Homecoming - Chapter 35 #2
It felt like he’d slapped me. Honestly, it felt like high school all over again.
Like I wasn’t good enough to sit with them.
Yeah, it felt exactly like that. I started blinking fast, because I was not in high school anymore.
And I wasn’t going to cry just because an untouchable was being mean to me.
“You’re right. Tanner and I had a seat down there. So we’ll just go back…”
“I mean you shouldn’t be here at all Brooklyn,” James said.
Wow. Okay. I’d thought he’d changed. But who ever really changed? James was an asshole. And he’d always been an asshole. “You know, just because I couldn’t pay to attend this school doesn’t make me less of a student than you.”
“Brooklyn that’s not what I meant,” James said. “I’m asking you to leave because of Matt.”
“Oh, I know, I got it. You’re not friends with me. None of you ever were.” It was crystal clear. I just didn’t know why he’d acted so happy to see me a couple days ago. He was so full of shit.
“That’s not what I’m saying,” James said. He stood up and I took a step back.
“Mommy, I want to sit with Scarlett.” Jacob was still in Tanner’s arms.
I’d move heaven and earth for my son. I’d give him anything he wanted. Just not this one thing. I didn’t know what I’d been thinking. These people were toxic. And we weren’t like them. My son would not be part of this world.
“Tanner, can we please just go home?”
“But…” Tanner said.
James was making his way into the aisle. And I didn’t want to hear any more insults thrown my way.
“Jacob, come here, we’re leaving.”
But he clung harder to Tanner’s side.
Sweet boy, please.
“Brooklyn,” James said and put his hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t touch me.”
He lifted his hand off my shoulder.
I really hated when people touched me without permission. “Jacob, come to Mommy.”
He ducked under Tanner’s arm.
James put his hand on my shoulder again. “Brooklyn, I just meant that Matt…”
“She asked you not to touch her, man,” Felix said.
I’d forgotten how good of a friend Felix had been. He’d always had my back. Always.
James glared at him. “I’m just trying to explain that Matt…”
“I know,” I said. “I get it. He’s one of your best friends. I’m leaving, okay? I’ll keep my distance from you and your friends. I just need a second and I won’t bother you again. Tanner, please,” I begged.
“That’s not what I’m saying,” said James. “But you’re going to ruin today if you stay.”
“James, you’re about two seconds away from getting punched in the face,” Felix said.
“Well that’s definitely not going to happen,” Rob said.
“Everyone calm down,” Tanner said. “Before I have to subdue all of you.”
Rob laughed. “Not a chance, asshole.”
Mason sighed and stood up. “This honestly feels a lot like homecoming.”
I didn’t want anyone to fight. And Felix looked like he was serious about being two seconds away from punching James.
“She doesn’t know!” Tanner yelled. “Everyone stop! She doesn’t know.”
The crowd started cheering. I was pretty sure the football team had started running onto the field.
“She’s not here to antagonize him,” Tanner said. “She doesn’t know.”
Know what?
“Is this going how you planned, Tanner?” Mason asked.
“You know it’s not.”
Mason laughed and turned to me. “So you haven’t talked to Matt yet?”
I shook my head.
“I’m pretty sure James was just asking you to leave because you haven’t spoken to Matt yet. He wasn’t trying to be rude. But this is an important game. And Matt’s the coach.”
“What?” No. Matt’s here? Oh God, James was just trying to protect his friend. He wasn’t being that much of an asshole.
“Are you kidding me?” James asked Tanner. “Why wouldn’t you tell her that?”
“Surprise,” Tanner said.
But I was barely paying attention. I turned around.
And there he was.
I didn’t know whether to smile or cry as I watched Matt jog out onto the field after his players.
He was far away. But he looked the same.
Maybe his shoulders were a little wider.
And his hair was cut a little shorter. I just stared.
The same way I’d stared at him for so long before he’d noticed me all those years ago.
I didn’t want to be in my head about what happened back in high school. But I clearly was. I’d tried so hard to shut that door. The distance made that easy. But standing here right now staring at him?
I didn’t expect to feel so…hurt.
Or happy?
Maybe I was happy that he looked so happy? Sometimes happiness made your heart beat weirdly, right?
He was coaching the Empire High team. That was good. That meant he wasn’t as haunted by the memories here as his friends seemed to think. He spent afternoons and weekends here. He was fine.
And I was fine.
But my heart was pounding so hard, it was all I could hear over the roar of the crowd. And my palms were all sweaty.
