27. Chapter 27
Chapter twenty-seven
Lauren
I frowned at my reflection in the tiny mirror above the bathroom sink.
I could barely open my swollen eyes, and the tiny slits of white that showed were bloodshot. My nose throbbed red despite layers of concealer and foundation. I didn’t even try to cover the dark circles under my eyes. “Pull it together. You don’t deserve anyone’s sympathy.”
If I walked downstairs looking like this, every regular would fuss and worry while I made their morning beverage. And ask questions. I reached for my phone to text Rowan but stopped. She’d dashed over yesterday to help. She had her own business to run, and I couldn’t take advantage of her kindness. Plus, for the first time in our friendship, I didn’t want to see her.
Somehow, I’d made it through several hours of crying without telling anyone why. I heard Poppy tell everyone the baby was fine or at least was before I lost my shit. That made me panic for a good thirty minutes until Rose arrived with Dr. Evers. He took my blood pressure and checked the baby with a portable ultrasound machine. Rose demanded I settle down like I was a tired toddler throwing a fit before naptime. She sent everyone else from the room, and I cried myself to sleep soon after while she rubbed my back. In the morning, Rose was gone, but I found Poppy asleep on the couch.
I dabbed a layer of powder on my nose, slapped some blush on my pale cheeks, and switched off the bathroom light. Poppy didn’t move at all when I walked past her and out the door. Dido hissed at me from the top of a stack of boxes in the back room, which was already lit despite it being a quarter to five in the morning.
“I deserved that,” I told her, pushing through the door to the café.
Cammie and Wyatt were leaning together, whispering.
“Morning.”
They both spun around with matching shocked expressions.
“What are you doing up?” Cammie said, hurrying to me. “Get back in bed.”
I was about to tell her I was fine, but one look at me confirmed what a crock that was. “I want to be busy.”
Cammie frowned. “Cal gave me the OK to work here until ten since Rowan needed to finish some baking. Between her, Wyatt, Poppy, and me, we have the entire schedule covered today.”
“If you want to help, fine. But you’re leaving before eight, so you don’t mess up Cal’s day, and I don’t want to see you back until after his office closes. I don’t want to see Rowan here at all. She’s done too much for me already. Poppy too. I’m sending her home as soon as she wakes up.”
Cammie let out a huff. “You’re not backing down, are you?”
“Nope,” I said, reaching for an apron.
Cammie and Wyatt had a silent conversation with their eyes, which would have made my morning if I didn’t know it was about me. He dipped his chin once, and she rubbed his arm. He blushed and cleared his throat before walking around the counter to flip the chairs from the tables.
“What was that?” I asked Cammie while she refilled the napkin holders.
She snapped the holder in her hands closed and reached for another. “I’ll tell you if you tell me what happened yesterday.”
“You don’t know?”
I assumed one evening was more than enough time for the news of my cold-hearted bitch move to spread through our friend group.
“Why would I?” Cammie asked, tilting her head.
“I figured Aiden told Cal and he told you.”
Cammie’s hand stilled over the pile of napkins. “I told Cal to check on Aiden. He said Aiden was OK.”
“Thank you.” My eyes burned. At least I could stop worrying about Aiden and focus on getting through today without breaking down in front of customers.
Cammie looked away and fumbled with the napkins. We were both sympathetic criers and had set each other off more times than I could count. I grabbed the milk thermoses for the self-serve station and began filling them. I nearly dropped the two percent when I realized what Cammie hadn’t said. “Aiden didn’t tell Cal what I did?”
Cammie shook her head, but didn’t ask me to explain. We both had secrets and treated our closest friends with a wariness that can only be learned from terrible experience. She wouldn’t pry. Unlike Rowan and Poppy, who had only seen the best of me and wouldn’t understand the dark pieces I hid from them. Cammie put all the napkin holders on a tray and joined Wyatt at the tables. I pulled out my phone and texted Rowan that I didn’t need her help today.
She responded immediately with a thumbs up and a question.
Are you OK?
Yes
And because I couldn’t face her after again what I’d done to Aiden, I sent a text I knew would hurt her.
I want space to process. I’ll text you if I need you. Please give me time
OK. Love you
Even through a text message, Rowan could bring me to tears. Instead of answering that I loved her back, I shoved my phone in my apron pocket, wiped the moisture from my eyes, and got to work.
But no matter how many lattes I made or books I sold, I couldn’t push Aiden from my thoughts. As much as I loved the idea of the baby completing the picture-perfect family I’d found, I knew, with a certainty unlike any I’d ever felt, that Aiden and our child would make an incredible family.
He’d seen the ridiculous choice I’d offered him for what it was: a test, one he’d passed with ease. Aiden wasn’t my mom. He would put our child first, always. But what I couldn’t understand was why, despite everything, he was protecting me. He had every right to tell our friends what a terrible person I really was, but he hadn’t.
Each time my thoughts threatened to send me to sob town again, I found something to do. I inventoried every book in the self-help section. I drafted my newsletter and scheduled a month’s worth of social media posts. I made cappuccinos with leaf designs in the foam, dessert lattes with towers of whipped cream in artful swirls, and shot after shot of espresso. By the time story hour rolled around, I could barely drag myself to the rocking chair with a handful of books.
I’d grabbed a few beloved classics since my brain felt too full to snoop the shelves for the latest and greatest releases. I smiled and pushed as much cheer into my voice as possible, but the kids fidgeted and squirmed more than usual. When I ended a book early, no one complained.
Max stayed at my feet, petting Medusa while the other children scampered off to their adult. “Ms. Lauren,” he said, looking up at me with those huge blue eyes, only made bigger by his glasses.
“Yes, Max.”
