30. Chapter 30
Chapter thirty
Aiden
I’d never seen Cal so nervous. Not before our state championship game and not before his wedding. He stayed with Rowan until they rolled her to the operating room, then settled in the waiting area with the rest of us.
Settled wasn’t the right word. He’d had his head in his hands, gripping his hair for the past ten minutes. Not that anyone looked relaxed. Theo held Poppy’s hand while she bounced her knee and stared at a blank wall. Chris paced the room with Rose, shooting nervous looks at Poppy, Cal, and the door where nurses and doctors popped in and out to update other families.
I’d googled Rowan’s surgery—artificial disc replacement—and knew we had at least a couple hours to go. Way too long to leave Cal alone with his thoughts. I might be a dick for thinking it, but I was relieved to have something to distract me from the storm in my head.
When I saw Lauren with the “For Sale” sign yesterday, something in me broke. Until then, I’d held out hope she’d come around and realize how much she wanted the baby, and, OK, me. So I did what any man hopelessly in love with a flight risk would do. I put an offer in on the building. One she couldn’t refuse. Why? Because if I owned Karma, she could always change her mind and come back to me. I hadn’t heard a peep. The offer expired tonight at midnight, and I hadn’t received a single call or text from her real estate agent. I didn’t know how to read the silence.
I still hadn’t decided if I wanted to see Lauren if she joined us at the hospital. I felt raw, like my body had been scraped down to the nerves. Focusing on Cal had helped. I needed to keep myself distracted, which come to think of it, was exactly what Cal needed too.
“I sued your parents,” I said.
He lifted his head from his hands and stared at me.
“And Theo’s.”
By now, I had everyone’s attention. After Poppy texted me to confess her slip up yesterday, I figured I had to come clean. Telling them both now was either an asshole move or an act of kindness. “I had a ton of medical bills after the accident that my parents couldn’t afford.”
“Aiden—” Cal started.
I held up my hand to stop him. “The suit was for more than the medical bills though. I ended up getting enough to start my business, so everything I have now was built on money I took from your parents.”
“Their car insurance,” Cal said. “Not them.”
Theo nodded.
They didn’t look surprised. If anything, they seemed confused. “Did you know?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Cal said with a shrug, like his best friend sued his parents every day.
“We both had to give depositions,” Theo added.
“Your parents left right after the case settled,” I said to Theo.
His eyes widened. He unfolded his long frame from his chair and crossed the narrow waiting room to me. “You think they left because of that?”
“I think it was the nail in the coffin, yeah.”
Theo rubbed his forehead and blew out a breath. “Damn it, Aiden. Please tell me you haven’t been feeling guilty this whole time?”
I squirmed on the plastic chair next to Cal, who for the record, was no longer yanking out his hair. Now he was looking at me like I’d said the stupidest thing he’d ever heard.
“Told you they wouldn’t care,” Poppy said.
“You knew about this?” Theo asked her.
Great. Now I’d started a fight between Theo and Hell Cat. “I made her swear not to tell either of you. She only found out when I bought the bakery building.”
“You bought the whole building?” Cal asked. “Didn’t you buy Theo’s house around the same time?”
I shrugged.
“He’s loaded,” Poppy said. “He also paid a lot more for that villa in St. John than he led everyone to believe and a bunch of other stuff.”
“And all of that was because of the money I took from their parents,” I said to Poppy.
“Their insurance,” Cal and Theo said at the same time.
Rose stopped pacing and started shaking her finger in my face. “Aiden O’Malley, any money you received paled in comparison to what you lost. The fact you used it to build a life for yourself shouldn’t make you feel an ounce of guilt. Not a smidge.”
“Yes ma’am,” I said because I sure as hell wasn’t going toe to toe with Rose. Not when her daughter was in surgery. Not ever. She’d raised three of my favorite people, mostly on her own. The woman could say just about anything to me, and I’d listen.
“Have you only been friends with us because you felt guilty about the money?” Cal asked without lifting his eyes from the floor.
“What? You’re joking, right?”
“It’s a fair question,” Theo said, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“No,” I said, standing. “That’s—Why would you even think that? I love you idiots like family. The only reason I never mentioned the settlement before was because I thought you’d both hate me.”
“Are they always this dramatic?” Rose asked Chris.
“Most of the time they’re chill, but they have their moments.”
“You’re such an idiot,” Theo said, pulling me into a tight hug.
Cal joined him and the three of us hugged it out right in the middle of the hospital waiting area.
Something crashed in the hallway. When I broke away from the guys, Cammie was guiding Lauren to a nearby chair over a pile of plastic containers on the floor.
“Cal?” Cammie choked out, looking terrified.
He and I both rushed over. I gripped Lauren’s shaking hand right before Poppy shoved Cammie aside to grab the other.
“Rowan’s fine,” she said. “They were in their feelings about something else. She’s OK.”
