Exposed - Chapter 14
Sunday
Brooklyn
“Oh, no,” Tanner said as soon as I stepped into the house.
I’d tried to calm down on my way back here. But I probably had some dried mascara on my cheeks.
“Tell me what happened.”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about it.
Matthew Caldwell was an asshole and had always been an asshole.
Run away like you always do? Fuck him. He didn’t even know me anymore.
And I didn’t run away. I left because I thought he was happy.
And I’d stayed put for 15 years at the lake house with a man who I loved.
A man who’d never yelled terrible things at me. I wasn’t some flaky runaway.
“What are you two up to?” I asked as I sat down next to them on the floor. It appeared as though they were just playing with some sticks.
Jacob lifted up the longest stick. “Abuelo took me for a walk so we could find some new swords!”
I smiled and ruffled his hair. “That’s a big one.”
Jacob smacked my leg with it.
“Ow. Sweet boy, you can’t actually hit people with those. It hurts.”
“But it doesn’t hurt Abuelo. See?” He whacked Tanner with it even harder than he’d hit me.
Tanner had no reaction. But then he must have seen my face. “Oh,” Tanner said and cleared his throat. “Woe is me. Ouch. Sticks hurt. Listen to your mother.”
Jacob frowned at him. “But you…”
“Yes, I am as easy to hurt as any other person.”
“But you said…”
“Nonsense, little man. Sticks hurt people. No hitting.”
Jacob frowned as he looked down at his stick.
“It’s okay.” I lightly tapped the bottom of his chin so he’d look up at me. “Don’t worry about it. We’re both fine. Right, Tanner?”
Tanner nodded. “I didn’t feel a thing.”
“See, Mommy!” He pointed to Tanner. “He didn’t feel it. I told you so.” He stabbed Tanner’s leg with the stick and Tanner didn’t even flinch.
“Ow?” Tanner said slowly. “That felt exactly like how a stick would feel on a leg. Like scissors on paper.” But he was smiling.
Jacob laughed.
“Jacob, how about you clean up your toys while I talk to Tanner?”
He nodded and started gathering his sticks. There were so many. Were they planning a huge battle or something? I turned to Tanner. “Are you okay?”
“What?”
“Didn’t that hurt?”
“Nah. Tough skin.”
Okay…
“So how did it go with Matt?” he asked.
“Oh. Um. He didn’t take the news very well.” I watched Jacob pick up his other discarded toys. But he got distracted halfway through and started rolling his little cars across the floor.
Tanner sighed. “Matt yelled, didn’t he? I told him not to do that.”
“And I told you not to interfere.”
Tanner shrugged. “I didn’t tell him anything you told me. I just recommended he hear you out and to take a few deep breaths before he spoke.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “He definitely didn’t do that.” I stood up and wandered into the kitchen. I pulled out the flour, eggs, and butter.
“What are you doing?”
“I feel better when I bake.”
“So it went really poorly then?” Tanner asked.
“He said…we both said some terrible things.”
Tanner looked down at his phone. “Well, I have some time before I have to head out.”
Honestly, I didn’t have anyone else to talk to about this. Back in high school I would have talked to Kennedy. But I hadn’t even spoken to Kennedy since Matt told me they broke up. Matt told me he was a shit friend. But I was pretty sure that title belonged to me.
I stared at Tanner while I stirred the batter way too vigorously. I was pretty sure Tanner had somehow become my best friend over the past week. So I filled him in. And I tried not to cringe when he kept wincing at my exchange with Matt.
“You’re as hot headed as he is,” Tanner said.
I laughed. “I am not.”
“He said some terrible things. But he was just lashing out because of what you said.”
“I called him a man whore. Which is true.”
“I’m not talking about that. Brooklyn.” He grabbed my hand so I’d stop ruining the batter. “I know you’re still in love with Miller.”
“Of course I am.”
“But do you really think you need to keep saying that over and over again to Matt?”
“I didn’t say it over and over again.”
Tanner just stared at me.
“He needs to understand.”
“Trust me, Matt knows you loved Miller or you wouldn’t have married the guy. You don’t have to keep telling Matt how much. Put yourself in his shoes. How would that make you feel? How did it feel when you found out he was dating Kennedy?”
“I tried really hard to be okay with it. But…it hurt like hell.”
“Exactly.”
“I wasn’t trying to rub my happiness in his face. I was just…”
“Trying to stay loyal to Miller.”
My shoulders slumped. “You say it like it’s a bad thing. He’s my husband.”
“Trust me, I understand. But he’s gone. And you told me yourself what was in that letter he left you. He wanted you to be happy. He wasn’t just giving you permission to do so. He made you promise you’d do it.”
I blinked away the tears in my eyes as I poured my batter into cupcake tins. I didn’t say another word as I put them in the oven. I stayed silent as I wiped down the counter.
“Brooklyn,” Tanner finally said, breaking the silence.
I ignored him and put the dirty dishes in the sink.
“Hey,” he said and grabbed the bowl out of my hands.
“I can’t ask Matt to be the person to console me while I mourn everything I lost.”
“Why? He understands better than anyone what you’re going through. He lost you.”
I bit my lip. Matt had said the same thing to me.
And I felt terrible for telling him he didn’t understand.
Of course he did. He thought I’d died. And I knew he was telling the truth when he said that it killed him too.
I think that’s what I regretted the most about our conversation.
Belittling his pain. “Well…” I looked up at Tanner “You understand too.”
“I’m happy to hang out with you whenever you need a shoulder to cry on. Or when you need a minute alone, I’m happy to come over and watch my grandson. But we both know hanging out with me isn’t what you need right now.”
“Did you just call Jacob your grandson?” I said with a smile.
“He calls me Abuelo.”
“Yeah, but he’s four.”
Tanner shrugged. “I don’t want to confuse him.”
Actually, it didn’t seem like that was the reason to me. Tanner hadn’t once talked about any family. Other than mentioning that he lost the girl he loved when he was a teenager. I think he was lonely. “I think maybe you like hanging out with me as much as I like hanging out with you.”
“Stop hitting on me, woman. You’re destined to be with my best friend.”
I laughed. “I’m not hitting on you. But I don’t know if I’m destined to be with Matt.”
“Well, luckily I know it. And I’m 99 percent sure of it.”
“You’re so weird.”
“I’ve tried living a normal life. It was extremely overrated.”
I couldn’t imagine Tanner living an ordinary life.
And I hoped he found someone else to love.
Because he looked so sad when he thought people weren’t looking.
I swallowed hard. Why was it so easy to see what he needed?
But so hard to admit that I needed it too?
I didn’t want to walk around sad for the rest of my life.
“The guilt will ease,” Tanner said, like he could tell what I was thinking. “But if you wait for it to go away completely…your whole life will pass you by. And where’s the fun in that?”
“I think we’re both good at giving advice but bad at taking it.”
Tanner laughed. “Oh, I think I’ve almost convinced you. And I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. Now, what kind of sweet treat are my grandson and I about to partake in? It smells delicious.”
I took a deep breath. It smelled like cinnamon. It smelled like Matt. It smelled like home.