Homecoming - Chapter 21
Thursday
Matt
“Where are you going?” I asked as Tanner rolled a suitcase through the dining room.
“I told you. I have a thing.”
I just stared at him.
“An out-of-town thing. I mentioned it the other day.”
“You’re leaving me here with Nigel?” I asked.
“Well, I can’t exactly take him with me. He’ll scare her off.”
“Scare who off?”
“No one.” He started whistling as he untucked a fedora from under his arm, rolled it down his arm, and hit it up with his elbow. It landed perfectly on his head. “I love vacations. It’s one of the only excuses to wear one of my old hats.”
I didn’t think his hat looked old, but it did look a little off. The brim was too wide. Or too long. Or something. “I didn’t even realize you liked hats.”
“I have a whole hat room,” Tanner said.
“Where?”
He looked over his shoulder at the hallway. “Don’t go poking around. It’ll upset Nigel.”
“Right…because I’ll get burned?”
Tanner laughed. “Who said anything about you getting burned if you poked around?”
“Nigel. I’m pretty sure he said ‘Snoopers get burned.’ ”
“I mean…that’s an old phrase, isn’t it? I recall now. It’s nothing weird about the apartment. But…don’t snoop. And now you’re looking at me like you’re going to snoop. Nigel!” he called.
Nigel ran into the dining room holding a tray of sausages. “Does Mr. Caldwell need some more sausage?”
“No, I’m good,” I said. Nigel had been serving me sausages non-stop for days now. And I wasn’t loving that for me.
“Nope, his plate is still full,” Tanner said. “But I need you to keep your eyes on him while I’m away.”
Nigel frowned. “I’m not coming with you? I packed my trunk already.”
“I need you here,” Tanner said and slapped his back. “So that Matt won’t find that room with the surprise.”
“You mean the room with all the pictures and the red string?”
Tanner laughed. “No. I don’t have one of those rooms.”
“But…”
“Shh!” he cleared his throat. “Just…don’t let him get into anything he shouldn’t.” He leaned down and I definitely heard him whisper, “But yes, including the room with the pictures and red string.”
Nigel nodded.
“Very well, I’m off!” Tanner tipped his hat at me as he rolled his suitcase.
“Wait, how long will you be gone?” I asked.
“If she falls asleep I’ll be back tonight. Otherwise I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“What the hell does that mean? Are you going to bang her while she’s…”
“Good heavens, no. But I’m known to drive too quickly and it scares people. I’ll drive stupid and slow if she stays awake. Scratch all of that. I’ll just put her to sleep. Nigel, get me the sleep aid, will you?”
Nigel nodded and went back into the kitchen.
“You’re drugging this girl?”
“It’s not a sex thing, Matt. I’m not even interested in her like that.” He stood there for a moment. “I mean…she’s hot, don’t get me wrong. Beautiful, really. She has that girl next door vibe that I’m so fond of. Sorry what was I saying?” He snapped his fingers. “Right. She’s not a match for me.”
“Okay…”
“I promise everything is fine. I’m not drugging anyone for sex purposes, and you’re not going to snoop. I’ll be back this evening.”
Nigel hurried in and handed Tanner a to-go cup.
“I’ll need a sippy cup too,” Tanner said. “I haven’t seen the little one, but I’m thinking small.”
Nigel ran back out of the room.
“The little one?” I asked.
“Well, it would be quite alarming if he was a teen. That would add in a whole new set of questions I’d have to get to the bottom of.”
“Wait, how many people are on this road trip?”
“Aren’t you full of questions this morning. Don’t you have to get to work?”
“I thought you wanted me to stay in my room.”
Tanner laughed. “Touché.”
“But yeah, I do need to get to work.” I left my sausage plate uneaten and stood up. “I’ll walk down with you.”
“Nope,” Tanner said.
“Why?”
“Because I’m doing things. You wouldn’t understand. Just…don’t follow me.”
“Well now I really want to follow you.”
“No.”
I just laughed. Because I had no idea what was going on. And he was acting stranger than usual.
Nigel rushed back in with a sippy cup.
And now I just had more questions than ever. Seriously…Tanner didn’t have kids. So why the hell did he have that in his house?
“I’m off,” Tanner said.
“Have a nice trip,” I said. “And don’t do anything illegal.”
“I’m not going to promise anything. But I’ll be on my best behavior with her.
And you two behave while I’m off.” He waved and then walked out of the room whistling.
“Oh and Nigel,” he said and popped just his head back into the room.
“I’m taking the limo, so you’ll have to run your errands with a different vehicle. ”
“But I like the limo,” Nigel said.
“I know you like being extra at the grocery store. I swear I wouldn’t take it if I didn’t need all the space for boxes.”
Boxes? Seriously, what the hell was Tanner doing?
Nigel sighed. “Fine.”
“Bye,” Tanner said and this time he really did leave. Because I heard the door close behind him.
Nigel was standing there staring at me. “What shall we do today while Master is away?”
“Um…I’m going to work.”
“Great, I’ll go change into my work outfit.”
“Nigel, you don’t…” but he was already walking away. Was he seriously going to follow me to work?
***
Nigel was sitting behind my desk when I got back from my meeting. Scrolling on my computer even though I hadn’t given him my password.
“What are you doing?”
He jumped. “Internets.”
I glared at him until he pushed back the chair and stood up.
Every time I saw him today I was still somehow surprised by his choice of “work clothes.” He was wearing coveralls like he thought he was going to be spending the day at a construction site.
Even though he knew where I worked. None of it made any sense.
