28. Chapter 28
Chapter twenty-eight
Aiden
It’d been over a week since I’d seen Lauren. I’d avoided Karma and town in general. I spent my evenings working on the house, sometimes with Cal or Theo, sometimes with both, sometimes alone. It took a lot to get those two to give me the solitude I craved, but as days passed without me tearing apart my bathroom, they slowly gave me space.
Space I needed to talk with Logan. Crazy as it sounds, he was the only person I wanted to know how heartbroken I was. And fuck was I heartbroken. My chest ached. My stomach hurt. I couldn’t even sleep in my bed because it reminded me too much of her, so I’d camped out in the tree house every night, talking to Logan. Which really meant talking out the situation to myself, hoping he could somehow hear me. And every time I pondered ways to keep Lauren and the baby in my life, I came to the same conclusion: Nothing I said or did would ever be enough. Which made me so pissed I would have torn my house apart by now, if I didn’t think Cal and Theo would be on my ass 24/7 after, or worse, tell my sisters.
I tried to focus on the baby and forget the woman who carried it and my heart. I might have slipped and told Cal and Theo that Lauren was the love of my life, but anytime they tried to talk about her, I changed the subject until they finally gave up. I still received regular texts from Cammie and Wyatt, but only about the pregnancy. Rowan had been strangely quiet, but I’d chalked it up to her loyalty to her best friend, until Cal told me otherwise.
“Lauren is avoiding Rowan,” he said, as he helped me fit a piece of drywall. He’d purposefully waited until we were crammed in the upstairs half bath together with a literal wall preventing my escape. “Any idea why?”
“I’m the last person who’d know,” I said, driving in the first screw. I wanted the board secured as fast as possible if Cal planned to stay on the subject.
“It’s odd,” he said. “Especially with Rowan’s surgery coming up.”
“How’s she doing?” I asked, both because I wanted to know and figured it was the fastest exit from the current topic.
“She’s scared,” he said, his voice tense. “She won’t admit it, but she hasn’t been sleeping well. And she’s been baking like crazy. More than what she needs for Red Blossoms. She’s delivered cookies and brownies to everyone on our street, and she’s baking cupcakes for Theo’s neighbors now. We’re both ready for the surgery to be over.”
I wanted to tell him it would be fine, but what did I know? “The surgery still scheduled for Tuesday morning?”
He nodded.
“I’ll be there,” I said before driving in another screw.
“I know I should tell you not to come since you’ve got enough on your plate, but thanks, A. I’m already a wreck just thinking about it.”
“Understandable,” I said.
We finished securing the board and went into the hallway to grab the next. I glanced in the nursery and nudged Cal to look inside. Theo stood in the middle of the room, staring at a blank wall.
“Thought you were working in the kitchen with the other guys?” Cal said.
Theo turned, looking slightly dazed. “I want to paint a mural there,” he said, pointing to the wall.
Theo was an incredible artist, so I had no problem giving him any wall he wanted in my house. “That’d be great.”
“Are you going to find out what you’re having?” he asked, turning back to the wall.
“Probably not,” I said, trying to keep the disappointment from my voice. I doubt Lauren would want to find out at the twenty-week ultrasound, and even if she did, it wasn’t likely she’d tell me.
“Doesn’t matter, really,” Theo said. “I was thinking of a jungle theme.”
“Like lions and monkeys,” Cal said.
Theo shook his head. “No, like in St. John.”
“The view from the house?” I asked, my stomach sinking. I didn’t think I could handle having that on my wall, but Theo seemed really invested in whatever he was imagining.
“The Bay Reef Trail.”
The trail I didn’t hike with them. The one part of the island that wouldn’t remind me of Lauren. Sure, it would remind me of Logan, but I didn’t mind. I wanted my kid to know about him.
“That sounds amazing,” I said.
Theo smiled at me. “I hate to leave your guys down a man, but I want to get this idea on paper. It flashed in my head while I was carrying a sink, of all things.”
“Cal and I can help them.”
Theo took off down the stairs. I knew he kept a sketch pad and pencils in his truck for moments like these.
Cal chuckled. “That baby is going to have an epic room.”
“Good,” I said, leading the way downstairs. I planned to go a little overboard wherever I could. Not that murals or luxury bath fixtures could make up for not having a mother. But my kid would know each and every day how much they’re wanted and loved.
“Checking up on us, Boss?” Sam asked when we entered the kitchen.
The guys had made impressive progress in one morning. Sam was a perfectionist, so I knew every tile had been laid with precision, every cabinet hung exactly. My entire crew had volunteered again to help me on our day off. I had them working six days a week, from sunup to sundown. They needed the rest, but everyone showed up at my house this morning ready to work—for free. Like I’d ever let that happen. They were all getting fat bonuses in their next paycheck.
