Exposed - Chapter 9
Saturday
Matt
What the fuck?
She thought it was for the best that I believed she was actually dead? So it was her decision to stay away from me? She wasn’t locked up? She could have been with me this whole time?
But she believed her dad’s lies. And she saw me screwing Jen. So, what? I’d thought she was dead. I hadn’t broken a single promise to her. And me walking away for a few hours wasn’t the same as her walking away for half a lifetime.
Seriously, what the fuck?
“We both walked away,” she said. “We both broke our promise…”
“No, Brooklyn. No, it’s not the same. I called you the very next day after our fight. You ran away from me for 16 fucking years!”
She tried to move off my lap again, but I dug my fingers into her hips.
“No,” I said. “You don’t get to run away from this conversation too.”
“That’s not fair. You don’t understand what it was like holding out hope that you still loved me.”
“Yes I do, Brooklyn. Because I still loved you even though you were dead. And you were in California fucking other men to get over me? How does that make what I did any different?”
“I wasn’t whoring around California. I didn’t hook up with anyone. I’m not you.”
I pressed my lips together. How could she sit here judging me?
“You thought I stopped loving you. But you were wrong. And I was drowning, Brooklyn. I was actually mourning you. Not pretending to mourn like you were doing in California. Because you were actually dead as far as I knew. You were pretending I was. You were mourning the living. Getting over me when I was still loving you. Missing you.” I shook my head.
She just stared at me.
And I recognized that look. That was the look she gave when she was lying about something. Like when she’d lied to me about talking to the Hunters behind my back, trying to get us to be friends again. What had she done?
I looked out the window for a moment. I already knew what she’d done. She’d married someone else. “So you met someone in California?” I asked, staring at her grave in the distance.
“No.”
I turned back to her.
“I took the time I needed to mourn losing you.”
I just stared at her. She already knew my feelings on that.
“And it made me realize that I shouldn’t have kept Miller at arm’s length. That I’d fallen for him, but had been fighting off my feelings.”
She fell for her bodyguard? A guy on her dad’s payroll? Hired muscle? The guy was probably a murderer. Just like her father.
“You can’t quit my dad’s business. And Miller wanted out. I got him out. I set him up at a lake house. And months later when I realized I wanted to be with him, I drove to his lake house. And we…”
“You got married?” I tried not to spit the words out. I tried to keep my voice even. But I was pretty sure I failed at all of it.
“Not right away. Not for a while actually. But yes, I married him.”
Not right away? Not for a while? Yes, I’d screwed around after her death. But marriage? She’d promised me. She’d fucking promised me the rest of her firsts.
“I tried to keep my promises to you. It tore me up inside. Sometimes, in the silence, I could hear your voice in my head. Calling me a liar.”
Because you are one, Brooklyn. You’re a fucking liar! I bit the inside of my cheek so the hateful words wouldn’t spew out of my mouth. But none of that mattered. “So you’re happy? You’re in love with another man? So what are you doing here?”
“You didn’t let me finish my story…”
“What are you doing here, Brooklyn? What are you doing on my lap? Why are you crying in my arms instead of your husband’s? Are you just torturing me? Because you’ve done enough of that for the past 16 years.” Each sentence made my chest hurt more.
She wiped the tears off her cheeks. “I’m not cruel, Matt.
I never meant to hurt you. I can’t apologize for falling in love with Miller.
I won’t. I refuse to apologize for being happy because you know I don’t believe in wasting time.
But I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that you’re still hurting. ”
She was acting like I was treating her like a punching bag. But I was holding her in my arms as I listened to her tell me she was in love with another man. I was trying to talk it out. I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
But how was I supposed to handle her stabbing me in the heart over and over again? And blaming it on me. She saw me doing one dumb thing and it ruined our lives. No, just mine. She was off living happily with someone that wasn’t me.
“I don’t know what you want from me, Brooklyn. I told you that I’m still in love with you. And you’re sitting here telling me you’re in love with someone else. You said you weren’t married anymore. I’m just trying to understand.”
She shook her head. “He’s dead, Matt.”
I could see it on her face. How broken she was.
Fuck. The rest could wait.
I pulled her face back to my shoulder and let her cry. Just like I had when she’d told me about her mother. Just like I had after her uncle passed away.
And I knew why she was here. In my car. In my arms. Because she needed me.
I closed my eyes tight.
I’d told her I loved her.
She hadn’t once said it back.
Brooklyn didn’t love me anymore. She was in love with someone else. She was mourning him like I’d mourned her.
It had been 16 years and I still wasn’t over her.
I held her tighter as she cried. Knowing that her heart belonged to someone else. And it might never belong to me again.
But I could do this. If this was how she needed me, I could be there. I’d take her any way I could get her.
I wasn’t sure how long we sat like that, intertwined. But she eventually lifted her head off my shoulder.
“I really do need to go,” she said.
I would have reached out to brush away her tears, but they were already dried on my shirt.
She didn’t move even though she’d just said she needed to go.
I wanted to ask her where we were supposed to go from here.
But it was like when she’d run up to me in the graveyard.
I didn’t want to break the silence. And I was a little scared of the answer.
“There’s a lot more we need to talk about,” she said. “Can we maybe…I don’t know…”
I took a deep breath. “Just name a time and place and I’ll be there, okay?”
She nodded. “I have your number. I’ll text you.”
I wanted to ask her how long she’d had my number. And how long she’d make me wait before she texted me. I still had so many questions, but I swallowed them all down.
This time when she climbed off my lap, I let her. She got out of my car and walked over to a pick-up truck.
What the fuck am I doing?
I grabbed the rose she’d left on the seat, climbed out of my car, and ran up to her.
“I meant what I said, Brooklyn. I’m still in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for 16 years. And I know you’re in love with someone else. But I’m not going anywhere.”
“I really thought you were happy.” There were tears in her eyes again.
No ‘I never stopped loving you either.’ Nothing I wanted to hear. I just stood there like an idiot, swallowing my pride. And I handed her the yellow rose that had been meant for her grave.
She looked down at the rose and then back up at me. “You finally guessed my favorite.”
I smiled. “I thought you might like the yellow. Because of your mom.”
“I can’t believe you remembered.”
“I remember everything, Brooklyn.” I took a step closer. “Where are you staying? I’ll bring you breakfast tomorrow.”
She shook her head. “I can’t tomorrow morning. I’ll text you, though. I promise.”
I wanted to believe she wouldn’t break this one. “Okay.”
“Goodnight, Matt.” She stood up on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss against my cheek.
And then I watched her drive away.
I felt like a fool. Pining over a girl who’d long forgotten about me. But had she though? She didn’t say she loved me back. But she stared at me the way she used to. Like I was the only one who could take away her pain. Like she needed me.
I’d gotten her to fall for me once before. I could do it again. And this time it would be forever.