“Sorry,” Nigel said. “I like the internets. It’s fun. Did you know that there’s a thing called Google that always tells the truth about anything you ask it?”
“That’s definitely not how the internet works. And don’t you have a computer at home?”
“Yes. I have a whole computer room at home.”
“Like with games and stuff?”
“No, it’s just a big computer that takes up a whole room. Almost as big as this office. And slow. Very, very slow. And no internets.”
“It’s just internet. No ‘s’.”
“I don’t think that’s right,” Nigel said.
“Wait, are you talking about one of the very first computers? Those huge old things? A mainframe?”
“Yes.”
“Why don’t you have a laptop?”
“I don’t like little things. I like big things. The bigger the better.”
Seriously, why did everything he say sound so sexual?
“What shall we do now?” Nigel asked. “Do you want me to staple more documents? Or to clean the coffee machine again? I can answer more phone calls. But it didn’t seem like you liked when I did that. Or I can go pick up second lunch?”
Second lunch? We’d just eaten. And why did he eat two lunches? He’d been hovering all day. I’d been given him odd jobs around the office, but he always came back within minutes claiming he was done.
And that actually gave me an idea. “I need a contract.”
“Oh. A sex one? I’ll need more details, please.”
“No, not a sex one.” What was wrong with him? “You get everything done so fast. And I had this idea in my head for a contract with Poppy. The Pruitts and Cannavaros love contracts.”
“So a love contract, then? You can add intercourse requirements to that. Or not. If you’re not into that with Poppy…”
“No. Not a love contract.”
“So you are into that with Poppy?”
“Nigel, you know I don’t like Poppy.”
He smiled to himself and grabbed a notepad. “Then what is the contract for?”
“Poppy knows that I know she killed someone. But I think me blackmailing her might have made her fall in love with me because she’s a crazy person.
So I’m not sure if my blackmail is going to deter her from doing anything, but she would never break a contract.
The Cannavaros and Pruitts have some kind of obsession with them.
So I need a contract for her to sign. That promises she won’t hurt anyone I know or love. ”
“Thank you for protecting me,” Nigel said.
Wow, this wasn’t about him. But I guess it did include him. “You’re welcome, Nigel.”
He started writing down some notes.
“And in exchange for her signing the document I will promise not to go to the police. That needs to be very clear. No loopholes or anything.”
He nodded and kept writing.
“Done.” He handed it to me.
It was ten pages long. With clauses and everything.
It took me longer to read it than it had for him to handwrite it.
Seriously…how had he done that? Maybe I needed him to come to work with me more often…
“This is excellent work, Nigel.” Except for the clause at the end requiring Poppy to seal the deal by sending me a 72” freestanding tub made of rare Italian petrified wood.
Although it did look pretty comfortable…
He smiled. “Can I use your computer to type it? I like typing.”
“Of course.”
He jumped back onto my chair and started typing at record speed. It only took a few minutes before he was printing it out. “Shall I fax it to her?”
“You know what, Nigel? I think that’s the perfect way to deliver it.” That would really fuck with her head. Getting a fax in the middle of the afternoon. I smiled to myself.
The faxing process actually took longer than the typing. But I didn’t even care. Nigel looked so happy when he finally turned around.
“You know what? Let’s go get that second lunch,” I said.
He beamed at me. “Can we get jambon-beurre?”
“I have no idea what that is.”
“It’s Parisian street food. I used to eat it all the time when I was little. You’ll like it. It’s filled with meat.”
I laughed. “Sure.”
“I love break time,” Nigel said. “Just two boys on the town.”
In the middle of the workday . “You said you ate this all the time when you were little,” I said as we made our way to the elevators. “Nigel, did you grow up in France?” Because he’d done a pretty great accent when he’d dressed up as Francois the other night.
“Oh…I’ve moved all over.”
“That’s what Tanner always says too.”
“He has also moved all over. Staying in one place gets…boring after a while, you know?” He sighed and stared at the elevator.
“Am I boring you, Nigel?” I asked with a laugh.
“No, it’s more like the place gets bored of us.”
That was such a sad sentiment. “I don’t think I could possibly get bored of you, Nigel.”
He smiled.
“Really. We’re friends.” I put my hand on his shoulder. Despite all the weirdness, Nigel truly was my friend. And he’d helped me out of my situation with Poppy. I owed him a lot.
“Friends? You mean it?”
I nodded.
“Okay, I’ll go through with my plan then.”
“Um…what plan?”
“You’ll see. Let’s go get our meat on!” He hurried onto the elevator and slid his hand down the entire row of buttons.
“Nigel, why didn’t you just hit the first floor?” I asked and stepped on beside him.
“Don’t you have to give it directions?”
“Hitting the main floor button is the direction.”
“But like…tell it the path?”
“Nigel, don’t you take the elevator up to Tanner’s penthouse?”
“No. I like the stairs.”
Of course he did. We slowly descended, the doors sliding open at every floor. “You know what? I like the stairs too. Let’s take them.” Otherwise we’d be in this elevator all day. I felt sorry for the guy who got in as we were getting off.
“What the fuck?” he said under his breath as the doors closed shut.
Nigel and I both laughed.
“Will you be coming with me to practice today too?” I asked.
Nigel nodded.
This would actually be great. Kennedy agreed to come to practice too. And I was pretty sure that if Kennedy could win Nigel over, then Nigel could convince Tanner that she was good for me.
I’d get a signature from Poppy.
I’d propose to Kennedy.
And I’d finally get the family I always wanted.
But as soon as I thought it, I heard Tanner’s words in my head. “ Can you really have a whole life with someone when your heart still belongs to another?”