“These are nice,” Cal said, looking at the cabinets. “They aren’t what I’d expect from you, but I like them.”
That’s because they were a blend of what Lauren and I liked. Whitewashed beechwood cabinets. A little rough, a little sophisticated, combined to make something warm and inviting.
I’d chosen white granite with the most subtle gray veins I could find. Antique copper fixtures that looked time-worn. I’d incorporated a few blue and copper tiles in the otherwise plain backsplash. It’d required the guys to hand lay each tile, but it looked fantastic.
“We definitely need to add this one to the website,” Sam said, gripping my shoulder.
“It looks better than I imagined,” I said.
“Wow,” a woman exclaimed behind me.
We all turned, and I didn’t miss the appreciative look Sam shot Everly. She was in a pair of cut-off jean shorts, a tank top, and my extra work boots. “Theo made me put these on before I came inside,” she said, pointing to her feet.
I elbowed Sam in the stomach. “Eyes on her face.”
Sam winked at Everly before returning his attention to the backsplash. Guy had some balls.
“Hey, Everly,” Cal said. “You here to work too?”
“Oh no,” she said, holding up her hands. “I just need to talk to Aiden a minute.”
“Back in five, guys,” I said before blocking Sam’s view of Everly’s ass as she turned and headed for the dining room.
Everly ran her hand along my new table and smiled. “Everything is really coming together. I can’t wait for that dinner invite.”
“Just because I have a table and half a working kitchen doesn’t mean I can cook.”
She shrugged. “You’ll learn. You always could when you put your mind to something.”
Shit. I’d given Everly the perfect opening to bust my balls, and she’d gone sweet instead of sassy. “What’s up, Ev?”
We stepped aside as two of my guys walked through carrying wood for the built-in bench in the kitchen. Hammers thudded throughout the house where other projects were being done.
“Is there somewhere quiet we can go?”
The knot in my stomach tightened. “Not in here. We can go outside.”
She glanced out the window and frowned. “You might want some privacy for this.”
Fuck that wasn’t good. I wasn’t fighting any town ordinances at the moment, which meant she probably had something to tell me about Lauren and the baby. “Follow me.”
I led her outside, past two more of my guys cutting a board with a table saw, and across the dirt road separating my yard from Old Man Crawford’s place, which was technically my yard now too. The grass was high on either side of the path that I’d mowed through the field to the tree house. In a couple of weeks, a woman who ran a rescue farm for horses would bring a baler to make hay. She got free food for her animals. I got free mowing.
I kept an eye on Everly as we neared the tree house. We could have sat in my truck or her car if we wanted no one to hear us, but for some reason, I felt pulled to bring her here.
“Oh, Aiden,” she said, placing her hand on her chest when the tree house came into view. “It’s perfect.”
“You think he’d like it?” I asked, suddenly nervous that I hadn’t honored Logan the way he’d have wanted. “It’s not too childish?”
Everly straight-up punched my arm. “You know he would have loved it. Why are you doubting yourself?”
I rubbed my bicep, more for effect than to ease any damage she’d caused. “I guess my ego has taken a couple hits lately.”
“Is it safe to go inside?”
Yep. She knew something about Lauren and the baby. Otherwise, Everly would have taken my statement as an invitation to talk about my feelings, something I gave into occasionally with my sisters, adopted or otherwise. “Solid as a rock. Or as solid as any tree house can be.”
She rushed to the ladder and scaled it to the deck above. I had a flash of her doing the same thing when she was little, Logan following her closely so he could catch her if her foot slipped.
I climbed up slowly, giving Everly a few moments alone. She’d already taken a seat on the couch, a look of awe on her face. Thank God she wasn’t bawling her eyes out. I was anxious to know what she had to tell me, but no way would I have rushed her if she’d gotten overwhelmed.
“What do you think?” I asked, taking a seat beside her.
“It’s amazing,” she said, smiling at me. “You’re going to have so much fun here with your nieces and nephews and your own children.”
Her face grew serious and my heart stopped. “You’re killing me, Ev.”
“It’s not bad,” she said, taking my hand. “Actually, it’s the best-case scenario for you, legally.”
“Spit it out, Everly, before I hurl off the deck.”
“Lauren called this morning. She asked me to put together whatever paperwork we need to relinquish her parental rights to you.”
I nodded.
She blew out a breath and let go of my hand. “I was afraid you didn’t know about it, and I had to drop the bomb on you.”
“I didn’t know she called you, but I knew she didn’t want to be a mom.”
“I told her there wasn’t anything we could file or sign before the baby was born except a Voluntary Acknowledgement of Paternity. We could file it at the hospital, but doing it ahead of time ensures your name is on the birth certificate.”
“I’ll sign anything you need.”
