Homecoming - Chapter 10
Sunday
Brooklyn
I stared at Kennedy. How could she possibly think I could hate her?
After all these years, I’d been worried she hated me .
It was never the other way around. I’d lived with so much guilt.
“I could never hate you, Kennedy. I’m the one that messed everything up back in high school.
All of it. There were so many days where I wished I could apologize to you one more time. ”
Kennedy shook her head. “I wasn’t mad at you.” Tears started pooling in the corners of her eyes. “I was just so upset over the situation. And I’ve regretted my last words to you every single day.” Her voice cracked.
“But they weren’t your last words. I’m here right now.”
She sniffed. “I know. And there’s so much I need to tell you.” She wiped the corners of her eyes with her fingertips. “First of all, there’s nothing to be at all upset about because Matt and Poppy…”
“I really don’t want to talk about Matt anymore,” I said, cutting her off.
I didn’t know why everyone kept bringing him up, like I came back to New York because of him.
Hell, it was the exact opposite. I’d vowed to never step foot in this city again because of him.
I took a deep breath. “Come on. I need some fresh air.” I grabbed her hand to pull her to the crosswalk.
There was only one place I knew of in the city to get fresh air.
We crossed the street and went into one of the entrances to Central Park.
I wrapped my arms around myself as we walked in silence.
Each step into the park made me feel colder.
I’d made a mistake. This air wasn’t fresh.
It was claustrophobic, filled with memories of me with Matt.
I stopped at a bench and sat down before we had a chance to turn the corner.
Because I knew what was down that path. There was this cute little bridge that Matt had taken me to all those years ago.
With a perfect view of our wedding venue.
It was so weird how much time changed things. I could never imagine being sad here back then. And now? I felt empty.
Kennedy sat down beside me, but she didn’t say a word.
I looked up at the trees above us. The leaves were yellow, orange, red, and brown. I’d fallen in love with Matt during a fall just like this.
But now I just wanted everyone to stop talking about him and what could have been.
Because it hadn’t happened. And now fall meant so much more to me.
I wrapped my arms tighter around myself.
It meant raking leaves and jumping in them with my family.
It meant long strolls around the lake, hand in hand with Miller, and watching Jacob stomp on the crunchy leaves.
“Brooklyn,” Kennedy said, breaking the silence. “It’s fine that you don’t want to talk about Matt. And I wish you’d tell me why. But I’ll drop it if that’s what you really want.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“But just because you don’t want to talk about him with me…I really think you should go see him.”
Why wasn’t she letting this go? “I have nothing to say to him.”
“How is that possible? Brooklyn, he thought you were dead for 16 years. You owe him an explanation.”
“I don’t owe him anything.”
“But…”
I stood up. “Please, Kennedy. He’s happy and that’s the end of the story. I think it’s better if he just keeps thinking I’m dead.”
She scrunched her mouth to the side as she stared at me. “Better for him or for you?”
“For both of us.”
“I don’t think that’s true. Brooklyn, it destroyed him when you left…”
“I didn’t leave!” I didn’t know why I was yelling at Kennedy. None of this was her fault. “I didn’t leave,” I said more quietly.
“I know. Your dad forced you to stay at that safe house. But… years of your life were missing from your note, Brooklyn. Why didn’t you come back when you escaped? Why didn’t you come home?”
“Home?” I took another deep breath. That word hit me like a punch in the gut.
Home. I used to think Matt was my home. But I was wrong.
About all of it. And now I was standing in the middle of Central Park desperately missing my actual home.
The one I’d made with Miller. I tried to blink back my tears.
What the fuck was I doing here? Tears started to stream down my cheeks.
Kennedy leapt to her feet and embraced me in a big hug. “I’m sorry. I’ll drop it. I’m so sorry.”
I hugged her back. “I’m sorry too.” As far as I was concerned, those were the words I’d needed to say all these years. I owed them to her and no one else.
I never should have come back here. Jacob and I needed to go home.
***
There was no reason to stay on the run. My father said my name was clear.
And I didn’t want to go to Canada and start over.
I loved my home. Miller had wanted to raise Jacob there.
So that’s what I was going to do. I was going to raise our son where Miller’s memory would be all around us. That’s what he would have wanted.
I crouched down in front of Jacob. He’d just woken up from his nap and I could tell he was still a little sleepy. “Hey, sweet boy,” I whispered and ran my finger through his hair.
He closed his eyes again, like he was as upset to face the day as I was. But he’d be better once we were home. We both would be.
I looked over at Kennedy. She didn’t need to say it. I could see it all over her face. She was disappointed that I was leaving. Or maybe she was just disappointed.
But she knew how hard loss was. She’d lost her father. She knew how twisted up my heart was. And I couldn’t be here in this city where memories made me feel even sicker. I just needed time to heal. Maybe I’d be able to open up about everything to her in time. Just…not right now.
I ran my fingers through Jacob’s hair again. “It’s time to go home.”
He finally opened up his eyes. “Nooooo,” he said, in the adorable, drawn-out way I loved.
“It’s time, Jacob.”
“Noooo.”
I wasn’t expecting this response. I thought he’d be happy. “You’ll get to sleep in your own bed.”
“Noooo.”
I pressed my lips together. Was he thinking about how hard it would be to walk through our front yard ever again?
Because I was. I knew it would be hard. But we were strong.
We’d get through it. We’d remember the good, not the bad.
“You know, I was thinking, when we get home maybe we can get you a pet. Something snuggly.”
“Noooo.”
I thought for sure he’d be excited about that. He loved his stuffed animals. And I thought some extra noise in the house would do us both good. “Sweet boy, we have to go home.”
“I want us to stay here with Aunt Kennedy and my abuela.”
Abuela? I looked over at Mrs. Alcaraz. She pressed her lips together and quickly turned back to the stove.
Had she asked him to call her that? It made my heart ache a little less.
Jacob hadn’t gotten to know my parents or Miller’s.
As far as I was concerned, my father would never meet him.
Mrs. Alcaraz had always treated me like her own daughter.
She was the closest thing Jacob would ever have to a grandmother.
And it all just made me…want to curl up in a ball and cry.
God, this was all just making it harder to go.
“We can’t stay here,” I said. “We have to go home.”
A spoon clattered in a pan and I looked up. Mrs. Alcaraz was staring at us. “No,” she said firmly. She wiped her hands on her apron and walked over to us. “Mi amor.” She put her hands on both sides of my face. “I mean yes. You both stay here. With us.”
“I…we can’t inconvenience you like that,” I said.
“We’re family. This is home.” She patted my cheeks before letting go.
“But you don’t have room for us…”
“I’m actually looking for a new place,” Kennedy said, cutting me off. “So there will be an empty bed here soon anyway. Might as well not let it go cold.” She smiled at me.
“See,” Mrs. Alcaraz said. “No cold beds.” And then she turned to Jacob. “You want to help roll out dough?”
“Yessie!” Jacob stood up on the couch and reached for her.
She scooped him up into her arms, balancing him on her hip. I was used to Jacob being shy. But he felt comfortable with Mrs. Alcaraz after just a few hours alone.
Abuela. I watched the two of them laughing in the kitchen. It had been a really long time since I’d heard him laugh like that. The same way he used to laugh running around our back yard, without a care in the world. He was happy here.
“Please stay,” Kennedy said and put her arm around me. “Even just for a little longer.”
I watched as Mrs. Alcaraz showed Jacob how to cut the dough. I could already smell the filling for the empanadas on the stove. The whole apartment felt warm and cozy. Just like it always had. Just like when I used to call this apartment home.
I dropped my head onto Kennedy’s shoulder. How was I ever supposed to leave now?