worry, but to explain why that young man got so heated. I’m assuming he knows Brandi and Max?”
“He does,” I said, thinking back to all the times he slid her a twenty when she waited on our group at the bar where she worked. “Now that I think about it, Brandi probably went to school with one of his sisters. His name is Aiden O’Malley.”
“Ah, yes,” Mr. Fitzwilliam said. “That explains it. Kayleigh is my daughter-in-law’s best friend. She’s one of the only people outside our family Brandi trusts to babysit Max.”
“Should I call my doctor?” I asked as an overwhelming panic made my breath come in spurts.
“If it’d make you feel better, why not? There’s no sense making yourself sick with worry.” He squeezed my hand. “Congenital toxoplasmosis is rare, and Max’s case is more severe than most. The Karma cats stay indoors, so that lowers the chances quite a bit. But you should listen to Aiden and have someone else handle the litter for you.”
I pulled my hand from Mr. Fitzwilliam and forced a smile on my face. “Thank you. I think I might go upstairs and lie down now.”
He shoved back from the table at the same time I did. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked past the line, which had thankfully shortened during our brief conversation. “I’m going to lie down,” I told Rowan. She nodded and continued adding whipped cream to a drink in a to-go cup.
Desdemona meowed the second I stepped into the back and hopped toward me on her three legs. I froze. Could I still pet my cats? “Sorry. I need to check first,” I said, rushing past her into my office. I shut the door, one of the only ones in the entire building without a cat entrance and woke up my computer.
After reading enough about toxoplasmosis that I had to heave into the wastebasket under my desk, I came to two conclusions:
First, I could do everything I usually did for my cats except change their litter.
Second, the universe had confirmed I was never meant to be a mother.
The doctor gave me that packet of information for a reason, and I was too clueless or selfish to learn what I needed to know to protect the baby. A good mother would have taken the time to read a few sheets of paper.
After a quick call to my doctor’s office, who did their best to calm me down, I exited out of all the terrifying toxoplasmosis articles and searched for adoption agencies in Virginia. I clicked through the different sites, my stomach knotting. I knew Aiden had rights. However, just because he was eager to be a dad didn’t mean he was ready. Yes, he apparently knew more about pregnancy than I did. Yes, he had a large family to support him. But Aiden didn’t have it all together. I knew it. And I think deep down, he knew it too. Losing Logan and his dreams had scarred Aiden for life. He was quick-tempered and brash, two qualities that could terrify a child.
I should know. Mom had dated a couple of hotheads like Aiden. One had tossed me across the room into a wall because I hid the remote right before the Super Bowl. Another shouted to the entire neighborhood that I’d wet my bed again and asked if anyone had diapers for ten-year-olds. I knew comparing Aiden to either of these men wasn’t fair, but parenthood had a way of widening the cracks in someone’s personality.
He wasn’t a bad person. Which was why I might have a chance to convince him to do the best thing for our child. I clicked around until I found an agency I liked and created an account. Once I logged into the private portion of the site, I had access to video clips of prospective parents.
There was so much hope in everyone’s videos, so much love waiting to be shared. I stopped wiping the tears from my face and allowed myself to cry freely as I clicked and watched, clicked and watched. And then I found them. The perfect family.
They had already adopted one child and wanted another to give their son a sibling. Some people might think it’d be wrong to give parents another baby when so many childless couples were waiting for their first. Perhaps that was true, but it also meant they’d already proven themselves as parents. The joy on their son’s face confirmed it. The way they interacted with him in the video made my heart ache. They were the exact type of parents I’d watched with envy my entire life. Kind, connected, and stable, the love between the three of them blazingly obvious. Not to mention they lived in Northern Virgínia and had asked for a closed adoption. I’d never have to see the baby again.
I placed my hand on my stomach. What I’d told Cammie was true. I’d experienced the pain of seeing a parent I couldn’t live with. The few times I’d visited Mom while in foster care had been some of the most hurtful and confusing hours of my life. And selfishly, I knew I couldn’t bear to see my child being raised by someone else. Which was why I absolutely had to convince Aiden to place the baby up for a closed adoption.