Runaway - Chapter 47
I held Jacob to my chest as I stared out at the frozen lake. I had this sense of dread in my chest. And I had no idea why. But I’d felt it with my mom. With my uncle. Like time was ticking down too quickly and I didn’t know how to stop it.
I heard the crunch of snow behind me. And even though I felt like something terrible was about to happen, I didn’t turn around. Because time had only just started ticking down in my head. And I knew it was just Miller walking up behind me on the dock. We were safe. For now.
Miller wrapped his arms around me, kissing the side of my neck. “How are my two favorite people in the world today?”
I sighed, leaning into Miller. “Worried.”
Even though he was behind me, I could sense his frown.
“I think we need to move.”
He held me tighter. “Brooklyn, we’ve been over this. Isabella’s not out there anymore.”
I knew that. And yet…why was I still nervous? “I can’t stop thinking about my dad. And how he said he’d kill you if you ever touched me again.”
“Like this?” He swept my hair to the side and kissed my neck.
I laughed and turned to him. “I’m serious. I can’t lose you. We both need to be here for Jacob.”
Miller leaned down, kissing Jacob’s forehead. And then his fingers disappeared into my hair as he drew my temple to his lips, kissing it. “I know you’re worried, kid. I also know you haven’t been getting much sleep lately. Why don’t you let me take Jacob and you can take a nap before dinner.”
“It’s not because I’m tired, Miller. I feel this sense of doom in my chest.”
He pulled me closer as if he could warm the feeling from my heart.
“I think if we move…”
“Our life is here. And it’s perfect.”
“I know. It’s almost…too perfect.”
He kissed my forehead again. “There’s no such thing as too perfect. I want to raise all our kids here. I want us to grow old here together.”
I wanted that too. Desperately. But to me it didn’t matter where we were as long as we were together.
A snowflake hit the tip of my nose and I looked up at the sky. Flurries were suddenly dancing around us.
“Remember our first winter here together? When we were out on the lake? And I almost fell through? You saved me. But every day…it feels like I’m falling through that ice all over again.”
“I swear on my life, that I will never let anything bad happen to you. To either of you. Please, Brooklyn. I’m begging you to let this go. I’m begging you to just be happy.”
“I am happy.”
“Worrying every day isn’t being happy.”
I swallowed hard. I didn’t know what it was, but I did worry more now. It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. When really it was just the weight of Jacob in my arms. I needed to protect him. I needed to protect all of us.
“If anything ever happens to any of us…it’ll be my fault. Because my dad…”
“No. If anything ever happens to any of us, it’ll be my fault. Okay? Because I’m the one protecting you. Not the other way around, kid.”
I tried to blink the tears in my eyes away.
“Remember when you used to get those panic attacks all the time?” He touched the side of my face.
“You learned to breathe through them. I know everything feels heavy right now. But I’m here to help you carry that burden.
” He lifted Jacob out of my arms. “I need you back, Brooklyn. I need you to breathe through this.”
Tears started welling in my eyes. I knew he thought I had postpartum depression. I didn’t think that was it. I think I just had a lifetime of being scared. But…maybe he was right. “I’m scared all the time.”
“I know.” He pulled me in close. “Okay. I think you’re right. Maybe we need some time away from here. Maybe we should go somewhere sunnier for a bit. I have a few vacation weeks saved up.”
“Thank you.” I knew he didn’t want to leave. But I already felt relieved.