Runaway - Chapter 30
Thursday
Miller turned up the music as I put the monkey bread in the oven.
“I can’t believe you had all the ingredients.
” It was really quite shocking given that Miller’s kitchen wasn’t stocked very well.
But I didn’t need a fancy turkey feast for Christmas dinner.
I’d always loved breakfast for dinner. And the fact that he had all the ingredients for my favorite Christmas staple…
It meant that he’d hoped I’d come. That he was longing for me too.
And I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.
“Of course I had the ingredients. Just in case.” He pulled me in close and dipped me to the music.
I laughed as he pulled me back up. There was a funny song about reindeer blasting through the speakers, but I was glad we were slow dancing.
It was like I couldn’t get close enough to him.
I was starved for his touch. I wanted to hold him and stare at him and kiss his lips constantly.
And this time, I didn’t want to mess anything up. “I want to get this right.”
“What do you mean this ?” He pushed some hair away from his eyes.
“Us.” I reached up and put my fingers through his hair. He used to always keep it shaved close to his skull. But he must have let it grow out over the past several months. It looked good on him. But it also looked like the hair in his eyes annoyed him a bit. “Do you want me to give you a haircut?”
He laughed. “You’re changing the subject again.”
I hadn’t even realized I was doing that. I sighed and put my head on his shoulder as we swayed slowly to the music. “I want to get us right this time. I’m sorry I ever let you walk away.” This wasn’t coming out right. “I mean, I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m just…sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.”
I pulled back. “What are you sorry for?”
“Asking you to come with me when I knew you needed closure. Not letting you have your space to figure it out. I wasn’t trying to pressure you. It was hard for me. Watching you fall for someone else. Watching you choose someone else. Watching you miss someone else.”
It was hard for me too. Missing Matt. I blinked fast, trying to keep the images of him pushed to the back of my mind where they belonged. I was here with Miller. I was present with him. I was choosing him. “I missed you when I was in California. Desperately.”
He smiled. “I missed you too.” His hands slid to my ass.
I laughed. “You seem to like my butt in these pants.”
He looked down at the baggy sweatpants. “I like you in anything, Brooklyn.”
I pushed my fingers through his hair again. “I like you in anything too. And nothing.”
He smiled down at me.
“If I confess something, do you promise you won’t think I’m weird?”
“Well…how weird is it?”
I ran my fingers down to the back of his neck. I’d had a lot of time to ponder this. And I wasn’t sure what it said about me. But it was the truth. I was so tired of hiding from the truth. “As soon as I was free…I wished I was back in my cage.”
“Is that what you felt like? That you were in a cage?”
“At the time, yes.”
He pressed his lips together.
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting him to say. I’d basically just told him I’d felt trapped with him. But that wasn’t how I’d meant it. “I guess I needed to leave it to know how much I liked it.”
He raised his eyebrow. “Are you talking about liking me or the beach house?”
“Both I guess. Mostly you.” I smiled up at him even though I was suddenly sad.
“I think I just felt guilty being happy there with you. It was like I was torturing myself. Even though I’m pretty sure I had everything I ever wanted right in front of me.
Think about how much fun we could have had if I’d just given in to temptation. ”
“I still had fun with you, kid.”
I stuck my tongue out at him.
He laughed and lifted me up so that I was sitting on the edge of the counter.
He stood between my legs. The height from the counter made us eye level.
I felt…balanced. Even. Like I was staring back at my equal.
I’d never really felt that way with Matt.
He never meant to…but he made me feel lesser.
Even once I got my new last name, I still wasn’t good enough for him.
But with Miller? I breathed in his exhales as we just stared at each other.
I’d never felt such a…rush. I’d been so blind.
I leaned forward and lightly pressed my lips against his.
But he didn’t kiss me back.
He shifted so that his face was a few inches from mine. “We’re still in a cage. Running from your dad makes it hard to have a normal life.”
“Who cares about Little Dicky?”
Miller smiled and then shook his head. “I do if it means you can’t live the life you want.”
“I just told you…I don’t mind being in a cage with you. I picked this place because I knew you’d love it. But I knew I’d love it too. I want this life with you. Winter nights curled up in front of the fire with hot chocolate. Spring nights on the back porch looking out at the lake. Summer nights…”
He pressed his lips back to mine. But the kiss was fleeting again. “Have you heard from him at all?”
“My dad?” I shook my head.
“Me either. It’s weird, right? That he hasn’t tried to find either of us?”
“I had a flawless plan.”
“It was a decent plan. But you used your dad’s money.”
“Yeah. It wasn’t traceable though. The guy online said…”
“And how much did you know about that random guy you found online?”
I shrugged. Not much. But he’d gotten me the passports.
He’d gotten Miller this house. He’d made sure to have a bank account set up for Miller…
I lost my train of thought when I looked down and saw a hole in the knee of the sweatpants.
I thought about how the pantry was barely stocked with any food.
And Miller had chastised me for not wearing a jacket, but the one he’d been wearing looked like it was threadbare.
I looked over at the Christmas tree. There were lights but no ornaments.
And I had no way of knowing, but I bet he cut it down himself from somewhere in the yard.
The Christmas magic in the air made me think everything here was perfect.
A perfect Christmas scene that I’d walked right into. But was it?
Miller cleared his throat and tried to step back. “I should probably start making some eggs.
