This Is Love - Chapter 6
Monday - James
My mom was holding her front door open and staring at me like I was a stranger. Maybe I was to her now. She seemed the same to me, though.
“James,” she finally said.
“Mother.” The word sounded strange coming out of my mouth.
I hadn’t used it in so long. Except to refer to Penny as “your mom” to Scarlett.
The fact that each of them held that title was shocking.
Penny was so loving and kind. And my mother?
Well, she was the kind of mother that just stood there instead of hugging you. Like she was doing right now.
“What are you doing here?” She didn’t invite me in even though I was literally standing in the rain.
“Penny’s missing.” My voice cracked. “I don’t know if you heard about the incident a few weeks ago…”
“Of course I heard. It was all over the news.”
I nodded. “I think the same guy has kidnapped her. I just…I wanted to know…”
“You think I had something to do with it?” She lifted her chin slightly so that she was looking down her nose at me.
I felt like I was a child again that was being scolded. “I just needed to ask. I needed to make sure.”
“I told you I was sorry about what happened with Isabella. I told you and you didn’t believe me. I’m not the monster you’re making me out to be. I’ve been nothing but a good mother to you.”
“A good mother? You forced me to marry someone I didn’t care about. You told me no one would ever care about me, only my money.”
“I was looking out for you. And I was right, wasn’t I?”
“Penny didn’t marry me for my money.” I didn’t know why I was having this conversation with her. We’d never see eye to eye. Whereas the rain made me feel close to Penny, the rain falling between my mother and me felt like an insurmountable distance. “She fell in love with me for me.”
“And how did that work out for you? That whole amnesia thing? Probably a ruse for a divorce. And she’ll get half of everything. She’ll ruin you and drag our name through the mud. She’s never been anything but a nuisance.”
“I’ve thought about reaching out to you so many times.
And up until tonight I’ve always made the right choice.
” I shook my head and turned away from her.
I started to walk down the front steps of the enormous house she bought with her settlement money.
Her heart was as empty as all the rooms inside.
“I don’t know what you want from me, James!” she yelled after me. “You want me to care after you’ve shut me out for over four years? You haven’t even let me meet my grandchildren. You won’t let me hold my only grandson before he might pass? I’m not the monster here. You are.”
I figured she knew about Liam. Jen was still in contact with her.
But to hear her throw my son’s health in my face as a bargaining tool?
No fucking way. I was done. I turned around and walked back up the stairs.
“If you cared, you would have called. You would have come to the hospital to see if he was okay. I don’t know how many days Liam has left.
But I’m going to make sure that he’s only surrounded by people who love him for every single one of those days. ”
“And that’s me,” she said.
I was shocked to see tears in her eyes.
“Why do you think I moved back here? I wanted to be close to you again. To Rob. To my grandchildren.”
Why now? “Penny is part of that. You didn’t bother to show up to Rob’s wedding. And you haven’t even met Daphne. You…”
“I wasn’t invited.” She sniffed. “He didn’t invite me, James. My own son didn’t invite me to his wedding.”
I didn’t know that. I knew that Rob had my back after what happened. But I didn’t know he didn’t send her a wedding invitation.
“I confess, I didn’t think Penny was a good choice for you.
I thought Isabella was a better fit. Status wise.
” She pressed her lips together. “But I was trying. I was making an effort. But then she poisoned your mind after your wedding. She took you away from me. And Rob too. And all my grandchildren. She took everything away from me. She drove a wedge between us.”
“You did that all by yourself.”
She nodded like she actually agreed with what I said.
“Penny and I are a package deal. If you don’t want her in your life then you can’t have me or your grandchildren either.”
“Okay. I’ll apologize to her.”
“You can’t just save face. You have to mean it. I think you’ll find that she’s really easy to love. Trust me. I fell for her harder and faster than I ever thought possible.”
“I’ll mean it. I’m turning a new leaf, James. You’ll see.” She wiped away the tears in her eyes. “Can I come back with you tonight to see Liam?” she asked. “And Scarlett?”
I shook my head. “I have to find Penny.”
“Well, where have you looked?”
“I’ve called everyone I could think of. Even friends from her past. I’ve been to all her favorite places in the city.
She ran out on me a few days ago and went to Newark.
But I don’t think that’s what this was. It seemed like she was starting to remember.
I could see it in her eyes. I think something must have happened to her on her walk.
And I’m tired. I’m so tired.” I felt myself breaking.
My mom was smiling at me and acting human.
“I need her, Mom. I need her and I can’t even explain how much. ”
It was like I couldn’t stop talking. I just kept going and going.
Maybe it was because my mom was smiling at me for once.
Or maybe it was because it finally felt like she cared.
“These past few weeks have felt like a nightmare that I can’t wake up from.
I just need to find her. And then worry about fixing everything after I tell her how much I love her.
If something’s happened to her, I don’t know if I can keep going. She’s everything to me.”
“Try looking behind you,” my mom said. The smile on her face was probably brighter than I had ever seen it.
I turned around. Penny was standing at the bottom of the steps looking up at me. The rain hitting the pavement was causing steam to float around her. She looked like an angel. Maybe that’s what she was. After all, she had saved me.
“Penny.” It felt like time slowed as I ran down the stairs.
She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to disrupt your moment, I…”
I pulled her into my arms and kissed her harder than I meant to.
The way I used to. The way I knew she loved.
I knew it was too much. I knew she was seconds away from pushing me back.
From telling me she didn’t remember. That I was going too fast. That she needed time.
But I needed this. For just one second I needed this.
But she surprised me by kissing me back. And not just a timid, unfamiliar kiss. It was her. A kiss that I was used to. A kiss that reminded me of my version of Penny.
She pulled away far too soon. “I love you, James.” She took my face between her hands and stared into my eyes. “I love you with all my heart. I only remember pieces of our life, but I know that much is true. You’re my everything too. Every. Single. Thing.”
Her fingertips pressed harder against my jaw with each word she spoke, like she was trying to cling on to the present.
“You came back to me.” My lips met hers again.
“I’m sorry it took me so long. I’m sorry I fought my heart. I’m so so sorry, James.” She wrapped her arms around the back of my neck to pull me closer to her.
“You’ve always loved apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong.”
She laughed. “You don’t have to use the same lines on me anymore. I’m remembering. I remember you saying that.”
“And do you remember why you like the rain now?” I held her tight against my chest as it poured.
“We met on a rainy morning. And you walked me home in the rain one night. You were there when I needed you. You have been ever since. And our first kiss was in the rain. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you in a storm.
Isn’t that how our love has always been?
Chaotic and scary and all-consuming? That kind of love? A love worth fighting for?”
I smiled down at her. “A love worth fighting for.”
She leaned closer and whispered in my ear. “I remember your mom not exactly being fond of me. Any chance that’s changed?”
“I think maybe it just did.”
She kissed the scruff on my jaw line. “Well, good. I’m a big proponent of second chances. And third ones.” She looked up with hopeful eyes. “I should probably go say hi, right?”
I saw more than hope in her eyes as she stared at me. I saw love. I saw her. I took a deep breath. God I had missed her looking at me like that. Instead of letting her go, I hugged her harder. I wasn’t sure I’d ever let her out of my arms again.