Stalker Problems - Chapter 55 - They’re Back
The green room had a nice little spread of appetizers. But no one was in there.
Where the hell did Chastity and all the winners go!?
I wanted to find Chastity, but wandering the halls here was a dangerous proposition.
Frankie had made it sound like there were all sorts of sexy things going on in those rooms. And I’d heard it going down in the eggplant room.
Did I really want to risk walking in on an orgy?
It seemed much safer to just stay here. And I needed to stick around to hand out the final award or Ocelot would lose his mind.
And maybe his surprise would be really great!
So search for Chastity? Or stay here? Gah! I couldn’t decide. So instead I made myself a cheese plate. It had been calling to me ever since I’d walked into the green room.
They had all the good stuff. Cheddar, swiss, smoked gouda… And it was all cut into those perfect little cubes that you can stab with a toothpick. No touching required.
I had just popped a cube of gouda into my mouth when Angel and Diablo walked in.
Shit! What are they doing back here? The green room was for winners only!
Maybe they wouldn’t recognize me. I mean, I’d only seen them one time. Tons of girls probably yelled rape and ran away from them all the time. Damn it, probably not. No one was as awkward as me. I focused on my cheese and hoped I could avoid another awkward encounter with them.
It didn’t work.
They sauntered over to me. Diablo leaned on the buffet table way too close to me. I would have thought I’d have a strong urge to run, but his cologne was kind of amazing.
“Hey Raven,” said Angel. “You killed it up there.”
“Yeah,” agreed Diablo as he rolled up a piece of lunch meat. “But it was bullshit that we didn’t win Best Gif. It should have been us up there getting our cocks grabbed by you.”
Oh. My.
Angel shook his head. “Ignore him, please. What he meant to say is that he’s upset Karl stole our victory dance idea. Well…kind of. He didn’t even dance.”
“For real?” I asked. “That’s messed up. And it’s messed up that you guys didn’t win.
For what it’s worth - I thought you should have won.
Two is always better than one. Not that I want two cocks.
I’m just saying like, in general - two is better than one.
” I grabbed two cheese cubes and popped them in my mouth to make my point.
What the hell am I doing? These guys were so distracting I didn’t even know what I was doing with my mouth anymore.
“Interesting…” said Diablo, staring directly at my cleavage.
I swallowed hard as I stared at him. The green room suddenly felt stifling.
“Wanna see our victory dance?” asked Angel. “It would be a shame for it to completely go to waste.”
“Sure.” I pulled my gaze away from Diablo’s captivating stare. It was like he could see right through me.
Diablo stood next to Angel, then they counted down from three and ripped their tuxedo pants off.
Just like Karl, they were wearing gray sweatpants underneath.
My eyes went directly to the outlines of their swinging cocks as they ran in place.
How is it even possible for them to be so big?
And I couldn’t help but laugh as they shimmied their hips.
“See?” said Diablo when they were done. “Wasn’t that better than Karl’s?”
“It was. And you’re totally right…he didn’t even do a dance after he ripped his pants off. So lame.”
“Exactly. Although I feel like something was missing from ours…” Diablo snapped his fingers. “Oh right. Karl got his cock grabbed. I think we need the same treatment.”
I nearly choked on a cheese cube. Everything that fell out of Diablo’s mouth was shocking and…enticing. And the longer I stood in this room with them, the more I wanted to just say yes to all his propositions.
Angel put his arm around Diablo. “What he meant to say is that we’re very sorry for whipping our cocks out while you were touring our apartment. We slightly misread your signals.”
That was sweet of him to apologize. I would have thought talking to them would make me want to run away screaming again - especially with what Diablo was saying - but Angel’s pale gray eyes were totally captivating.
And his apology seemed sincere. He seemed like such a nice guy.
Really…why couldn’t I stop staring at his eyes?
“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “I hadn’t quite picked up the lingo yet. Technically I did ask you to double team me.” I felt my cheeks turning red. I’m pretty sure I was seconds away from asking them to do it again. I’d never felt so sexy and calm at the same time.
“Well, I still feel shitty about it. So we got you a gift.”
“Really?” That wasn’t necessary at all. But I was dying to know what it was.
“Yup.”
I looked down to see if they had a gift for me. But their hands were empty. So I was basically just staring at their junk. Stop looking at their sweatpants! I snapped my eyes back to their faces. Diablo raised one eyebrow slightly as if to say, “Like what you see?”
“You used to run Dickson & Son’s Sugarcakes, right?” asked Angel.
“Yes…”
“And then your scumbag ex-husband stole it from you in your divorce?”
“How did you know that?”
Diablo cracked his knuckles. “We have our ways.”
“Do you have your phone on you?” asked Angel.
“No.” In fact, I had no idea where it was. They must have taken my purse when they stuffed me in the van.
Angel typed something on his phone and then handed it to me. It was open to the Google listing for Dickson & Son’s Sugarcakes.
“What am I looking at here?” I’d looked at this page a bajillion times trying to get Google to fix various aspects.
