32. Chapter 32
Chapter thirty-two
Aiden
I’d used low-emission paint in Lauren’s room, but a slight chemical scent lingered. I opened all the windows and put a box fan in each, hoping to suck out whatever fumes remained.
“Looks great in here,” Kayleigh said, standing in the doorway with her arms full of the curtains she’d just ironed. “Is the paint dry enough for these?”
“Yeah, I finished up yesterday. I didn’t think it’d still smell. Is it safe for her to sleep here tonight?”
“Absolutely not,” Ciara said, walking into the room after Kayleigh with her own armful of fabric. “She’ll throw up for sure.”
“Yeah, it’s best you wait at least seventy-two hours,” Maddie said, joining the conversation with a stepstool in her hands.
Guess I was sleeping on the new couch tonight. Until I knew Lauren was here to stay, I needed to keep some distance between us. I grabbed the stool from Maddie, placed it by the window facing the front yard, and climbed up. Kayleigh handed me the first curtain.
“Is it safe for her to be in here at all?” I asked while I straightened the fabric. “She wanted Cammie and Wyatt to help her move, and the only night all three of them aren’t working is today. I told her that Theo and I could handle it, but she insisted.”
“Can you blame her?” Fiona asked before taking a huge slurp from the straw in her oversized travel cup. “She’s meeting all of us.”
“You probably shouldn’t be in here either,” I said, glaring at her. “And y’all all know Lauren.”
“Relax, Aiden,” Fiona said, resting her cup on her huge stomach. “I just wanted to see how the room turned out. I’m going back downstairs to organize your kitchen.”
“Well?” I asked, more nervous about my interior design skills than I’d ever been in my life. “How does it look?”
I’d painted the room a soft yellow and picked out navy curtains with a swirly design that reminded me of one of Lauren’s dresses. I looked around and realized the color combo reminded me a little of Theo’s dated bathroom. “Fuck. I should have asked her what color she wanted the walls to be.”
Ciara shrugged. “Probably. Too late now. You can always paint over it later.”
Kayleigh shot her a mom glare. Ciara returned it to her.
“I think it’s gorgeous,” Maddie said, stepping between them. “The white headboard and dresser go great with everything, and the bedspread ties it all together.”
Because Lauren wasn’t moving in. Not really. After she’d confessed how scared she was to leave her apartment, I’d told her to keep all her furniture there and just bring whatever clothes and things she needed. That way, she could nap in the apartment during the day and go back anytime she wanted. I knew it was a necessary compromise. I still hated it.
It didn’t help that her building was still for sale. The day after she told me she wanted more, Sam came across the online listing while searching for flip projects. When he showed me, I assumed her real estate agent was taking his sweet time removing it, but each day the listing remained felt like a stab to the gut.
I’d done everything I could think of to make her room as comfortable as possible, but it was giving guest room vibes. A small, idealistic part of me hoped that’s what it’d become because Lauren and I would end up sharing my room. Even so, the impersonal feel of her current space in my house wasn’t helping ease the gut-twisting fear that she’d bolt and take my heart with her.
“I still don’t understand why she’s sleeping in here,” Ciara said, handing me the next curtain.
“You of all people should know how much bed space you need to get comfortable when you’re pregnant,” Fiona said, rubbing her lower back.
“Out, Fi,” I said, pointing to the door.
“I’m going,” she said, heading down the hall. “Someone has to make sense of your kitchen cabinets.”
“They looked fine to me,” Maddie said with a shrug.
“She’s nesting,” Kayleigh said. “Don’t try to understand. What time are you leaving to help Lauren pack up, Aiden?”
“I’m not,” I said, carrying the stool to the other window and ignoring the looks between my sisters and Maddie. “Wyatt is borrowing Theo’s truck and loading it. They should be here soon.”
“What did you do to that woman?” Ciara asked, putting her hands on her hips. “She doesn’t even want you to help her move in?”
“Knocked her up. Thought that was pretty obvious.”
“Does she even want to live with you?” Kayleigh asked.
“Not really,” I said, fumbling with the curtain rod, so I didn’t have to see their reactions.
“So why would she?” Ciara asked.
“Ladies,” Everly said, busting into the room like an angel of mercy with her arms full of more curtains. “I need to talk to Aiden about a permit issue before Lauren gets here, and Fi could really use your help downstairs.”
By the looks they gave Everly, none of them believed her. They still left us alone.
“Perfect timing.”
Everly smiled. “Figured you’d need reinforcements. How you holding up?” she asked, handing me a curtain.
I blew out a breath. “Honestly, I feel like a piece of shit for making Lauren move in with me.”
“Pretty sure you can’t make that woman do anything,” Everly said, smoothing out the fabric I’d just hung. “But it’s definitely a 180 from terminating her parental rights.”
“Which my family can never know about,” I said in a low voice. “Or about the whole adoption fiasco.”
