Devotion - Chapter 30
Thursday
"Penny," James whispered.
I was dreaming again. James and I were sleeping in our bed.
I didn't want to wake up. I didn't want the memory to fade.
The sun was streaming through the windows.
He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead.
I was surrounded by warmth. The sun on my face and his body intertwined with mine.
But nothing came close to the warmth in my heart.
The simplest of moments were my favorites.
The lazy mornings. Making pancakes for him on the weekends while he pretended to help.
I closed my eyes even tighter. I didn't want the memories to fade. I couldn't let the memories fade.
"My beautiful wife," James said and touched the side of my face.
And the realization hit me hard. It wasn't a dream.
He had never gotten to wake up in the morning and say those words to me.
Until now. My eyes flew open. He was staring at me.
James was awake. "James." I didn't try to hide the worry in my voice or the tears in my eyes. And especially not the joy in my heart.
"You haven't been eating," he said slowly. His voice was hoarse. He barely sounded like himself.
"Neither have you."
He laughed and then immediately groaned. "Stubborn as always, I see."
"You're awake." I had almost forgotten the curves of his lips. And the dimples in his cheeks. And that intoxicating way that he looked at me.
"What, you thought I'd leave you?" He smiled again, but it didn't hide the grimace. He was in pain.
"Let me go get the nurse, okay?"
"No." He grabbed my hand.
It felt like a lifetime since he had grabbed my hand. I relished the warmth of his skin and the strength behind his fingers.
"Don't cry. It hurts me to see you cry."
I quickly wiped my tears away. Be strong. "I thought I lost you." I thought you had left me.
He shook his head. "Come here." He patted the bed beside me.
I didn't hesitate. I was tired of dreaming of his arms around me. I thought I'd never get another one of these moments.
He cringed as I climbed onto the bed.
"James, let me get the nurse."
"No. I just need you." He moved his arm so that I could rest my head on his shoulder.
I slowly lay down, trying not to hit any of the wires that were attached to him.
He groaned softly. I wasn't sure why he wouldn't let me go get the nurse. But I wanted this moment too. I just hoped I wasn't hurting him too badly.
"Does it hurt?" I asked.
"I'm okay."
It didn't really answer my question, but I knew what he meant. Everything was going to be okay now. We were both alive. That's all that mattered.
"Am I thirty yet?"
Is he? I tried to count the days in my head. I had lost track of time. I had lost track of everything.
"Did you forget my birthday?" He ran his fingers through my hair.
"No. No, it's on Sunday. Today's only Thursday.
" I closed my eyes and listened to his heart beating.
I had a million questions for him. I wanted to know why he still had a DNR.
I wanted to know if he had known Isabella was planning on hurting him.
But right now, I just wanted to hear his heart beating.
"I guess I woke up just in time to get those meggings?" He laughed and then coughed. "Ow."
"James, I'm going to go get the nurse. They'll give you something for the pain."
"I don't want anything for the pain." His words hung in the air.
"I don't want you to hurt. James, I don't want..."
"I made you a promise in my vows. That you could always rely on me. I won't ever jeopardize that. You're all I need right now. I mean that."
I lifted my head up and ran my palm against the scruff on his chin. "I don't like seeing you in pain."
"Now you know why I hate to see you cry." He gave me a small smile.
I nodded. No more tears. If he was being strong, I could be strong too.
"That wasn't how I pictured our wedding night ending," he said.
"No. I pictured it very differently."
He smiled. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I ruined..."
"You didn't ruin anything. I'm just so glad you're awake." I'm so glad you came back to me.
We stared at each other in silence for a moment.
I hadn't felt this content since our wedding.
And I knew that James couldn't just walk out of the hospital right now.
He'd have to recover. He needed to heal.
A part of me wanted to tell him about the baby.
But I wasn't sure how he'd react. Right now he needed to stay calm.
So I let the perfect silence settle around us.
I stared into his dark brown eyes and let everything slowly shift back to us.
Back to the night when he was almost taken from me.
Back to what I should have been feeling at that moment.
I had this sense of peace. And I knew he had woken up because of me.
And he knew I would have died without him.
We didn't have to say anything at all. This moment was all that we needed.
