This Is Love - Chapter 7 #3
I wasn’t sad anymore. I was seething. “Which part? That you were the only good decision I made back then? Or that you were even a good decision at all?” I poked him hard in the middle of his chest. “I never asked for you to save me. If I remember correctly, which I feel like I do now, you were never a white knight. You were a dark one. We didn’t ride off into the sunset.
We fought for our love. Just like I’m doing now.
So don’t stand there and tell me that we were a mistake all those years ago, because you couldn’t be more wrong.
You should be thanking Tyler for saving me.
I could have been dead. And there’s no way you could live without me either, James. ” I threw his words back at him.
“Do you remember what it’s like when I’m mad at you?”
A memory came rushing back.
"Tomorrow I'm going to make love to you." He slid his fingers up the insides of my thighs. "Tell me what you want me to do to you tonight."
"Porter is right inside the door, James. What if he comes up here?"
"The idea of getting caught has always made you want me even more.
Besides, he's blocking the door so we won't have any unexpected visitors.
" He kissed the side of my neck. "I want you to remember tonight.
I want you to remember what it was like to choose me because you wanted me, not because we had a slip of paper that said you had to.
But because you can't resist me. Because I'm the only one that can make you scream.
Because the thought of my cock makes your pussy ache.
Because you can't fucking live without me. "
I moaned as his fingers brushed against my thong. I could smell the scotch on his breath. I knew he wasn't drunk, though. He was just horny. And God, I was too.
"Tell me, baby. Tell me what you want."
I wanted to go back to where we started. I never wanted that passion to fade. "Fuck me, James. Just like you did in your office that first time."
"I was punishing you that day." His fingers pushed my thong to the side and he gently touched my wetness. "Have you been a bad girl?"
I moaned again as I spread my legs for him.
"Tell me how bad you've been." The tip of his finger slowly encircled me.
His dirty words just made me want him even more. "So bad. Punish me, James."
He grabbed my waist and pulled me off the ledge. He pushed my shirt up. In a matter of seconds I was completely naked. I had only managed to undo all the buttons on his shirt. His hands were still so much more experienced than mine.
"Turn around, Penny."
I stared at his chiseled abs that were barely visible behind his tie. I wanted to reach up and undo it. I wanted to run my fingers along the contours of his muscles.
"Penny. Turn around and put your hands on the ledge. Now."
I loved when he talked to me like that. I loved everything about him.
I turned around and placed my hands on the cold concrete ledge.
Normally the view would have my full attention.
But I could feel him staring at me. It was like every inch of my body was aware of his presence.
I arched my back slightly and he groaned from behind me.
He pushed my thighs apart.
"You're so beautiful, baby." His voice sounded tight. He slapped my ass hard.
I lifted my ass higher in the air. I loved the sting of his palm. I loved when he took control of my body. And he loved it too.
"And so fucking naughty." He spanked me again.
I gripped the ledge.
His fingers gently traced where he had just spanked. "You made me wait two and a half fucking years to marry you." He spanked me again. "I hate waiting." He spanked me even harder. His palm stayed pressed against my ass as his other hand slipped between my thighs.
Fuck.
"You're dripping wet, baby." Two of his fingers sunk deep inside of me.
God yes.
"I can feel how much you want me. Beg me for my cock, baby. Tell me how much you need me." He spanked me again.
"James." I was panting now. "Please."
He continued to slowly move his fingers in and out of me. His palm landed on my ass harder than it ever had before.
"James!"
"Tell me that you need me!"
Something was wrong. I could hear it in his voice.
I could feel it in the way he was holding me.
Our conversation from this morning hadn't calmed him down like it had me.
He still didn't believe me. If my surrendering to him helped him understand, then fine.
I'd always be willing to surrender myself to him. "I need you."
"Then why did you walk out on me when I needed you the most?!" He thrust inside of me hard.
Fuck! This morning he had been distraught and lost. And now he was angry.