I caught his hand. “Have you not been using the money in your account?”
“I don’t want any of that money, Brooklyn.”
“But…it’s yours.”
He laughed. “No, it’s not mine. If anything it’s yours.” He walked over toward the fridge and opened it.
How could he not use that money? I’d gotten it for him. To make sure he could have whatever life he wanted.
I slid off the counter as he cracked some eggs into a very old looking pan. “You don’t think you earned that money for all the shit my dad put you through?”
He didn’t respond.
“My dad clearly doesn’t miss it. He hasn’t come after either of us.”
“I don’t need it,” Miller said.
“What about your online classes?”
“I finished the fall semester. And I’ll pick the classes back up again when I save up some money.”
“But you have the money just sitting there…”
“I’ll save up soon enough. Probably by next fall. The following spring at the latest.”
I didn’t expect to come here and have my first fight with him. But this was ridiculous. The money was for him. I’d gotten it for him. “Saving up what money? You can’t get a job. You need like legal forms for that and stuff.”
“I’m getting paid under the table at a local restaurant.”
“You’re a waiter?” We were on opposite sides of the country doing exactly the same thing. Except he was the one with a fat bank account. He didn’t have to rely on crappy tips and pinching pennies.
“No.” He pulled out the monkey bread right before the timer went off. And then he plated the eggs and handed me one of the plates. “I’m a line cook.”
I was about to laugh. Miller was not a great cook. And yet…the eggs on my plate were perfectly scrambled. They weren’t even a little burnt. I looked back up at Miller. “You’re a cook?”
“Don’t act so surprised. I had a pretty good teacher.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it again. I wasn’t pissed anymore. I was…kind of impressed. Had he been practicing cooking this whole time? I scooped some monkey bread out of the pan and sat down on a stool at the kitchen island. The eggs were delicious. The bread too. “You can cook now.”
He laughed. “I had to learn how to do it on my own eventually. Someone left me to my own devices.”
I lightly shoved his shoulder. “Are you kidding me? I left you with millions of dollars!”
He blinked. “What?”
“Did you not even look at the account?”
“No. Did you just say there were millions of dollars in the account? Millions with an s?”
I laughed. “Yeah.”
“Huh. How about that.” He started to eat.
“That’s all you have to say? Huh? Are you going to use it now?”
“Nah. I have everything I need.”
What? “But…”
“I have everything I need, Brooklyn.” He grabbed my hand on the counter. “Really. Everything I need is right here.”
Me. I was everything he needed.
“Now eat before I start thinking you hate my cooking.”
I laughed and took a bite of monkey bread. It was so much better than last Christmas. I watched him as he took a bite of eggs. Last Christmas had been amazing. But this Christmas? Hands down, it was my favorite yet.
***
We were sitting right in front of the fire, our limbs tangled.
“How old are you?” I asked. “And don’t say ‘older than you.’ You’ve given me that answer before.”
He laughed. “Did I say that?”
“Yes you did. Now answer the question.”
He pushed his hair off his forehead. It was almost like he was nervous to tell me. “I’m 23.”
“Hmm.” Yup, I was right. Miller wasn’t a boy who had no idea what he wanted.
He was a man. And 23 wasn’t that much older than me at all.
Ever since my mom got sick, I felt like I was aging double time.
According to that logic, I was pretty much in my twenties too now.
And I wasn’t just some kid confused about what I wanted.
I knew I wanted him. “So I guess you were 22 when we first met?”
“Yeah.”
“Your ‘older than you’ response back then was a little pompous then, don’t you think?”
“I just didn’t want you to get any wrong ideas.”
“What kind of wrong ideas?”
“Oh…I don’t know. I didn’t want you to think that you could climb into my bed. Or kiss me. Or anything like that.”
I laughed. “Well, that backfired pretty hard.”
“You’re very persuasive.” He hooked my leg over him.
“Am I?” I sat up so I was straddling him. “That’s good, because I really want to know your first name.”
He laughed, but didn’t tell me what it was.
“So…what is it?”
“Nope.”
“Nope is not a name.” I stared down at him. He’d stopped making eye contact with me. If anything he looked more nervous about this than the age thing. “Why won’t you tell me?”
“Because I like when you call me Miller.”
“I promise I’ll still call you Miller. Honestly, it would be hard to stop calling you that at this point. Just like you have a hard time not calling me kid.”
“How about you just keep calling me Miller and I won’t call you kid anymore.”
“No deal. Tell me your first name.”
“I don’t like my first name. And you won’t like it either.”
“I like everything about you.”
He laughed. “You won’t like this.”
“Oh come on.” I leaned forward, knowing perfectly well I was grinding against him. “Knowing your first name is all I want for Christmas.”
“I thought that that thing we did earlier was your Christmas present.” He put that thing in air quotes.
“Ha. Ha. Very funny. If anything that was more of a present to you.”
“Is that right?”
“Miller.” I grabbed his hands and moved them to either side of his face, holding him down. “Tell me your name right now.”
His Adam’s apple slowly rose and then fell.
“Stop looking at me like that. You’re distracting me. I need to know your first name.”
“Then don’t pin me down like you’re about to devour me.”
“I’m not going to release you until you spill it. And stop trying to distract me!” He’d just shifted beneath me and I could feel his erection. “You’re not playing fair. Just tell me!”
It didn’t look like he was planning on playing fair at all.