Stalker Problems - Chapter 33 - Super Sexy Lunch Date
I wish I could tell you that I spent the day after my date floating around on cloud nine.
A super hot soldier turned doctor who might also be a superhero had spent all night cuddling me and watching Gossip Girl.
Gossip Girl! That was like…every girl’s dream.
And yet, all I could think about all day was Joe and Sierra.
Even thinking about their names made me feel sick to my stomach.
Four years? I hated them. And I hated that I was even upset about it.
But every good memory I had of Joe during that time had just been destroyed.
That vacation we took to Vegas after selling a million dollars’ worth of cupcakes?
Trash. The time we’d rented a hotel room just for the hell of it and had wild sex…
Oh God. A horrible thought occurred to me.
He had been banging Sierra that whole time.
And she definitely had all sorts of horrible STDs.
I could tell just by looking at her. Which meant I did too now.
AIDS, chlamydia, gonorrhea. I probably had all of it.
I texted Chastity the bad news and then started searching WebMD for STD symptoms.
Did I have lower belly pain? Sometimes.
Sore throat? Now that I’m thinking about it…I could use a cough drop.
Pus or a watery/milky discharge from my penis? No, but only because I don’t have one. Oh no…am I going to grow one? Is that possible?
I was spiraling. I knew it, but I couldn’t help myself. I kept reading symptoms. And I literally had all of them.
Chastity called me just in time to stop a total mental breakdown.
“I have all the STDs. I’m dying,” I said into the phone.
“Whoa, slow down,” said Chastity. “Did you bang Dr. Lyons?”
“What? No. Why would you think that?”
“Well you were just on a date. And I got there late, so you might have hooked up in the bathroom before I arrived. What other conclusion should I have come to?”
“Joe’s been fucking Sierra for four years.”
“Oh. That. Yeah…that’s gross. Let me quote Madison from last night to make you smile: ‘I’m going to fucking kill that asshole and shove his dick down his throat.’ It was kind of epic.”
“I definitely have all the STDs, right?” I asked.
“That would have been my first thought too. But weren’t you tested just a few days ago at your spa appointments?”
“Oh my God! Yes!” I gasped for air, finally able to breathe again, and did a little happy dance. I was STD-free! For the first time, I was grateful for my weird Society spa appointments.
“Now that we’ve cleared that up,” said Chastity, “I need to know… Did you or did you not bang Dr. Lyons before I arrived at the restaurant?”
“We did something way better.” The relief of not having STDs actually made me sigh.
“Anal?!”
“What? No. He came over last night after you called me. He brought me bread pudding and we watched Gossip Girl all night.”
“Hmm…well, let’s pretend like you did bang. That’ll make Tanner more jealous.”
Tanner. My stomach flipped over. Going on a date with Dr. Lyons was supposed to make Tanner jealous.
But I’d forgotten all about that because I’d ended up having a really great time with Dr. Lyons.
Really, really great. My stomach flipped again.
“What do you want me to do? Email Tanner about it?” Would that make him jealous?
Did I even want him to be jealous anymore? I bit the inside of my lip.
“Oh, right, you don’t know.”
“Know what?”
“Bee called me a few minutes ago. Tanner signed the contract.”
He’d signed the contract? I pulled out my phone to see if I’d been unterminated from the Society too. And sure enough…the Tax Codes app was working properly again. Huh. Storming into his office had actually worked. Somehow.
“And to make it easier to get things up and running, you and I will be working at his office starting Monday.”
“For how long?” I asked. “And what about Madison?”
“She was assigned somewhere else. And I guess we’ll work there until someone tells us otherwise. So pick out your hottest work clothes and get ready to make Tanner jealous. We’re gonna bag you a billionaire vampire werewolf sex god.”
***
I almost threw up three times on the way to Tanner’s offices. It was like the first day of high school…if you had made out with the principal the week before. Oh, and also pissed off the secretary and thrown everyone’s cupcakes in the trash.
Despite that, I was still giddy to see Tanner. How would he act around me? Would he be distant? Would he flirt with me? Would he ask if I was stalking him in that deep sexy voice of his?
Come to think of it, I wasn’t even sure he’d be there. He was a freaking billionaire. He had places to be and things to do. Why would he stay in his fancy corner office in NYC when he could be off sipping martinis on a private island in the Caribbean?
The thought of him not being there calmed my nerves. But that was no fun. He needed to be there so I could follow Chastity’s advice and ignore him and make him jealous of Dr. Lyons.
And it was my lucky day. Because Tanner was there. He even greeted us at the door.
“Good morning, ladies,” he said. He looked so dumb and ugly with his tailored suit and perfect 5 o’clock shadow.
Chastity shook his hand.
No! Don’t touch him, you whore! Okay…so maybe he looked good in his suit. And maybe I definitely did still have feelings for him after my date with Dr. Lyons. Was I a glutton for punishment?
