Homecoming - Chapter 14
Monday
Brooklyn
It took me all of two hours to break my promise of not going back to Central Park. But I’d do anything for Jacob when he looked up at me with his big brown eyes. Miller’s eyes. And Kennedy had told Jacob about the Central Park Zoo last night. Of course I couldn’t say no.
It was easy to avoid spots that triggered memories on this side of Central Park though. I’d never really explored over here very much.
“Are we there yet?” Jacob asked.
I laughed and picked him up.
“Por favor,” he said.
“Sweet boy, you’re picking up Spanish very quickly.”
“Sí. Are we there yet?”
I laughed and kissed his cheek. “Yes, we’re almost at the zoo.” Soon I wouldn’t be able to understand a word he said. I needed to take lessons from Mrs. Alcaraz too if I was going to keep up.
Jacob had been so shy back home. But he was really coming out of his shell here.
He loved Mrs. Alcaraz and Kennedy like they truly were related to him.
I knew I’d been coddling him. Sheltering him from the real world.
But he was stronger and braver than I even knew.
And I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for letting my own fears hold him back.
He should have been in pre-school, socializing with kids his own age.
I’d wanted to be enough for him. But…he deserved more than a life of fear.
He deserved a real teacher. And friends.
I’d been scared of taking any risks, and the worst had happened anyway.
I kissed his cheek again. I’m sorry, sweet boy. I’m sorry about all of it.
Jacob pointed up ahead. “The zoo!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his excitement. He’d never been to the zoo. Or seen many animals other than the neighbor’s cat or dog. And fish in our lake. This was a new adventure. I pressed my lips together. A first experience that Miller would miss.
“The zoo!” Jacob said again.
I hugged him a little tighter. We’ve got this. Together.
Jacob wiggled in my arms after we walked through the archway. I grabbed us a map and then set him down. He took off at record speed. I ran after him as he ducked and dodged between people on his way to the first exhibit.
He stood at the gates in awe, staring through the bars.
I crouched down next to him. “Those are sea lions.”
“Lions go roar!” he said.
I laughed. “Mhm. But these are more like…seals.” Right?
“Roar!” he said again.
I pictured Miller reading his favorite book about animals to him. The lions went roar. And the made-up bits about monsters going rawr. I pressed my lips together and looked down at the map.
“Okay, little dude. We have…penguins, monkeys, snow leopards. Oh and there’s a tropical zone.”
He looked up at me. “Tropical zone?”
“It’s like snakes and bats and things.”
His eyes grew round. “Yessie.”
“Okay, let’s head that way first.” I slid my hand into his and we walked past the sea lion enclosure.
The tropical zone was inside. And the air hit me with a memory.
But this one wasn’t of Miller. Or Matt. I pictured holding my mom’s hand, just like Jacob was holding mine as we’d explored the Longwood Gardens Conservatory.
The air was hot and sticky and with the large trees it almost even smelled the same.
“Mommy,” Jacob tugged on my hand.
I hadn’t even realized I’d stopped walking.
“Sorry. Let’s go see the snakes.” We walked over toward the glass and Jacob peered in.
I saw one slither by and pointed.
His little nose hit the glass as he tried to get closer. He looked so happy. And it was so much easier to smile when he was smiling. I was pretty sure I’d just found his new favorite thing.
We spent the next hour exploring the rest of the tropical zone.
And I was happy that Jacob seemed just as interested in the parrots as the snakes.
I certainly preferred fluffier animals. Being in here made me feel like my mom was here with us.
Or that I was at least getting one of her big hugs.
But I could tell Jacob was antsy to go back outside.
“What do you want to see next?” I ruffled his hair. “Grizzly bears? Or…” I pulled the map out again.
“Monkeys,” he said and pointed to a picture of monkeys on the map.
“Good choice.”
We wandered outside and down the walking path. The monkeys were even better than the parrots. But I preferred Jacob’s interpretation. He jumped around yelling “Eee! Eee! Eee!”
“I think there’s some red pandas over there,” I said and pointed down another path.
“Red…pandas?”
I laughed. “They look more like raccoons than bears. Do you want to see?”
“Yessie.” He slid his hand back in mine and we walked toward the next exhibit.
And as soon as the exhibit came into view he ran off again to get closer.
But this time I held back. Because the little red headed girl next to him at the red panda enclosure had started talking to him.
She was a little shorter than him, but they must have been close to the same age.
They laughed about something.
I swallowed hard. As hard as it was to believe, this was the first time Jacob had ever spoken to someone his own age. And he didn’t have stranger danger at all. They both laughed again and started jumping around like monkeys together. I felt tears welling in my eyes.
“Is that sweet little boy yours?” a woman asked from beside me.
I nodded and looked over at her. She was pushing a stroller and her hair was the exact same shade of red as the little girl’s. There was no doubt in my mind that she was her mom. “I guess everyone always knows you’re her mother without having to ask?”
She laughed. “Yes. But if anyone looks closely, she actually looks much more like her father.”
I doubted that. She was a spitting image of her mother, minus the fact that the little girl’s eyes were brown and her mother’s were blue.