I took a step forward instinctively. Like I was being drawn to him.
But my foot froze on the step when I saw Kennedy run up to him. In an Empire High jersey with Matt’s old number on it. Matt wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they talked to the team.
I stared at his number on her back. I stared at her smiling at him. They were a couple. Matt and Kennedy. It sounded strange in my head. Because we’d always been Matt and Brooklyn.
No, not always been. Just for a short while. So long ago, it barely even felt real. But Matt and Kennedy? That was real. I could see it.
“She’s the assistant coach,” Felix said. “I was trying to tell you earlier.”
I nodded.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I was fine.
Because I had to be.
I’d told Kennedy it was okay. I was happy for them. I truly was. But my heart wasn’t listening to my head. It ached. It physically hurt staring at them. I was happy for them. But I don’t think I wanted to see it.
I watched him turn his head and stare down at her.
She tilted her gaze up.
No, I definitely didn’t want to see it. I turned away to avoid watching them kiss.
The rest of the untouchables were staring at me. Waiting to see what I’d do.
But I was fine.
Just a little cold. I probably should have grabbed a jacket like Tanner had suggested.
But I was fine.
It felt a little like I’d gotten punched in the stomach. And stabbed in the heart.
But I was definitely fine.
I felt the tear slide down my cheek a second too late.
This time I didn’t flinch when James put his hand on my shoulder. He leaned down to get face to face with me. “I’m sorry. I was just worried if he saw you and didn’t know you were alive…I…I was just worried.”
Everyone was still staring at me.
“But I never meant you shouldn’t sit with us because you didn’t belong. You’ve always belonged beside us. And you should sit with us. I want you to sit with us. Because you are our friend. You’ve always been, Brooklyn. No matter what happens. We’ll all always be friends.”
I looked up at him and wiped the tears from my eyes.
He smiled down at me.
“Thanks, James. But I think you’re right. I should probably go.” I turned to get Jacob, but he was no longer in Tanner’s arms. He was sitting with Scarlett and they were giggling about something. He looked so happy.
“Really,” James said. “Stay.”
“Come on, sis,” Mason said. “We’re way up here. He probably won’t even see you. He’s busy.”
Yeah, he definitely looked busy with Kennedy. I wasn’t really worried about Matt seeing me. Right now I was just worried about my heart exploding.
“You knew,” I said to Tanner. “You knew and you brought me here anyway.”
“Surprise,” he said again. “I have a confession. Kennedy’s not my best friend. Matt is.”
“Yeah, I kind of figured that.” I shook my head. He’d set me up. He’d planned all of this. “What is wrong with you?”
“A lot of things are wrong with him,” Rob said. “But the game is starting. And not to sound rude like my brother, but it might be good if you stay a little low. Just until you talk to Matt.”
I nodded and sat down behind the tallest person I could.
But they didn’t really block my view.
People started cheering, but I wasn’t paying attention to the game. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Matt. Matt and Kennedy.
They looked happy.
They really did.
I looked down at my lap.
And as badly as I wanted to be happy for them…I wasn’t. I really wasn’t.
I was a hypocrite.
I was a bad friend.
But it felt like they were rubbing their happiness in my face. When I was already drowning. And it was ironic because Matt used to be the one to take away my pain. And now the sight of him just made it worse.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat.
No. I was happy for them. I was. I forced myself to smile even though it hurt. This was what I wanted. For him to be happy. That was always all I’d ever wanted.
I held my breath and counted to ten.
This was for the best.
Kennedy deserved happiness. Matt deserved happiness. And Kennedy was amazing. He couldn’t find someone better.
“Mommy,” Jacob said. He’d left Scarlett and climbed into my lap. “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay.”
“Snuggies?”
I smiled and hugged him, peppering his face in kisses. He always knew how to cheer me up. “Look, Empire High has the ball,” I said.
He turned in my lap and didn’t seem to mind that I kept my arms around him. I focused on the game and not the sidelines.
Miller would have been so excited to take Jacob to his first game. And obviously, he wouldn’t have chosen this particular one. But I was going to be the parent that Jacob needed me to be. I’d promised Miller to keep doing things that would have made all three of us happy.
The receiver caught the ball and ran past the bench.
Kennedy threw her arms around Matt as they cheered.
I heard laughter in the seats around me.
Jacob was cheering too. I closed my eyes and hugged my son tight.
If I closed my eyes hard enough I could pretend that Miller was beside us. That we were still happy too.