“No shit,” Everly said, pinning me with a glare.
“I’m sorry, Ev,” I said, climbing down. “I know you’re a professional. I’m just nervous my sisters will grill Lauren when she gets here.”
Everly shrugged. “Of course they will.”
“You’re not making me feel better.”
“Just being realistic. We’ll find out soon enough,” she said, pointing out the window to where Theo’s truck was pulling to a stop in front of the house. Lauren’s sedan followed close behind. “And don’t worry about Lauren. I have a feeling she can hold her own with this group.”
I was surprised when Theo and Poppy climbed from the truck and walked to the back. Wyatt, Cammie, and Lauren joined them from the sedan.
“Better get down there before your sisters and mine realize they’ve arrived,” Everly said, handing me the last curtain.
I threw it over the step stool, and Everly and I booked it downstairs, her to either tell my sisters or delay them.
Poppy grinned when she saw me. “Nice place you’ve got here, Stud Man. Hope you don’t mind we dropped in. Theo wants to show me the wall where the mural’s going.”
I raised an eyebrow at her, and she smirked. Theo might show her the wall, but that wasn’t why she came.
“When Rowan heard all your sisters would be here, she insisted we came to make sure Lauren didn’t feel outnumbered.”
“Pretty sure you’re more his friend than mine,” Lauren said, nudging past Poppy with the suitcase she’d taken to St. John. She looked stunning with her checks flushed, her lips slightly parted.
“Let me get that,” I said, reaching for the suitcase. “Please,” I added for good measure.
Kayleigh burst through my front door and down the porch stairs before Lauren answered me. My other sisters and Logan’s were close behind.
“It’s so good to see you,” Kayleigh squealed, wrapping Lauren in a tight hug. “You look gorgeous. Doesn’t she?”
Maddie, Fiona, Everly, and Ciara all agreed in chorus and took turns smothering Lauren with hugs.
“All that moving sure made us thirsty,” Poppy said, working her way into the circle of women who’d surrounded Lauren. They scattered like dandelion seeds in the wind with promises of lemonade and sweet tea.
“Your family needs to work on boundaries,” Poppy said, glaring at me.
Lauren laughed. “I’m a hugger, Poppy. That didn’t bother me at all.”
Thank fuck for that. I loved my family, but they could be a lot for some people.
“Sure made me uncomfortable,” Poppy said, lifting the suitcase and carrying it toward the house.
“Hey, A,” Theo said, walking past Lauren and me with a box in his arms. “Room across from the nursery, right?”
“Yeah. I’ll grab a box or two and be right in.”
“Nonsense,” Cammie said, walking after him with a lamp in one hand and a stack of throw pillows tucked under her other arm. “Take Lauren inside to visit with your family. We can handle the rest. Can’t we, Wyatt?”
“Sure,” he said, flashing her a big smile as he hefted a large box from the back of the truck. He lifted his chin to me in greeting as he passed and quickened his pace to catch up with Cammie, who was holding the screen door open for him with her hip.
“Don’t overdo it, Wyatt,” Lauren called after him. “You haven’t had dinner yet.”
Why this woman ever thought she didn’t have what it took to be a mom was beyond me. “You know I make him move shit all day when he’s on job sites, right?”
“You know he’s diabetic, right?” she said, turning to face me.
I loved riling this woman up, getting her so good and pissed her perfect mask slipped, and I got a glimpse of the spitfire beneath. But now wasn’t the time. I wanted her to feel at ease living with me, not braced for combat.
“I didn’t know until recently,” I said, taking all the snark from my voice. “I promise to keep an eye on him whenever he comes back.”
Lauren nodded. “I better grab something.”
She started toward the truck, but I placed my hand on her arm to stop her. With a house full of well-meaning friends and family, it might be hours until I got a moment alone with her. She looked up at me and my stomach dipped. I was so screwed. Earlier this week she’d shredded my heart, and all I wanted to do was wrap myself around her like a barnacle and beg her to stay.
I pulled my hand away and shoved both in my pockets to keep myself from reaching for her again. “Thank you. I know this isn’t easy for you. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate it.”
“Aiden, I—”
“Get inside out of the heat!” Ciara hollered from the front porch. “It’s not good for the baby.”
A flash of terror crossed Lauren’s face, but I just started walking with her toward the house. “Don’t mind Ciara. She’s the drama queen in the group.”
“I heard that,” Ciara said, putting her hands on her hips.
“Women have babies in places a lot hotter than this,” I said, glaring at her.
“I can see how flushed Lauren is from here.”
Now it was my turn to give Lauren a terrified glance, but she was smiling at my sister. “I’m fine. Really.”
“Nonsense,” Ciara said, looping her arm into Lauren’s. “Everyone should move while they’re pregnant. It’s one of the few perks. You can relax while everyone else happily carries your stuff.”
