City of Sin - Chapter 61
Bee
I love you. Why can't I seem to make the words come out of my mouth? It was a stupid question to ask myself. I knew why. Because I was scared of getting hurt again.
My head was nestled in the crook of his arms and I was tracing my index finger along the contours of his six pack.
It was okay to be vulnerable sometimes. Loving him could end in heartbreak, but it could also lead to something wonderful.
I didn't want to be a cat lady. I didn't want to be scared to put myself out there just because of what might happen.
Mason had asked me to move in with him. Clearly he was just as vulnerable as me.
And I wanted him to know how I felt. He needed to know.
"You said you wanted to be the reason why I stayed in New York," I said.
He ran his fingers through my hair. "I remember."
"Well, you are."
He laughed. "I didn't mean I wanted you to lose your job."
"I know." I moved so that my forearm was on his chest. I rested my chin against my arm and looked up into his dark brown eyes. I love you. I wondered if he could tell what I was thinking. "Are you going to try to fix things with your parents?" I could feel his chest tense beneath my arm.
"What does it matter?"
"I just don't see how you could not be speaking to them."
"You don't really speak to your Dad," he said.
I swallowed hard and dropped his gaze. "That's not really my choice. It's his."
"I know. I'm sorry." He ran his fingers through my hair again, but his chest remained tense.
"Whatever disagreement you had couldn't be enough to make you lose a relationship with them."
"I told you. We had different ideas of what my future looked like. Which is important to me. And I thought it might be important to you too."
A future with Mason? That's what I wanted.
But his broken relationship with his parents was the last thing nagging at me.
I wanted a relationship with my dad. But he walked out on me and my mom.
He didn't want to be a part of my life. Mason's parents cared so much about him that they wanted him to have a secure, happy life.
My dad didn't give a shit about what happened to me.
Mason didn't even realize what he was giving up.
I shifted off his chest and sat up. "I want a future with you."
He stared back at me. "But?"
"What was the fight about exactly?"
"My dad wants me to take over the family business.
MAC International isn't for me, though. I hate finance.
And I told him that. But he doesn't care.
He doesn't care about my happiness. I want to be in advertising.
He thought I couldn't do it without his money but.
.." Mason's voice trailed off. He sat up and put his hand on the side of my face.
"Advertising makes me happy. You make me happy. I don't need them."
"They're your parents, Mason. It's not about needing them. It's about the love that you share. They're your family."
He frowned. "My dad doesn't care about my happiness."
"I'm sure that isn't true. He's probably worried about the company he started.
He doesn't want it to fall apart when he retires.
And he probably wants to know that you and the company will be secure when he's not there.
He's trying to take care of you. And maybe, just maybe, he's as stubborn as you. "
Mason sighed. "You don't even know him."
"But I want to."
"You want to meet my parents?"
"We're living together. Isn't that kind of part of the package?"
"Trust me, you don't want to meet them."
I bit my lip. I did want to meet them. "I was thinking about Penny and..."
"Oh." Mason ran his hand through his hair.
"This isn't like that, Bee. I'm sure my parents would want to meet you.
They'll be thrilled that I have a girlfriend.
I mean they want me to end up with some rich snob probably, but they definitely disapproved of the way I have been living.
Before I met you, I mean. Like the clubs and stuff.
They'll be relieved that you're sweet and beautiful and smart and that I'm not paying you.
" He pressed his lips together, clearly hoping that I had somehow missed the fact that he had called me his girlfriend.
"Girlfriend?"
"Yeah." He put his hand on the small of my back and pulled me on top of him. "I did tell Carter that you were my girlfriend the other day. It just slipped out. I know we haven't really talked about that, but..."
"I like the sound of that."
"You do?"
"I do." I placed a kiss against his lips.
He grabbed the back of my head, deepening the kiss.
It didn't matter what was going on with his parents.
He had asked me to move in with him. He had asked me to be his girlfriend.