His fingers dug into my hips as he slammed into me again. "Why did you not trust me enough to tell me what was happening? Why do you leave me in the dark when I try so hard every day to be your light?" He grabbed a fistful of my hair to make me arch my back more.
"I'm sorry."
"Why do you refuse to let me protect you?"
I don't know. Tears started to come to my eyes.
"Why? Tell me why!"
"I don't know!" I clenched my jaw. He was being rough, but it didn't hurt.
What hurt was that he was right. I hadn't realized I was doing it.
But I purposely kept things to myself because I didn't want to add to the constant burden he carried.
The one he wouldn't let me help him hold.
I didn't want to add anything else because I was worried he might slip.
And I couldn't lose him. I couldn't be the reason that he slipped.
His fingers eased on my hips and one of his hands slid down my stomach. He gently massaged his thumb against my clit.
"I don't like when you lie to me."
"I'm not lying to you. Keep fucking me, James." I needed him to get whatever was in his system out. This was the only way I knew how. I thought making love to him this morning would fix this, but I was wrong. "Make me scream your name. Show me how good this feels. Show me how much you need me too."
He groaned as he thrust into me faster.
"Harder!" I closed my eyes. The intensity was too much. The weight of what this all meant was too much.
"Fuck." He slammed into me as his fingers dug into my skin. "Come for me, Penny."
It was easy to follow his command. All I could feel was him relentlessly fucking me.
The mixture of pleasure and pain had almost made me come when we had only just started.
"James!" I moaned and pushed back against him.
I opened my eyes as I started to come. And I had the strangest sensation that I was flying.
The city stretched out below me. And I knew as soon as I came down from this high, the reality of what had just happened would make it feel like I was falling.
I wanted to fly for as long as I could. I pushed back against the ledge.
James hadn't cum yet. I didn't have to fall yet.
But James immediately pulled out of me.
No.
He grabbed my arm and turned me around. His other hand was slowly pumping up and down his erection.
He pushed down on my shoulders until I was kneeling in front of him.
I usually liked when he did this. And I knew he liked it.
He had told me he liked seeing his cum drip down my breasts.
It made me feel sexy too. But it didn't seem like that tonight.
He was doing it because he felt insecure.
As if this somehow claimed me. Why couldn't he see that I was already his?
His first shot landed on the center of my chest. There was no bliss on his face. Only agony. Two more hit each of my breasts. After his last stream hit my stomach he turned around and quickly started to get dressed. The silence was unnerving.
I wiped off his semen with my t-shirt and then pulled my robe on. "James." I stood up and put my hand on his arm, but he pulled away.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. You asked me to punish you and I was thinking of reasons why I should. I got carried away."
Why wasn't he facing me?
He exhaled loudly. "Did I hurt you?"
"No." This time when I touched his arm, he didn't flinch. I walked around him and looked up into his eyes. "Talk to me."
"Why do you keep me in the dark?" He was looking at me like he knew the answer. Like it had been part of the burden he was carrying this whole time.
The thought made me feel so guilty. I had been adding to it when I was trying to do the exact opposite. "Because I'm scared you'll slip. I'm scared if anything ever goes wrong you'll slip. And I won't be able to get you back."
"Well I did." He reached into his pocket. He pulled something out and tossed it to me.
I caught it in my hand. It looked like a small bag of baby powder. "What is this?"
He ran his hand through his hair.
"Tell me you didn't take this, James. Tell me you didn't do this."
"You left me."
"You kicked me out! Tell me you didn't take this!" I threw the bag back at him.
"I didn't take it."
An exasperated laugh escaped my lips. "Don't just say that because it's what I want to hear. Tell me the truth."
"I didn't take it. But the moment that you left...that's when I knew I was addicted to you. That's the moment I knew that I was still sick. I wanted to dull the pain. I wanted something, anything to dull that pain."
"That means you wanted something because you were hurting. That doesn't mean you're addicted to me."
"Don't you get it, Penny? My life sucks without you. I don't need anything to dull the pain when I'm with you because you dull it. You're my drug."
The way he said "you" made my chest hurt.