She nodded and narrowed her eyes at me. “The entire family is pissed, by the way, that you haven’t officially told them. Your mom heard about the baby in the cereal aisle of the grocery store.”
“She never called and asked me.”
“Because she figured there was a reason you hadn’t told her.”
“Can you blame me?”
Everly bit her bottom lip and shook her head. “But you might want to stop by this afternoon so we can explain the situation with Lauren. The longer you let them stew, the worse it’ll be.”
I could only imagine what my sisters would say the next time they went to Karma if they knew the whole story. “I can’t. They’ll hate Lauren.”
Everly shrugged. “Let them. Better than them being pissed at you.”
“I’ll think of a way to tell them that doesn’t make her look bad and talk to them next week.”
“You care about her,” Everly said, softly.
“You know what an idiot I can be.” Because only a fool would pine for a woman who didn’t want to be loved.
Everly gripped her knees and looked out the window facing the old barn. Was she thinking about Logan, like I did every time I saw the rotting wood? Probably not. She hadn’t been at the party where Logan spent his last hours partying with me, Theo, and Cal. He didn’t die here, so to Everly, this place was just the spot where I’d built her brother’s memorial.
I wanted to smack my forehead. Of course, she was thinking of Logan. We were sitting in his memorial tree house.
“Can I be honest?” she asked after a few moments.
“Are you ever not?” I said, nudging her shoulder.
She pressed her lips in a line and turned to me. “Are you sure you’re ready to—”
“What the hell, Ev.” Anger boiled in my chest, making my vision narrow. “I can’t believe you’d ask me that. Yes, I’m ready to be a dad. It scares the shit out of me how much I love that kid already. I’d cut off my arm for the little lime.”
She looked near tears. “I never doubted it. You’ll be an amazing father.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
She blew out a breath but didn’t call me on the fact I’d interrupted her before she could explain herself. “Are you sure you’re ready to let Lauren go? Because even if she doesn’t want to be a mom, I don’t see how she could stay in Peace Falls while you’re raising the baby here.”
My heart ached so bad, I rubbed my thumb across my chest. Deep down, I knew Everly was right. I loved Lauren, and the thought of never holding her again, never seeing her again, made me so angry I wanted to burn my life to the ground. But I couldn’t. Because if all went well, she’d give me someone I could love unconditionally, a life-changing love. So it didn’t matter what I felt for her, or whatever decisions she made after the baby was born, I had to move on. “I can’t make her want me. Or the baby. I don’t have a choice but to let her go.”
She nodded. “And you think you can do that?”
“Like I said, I don’t have a choice.”
She started picking at a loose string on the cushion beside her. “You didn’t have a choice with Logan either, but you’re still holding onto him, to the grief, the guilt. You’ve helped Cal and Theo let go of the past enough to move forward, but you haven’t been able to do the same.”
“I’m trying,” I said, rubbing my forehead. “All that work in the house. That’s me trying to build the life I know Logan would want me to have, the home my child deserves.”
She pulled her legs into her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “You’re still angry,” she said, staring at the barn again. “Angry he’s gone. Angry at yourself for the role you think you played in his death. I can feel it.”
“Yes,” I answered honestly. “Logan would be alive today if it wasn’t for me. That’s something I’ll carry the rest of my life.”
“He’d hate that,” she said, looking back at me, her eyes blazing. She resembled Logan so much it sometimes took my breath away.
“Logan wasn’t capable of hating anything.”
She shook her head. “Logan wasn’t a saint, Aiden. He was as beautifully flawed as the rest of us. He got impatient in traffic, made fun of sappy movies, and lost his shit on anything and anyone who hurt the people he loved. How many times did he get into fights on the field because someone fouled you or Cal? He’d have hated what his death has done to Cal, Theo, and especially you.”
I scrubbed my hand down my face. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Everly. Logan and Lauren aren’t the same. I can let her go because that’s what she wants. Logan didn’t have a choice. He was taken from us, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over it. But I can promise you, nothing and no one will get in the way of me being the best father I can.”
“OK,” she said with a small smile. “I’ll tell your sisters and mine to stop worrying, but I doubt anything I say will settle our moms.”
“How much have y’all been gossiping about me?” I asked, fighting a laugh.
“Do you honestly think we’ve talked about anything else, dumbass?”
Now she sounded like Logan too. “Let’s get out of here. There are a dozen guys in my house who probably have questions for me.”
We stood, but instead of leaving, she pulled me into a hug. “I know I just gave you a hard time, but Logan would be proud of you, Aiden. Pissed that you haven’t let him go. But so proud.”
I kissed the top of her head. “Not as proud as he’d be of you.”
She let out the sob I knew she’d been holding since we got here, and I let the guys work without me a while longer until she’d cried enough for us both.