Exposed - Chapter 13
Sunday
Matt
She said it back. But I never expected her to look so sad when she said it. She loved me yet…she hated that she loved me. And I didn’t know what to say.
I looked out at the water, trying to see whatever she was so interested in. “Is that really such a bad thing?”
She laughed and then sniffed. “I feel guilty. Because Miller and I…we…” her voice trailed off. “Because I still love him too. So much. God, it hurts just to breathe.”
I clenched my jaw and thought about what Tanner had told me.
To take some deep breaths. To think before I spoke.
I needed that advice right now. Because I didn’t want to hear about how much she still loved her husband.
And I definitely didn’t want to hear about her time with him.
But I also wanted to know everything. How long had it taken for her to really get over me?
Did she ever wake up, wishing it was me in her bed?
“He was a lot older than you, right?” I wasn’t sure why that was the question I asked. Probably because it would get the image of her in bed with another man out of my head.
“Not that much older. Just six years.”
“That’s a lot older.” I stared down at her. She was 16 when she’d disappeared. Which would have made him 22. Wasn’t that illegal? I pressed my lips together, instead of saying it out loud. They’d lived in isolation together. He was supposed to be protecting her. And instead he slept with her?
“Not that much older,” she said again. “Penny looks a lot younger than James.”
“Yeah. She is.” But this wasn’t about Penny and James.
This was about how Brooklyn had fucking Stockholm syndrome and this dick had taken advantage of her.
I realized I was gripping the railing on the bridge so tightly my knuckles were turning white.
I was trying really hard here not to say anything.
But she had to see it, right? That wasn’t love.
What we had was love. And she’d fucking run away from me.
“Okay then,” Brooklyn said.
I just stared at her. Okay then? Nothing was okay about what had happened to her. I took a deep breath, but it didn’t help. “I’m sorry, Brooklyn, but it seems like maybe Miller took advantage of the situation…”
“No.”
“You were locked up and…”
“It wasn’t like that. At all. Yes, at the beach house we were trapped. But at the lake house? We weren’t locked up. We were free.”
The way she said free made my heart hurt. Like she hadn’t been free with me. Like she hadn’t been happy until she was with Miller. “You were still in hiding there.”
“Yeah, but it didn’t feel that way. I told you, I thought we were safe. I didn’t think my father knew where we were.”
“Did you ever think that maybe Miller was reporting to him the whole time?”
She stared at me. “He wasn’t loyal to my father. I got him out.”
“How do you know? Did you even really know him at all?”
Her stare had quickly turned to a glare. “Yes, I knew him. I knew everything about him. He was my husband, Matt. He told me everything.” She pressed her lips together. “I didn’t come here to talk about Miller.”
“All we’ve done is talk about Miller. I know you’re mourning him. But do you have any idea how hard it is for me to stand here and listen to you talk about how in love with him you are?”
“You don’t understand what it’s like to lose someone you…”
“Don’t finish that sentence. What the hell do you mean I don’t understand what it feels like? I lost you!”
“You didn’t lose me, Matt. I’m right here.”
“I did lose you. I thought you were dead. I feel exactly the same way you’re feeling right now. But my grief was all lies. Do you know how much it kills me to hear how free you felt all those years with your husband? When I was still right here loving you? Missing you? Feeling trapped in my grief?”
“I didn’t come here to fight with you,” Brooklyn said.
Why did she always act like I was lashing out at her? She was the one that hurt me. Not the other way around. “We’re not fighting,” I said. “We’re talking. But I can’t have a conversation with you if you’re not willing to hear my side.”
She pressed her lips together as she stared up at me. “I want to hear your side. I just…everything hurts so much. And I don’t want you to hate me on top of everything else.”
“I told you I could never hate you.”
“You don’t know everything yet. I…” her voice trailed off. “I didn’t marry Miller right away.”
“Okay.” It wasn’t okay. Nothing about any of this was okay.