Lauren burst into tears. “I thought something terrible had happened,” she said. “And I wasn’t here in time to see her before she went back.”
Cal and I exchanged a guilty look before Lauren’s words sank in and he seemed to remember where he was and why. He glanced at the clock on the wall and back at me. “Thanks, brother,” he said, gripping my shoulder. “I needed to get out of my head.”
“Anytime,” I said.
I let go of Lauren and stood with Cal, but she grabbed my hand. She wasn’t in any danger, just upset. I could leave. I should leave. But she’d reached for me, and her hand felt so good in mine. I slid into the seat next to her. Cal, Poppy, and Cammie collected the food containers, which had somehow stayed closed, and carried them deeper into the room where the others sat watching us.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Lauren while she worked to regain her composure. She had on a billowy green dress that hugged her full breasts and fell all the way to her sandal-clad feet. Even with the loose fabric, I could make out the slight bump in her midsection. Stunning didn’t begin to describe how she looked. She’d always been gorgeous, but seeing the changes to her body, knowing she was growing my child, took her beauty to the next level. She’d also worn her hair loose, cascading past her shoulders in gentle waves that begged to be touched.
“Did you put in the offer to buy Karma?” she asked once she was calm.
“I did.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
The rest of the group pretended to search through the food selection, but they were all listening. I might be willing to air my dirty laundry to take Cal’s mind off Rowan, but not Lauren’s. I squeezed her hand and lifted my chin towards the group.
“They know everything,” she said. Doubt that. When I still didn’t say anything, she studied my hand, running her graceful fingers across every callous, like she was memorizing each one.
“I never told them,” I said, my heart thudding hard in my chest.
“I did. Everything. Even the choice I gave you.”
“That wasn’t a choice.”
“You’re right,” she said, running her fingers along a groove on my palm. My body reacted to her touch, and I hated myself for still being drawn to a woman who didn’t want me the same way I wanted her. “Why did you offer to buy Karma?”
At the rate my heart was going, they’d need to wheel me into the back with Rowan soon. “Because I wanted to give you the option to change your mind.”
“What if I have?” she asked loud enough for the entire room to hear.
Everyone was lined up on the other side of the room, staring at us while they ate. Even the couple who’d been waiting for updates on their son’s tonsillectomy were enjoying French toast sticks and the show. No one had the decency to look away when I caught them watching. “I’d say I’d love to talk about that later.”
“OK,” she said in a voice so small I wanted to wrap my arms around her and pull her onto my lap.
But I couldn’t let my feelings for her get in the way of making the best decisions for my kid. I gave her hand a squeeze, stood, and crossed the waiting room.
“Save any for me?” I asked, eyeing the spread of scrambled eggs, bacon, and French toast sticks. Cammie and Lauren had gone all out, but despite asking the question, my stomach rolled too much to eat.
“Rowan’s going to be so pissed she missed that,” Poppy said before shoving a strip of bacon into her mouth.
“Just so we’re clear,” Theo said, “I’m getting an impartial realtor to value what the house is worth to rent or buy. No more of this ‘construction inconvenience crap,” Aiden. I mean it. You don’t owe me a thing.”
“Fine,” I said, grabbing a plate and dumping a piece of French toast onto it.
“Um, just so we’re clear too, Rowan and I can’t afford higher rent yet,” Poppy said. “But we’ll raise it as soon as we can.”
I blew out a breath and nodded. I didn’t need their money, but they needed to know our friendship wasn’t built entirely on guilt.
Cammie took her plate over to sit with Lauren, and I plopped into the chair she’d left beside Cal. “She came today,” he said so low only I could hear. At least someone in this messy group knew how to whisper. “It’s a start.”
“She came for Rowan,” I whispered back, dropping my plate onto the table beside me and knotting my hands together. I couldn’t look at Lauren without wanting to go to her, so I stared at my hands and did my best to distract Cal until a doctor pushed through the door calling his name.
“It went well,” she said, smiling. “She’s in recovery now. I can take one of you back.”
Rose jumped up and ran toward the door before stopping. “I’m not her one anymore, am I?” she said, turning to face us.
“I’m Rowan’s PT,” Cal said, shooting the doctor a look.
She smiled. “I’ll brief you about the surgery while I escort you both to the back.”
“Hope you don’t have plans this week, Chris,” Poppy said, standing on her tiptoes to loop her arm around her brother’s shoulders. “Mom’s going to need to smother her baby boy with love and affection after that.”
He let out a sigh but nodded.
“Well,” Cammie said in a voice even higher than her usual chirp. “I’m headed out now that we know Rowan’s OK. Anyone want to leave with me, Aiden?”
I guess it made sense I’d go. Cal didn’t need me anymore, and Rowan had a line of people waiting to see her. My crews could certainly use my help. “Yeah, sure.”