I was on the top of the world. And maybe I'd be able to help him work out his problems with his parents.
I wanted him to be happy. Something had been bothering him the past few days.
The way he reacted to me bringing his parents up made it seem like that was the problem.
He'd given up his nightlife for me. He'd given up his bachelor pad.
I wasn't going to nag him about this. They'd work it out.
And I'd be there for him if he needed me.
I wanted to be his rock. Because somewhere along the past month he had become mine.
His hand drifted to my ass.
I laughed as he rolled on top of me, pinning my hands to the mattress.
"Your way or my way?" he asked.
"Your way." I had given him my heart. Tonight I would surrender my body to him. Not that I didn't want to. I wanted to give him every piece of me. And I loved everything he did to me because I loved him. I love you, Mason Caldwell. Hopefully I'd find the courage to tell him soon.
***
When I woke up the bed was empty beside me.
There were small red marks around my wrists where the handcuffs had been.
Just thinking about last night made me blush.
I quickly climbed out of bed. I didn't have anywhere to go today, but Mason did.
And I wanted to make him breakfast. I didn't want him to think I was mooching off of him.
I'd start looking for a job this morning too.
If I had to find a menial job while looking for the perfect fit I would.
I had worked as a waitress during college.
I could do that again. But this time I was going to hold out on an advertising job as the next full time position I accepted.
No more bullshit stepping stones. And no more bosses like Mr. Ellington.
I opened up the top drawer of Mason's bureau.
I hadn't unpacked anything yet, but he had cleared this spot for me awhile ago when I started spending the night so much.
I pulled on a clean pair of jeans and a tank top.
One of the best things about Mason's apartment, aside from him being in it, was that it wasn't freezing cold.
I would have had to wear two hoodies in my apartment to be this warm in the morning.
Today I was going to tell Mason that I loved him.
I wasn't going to wuss out like I had last night.
I didn't know very much about Mason's dating history.
Kendra had said he hadn't had a girlfriend since high school.
But that was information she found on Facebook.
It wasn't necessarily true. I had only ever told Patrick that I had loved him.
And I was nervous that Mason wouldn't say it back.
Maybe he had never said it to anyone before.
Maybe I'd be his first. I laughed at the phrase.
I definitely wasn't Mason's first anything.
It would be better if I hoped to be his last.
I walked out into the hallway. I froze when I heard Mason's voice.
"I'll get in touch with my contact on the cheerleading squad today," he said.
His office door was open. I knew I shouldn't eavesdrop, but he had gotten my attention.
Was he talking about the woman from that club he took me to?
The ex cheerleader who had tried to give him a blowjob right in front of me?
The memory made my stomach churn. He told me he had given all that up.
I thought about how she had touched the belt on his waist. I had never been a jealous person.
I guess it had started after Patrick had cheated on me.
It was hard for me to trust anyone. But I trusted Mason.
For some reason, my feet didn't agree with my mind, because I had inched closer to Mason's office door.
"We won't need a permit for Central Park," Mason said. "The Knicks already have it. Besides, we'll be using cell phone cameras and keeping it really simple. The best part is that no one will ever really know whether it was staged or not."
Silence. My heart was beating fast. The Knicks cheerleaders?
This wasn't about him hooking up with that girl from that club.
He was talking about an ad idea. My ad idea.
Had I told him about that? I knew I told him I was upset that Jenkins pitch had gotten chosen.
But I never told him about my pitch. I definitely hadn't.
"I already have the actor. I'll call you later with an update, John. We should be good for next week, though."
John Landry? From Sword Body Wash? My whole body felt cold.
Mr. Ellington had said we lost the account.
Had Mason stolen it? With my idea? How the hell did he know my idea?
I leaned against the wall. My coworkers had heard it.
Mason was friends with Jenkins. Maybe...
oh my god. I tiptoed away from his office and into the kitchen.
I grabbed my purse off the counter and pulled my notebook out of it.
I flipped through it until I came to the torn out page.