City of Sin - Chapter 62
Mason
I was on my fourth drink, but nothing could seem to numb the pain.
It had felt amazing to tell Darren that I quit, but it would have been more rewarding if I hadn't just had the worst morning of my life.
I still couldn't believe I said all those things to Bee.
But how could she say all that to me? I hadn't tricked her into falling in love with me.
She didn't love me at all. She was still in love with Patrick.
I downed the rest of my drink and waived the bartender over for a refill.
I stared down into my glass when the scotch was filled up to the top again.
I couldn't go home. I knew Bee wouldn't be there anymore.
And that thought killed me. All her stuff would be gone, but there would be that lingering smell of her.
I didn't want to fall asleep in an empty bed.
I didn't want to do anything without her.
Asking her to move in had been a shot in the dark.
I had hoped I could get her to stay. I was a fucking idiot.
I tilted my head back and downed half of my next drink.
"Matt told me I could find you here," James said and slid into the bar stool next to mine. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"There's nothing to talk about." I slammed my glass back down on the bar.
"Well, I heard you landed the Sword Body Wash account. And three others. You'll probably get a few more before the week is over."
"Yeah." I stared down into my glass again.
"So shouldn't we be celebrating? This is everything you've ever wanted."
"I thought it was."
"You're getting soft like me, huh?"
"No." I felt like I wanted to cry. Fuck, I am getting soft.
"Being in love doesn't make you soft, despite what my brother says."
"I'm not in love." I moved my glass around so that the ice cubes clinked against the glass.
"So she's just some girl? There's plenty more right out that door. I guess you'll forget about her in a few days then."
"I don't want to forget about her." And I couldn't. How could I possibly forget about Bee? She was smart, funny, and that perfect combination of beautiful and sexy.
"Because you love her."
"Maybe." I looked over at James. "She told me she loved me. Not in like a cute way, like in a throwing it in my face because she hates me way." I didn't want to tell him about stealing her idea. I didn't want anyone else to know how big of an idiot I was. "I screwed up."
"So why don't you go talk to her?"
"We're done. There's nothing to talk about."
"If you're this messed up, I'm sure she is too."
"I doubt she is. I'm pretty sure she's just hung up on her ex. I was a filler. She's probably running back to him right now."
"If she is, it's only because you pushed her away."
I put my elbows on the table. I did push her away. I told her she was easy. I told her she was just like every other slut in this city. I was a prick. But she just had this way of making my blood boil.
"You must have seen the way she looked at you. She was already in love with you at the Silver Gala. You've just been too stubborn to see it."
"I can't talk my way out of it this time. She hates me."
"All I know is that it's lonely living in this city by yourself. Not having someone to share the good and the bad with."
"She ran when it got messy. She's not the type of girl that sticks through the bad times.
" Even as I said it I realized it was a lie.
She wanted to stay and talk it out. Even after I stole her idea and landed an account that should have been hers.
Because she cared about me. She loved me. And I pushed her away.
"I'm just saying."
"Mason!" Matt burst into the bar with a huge grin on his face. I had texted him earlier about landing the accounts. I wanted to celebrate and drown my sorrows. My brother was the perfect guy to do that with.
James slapped me on the back. "Telling the truth is better than any grand gesture. Talk to her."
"You're not staying to celebrate?"
"It's cold and late. All I want is to go home to the woman I love. I guess that makes me soft. But I've never been happier."
"Just because that works for you..."
"Stop standing still, Mason. You're going to want to have someone to share all this success with. Don't make the same mistakes that I did."
James always seemed calm and collected. But I saw the flash of pain across his eyes.
It was gone in a second. I let go of the drink in my hand.
He was right. Drowning this feeling with scotch wasn't going to help anything.
I didn't want to lose myself the way he had lost himself.
And I was sick of standing still. I was sick of the easy women who threw themselves at me.
And the even easier ones that I had to pay for.
I was lying when I said Bee was easy. She was complicated and perfect and real.
She was the only thing in my life that felt real.
"Hey, James," Matt said as he passed by James going toward the door. Matt sat down beside me and clapped me on the back. "Congrats, man."
"Thanks."
"Another round on me?"
I looked back down at my empty glass. I could sit here all night, trying to erase the memory of her from my mind.
But what was the point in that? I'd just wake up tomorrow still missing her.
I didn't need a glass in my hand. I needed her hand in mine.
She fit. She was the perfect fit. "No." I stood up and pulled on my jacket. "I have to go."
"What? I just got here."
"There's something I need to do."
"Mason?" Matt called after me, but I was already running out of the bar. I needed to talk to Bee. I needed her to know how I really felt.
***
I pressed on the call box outside of Kendra's apartment building. I had run all the way there, stopping only to grab a dozen roses at a stand on the corner a few blocks back. I was out of breath and my lungs burned from the cold air.
The doors buzzed. I grabbed the handle and ran inside, skipping the elevator and sprinted up the steps instead. When I got to 307 I pounded on the door with the side of my fist.
Kendra's face fell when she opened the door. "I thought you were Chinese food."
"Is Bee here?" I tilted my head to the side and saw all of Bee's boxes in the small living room area of the apartment. "I just need to talk to her for a second."
"She's not here, Mason."
"I can see her stuff. Come on, it's important."
"She's not here. She dropped all her stuff off and left."
"Did she say anything to you?"
"She didn't have to." Kendra's eyes narrowed. "Do you have any idea how long it took her to get over Patrick? How much that hurt her?"
I didn't need the guilt trip right now. "I mean did she say anything about where she was going?"
"Like I'd tell you? You're lucky I'm not kneeing you in the balls right now. I will take these, though." She grabbed the roses out of my hand.
"Can you tell her I'm looking for her? I already tried calling and she's not answering."
"Maybe you should take the hint, Mason. Just leave her alone."
"I can't leave her alone. I'm in love with her."
Kendra just stared at me. "She didn't grow up here like you and me. She needs a nice, normal, suburban guy."
Like Patrick? You've got to be kidding me. "She does belong here. She belongs with me." I grabbed the roses back out of Kendra's hand. "And you better get used to me, because I'm not going anywhere."
"Well, I do admire your persistence." She folded her arms across her chest.
"So are you going to tell her I was here?"
"I'll think about it."
"Are you going to tell me where she is?"
"I'd tell you if I knew. She just came and dropped her stuff off. She was a mess. And she wouldn't talk to me about it." She lowered her eyebrows slightly. "At least she talked to me about what happened with Patrick. Whatever you did, I think it hurt her even more."
Bee was more upset about our fight than when she broke it off with Patrick? Maybe she was over him. Maybe she really did love me.
Before I could ask any more questions, Kendra slammed the door in my face. I looked down at the roses in my hand. Telling the truth probably was better than some grand gesture. But James didn't know what I had done. A grand gesture might be a better tactic.