Stalker Problems - Chapter 34 - Garlic and Holy Water
The next few weeks were a blur of work, dates, and spa visits.
Spa visits were the smallest portion of my time, but the time I spent worrying about them was significant.
I still wasn’t used to lying there completely naked while Moroccan women did weird things to my lady bits.
And by that, I mean waxing. Not like…molesting me.
Ew . The only inappropriate touching going on at the Shifting Sands Spa was happening between Chastity and Hassan the handsy masseur.
Then there was the work, or, as I liked to call it: Tanner Time.
At first I came in every day hoping that I’d succeed in making him jealous enough to sneakily deliver me a Society date card.
Or, if he was really feeling crazy, maybe he’d just ask me out on a for-realsies date. Alas, the date cards never arrived.
I would always make a point to gush about my dates (both real and fictional) in front of Tanner, but he never cracked.
Chastity thought that he was passive-aggressively giving us extra work on date nights and trying to bribe us to stay at the office with food.
Maybe she was right. Or maybe it was a coincidence. I wasn’t sure which.
All I knew was that I wasn’t getting invited to any Society events. And to me, that meant he wasn’t interested. Or maybe he was playing hard to get when I was supposed to be the one playing hard to get. Or maybe he was just respecting my assertion that I was 100% not interested in him.
No . That wasn’t it. He had made it very clear that he believed me being with him would put me in danger.
I just didn’t understand how. I mean…no mobsters had shown up at the office and tried to break any kneecaps.
In fact, no one had even had a heated argument with him.
At least not that I had seen. And I definitely didn’t watch him through his office windows all day or anything like that…
Okay, fine! I watched him all the time. But it was strictly for security reasons.
“Pssst…look at this,” whispered Chastity. I stopped staring at Tanner and spun my chair around to see what Chastity wanted to show me. She was holding her phone out. The gallery app was open.
“Uh, why are you showing me thirty really poor-quality photos of Tanner?” I asked.
“They’re not poor quality,” said Chastity.
“Really? Because they’re blurrier than every photo my mom has ever taken with a camera phone. What’s so hard about it? You just point it at the person, tap their face, and then take the picture.”
“I know how to take a picture. I’m not a 60-year-old woman.”
I pointed to her gallery of blurry pictures. “Not based on that evidence.”
“Then you try.”
“Fine.” I pulled out my phone and discreetly snapped a picture of Tanner in his office. “See…easy.”
“Then why’s his face blurry?”
“What?” I looked down at the photo. Sure enough, everything was perfectly in focus except for Tanner’s face.
“Let me try again.” I snapped another. Same blurry garbage.
And my third photo, taken in professional mode with all the settings perfectly dialed in by hand, turned out just as bad. Or worse, if that was possible.
“See,” said Chastity. “I knew he was a vampire!”
“Since when is poor picture quality a sign of vampirism? I thought they just didn’t have reflections in mirrors?”
Chastity held up her copy of Twilight. “The literature is inconclusive.”
I rolled my eyes. “It seems more likely that one of his companies developed some privacy tech that automatically blurs pictures of him.”
“That sounds just as farfetched as my vampire idea. Dude is hiding something. And it’s not a mafia connection or a Christmas elf situation here. I swear he’s a vampire. Can we puh-leasssse just run a few tests on him?”
That was the third time this week that Chastity asked. Which meant I was literally incapable of denying her. Besides, I really did want to figure out why Tanner kept pushing me away. “Fine.”
Chastity gave me a shopping list, and an hour later we reconvened on the sidewalk outside the office. My feet ached from running all over the city finding all the random crap on the list.
“Find everything?” she asked.
I nodded and showed her the very strange contents of my purse. “You?”
“I had to flash a random Papa John’s delivery boy, but yes.”
“Why didn’t you just go to the store? The garlic sauce only costs like 55 cents.”
Chastity shrugged. “The girls needed some fresh air. Anyway, get your game face on. It’s time to learn all Tanner’s deepest, darkest secrets.”
Or get fired.
I got more nervous with every number that ticked by on the elevator ride up to Tanner’s office.
This plan was completely ridiculous. But now that we’d bought the stuff, I felt committed to it.
And there was no way in hell Chastity would let me back out.
So instead of going to my desk, I went straight to Tanner’s office.
“Top of the morning to you,” he said.
I stared at him. Oh my God, he’s my soulmate. I thought I was the only person awkward enough to say something so strange!