At one point they’d said we were only open every Tuesday from 2 a.m. to 2:45 a.m. And then after we went on a podcast to promote the brand, they’d decided to label Dickson & Son’s Sugarcakes as a musical group.
“Check out the reviews,” said Angel. “Their rating plummeted overnight.”
“Oops,” added Diablo.
I scrolled back to the top. “One star average on 34,000 reviews?! Jesus. How did you get so many?” I’d had to beg people to leave reviews, and that had only just gotten us past the 100 review mark. I clicked the link and started reading the one-star reviews:
“The cupcakes are okay, but the owner gives off some serious pedophile vibes.”
“Eating these cupcakes made my dick shrink.”
And my personal favorite…
“Dickson & Son’s Sugarcakes taste like they’re made by someone with a small dick.”
They went on and on like that. Pages and pages of insults about Joe and his tiny dick. I was nearly crying from laughing so hard. “You guys,” I said through my laughter. “This is amazing.”
“It was our pleasure,” said Angel. “It was actually pretty fun reading tons of bad reviews for other restaurants to get ideas.”
“I just wanted to firebomb the place,” Diablo said. “But Angel talked me out of it.”
I laughed. Because I was pretty sure he was joking. Maybe? “Seriously, that’s like the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me. How can I ever thank you guys?”
“You can take that dress off and let us fuck you on the buffet table,” said Diablo.
“Excuse me?” Did he seriously just say that?
! My heart started hammering against my ribcage.
Because…I kind of wanted them to do it. I pressed my thighs together and hoped they didn’t notice.
What was happening to me? Oh right…I’m a sex-starved sexual deviant!
God, Tanner needed to ask me out and soon before I gave in to my depraved urges.
Diablo just stared at me. “It’s gonna happen sooner or later. No need to delay the inevitable.”
“Oh really?”
“Yes.” He sounded 100% confident in his answer.
Angel cleared this throat. “What Diablo meant to say was that he thinks you’re very beautiful and we’d love to take you out to dinner this weekend. While researching bad reviews we actually came across a few hidden gems that we’ve never tried before.”
I looked back and forth between them. What is this?
Some sort of good cop bad cop routine they use to get girls?
Diablo would say all sorts of filthy stuff, and then Angel would correct him.
A devil and an angel. Weird. But also kind of effective.
Because I was actually considering going out to dinner with them.
I still needed to make Tanner jealous, and…
My eyes drifted down to their sweatpants.
Seriously, Ash, stop staring at their penises!
“So what do you say?” asked Angel.
“Based on where she’s looking, I’d say it’s a yes.” Diablo gave a very suggestive thrust.
I snapped my eyes back up. It didn’t matter if I wanted to say yes. I couldn’t - we had the Wineflix & Chill launch party on Saturday. “I’m actually busy this weekend.”
“With Ryder?” asked Diablo.
I nodded.
Diablo laughed. “Well, enjoy that while it lasts. Did he invite you back to his place at One57 yet?”
“No. Why?”
“Because after he does, you’re never gonna hear from him again. One and done. That’s how Ryder operates.”
What the fuck? I suddenly wished I hadn’t eaten so much cheese. I felt sick. I’d been dying to know if Tanner was all about one-night stands. And these two had just confirmed my worst fears.
“Here’s an idea. How about we have you and Ryder over for dinner. And for dessert you can have two thick cocks while Ryder films it for this year’s gif contest. I refuse to lose two years in a row.”
Oh my God. Every word out of this man’s mouth made me blush. “Ryder would never agree to that,” I said.
“You must not know Ryder very well.”
“What do you mean by that?” God, I’d already learned too much. But I somehow needed to know even more.
“You’ll see.” Diablo smiled and grabbed the entire plate of cheese off the table. “See ya around, Raven.” He turned and walked out of the green room.
“What did he mean by that?” I asked Angel.
“I don’t want to throw Ryder under the bus, but there’s a reason why he won Best Recruiter for the third year in a row. He’s good with women.”
He didn’t need to say anymore. I got the hint. I was just his latest recruit. He’d have his way with me and then move on to the next. And Diablo had taken all the cheese so I couldn’t stress eat. Damn it!
Angel gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Maybe he’ll be different with you. And if he’s not…” He scribbled his number on the back of a napkin and left it on the table for me as he followed Diablo out of the green room.
Well fuck.
But wait! Maybe this was actually good news. It was exactly like Chastity had said - Tanner was a manwhore who had put me squarely in the wifey-zone. Which was why I had to make him jealous.
I stared at the napkin with Angel’s number. Then I folded it up and tucked it into my bra.
I wasn’t necessarily going to call them. But if I had to choose someone to make Tanner jealous with…why not go big?
I giggled at my pun.
“Raven! There you are!” said a frantic voice.
I looked over. Ocelot had just burst into the green room.
“Time to hand out the award for Best Member?” I asked.
“Almost. But first you have to choose the winner.”
“It sounded like you said I have to choose the winner.”
“Yeah.”
“Aren’t I like…the least qualified person in the world to do that? I mean, this is literally my first night at Club Onyx. I know nothing about 99% of the members.”
Ocelot shook his head. “Not at all. You’ll be perfect.”