"You should eat something," James finally said, breaking the silence.
I smiled. "I don't know how you're worried about me when you're the one with three bullet holes."
"I can barely feel it." He pressed his lips together. "But I could use some water."
"I'll go get you some."
"No, don't...please don't leave."
We locked eyes for another moment. I had no idea what it was like to be in a coma. Had he felt alone? Had he known I was by his side the whole time?
"I think there's a button somewhere." He nodded with his head toward the nightstand.
I reached over and pressed it. "I was with you the whole time, James. Except when they forced me to go shower and eat." I gave him a small smile.
"I know. I must be in major need of a shower."
"No, actually. They let me sponge bathe you."
"That's slightly demeaning." He raised his left eyebrow at me.
"The nurse offered to do it. But you're my husband. I don't want anyone else to see you naked."
"Your husband." He smiled. "Well, you did marry an older man. You better get used to it."
I laughed. "Not that much older than me."
He kissed my forehead. I took a moment to breathe in his scent. It was still diluted by hospital soap, but now that he was awake, it was almost like I could smell him again.
"I could feel it," he whispered. "I don't really know how to explain it. I just...I knew you were there. And I could feel that you needed me."
"You know that I always need you, James."
He kissed my forehead again. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so, so sorry."
Why did he keep trying to apologize? I thought about what Rob had said. That maybe James knew Isabella was going to try to hurt him. But before I could ask him, the nurse walked into the room.
She immediately frowned at me.
I sat up and stepped down off the bed.
"How are you feeling, hon?" the nurse asked.
"Thirsty. And tired."
"You need to let him get his rest," she said and looked at me.
James laughed and then coughed again.
She handed him a glass of water.
James took a long sip. "When can I get out of here?" He tried to sit up and clenched his teeth together.
"Not anytime soon." The nurse grabbed the glass from his hand. "Not if you don't get your rest."
"I'm fine, really." He grimaced again as he readjusted himself on the bed.
"On a scale of one to ten, how is the pain?"
James shrugged. "Ten as the worst?"
"Mhm."
"Maybe a three then."
She looked at him like she didn't believe him at all. "Go back to sleep, hon. Maybe you'll start making sense once you get some proper rest. The doctor will come in shortly, she's just finishing up a surgery."
James nodded. It looked like he was already about to fall back to sleep.
"And you stay off his bed, missy," she said to me before she left the room.
"Really, how much does it hurt?" I asked and slipped my hand back into his.
"It's not so bad." He yawned and grimaced again.
"James."
"It hurts like hell."
I pressed my lips together. "Go back to sleep, James," I said and kissed his cheek.
"Come back up. I want to hold you."
I wanted to follow the nurses instructions, so I sat back down in my seat. I wanted him to get better. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here when you wake up."
"Promise you'll stay?" he asked as his eyelids grew heavy.
"Of course." I squeezed his hand.
"I love you, Penny." It was almost a mumble.
"I love you." I watched him slowly fall asleep. For the first time in a long time, I realized how tired I was too. I laid my head down next to his hand. I felt at peace. I felt safe. I felt whole again.
***
Something buzzing woke me up. When I realized it was my phone, I quickly grabbed it and slid my finger across the screen so that it wouldn't wake James. But it wasn't a phone call, it was just a text. I clicked on the message that Rob had just sent.
"Penny, I've got it. You have to come see this."
I looked down at James. He had asked me to stay. But settling this mess would give him such a sense of peace. I didn't want him to have to worry about anything while he was recovering.
Another text came through. "It's enough to put her away for a long time even if they can't link anything else to her. It's over."
I let a breath escape that I hadn't realized I had been holding. It's over. I leaned down and kissed James' forehead. "I'll be right back," I whispered.
He moaned in his sleep.
No one would ever hurt him again. Ever. I left the room as quietly as possible.
"How is he doing?" Porter asked once I was in the hall.
"Good. He's sleeping. I'm going to run by our apartment real quick. I'll be back in half an hour."
"I'll come with you," he said.
"You don't have to. I'm meeting Rob there. He thinks he found evidence to convince the cops that Isabella was behind all of this."
Porter was already talking into his watch. He touched his earpiece. "Briggs will be here in a minute and we can head over."