Missing Pieces - Chapter 62
Tyler
Sunday
I knocked on the door even though I had a key. My mom had moved after my dad died. She said it was too painful to live in the house they shared together. So even though this was technically my home now, it had never really felt like it. I had only ever spent summers during college here.
It only took a few seconds before my mom opened the door with a huge smile on her face.
She threw her arms around me before I could even say hello.
"I'm so glad you got here safely. I always worry about you when you drive long distances.
" She kissed my cheek but kept me in her embrace.
"How are you? Are you hungry? I have leftovers from dinner if you're hungry. .."
"I'm okay, Mom. It's just really good to see you."
She slowly released me from her hug.
"You don't look good." She put her hands on my shoulders.
I laughed. "Thanks."
She waved my comment away. "You know what I mean. Have you been eating okay? I guess you've been mostly eating at restaurants and such. You need a home cooked meal. Come in, come in."
I dropped my backpack in the hall and followed her into the kitchen. Even if I had just eaten a Thanksgiving feast, if my mom believed I was hungry, I'd have to eat. So I might as well have some food. Besides, a home cooked meal actually sounded perfect.
I tried to ignore the fact that she was staring at me while I ate. It was clear that she could tell something was bothering me. But I didn't feel like talking about it. Just thinking about Hailey put a lump in my throat.
"Is this about Penny getting married?"
I choked on my food. "Is what about Penny getting married?"
"This." She waved her arm in front of me.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Mom."
"You've been in love with that girl ever since you met her.
And if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, that girl is not the one for you.
You know I love her to death. She's a sweetheart.
But you need someone with a little more oomph if you know what I mean.
To deal with all this." She waved her arm in front of me again.
I laughed. "Am I so hard to deal with?"
"Yes. You get it from your father."
I shook my head. "So basically you want me to be with someone a little more like you? Is that it?"
"Exactly. Someone who can take care of you. And remind you to eat."
"I've been eating."
"If you say so. Really, it should be a sweet girl who pushes your buttons enough to get you to tell her what's really bothering you."
I put my fork down.
"One that will tell you that you're being an idiot when you try to do something like sign up for the marines on a whim." She raised her eyebrow at me.
"It wasn't a whim. I was trying to make Dad and Granddad proud."
"And you think you would have asked me if joining the marines would have done that.
I would have told you that it wouldn't. Just because your grandfather did it doesn't mean it was the right fit for you.
They both wanted something better for you than they had.
That's what all parents want. But no, you didn't ask me. "
"I'm sorry. You're right. I should have asked you."
"Exactly. Now that's enough food for you." She stood up and pulled my plate away. "You can eat again when you tell me what's wrong with you."
"There's nothing wrong."
"If there wasn't anything wrong you wouldn't have driven across the country. If nothing was wrong you wouldn't have somehow miraculously un-enlisted from the marines. And don't tell me you're on the run because I don't want to be any part of that."
"I'm not..."
"Hush."
My mom hadn't hushed me since I was a kid. Geez, she really was mad at me.
"And you certainly wouldn't be here if there wasn't something wrong. You have a perfectly good apartment in New York. So tell me what's wrong or you can go to your room."
I laughed. But it didn't look like she was joking. "It has nothing to do with Penny."
"Then tell me what it does have to do with."
Fuck. She really did know how to push my buttons. "I messed everything up."
She sat down next to me and squeezed my hand.
"I met this girl on the way to basic training. She's sweet but she tells me when I'm being an idiot. She's real. And she's way too good for me."
"Sounds like a keeper."
"Yeah, well...she hates me now."
"So fix it."
"It's not that simple."
"Of course it is."
"Not everything can be fixed. I can't be with someone who cries when she sees me." I suddenly felt like I was breaking. "I can't...I can't..."
"Bring dad back?"
"What?"
"Tyler, sweetie, you have to forgive yourself. It was an accident."
"It's not about that."
"Everything has been about that ever since the accident. You were a happy, carefree boy. And you've been nothing but trouble since then."
"Trouble?"
"Yes, trouble. All I do is worry about you. You go around pretending everything is okay, when I can see that you're suffering. Your father was so proud of you. Your grandfather was so proud of you. They both loved you more than life itself. They wouldn't want you to be living like this."
"Living like what?"
"Like you don't deserve happiness!"
I wanted to say I wasn't doing that. But I was. I convinced myself I was in love with Penny for three years. Probably just to torture myself. And I sure as hell told myself enough times that I didn't deserve her. That I was meant to be alone.
"You need to do what makes you happy. Isn't that really the only thing that matters? We don't have enough time on this earth to spend sad and regretful. It's too much work, sweetie."
"I miss him."
"Then look in the mirror. You're a spitting image of your father when he was your age." She patted my cheek and stood up. "You can have brownies now."
"I'm really not hungry."
"Nonsense. You're too thin." She put the pan down in front of me. "These were your dad's favorite too."