“He proposed to me the summer after I finished my online high school courses. And I told him I couldn’t.”
“Why?”
She looked at me like I was crazy. “Because I promised you that you’d be my first husband.”
“Only husband,” I said. “I clarified that several times.”
“I know. And despite what you said to me when you last saw me, I’m not a liar. And I didn’t want to be.”
She said she went to California to get over me. But it hadn’t worked. She still thought about me. She still heard my voice. Those hateful words I hadn’t meant. But a part of me was glad I’d said them now. Because they’d prevented her from giving her heart to someone else. For at least a while.
“I took the ring and promised him that one day I’d be ready to marry him. One day.”
“How many years did it take until you thought you were ready to break your promise to me?” It was a shit thing to say. But I didn’t want to hear about this.
“One day turned into several years. Being engaged didn’t feel like breaking a promise. But marriage? You were still in my head, even though I wanted you out. I thought you were off living happily ever after with someone else. But you still plagued me.”
Plagued. That was a good way to put it. Her memory had been a plague on my entire life.
“How long have you been married, Brooklyn?”
“Almost five years. But even though it took that long, it felt like we were married that whole time. We just didn’t make it official yet. Actually, it was never really official. We were both living under different identities. There was no officiant. No paperwork. Just us.”
So…she wasn’t actually married then. Right?
She hadn’t actually broken her promise? I shook away the thought.
No, she had. She loved him. She’d just said they acted married for way longer than five years.
She’d been with him instead of coming back to me.
She’d made her decision, and paperwork didn’t make a difference.
“You said almost five years,” I said. “When did you do it?” I realized how harsh my words came out.
“Christmas.”
“A Christmas wedding?” Was she serious right now? That’s what we’d planned. December 22 nd was seared into my brain. Had she forgotten that? Was this supposed to be a slap in my face?
“Matt…”
“I get it, Brooklyn. You did what you needed to get over me. To erase me from your memories. But I never got over you. And this one fucking hurts.”
“I only did it because…” she shook her head. “This is coming out wrong. I love Miller. I love him so much.”
“I get that.” Why did she keep saying that? Was she trying to prove it to me or herself that she didn’t fall in love with her father’s puppet?
“But I married him because it was easier to break that promise to you when I’d already broken another.”
“What?”
She fiddled with the wedding band and engagement ring on her finger. But she didn’t say anything. I saw it on her face though. Guilt.
“What are you talking about, Brooklyn?”
“I found out I was pregnant a few weeks before Christmas. I told Miller on Christmas day. And I kind of reproposed to him. And we made it official right away.”
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. She didn’t just marry someone else. She’d had his kid? She’d fucking promised me. She’d promised me.
“He’s four,” she said. “And he’s my whole world.” She shook her head. “Miller and him were my whole world.”
I just shook my head.
“And I’m sorry I hurt you. But I love Miller. And I love my son. And I don’t regret any of it because it all felt like the most amazing dream. Like I’d gotten everything I’d ever wanted.”
“Everything you ever wanted? Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? That I meant nothing to you? That you didn’t think of me at all? That you were happy while I was fucking miserable? What the fuck?”
“I didn’t say that. I…”
“You had fucking Stockholm syndrome, Brooklyn!”
“No I didn’t.”
“You were kidnapped. You were trapped. You weren’t thinking straight! You had a child with a mobster.”
She slapped me hard across the face.
I hadn’t expected it. I just stared at her, my cheek burning.
“Like you didn’t break your promises to me?” she said. “Sleeping with half of New York City?”
“I didn’t break a single fucking promise to you. And even if I had? It’s because you let me think you were dead. Instead of being brave enough to face me.”
“Go to hell, Matt.” She turned and started walking away.
“Yeah, run away!” I yelled at her back. “Like you always do!”
“Go fuck away your pain, like you always do.”
She kept walking. But I wasn’t surprised. That’s all she ever did. And I was right the first time. She was a fucking liar.