He cleared his throat. “I mean, can I help you?” he asked.
His dark eyes bore into me from behind his glasses, just like they always had back when he was stalking me.
We no longer did that anymore. I mean…I still happened to take that route on my way to spin class, but Tanner was never there.
And yes, I totally get how it might seem like I was stalking him because I was the one still showing up and he wasn’t. But whatever. Sue me.
“Hey,” I said, trying to pretend like I hadn’t just been staring at him for a solid 5 seconds. “I was hoping you could look through some of these graphics I’ve been working on for the winery.”
“Sure.” He walked around his desk and pulled a chair out for me. The scent of blueberries wafted over me. It made me want to lick him from his head to his toes. Scratch that. Feet were dirty. But his cologne was divine.
We went through a couple of the logos that I’d mocked up for the rebranding of Mills Winery.
Their new name was Wineflix and Chill. Which I thought was the most clever name ever.
I was super excited to see what Tanner thought of the logos.
But I had to play along with Chastity’s stupid game.
I made a show of squinting to look at them.
“Is it just me, or is it really dark in here?”
He gave me a funny look. “It’s just you. Do you feel okay?”
“Do you mind if I open the blinds?”
“Be my guest.”
“You’re sure?” You’re not going to melt in the sunlight, Mr. Vampire?
“I think? Now that you’re being weird about it, I’m kind of wondering if it’s some sort of trap. Did Chastity pay the window washer to work nude today or something?”
I winked at him. “Open it and find out.”
“No thanks. Anyway, I absolutely love these logos. Especially this one.” He pointed to his favorite. “Although I think the text should be pink instead of red.”
Hmm. Vampire test #1: inconclusive. Maybe Chastity’s crazy theory wasn’t that crazy after all. I agreed with him about the text color and then turned to the next page, purposefully running my hand across the edge of the thick paper. I cringed as it sliced into my hand.
“Ouch!” I yelled.
“What happened?” he asked.
I held up my hand. “Papercut. Your damn paper is so thick that it could practically be considered a deadly weapon.”
“Those are the worst. Need a Band-Aid?”
“Papercuts don’t need Band-Aids,” I said. “Everyone knows that the only way to make a papercut feel better is to suck on it.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Really? Huh. I must have missed whenever it was announced that there was an updated treatment.”
“Yeah. But everyone also knows that lip-gloss stings like a bitch when you get it on a cut. So I’m in quite a predicament.”
“Are you trying to get me to suck on your finger?” His eyes dropped to the blood and I swore he licked his lips.
Vampire! “Ew, no. Don’t be a freak.” I eyed him suspiciously.
That was the second vampire test that kind of pointed to him actually being a vampire.
I needed to discuss this development with Chastity immediately.
Especially because if he actually was a vampire…
he might decide to kill me. “Excuse me for a sec.”
“So?” asked Chastity as I approached her desk.
“I think he’s a vampire,” I whisper-yelled. My heart was racing. God, what do I do now? The guy that I was in love with was a vampire? In love? Stop it, psycho.
“Uh, duh. I tried to tell you.”
“What if he tries to bite my neck?”
“He won’t do it in front of all these people. He’d lure you somewhere more private. And I won’t let that happen. Besides, we’re not sure yet. We have to narrow down the possibilities. It’s time for test #3.”
“But…his office is kind of private. He could just close the blinds and have his way with me.”
“I hope he does. In the sexy way. Not the murder way. But right now you need to focus, you scoundrel.” She tossed me a takeout bag. “And don’t forget about the werewolf test.”
I took a deep breath. I could do this. “Got it.” I returned to Tanner’s office. “Sorry about that. You hungry?”
“I already had lunch…” he started.
I ignored him and dumped the food on his desk. “Let’s see…we’ve got garlic fried-rice. Garlic bread. Oh, and that Papa John’s dipping sauce. You know, the garlic butter stuff.”
“I’m seeing a theme here,” he said with a smile.
“What’s that? All the best foods in the world?”
“No. Garlic.”
“Huh, what a weird coincidence. Is garlic a problem for you?” I unwrapped the food and slid it across his desk. The smell of garlic was practically unbearable, even for my non-vampire self. I could hardly imagine how he felt. He was probably moments away from melting.
“Nope, no problem.” He grabbed the bread and took a big bite. And then he scooped up some of the rice.