With that, she guided Lauren into the house, and I headed to the truck. I climbed into the bed for one of the few remaining boxes as Theo came back through the front door.
“Is there more in the car?” I asked him.
My stomach sank when he shook his head and gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I passed Cammie and Wyatt on the way to Lauren’s room, where Poppy was fussing with the curtain I hadn’t hung.
“I love the color you picked for the walls,” she said.
“I screwed up,” I said, putting down the box. “Making her move in with me right away.”
“No, you didn’t,” she said, hopping down from the stool and coming to stand beside me. “Lauren needed a kick in the crotch after the crap she pulled. I’d have made her wear an ankle monitor.”
“She should have at least waited and moved in a week from now. She can’t sleep in here for a couple more days. The paint’s still letting off fumes.”
“Smooth,” Poppy said, trying not to laugh. “Nothing like the old ‘the paint’s still toxic play’ to get a woman in bed with you.”
“I’ll be sleeping on the couch.” I must have let a fraction of the hurt I’d been hiding show because Poppy about knocked me over with the hug she gave me.
“Just stop pretending to be an asshole,” she said into my t-shirt. “She’ll come around.”
Theo clomped in with his combat boots, followed by Wyatt and Cammie, but Poppy stayed snuggled against me. “This is the last of it,” he said. “Want to look at the nursery wall?” he asked Poppy.
She gave me a final squeeze and followed him across the hallway. After Wyatt and Cammie set down the last of Lauren’s things, she grabbed my hand and tugged me toward the door. “Let’s get downstairs before your sisters scare the living daylights out of Lauren.”
Cammie shouldn’t have worried. Lauren was sitting on the new couch with a frosty glass of lemonade in her hand, surrounded by my sisters and Logan’s, a dimpled smile on her face.
“We had a terrible time potty training him. He’d pee anywhere but the bathroom,” Kayleigh said, and I cringed.
“Remember that time he peed in the front yard when it snowed?” Fiona said. “Mom made me shovel more on top of it so the mail carrier wouldn’t see.”
“Did they tell you I was two?”
Lauren looked up at me, her eyes sparkling. “Three.”
“Two and a half,” I said, glaring at Kayleigh.
“You were three and a half when the snow thing happened,” Kayleigh said, taking a sip of her own lemonade. “I was being generous.”
“Don’t,” Lauren said. “I want to hear every embarrassing story you have.”
“Oh, having you in the family is going to be so much fun,” Ciara said, wrapping her arm around Lauren’s shoulders and giving her a squeeze.
“Ciara,” Fi snapped. “She hasn’t even unpacked yet in the room down the hall from his . Don’t scare her off.”
“She’s the mother of my niece or nephew. That makes her family, no matter what happens with them,” she said, motioning between Lauren and me.
Lauren’s reaction wasn’t the panic I expected. Instead, she flashed a smile at Ciara that lit up her entire face. “Thank you for making me feel so welcomed. All of you,” she said, taking the time to look each of them in the eyes.
Fiona teared up, which wasn’t out of the ordinary with her pregnancy hormones. Ciara quickly launched into another embarrassing story about me before the waterworks started in general, and soon everyone was laughing, including me.
Eventually, Cammie squeezed my arm and gave me a reassuring smile. “Well, we better head out,” she said.
There were several protests from my sisters, but Wyatt and Cammie managed to leave with Poppy and Theo after the latter came downstairs. My sisters dipped a few minutes later but not before hugging Lauren several more times and exchanging phone numbers with her.
“Sorry about that,” I said, closing the door behind Kayleigh after she’d turned on my oven for the first time and put in the casserole she’d made.
“Don’t be. They’re a lot of fun.” Lauren stood and stretched, her shirt riding up to show the swell in her midsection. I wanted to run my hands across her soft skin, to feel every curve her body had made to accommodate our growing child. “I assume you never told them about my plans to give up the baby?”
I shook my head. “Only Everly, and she’ll never breathe a word to the others.”
“Thank you,” she said softly. “I better start unpacking.”
I looked away from her and cleared my throat. “Maddie thinks you should stay in my room for a couple days while the paint smell in yours clears. I’ll take the couch. I just need to grab some of my stuff from the room, and then I'll take over whatever you need from yours.”
“Aiden,” she said, gently, walking to stand so close I could feel the warmth from her skin. I wanted to hold her so badly it hurt. “We can share a bed.”
I shook my head, and she reached out like she was going to touch me. I bolted up the stairs and into my room, where I grabbed shit at random from the bathroom and closet before dumping it in my gym bag. She was still in the living room when I returned, staring out the window at the field beside my house with her hands cradling her bump. A rich smell of tomatoes and garlic seeped from the kitchen.