“I’m sorry you’re sad.”
“I’m fine,” I said, smiling at him. “Why do you think I’m sad?”
He frowned. “I can hear it in your voice. It’s OK. Everyone gets sad sometimes. Even my mommy.”
I glanced over his head to Brandi, who had just come up behind him. She stood completely still like she wanted to hear what he was about to say, so I pretended not to notice her.
“You’re right. Everyone gets sad sometimes.”
Max nodded and gave me a serious look. It felt like I was staring into the face of a wise old man, not a preschooler. “I’m sorry you’re sad, Ms. Lauren. But I’m happy you’re you.”
And I lost it.
Brandi swooped over and let me sob on her shoulder for a good five minutes. No questions asked. She really was the jackpot of moms. I hoped Aiden found someone like her for the baby. Thinking of another woman taking my place in Aiden’s bed and our child’s life made me cry harder because deep down I hoped Aiden would be as celibate as a monk, even if it meant the baby never had a mother. Which basically confirmed what a terrible one I’d be.
“I’m so sorry, Brandi,” I said, wiping my tears and probably snot from the poor woman’s shoulder. Of course, she had on a sleeveless top, so I’d snotted all over her bare skin.
“Mom doesn’t mind,” Max said, still sitting calmly at my feet, petting my blind cat.
“I don’t,” Brandi said.
“You’re an amazing mom,” I blurted out. “And I’m not just saying that because you let me cry on you. You’re patient and attentive but not overprotective. You’re generous with your praise and purposeful with your corrections. You’re like the best mom I’ve ever seen.”
“Thank you,” Brandi said with a small smile that didn’t touch her eyes. She didn’t believe me. Or maybe she did, but the guilt of what happened to Max outweighed any compliments tossed her way by a random barista in the middle of a breakdown.
I took a breath to get myself under control. She needed to understand how serious I was. “You’re an amazing mom,” I said, this time slower.
“My mommy is the best and the prettiest,” Max said, grinning up at her.
Brandi laughed and bent over to kiss Max on the top of the head. She studied me a moment while Max told Medusa goodbye. “I have a feeling you’ll be amazing too,” she said before taking Max’s hand and leading him outside.
The sobfest had left me so drained, I leaned against the counter and took orders at the register while Wyatt filled them. We hit the usual pre-lunch lull, and I decided to take a break.
“I’ll be back in fifteen.”
“Before you go,” Wyatt said, shifting from one foot to the other. “Cammie said you hadn’t interviewed anyone in a while.”
So this was the conversation Cammie was having with Wyatt. I’d hoped he finally convinced her to go on a date with him. Wishful thinking. Of course, they were just worried about shift coverage.
I shrugged. “I’ve been too sick. But you’re right, I’ll post an ad online.”
“I noticed you haven’t put a help wanted sign in the window or added a listing to the job board in the career center. I could do that if you want. Cammie was a regular before she worked here, right?”
“She was, but I asked her directly. I don’t want to turn down a regular customer if they’re a bad fit for the job.”
He nodded, grabbed a towel, and started wiping the counter. The muscles in his jaw ticked like he was fighting to keep his mouth closed.
“Whatever you’re thinking, just say it.”
He spoke without turning to face me, his hands gripping the counter. “I know what a privilege it was to be someone you trusted. Even more so because you didn’t know me before you hired me. I almost didn’t take Aiden’s job offer. Not because I didn’t enjoy the work or need the insurance, but because I worried you’d hate me for leaving. Cut me out of your life. And my instincts were spot on. If you didn’t need me so much, I doubt you’d still speak to me at all. And now it’s like you’re afraid to hire someone else because of how much trust you lost with me.”
“Hey,” I said, placing my hand on his shoulder. “What makes you think I wouldn’t have spoken to you again?”
He turned to face me, and the hurt in his eyes made my chest ache. He pulled his phone from his pocket, unlocked it, and handed it to me with the text thread between us open.
There were the usual exchanges about shift times and updates from him about how the café was doing when I was too sick to work. “I don’t understand.”
“Scroll back,” he said, softly. “To before I gave my notice.”
I did as he asked, and my stomach knotted. I’d texted him more in the two days prior to him quitting than I had in all the days after. Gone were the witty exchanges about his crush on Cammie or the Karma cats’ antics. I scrolled back down to the more recent texts and saw that he’d tried to start similar conversations that I’d ignored. “Don’t read anything into it,” I said, handing his phone back. “You know how sick I’ve been.”
He nodded and shoved his phone in his pocket, but I could tell he didn’t believe me.
“I’m going to take a break before the lunch rush,” I said. “Let me know when you need me up front.”
“Yeah, sure,” he said, wiping the counter he’d already cleaned.
I hurried back to my office, scaring Dido on the way. She hissed at me and resumed licking herself. I yanked my phone from my pocket and opened one text thread after another. I had been sick. So sick. Of course I wasn’t sending funny videos and interesting news articles at the same rate as before. But I was texting everyone, except Wyatt.
He was right. He’d gone from someone I treated like family to someone who barely warranted a reply. What’s worse, I hadn’t even noticed.
I shuffled around the desk and looked at the time sheets I’d forced Rowan and Poppy to fill out. Not only had I avoided texting Wyatt, I’d avoided working with him. Rowan, Poppy, or Cammie had covered nearly every shift he worked. I’d seen him as little as possible since he gave his notice because it hurt. Plain and simple. If I couldn’t handle seeing Wyatt, how would I ever manage seeing Aiden and the baby around town?
I wouldn’t.
I sat with the thought, letting the brutal truth seep in. I had to leave Peace Falls. But even as I started a list of everything I needed to do, I knew I’d be leaving my heart in this small mountain town.