29. Chapter 29
Chapter twenty-nine
Lauren
My heart pounded against the sign pressed to my chest. This was it. Once I put this piece of cardboard in the window, everyone would know. I’d put it off long enough. My real estate agent had been on me for days. I’d chosen someone I didn’t know in Jericho and insisted he didn’t put the listing online until I gave him the green light. Not that I’d change my mind. I just needed time to brace myself for the onslaught of questions. Or worse, silence.
People were nice here, but by now the entire town probably knew about the baby and my lack of maternal interest. Aiden may have kept his mouth shut, but all my friends knew I was pregnant and didn’t want to be a mother, which meant Rose knew, which meant her friends knew, and so on. Deadbeat moms were judged harsher than deadbeat dads. The good people of Peace Falls would probably be relieved to see me go.
I turned the “For Sale” sign to face the street and propped it in the front window. It immediately fell over, scaring Medusa and Desdemona, who were curled together sleeping in the Hot Summer Reads display. I tried propping the sign again, and it fell over again.
I headed for the self-help section, not because I liked irony, but because it was the closest to the front. I was sandwiching the sign between the glass and a motivational text when Aiden’s truck pulled to a stop in front of the café.
He climbed from the driver’s side and walked around to the passenger side but froze when he saw me in the window. By the look on his face, he hadn’t expected to see me, which was understandable at four-fifteen in the morning. His eyes lowered from mine to the sign, then to his boots. His chest moved rapidly, his hands balled at his side.
I was about to open the door and tell him to leave when he ripped open the truck’s passenger door and grabbed a stack of printer paper and ink cartridges from the seat. He set them at my front door and left without sparing me another look.
I waited until his truck pulled away to gather the office supplies from the welcome mat. All this time, he’d been the one making donations to the career center. I’d never limited the number of pages people could print for free, yet I’d never once had to shell out money for supplies. Because he had.
I never questioned why the paper never ran out or how the exact cartridges arrived exactly when I needed them. I received thanks every day from people who used the printer. Gratitude I didn’t deserve since all this time his quiet generosity had kept the center running.
I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry. I should be happy. Yet again, Aiden had proved himself to be a good man. I should be relieved, knowing my child would be guided by someone who did things for others without expecting anything in the return. Heck, he’d gone out of his way to prevent anyone from knowing. Until recently, he’d been a regular. He could have dropped off supplies when he came in for his coffee.
But would I have accepted them? The part of me that worked so hard to be kind might have. But the part of me that bantered with Aiden, that pushed him away whenever he got too close, that woman would have thrown reams of paper in his face.
I took a steadying breath. It no longer mattered. Someone else would own Karma soon. The career center could be nonexistent by the time the baby arrived. At least Cammie and Wyatt already had full-time jobs elsewhere. I’m sure anyone in town would be happy to hire them for part-time work if the new owner didn’t keep them on.
I expected a flood of calls and texts as soon as Wyatt saw the sign and the note I’d left on the counter, so I quickly grabbed a blanket and a few books and set off to spend the morning anywhere but Karma.
As expected, my phone started blowing up with calls from Wyatt just as I pulled into the lot at the Sawtooth Ridge trailhead. Rowan and Cammie started calling and texting soon after. I put my phone on silent, but I didn’t turn it off since I needed the flashlight as I picked my way down the quarter-mile path to the first outlook.
Reason 1,002 why I shouldn’t be a mother: Thinking it was a good idea to stumble through the dark woods predawn while pregnant with only a cell phone, a blanket, and my car keys to protect me from predators, animal or human. Not my best idea.
I hated hiking, but even I could appreciate the beauty of the mountains that surrounded Peace Falls. I wouldn’t have many more opportunities to enjoy them and felt compelled to watch the sunrise from the ridge. Not to mention, none of my friends would think to look for me on a trail. I pushed down all thoughts of the life I was leaving behind and focused on my next step on the uneven path. When I reached the first overlook, I shone my phone around a large rock, hoping to scare away any slithering things before I plopped down on the blanket and waited for the sun to rise.
I put my hand on my tiny bump as the sky sparked red, then orange, before easing to soft swirls of pink. “You’ll love living here,” I said. “It doesn’t matter what season, it’s always beautiful. And you’ll have so many people who love you. You already do.”
Tears stung the corners of my eyes, but I blinked them back. “I hope you know I’m one of them. It might not seem like it, but I’m letting you go because I love you so much. I know you’ll be ok because your dad—” The words stuck in my throat, but I swallowed and pushed down the sadness clawing me inside. “Your dad will know how to be a good dad because he has a good family. The kind who like each other enough to spend time together beyond Thanksgiving and Christmas. The kind of family you can count on, always. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you that.”
The sun burned across the ridge, illuminating the forest behind me. It’d be blinding soon. I thought of turning my back to it, but even with the blanket, the rock wasn’t the most comfortable place to sit. I waited long enough for the light to reach the path before I headed back.
I planned to spread out on the soft grass in a park in Jericho and read for the rest of the day. I knew I couldn’t avoid my friends forever. I also knew they’d worry if I didn’t at least send proof of life. I had no less than twenty text messages when I arrived at the car. I wanted to ignore them all, but just as I was typing a group text to my friends, a message came in from Poppy.
I can’t believe you pulled this shit the day before Rowan’s surgery
“ What?“ There’s no way I’d been that selfish, right? I checked the date on my phone and sure enough, it was the day before my best friend’s spinal operation. It’s official. I was a terrible person.
Please tell her I’m OK and not to worry
Tell her yourself. In person. Like a decent friend