“You hungry?” I asked. “Don’t tell the others, but Kayleigh is by far the best cook in the family. Smells like it might be her eggplant parm pasta bake, which would be a crime to miss.”
Lauren turned from the window and gave me a small smile. “Sounds great.”
We ate at the breakfast table, our conversation polite. We both had seconds. It made me hopeful the worse of Lauren’s HG had passed. I loaded our plates into the dishwasher while Lauren wrapped up enough leftovers for another dinner.
“Is it OK if I see my room now?” she asked as I dried my hands.
“Should be. I have the windows open and fans running.”
I followed her upstairs and down the hall. She smiled as she stepped through the doorway into her room. “This is so pretty.”
“I can hang anything you want on the walls.”
She looked around and nodded. I wondered if she’d brought anything to even put on the walls. “All I need for now is my suitcase,” she said, pulling up the handle.
She took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes. “I never owned a suitcase before Rowan gave me this one. I moved all my things from foster house to foster house in black trash bags until I moved in with my grandpa. It’s why I was protective of the suitcase on our trip.”
“Fuck,” I breathed out before I could stop myself. Good thing I hadn’t tossed the thing in my truck like I had mine and everyone else’s.
She shrugged. “I don’t like talking about my life before Peace Falls, but I realized you should know the big stuff, so you can understand why I acted the way I did.”
The eggplant parm twisted in my stomach, but I nodded. “Let’s sit on the window seat in my room. You probably shouldn’t be in here too long.” And I might need to be sitting down for whatever I was about to hear.
I rolled her suitcase down the hall and took a seat, giving her as much space as possible on the cushion. She put her hands on her lap and took a steadying breath.
“I don’t know where to start,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“What happened that made you think you couldn’t be a mom?” I asked. The question had haunted me from the moment Lauren said she wanted to put the baby up for adoption.
“OK, we’re getting right into it.” She rubbed her hands along her leggings. I wanted to hold them, but I pressed myself tighter to the wall. “My mom never wanted me. I wasn’t planned. My dad stuck around through her pregnancy but left soon after I was born. She resented having to take care of me alone, so once she thought I was old enough to take care of myself, she’d leave me in our apartment to go and party with her friends.”
“How old did she think was old enough?”
“Four or five.”
Shit. I’d never been alone a minute in my life I didn’t want to be. “How long would she leave you?”
“At first just a few hours. Then overnight. By the time I went to school, she’d leave me days at a time. Honestly, I didn’t mind. I have very few memories of her when she wasn’t high or looking for a fix. It was even worse when she had a boyfriend. Some were OK, but some weren’t.”
“How so?” I asked, my blood pressure rising.
“Some hit. Some were too nice, you know.”
No, I didn’t, but I could imagine, and the things I imagined made me feel sick.
“Child services got involved from time to time, and I’d go into the system. The foster homes were like Mom’s boyfriends. Some were OK, but some weren’t. “
“Were you ever—” Fuck, I was a coward. I couldn’t even get the words out. This time when she reached for me, I let her take my hand.
“Assaulted, yes. Raped, no.”
I dropped my head into the hand that wasn’t holding hers.
“I fought my way out of a few close calls,” she continued. “Like I told you before, I did some things when I was younger that I’m trying to atone for. I lied, stole, and hit.”
I lifted my head and placed my hand on her face. “You did what you had to do.”
She nodded, her eyes going glassy for the first time in the conversation when I let my hand drop. “Things got better when I moved here. My grandpa wasn’t the warmest guy, but he was reliable. Truth is, I didn’t mind. I’ve always been afraid of love. Every time Mom found a new guy, she’d hand him her heart, and when things ended, she’d be worse off than before. The foster cycle would start again until she pulled herself together, but she never stayed single long.”
I wanted to hold her so badly, to tell her that not all love harmed. That I loved her and always had. I let go of her hand, stood, and began pacing.
“I’m so sorry for everything I put you through,” she said, her voice breaking. “I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to love the baby like I should. But I want to try. Say something, Aiden. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
I took a deep breath and locked eyes with her. “I know you’ll love our child exactly as you should. I didn’t question it before, but now that I’ve heard what you’ve been through, I know you’ll be the best damn mom in the world because you’re strong and resilient and so incredibly kind.” She stood, and I backed toward the door. “I should let you rest.”
“Stay,” she said, her voice so sweet I almost broke every promise I’d made to myself and our child.
“Slow,” I said. “Spend some time with me before you decide if you want to be more than co-parents.”
She nodded, but the pain in her eyes made my chest ache. “Night, Princess.”
I carried my duffle bag to the hall bathroom and took a quick shower before changing into gym shorts. When I was ready for bed, Lauren was already asleep with the door to the hallway open. I watched the steady rise and fall of her chest, relieved she’d spread out so much there wasn’t space for me to crawl in beside her. Eventually, I switched off the bedroom light and made my way downstairs to break in the couch.