Homecoming - Chapter 36
Saturday
Brooklyn
The game dragged on. Not that it was boring. It just felt like my heart was in my throat. The Empire High Eagles were winning by three touchdowns. The game was in the bag. But I doubted I’d get Jacob to agree to leave. It wasn’t even halftime yet. And he was sitting next to Scarlett laughing again.
I’d been polite. I’d met Rob’s wife, Daphne. And Mason’s wife, Bee. I’d put on a fake smile. I’d talked about the weather. And I’d filled Felix in on what happened.
Now I just wanted to go home.
Not home to my new house in the city. But home home. I wanted to curl up in a ball in the bed I’d shared with Miller and cry myself to sleep.
And I couldn’t stop hearing his words in my head. “I know there was someone before me. I know you still think about him sometimes.”
I looked back down at my lap. I didn’t want it to be true. It couldn’t be true.
I was over Matt.
I’d been over him for years.
I’d had an amazing life with Miller. I loved him so much that I physically ached. My whole body hurt. And yet…I couldn’t look at Matt on the field without tears welling in the corners of my eyes. Why?
“I need you to know that I’m okay if you choose him now. Because I never want you to stop smiling.”
I fiddled with my wedding band.
“Don’t waste another second of your time on this earth. Will you promise me that? Do this one last thing for me?”
I wanted to be able to promise Miller I’d follow his letter. I lifted my gaze back to the field. Matt was looking up at the stands. Like he was searching for someone. Probably his friends. I ducked my head down.
Being with Matt wasn’t the answer. It couldn’t be.
I’d learn how to smile again on my own. Jacob and I were going to be okay. I wasn’t a kid anymore. I didn’t need to rely on someone to take away my pain like I had in high school. I’d needed Matt back then. He really had helped me after my uncle died. But I didn’t need him now.
“I was just trying to help,” Tanner said.
I purposely hadn’t sat next to him. But he must have switched with someone. I honestly didn’t even know who I’d been sitting next to. I was so distracted. “Trying to help how? By lying to my face?”
“It was a tiny fib.”
“So do you fib a lot?”
“Not by choice.” He shook his head. “We’re getting sidetracked. Brooklyn, I really am sorry. I thought it would just be the two of us sitting together. And Jacob of course. And that I could explain everything as soon as we sat down.”
“Explain what exactly? What are you trying to do?”
“Get you back together with your fiancé.”
It felt like he’d punched me in the gut. “Matt isn’t my fiancé.”
“Well, technically he is. He thought you died. You never actually broke up.”
I scoffed. “I’m pretty sure he feels differently.”
“What on earth do you mean?”
“Are you kidding me? He’s currently dating two women.
One of which is a monster. And the other is my best friend.
” I gestured to the field where Matt and Kennedy were standing side by side.
She was wearing his freaking jersey for goodness sakes.
And yeah, we weren’t in high school anymore. But that still meant something.
Tanner waved his hand through the air. “I have a fix for all that. We’re already making progress.”
Progress? My stomach churned. “Did you take me back to my house to try and give me some semblance of closure with my husband? Just so that I could move on with someone who isn’t even available anymore? Who I no longer even know?”
He pressed his lips together.
“Seriously, what are you trying to accomplish by interfering with my mourning?”
“I believe in true love. And I think Matt…”
“I can’t do this.” I stood up. I needed to get Jacob.
“Brooklyn, please,” he grabbed my hand.
I pulled it out of his. “If you understood true love then you’d know that Miller was mine.” I could feel everyone staring and I didn’t care.
“I was just trying to help you move on…”
“He just died. I just lost him.” I collapsed back down on the bench. “I just lost him.”
“It’s been weeks, Brooklyn.”
“Weeks! Not months. Not years. I mourned the loss of Matt forgetting about me for years.” My voice cracked. “And I will mourn losing Miller for the rest of my fucking life.”
“I know. I wasn’t saying you didn’t love him. I wasn’t telling you not to mourn him. Or saying that you’d ever forget about your love with him. I just wanted you to have an open mind…”
“For what? To be the third girl Matt is currently dating?”
“He doesn’t love them.”
“Then that kills me. Because Kennedy deserves someone that loves her. She deserves the whole world.”
“So do you.”
“I already had it. I had it and I lost it.”
“You had it twice. You’re one of the lucky ones. And yes, you lost it. But only once. Matt never forgot about you, Brooklyn.”
“That isn’t true.”
“Once a month he gets shitfaced drunk and cries himself to sleep over you.”
I shook my head.
“As his best friend I know that.”
“Oh, give me a break,” Rob said. He leaned forward to see me. “ I’m Matt’s best friend. And we all know it. Isn’t this guy the worst, Brooklyn?”
I laughed, but it came out forced. I didn’t think Tanner was the worst. But I did think he was wrong about this. “Matt wasn’t crying over me. He was screwing everyone he possibly could.”
“People mourn in different ways. I understand the way you mourn. Matt mourned a different way. A destructive way…”
“That isn’t mourning!”
“Yes it is. He was broken. He’s still broken. And I think you can fix him. And he can help heal your heart.”
I shook my head.
“If you didn’t still have feelings for him…you’d be able to look at the field. I know you’re mourning. But it’s a hell of a lot easier to keep going when you’re surrounded by love. Trust me. I know.”
“Tanner’s the worst,” Rob said between coughs.
I didn’t trust Tanner. Not in the slightest. But I did believe that he knew. I believed that he’d lost someone. I could see it in his eyes. He looked…haunted. It was the same way I looked when I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
“I’m not ready to move on. And I can’t move on with him. He’s dating…”
“Someone that isn’t you. And the kind of love Matt had for you isn’t replaceable. You’re not replaceable, Brooklyn.”
Honestly, that was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever said to me. I wanted to be mad at him. But…how could I be? He was in pain too. He was looking out for his friend. He was a good person. I just…I couldn’t do this.
“I’m not feeling well,” I said. It was the truth. I felt sick to my stomach. And I hated that I felt sick to my stomach. “I think Jacob and I are going to head out early.”
“Just wait until halftime. And then I’ll take you home. I promise.”
I nodded and looked back at the field. Instead of staring at Matt and Kennedy, I focused on the weird little man handing out water on the field.
I didn’t understand the lederhosen. Or how it had anything to do with being an Empire High Eagle.
But I was guessing he was somehow the new mascot?
It was a weird choice. But he was definitely a good distraction.
He’d just thrown water in a player’s face.
And this small part of me wished he’d just thrown it on Kennedy instead.