“And she’s certainly less shy than I was at her age. She gets that from her father too.”
“Well, I thought Jacob was shy until about two minutes ago when he started talking to her.”
“I’ve always loved the name Jacob. It was actually one of my top choices when we had this little guy.” She gestured toward the sleeping baby in the stroller.
I bit the inside of my lip as I looked down at her baby. And for just a second, I wanted to cry at his adorably peaceful face. He reminded me of everything I’d lost. Everything I’d never have now. I bit my lip even harder and looked away. “And what name did you land on for him?”
“Liam.”
I smiled, even though it was forced.
“And the hyper little redhead flirting with your son is Scarlett.”
I laughed, and it wasn’t forced at all now. Flirting was probably an exaggeration, but the two of them seemed to be having a blast.
“You know…you look so familiar,” she said.
“I get that a lot. I must just have one of those faces.” Why did complete strangers keep saying that to me? I had a feeling there was some woman with a similar face to mine who posed for paintings that was very popular right now or something.
“And I’m being incredibly rude. I didn’t catch your name. I’m Penny.” She put her hand out for me to shake, but at the exact same time her son started crying. “Oh, sorry. One second.” She leaned down and lifted him out of the stroller, and in a couple minutes he’d fallen back asleep in her arms.
“The red pandas are Scarlett’s favorite exhibit,” she whispered. “She’s convinced she’s related to them.”
I laughed and kept my eyes on my son. It seemed like anything could set me off these days. And I hadn’t been expecting to be standing next to a baby. But I should have. We were at a zoo.
I would have wandered off, but the woman genuinely seemed nice. And it would be rude to run off when our kids were chatting.
“One of my friends told her that she could actually pet one.” She rolled her eyes. “I could kill him for that. Now every time we come here, she runs straight to this exhibit and asks if she can pet them.”
Scarlett turned to look at her mother.
“Oh no. Just wait for it. It’ll probably happen in three, two, one…”
“Mommy, Mommy!” Scarlett yelled and ran up to her. “Can I pet one today?”
“Not today, sweetie.”
“But Uncle Matt said I could.”
I laughed, picturing the Matt I used to know telling this stranger’s kid that.
And it was weird. And stupid. But I could totally picture it.
Even though there was no way Matt was this little girl’s uncle.
She didn’t look anything like Mason. Her eyes were more intense.
Actually, those eyes did look a little familiar.
.. I quickly shook the thought aside. I did not know these people.
“So you can pet one when your Uncle Matt takes you.” Penny shrugged at me.
Scarlett sighed. “But I told Jacob we could pet them. Isn’t that right, Jacob?”
My son nodded.
Penny looked over to me for help.
“That’s okay,” I said. “Maybe next time. How about we go look at the snakes again instead?”
Scarlett gasped.
“She hates snakes,” Penny said with a laugh. “And Scar, we’ve been here for hours already. It’s getting late. We should head home for lunch.”
“Peanut butter and jelly?” she asked.
Her mom nodded.
“Can Jacob come?” Scarlett looked up at me.
“Oh,” I said. “Thank you so much for inviting us, but we were just going to grab some lunch here.”
“But Ellie makes the best peanut butter and jelly. I was just telling Jacob. Puhleeeeease.”
I didn’t know who Ellie was. And I really didn’t want to impose. I still wasn’t sure Jacob and I were staying in the city. Letting him make friends was probably a mistake…
But my heart melted when Jacob looked up at me. “Please, Mommy. I want peanut butter and jelly.”
I looked back at Penny. “I mean…if it’s not too much trouble…”
“We’d love to have you,” Penny said. “But…”
“It’s fine,” I quickly said. “We didn’t want to inconvenience you anyway.”
She laughed. “It’s no inconvenience at all. Really. But I have a few errands to run today right after lunch. And I really need to get those errands done or I’ll have to take tomorrow off too.”
“Really, it’s okay…”
“Could we maybe do Wednesday instead?” she asked before I could finish. “If you’re free? That way the kids will have time to play.”
I smiled. “That sounds great.” I needed more to fill up my days. It was the quiet moments that killed me the most.
“We actually live really close to here. So hopefully it’ll be easy to find.
” She was still balancing Liam on her hip as she pulled out a pen and paper.
She jotted her address down on the paper.
“Does Wednesday at noon work?” Apparently her writing disturbed Liam’s slumber, because she handed me the paper just as he started crying again.
“That sounds great,” I said over his cries.
“Fantastic. See you both on Wednesday!” she said as she wrassled a very protesting Scarlett into Liam’s spot in the stroller so she could manage on getting the two of them out of the zoo.
Jacob smiled up at me. “This was the best day ever!”
“You like your new friend?”
“And the sea lions. And the little red pandas. And the snakes!”
“Well we still have time to see the grizzly bears. Race you there?”
He took off before I could even count to three.
The little cheater. We were both laughing as we reached the next enclosure.
I lifted him up so he could get a better view.
Jacob had made a new friend. And I was pretty sure I just did too.
Maybe staying here a little longer wouldn’t be the worst thing.