“Come on, Lauren,” Cammie said, pulling Lauren from her chair and walking her toward the elevator. “You rode with me.”
“I could give her a—” Theo started before Cammie shot him a death glare. She punched the button for the elevator. When the door slid open, she motioned us in and then waited until the door closed, leaving her in the hallway and us inside the car alone.
“Subtle,” I said, trying not to laugh.
Lauren gave me a small smile but stayed quiet the entire ride down. OK, this was going to be awkward as hell until we addressed how exactly she’d changed her mind.
“Would you give me a ride to Karma?” she asked when we reached the hospital lobby.
“Sure. I need to stop by my house first, so I can change before I head to work. It’s on the way.” My house wasn’t on the way. It wasn’t even a slight detour, but I wanted as much time with her as I could get. Lauren knew the way to Karma as well as I did, but she nodded and followed me to my truck.
I opened the passenger door and held out my hand to help her up. She gripped my fingers and climbed into the passenger seat, only letting go when I did. Part of me wondered how long she would have let me stand by the truck, holding her soft hand in mine, but I was resolved to talk things out before we let things get physical. No sense torturing myself with the feel of her warm fingers curled with mine.
“How have you been feeling?” I asked as I turned out of the parking lot. A nice safe subject. She was pregnant with my kid. She’d been sick. It was the thing to ask. I think. Had she changed her mind about relinquishing her parental rights or having the baby at all? Even with Rowan’s surgery, I assumed the others would have clued me in if the latter were the case. But what if she hadn’t told them?
“OK,” she said, twisting her fingers in the skirt of her dress.
My stomach and lungs felt like they’d knotted together. Doubt that was possible, but it sure felt like it. I physically couldn’t dance around this conversation any longer, but I also couldn’t think of how to ask about the baby. “Has the morning sickness gotten any better now that you’re further into your second trimester?”
She let out a breath, and I glanced from the road long enough to watch her rest her hands on her lap. “OK.”
“OK,” I said. A word had never felt so inadequate.
“How’s the renovation going?”
I didn’t want to talk about tile choices and plumbing. I didn’t care what the house looked like. I just wanted to know if she was still pregnant and planned to stick around.
“Everything should be done by the time the baby arrives.”
“That’s nice.”
“For fuck’s sake,” I said, slapping the steering wheel. “What are we doing, Lauren?”
“I’m trying to work into the conversation,” she said, eyes blazing. “It’s called small talk.”
That’s my girl. I just had to get her good and pissed. “Consider it done.”
“I was trying to apologize to you properly in a way that didn’t sound like it was coming out of left field.”
“Since when have we ever done anything proper?”
“Seriously, Aiden,” she said softly before reaching across the wide cab to rest her hand on my arm. “I’m sorry for so much. I’ve made everything difficult for you.”
I shrugged. “You’re the one throwing up every day. I should apologize to you, but I’m not sorry. I mean, I’m sorry you’re sick. But I’m not sorry for getting you pregnant.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” she said, pulling her hand back and placing it on her stomach. Thank fuck. I fought the urge to reach across the truck and place my hand on her midsection too.
We pulled up to my house, and I shut off the engine before turning to face her. When she didn’t speak or turn to look at me, I figured I had to be the one to get this conversation going. “Tell me how you changed your mind.”
“I still don’t know if I can be a good mother, but I want to try,” she said, her eyes glued to the house. “I want our baby, and I want to explore having a relationship with you. I’m terrified of being a mother, of my feelings for you. But I want to try.”
I scrubbed my hand down my face and blew out a breath. “I’d like to give you all that, but if I’m being honest, I don’t trust you not to bail.”
She nodded and finally turned to look at me. “That’s fair. What do you need from me?”
I need you. I need to wake up every morning tangled with your body. I need to know that my entire heart is safe in you. That you want me and our baby so much, you have zero thoughts of ever leaving. “If we’re doing this, you’re living here.”
“After everything I’ve pulled, you still want me to move in with you?” she asked, her eyes wide.
I shook my head, stabbing my heart in the process. “Not like before. It’s just the only time I don’t worry about the baby is when I’m with you.”
“Oh,” she said in a small voice. “You want to keep an eye on me.”
It would be so easy to tell her the truth. That, yes, I didn’t worry as much when I was with her because I didn’t have to rely on what someone else told me. But also because spending time alone with Lauren gave me a peace unlike any I’d ever felt. “I want to make sure you’re all right.”
“You could install a couple ring cams at Karma.”
This wasn’t going well. Now she thought all I wanted was an incubator for my child. “But then I wouldn’t be with you. And I want to be with you. I just need to take things slow.”
Because I’m so in love with you, and I don’t know if you’ll ever feel the same for me. Because it hurts to be with you, but it hurts more to be without you.
She gave me a sweet smile. “Do you have time to show me what all you’ve done inside?”
“For you, Princess, I have all the time in the world.”