“Thank you so much for this opportunity, Mr. Rhodes,” said Chastity.
“You’re quite welcome. Everything you need is on your desks.” He gestured to a little cubicle that we’d be sharing. “If you need anything, my door is always open.” A second later he was gone.
“Why didn’t you talk to him?” whispered Chastity.
“Did I not?”
“Nope. You just stared at him like a crazy person. You’re supposed to be making him jealous, not scared.”
“Damn it. I really thought I talked.” This was not going the way I had pictured. We needed a new plan. “Keep an eye on him. If you see him coming, kick me and I’ll start talking about Dr. Lyons.”
An hour later, Chastity kicked me.
“Ow!” I kicked her back.
“What the hell?” she hissed. “You’re supposed to talk about…”
“Everything okay?” asked Tanner. He’d stopped outside our cubicle and his arms were folded across his chest. I remembered the feeling of those muscles beneath my hands…
“Yup,” I said way louder than I meant to.
“Actually,” said Chastity. “We need to know what our hours are. And how long can we take for lunch? Because Ash has a lunch date with her new doctor boyfriend.”
Tanner raised an eyebrow. “A lunch date? Sounds…romantic.”
I shrugged. “We’ll see. I’m a little intimidated by how tall he is.
” What else would make Dr. Lyons sound amazing?
“And he loves kids a little too much.” I heard it the second the words left my mouth, but by then it was too late.
Rather than make him jealous, I’d just confirmed what Tanner already thought: I was dating a 10-foot-tall pedophile.
“Take as long as you want for lunch. I only care that the work gets done. It doesn’t much matter to me if you finish at 10 am or 10 pm. But uh…be careful. That guy sounds like kind of a creep.”
“She’ll be fine,” said Chastity. “They had an awesome date on Saturday. He took her to Barracuda.”
Tanner nodded. “Great place. Did you try the grits?”
Grits. Did he know? Oh God. Someone had probably filmed me barfing all over Dr. Lyons and made a meme out of it. My life was officially ruined. I tried to play it cool. “Sure did. He even paid for them.”
“Well I’d hope so,” said Tanner. “Anyway, glad to hear he’s a stand-up guy. Have fun at lunch.” He tapped the top of our cubicle and returned to his office.
“Well that went great,” I said.
“No it didn’t,” said Chastity. “It was a train wreck. He didn’t seem jealous at all.”
Oh, brain fart. I got really distracted when Tanner was talking. “Well…that’s because you made it a lunch date. Why’d you pick the lamest of meals?”
“I don’t know! I panicked. I thought you were gonna do the jealous-ing.”
“Well now we have to go to lunch for hours.”
Chastity nodded. “And you have to come back with your skirt inside-out to make it look like you had a double helping of afternoon delight.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Suit yourself. But don’t come crying to me when you’re old and single and penniless.” Chastity spun around in her chair and started working again.
“Wait, why is this my only chance to avoid being broke and single for the rest of my life?” It’s not, is it?
***
Just before noon Chastity and I got up to go to my fake lunch date, but it was hard to get out of the office due to the three tables of food semi-blocking the entrance. No, not just any food. Gochujang Palace. My favorite.
“Going to lunch?” asked Tanner, popping some spicy Korean nuggets in his mouth.
“What’s all this?” I asked.
“Oh, you know. Various people like to send us food. Today it looks like they sent…” He picked up a bag and made a show of looking at the label. “Gochujang Palace. Ever had it?”
“Yeah,” I said. “It’s my freaking favorite!”
“Grab a plate. These nuggets are amazing.” He ate another one.
“We’ll have to take a raincheck,” said Chastity.
But…Korean nuggets!
“Ash has a lunch date,” continued Chastity. “Remember?” She elbowed me in the ribs.
Tanner made a clicking noise. “Ah, damn. Forgot about that. You’re welcome to invite him here if you want? We have plenty.”
“Maybe some other time,” said Chastity, pulling me towards the elevator.
I watched the Korean food longingly as the elevator doors slid shut. “Damn it! We just failed so hard. He totally called our bluff.”
“Did he?” asked Chastity. “Because I’m pretty sure he just bought $500 worth of your favorite food in a lame attempt to prevent you from going on a date with Dr. Lyons. #JealousAF.”
“No he didn’t…” My voice trailed off. “Wait. Did he?”
Chastity nodded. “It’s too much of a coincidence. You must have told him you love Gochujang Palace at some point.”
Had I? I thought back to our first date. Yup . I’d ranted about it for like twenty minutes just before we fell asleep. “I may have mentioned it at some point.”
“Then there you have it. Phase one accomplished.”
“Phase one? What’s phase two?”
Chastity pulled a copy of Twilight out of her bottomless purse. “We have to figure out his secret.”
“And how are we going to do that?”
“You’ll see.”