Missing Pieces - Chapter 61
Hailey
Saturday
"He wasn't writing back because he was in jail. He didn't lie."
I stared up at the starry sky. I had given up on coding hours ago.
I didn't even know the first thing about creating a website.
The only place I ever felt comfort now was when I was lying beside my dad's grave.
So that's what I was doing again. The groundskeeper thought I was insane.
Every now and then he'd walk over and ask if he should call someone.
The answer was always no. If there was anyone I'd rather be talking to, clearly I'd be talking to them instead of a gravestone. Besides, it was therapeutic being able to talk to my dad. Even though he couldn't respond, it still made me feel close to him.
Yup, I'm losing my mind.
But that didn't seem to stop me. "If everything he said on those napkins was true, then he didn't do anything wrong. He came back to me as soon as he could. But how do I know if he's telling the truth? Why is it so hard to believe him?"
Because you're in pain.
"I love him. I love him even though he hurt me. Does that make me weak?" I bit my lip. "But it takes strength to forgive someone. I know it does. Because I'm not strong enough to forgive Elena. I want to be able to. I know you wanted me to be able to."
I stared at the sky, trying to find Scorpius, trying to ignore my own thoughts. But it just looked like millions of stars to me. "I lied, Dad. I never could see it."
"Me either."
I turned my head to see Anna standing above me. "Hey."
"Hon, we're all worried about you. Come back to the bar. Let me fix you a drink."
A drink would be nice. But I couldn't exactly do that anymore. "That's okay."
"I'm not saying you should drink away your sadness. I'm saying let's have a girls' night. It'll be fun."
Fun. I don't like having fun anymore. "I'm pregnant." It was like I didn't even have a filter anymore. I was so used to just confessing all my thoughts to the dead. I pressed my lips together. I hadn't meant to say it out loud.
"I see." She sat down next to me in the grass. "Who's the father?"
"You met him last night."
"The gentleman in his mid twenties with shaggy blonde hair who looked dejected after talking to you?"
"That would be him."
She was quiet for a moment. "He doesn't want the baby?"
"No. No, it's not that. I didn't even get a chance to tell him."
"Hon, you have to tell him."
"I know. But I don't even know his phone number. I don't know how to find him. All I know is that he lives in New York." I continued to stare up at the stars.
"You know, when I said I couldn't actually see Scorpius, I meant that you have to really search for it. You have to believe it's there."
I guess I could find Penny and James' address. That would be easier. They were famous. And they'd know where Tyler's apartment was. I needed to go. It wasn't just the fact that his baby was growing in my stomach, either. I still loved him. And I felt horrible.
But at the same time, I couldn't just leave. I had responsibilities. "I need to stay and take care of the bar. I can't let anything happen to it. It's his baby."
"Your father isn't the bar, hon."
"It's all that's left."
"Then you're not looking hard enough. He's in the stars."
The sky blurred above me. Of course he's in the stars.
"And he's in your heart. You're what's left of him, Hails. You're his baby. Not the bar. The bar never mattered. He just did that to support you."
"He loved it, though." And he loved you.
"He wanted you to go out and live your life. He didn't even want you to stay here when he was living. He wanted more for you. You know that. He was trying to give you everything he never got."
She was right. My dad would be horrified that I had been spending every night lying by his grave, shutting myself off. I had to stop this. I had to have faith for once. Just like he had enough faith to give love one last shot. "Will you take it?"
"What, the bar?" She seemed shocked.
I sat up and brushed the dirt off my back. "Yes. Will you take it?"
"I can't do that. I can watch it while you're gone, though."
"He'd want you to have it. If he wanted me to go out in the world, he'd want you to have the bar."
"Hails, I can't. You just said it was all you had left of him."
"And you showed me that wasn't true. Just promise you'll keep the name. Don't make it unrecognizable or anything."
"I won't change a thing. And if you decide to come back, it'll be waiting for you."
I shook my head. "It's yours. Take care of it for him." I nodded to myself, convincing myself I was doing the right thing as I stood up. "I have to go."
"Hailey." She slowly got to her feet too. "Stay in touch, okay? I'm going to want to meet that beautiful baby." She gave me a hug. "Your father would be so proud of you."
I hope so.