This Is War - Chapter 4 – Matthew Freaking Caldwell
I tossed and turned all night.
I was absolutely dreading whatever Chastity was going to try to make me do at the firehouse in the morning. But I was also kind of hoping she was right about it being the first step of an elaborate scavenger hunt.
Because the alternative was almost unthinkable.
Tanner had either been kidnapped by DODO, or I’d freaked him out and made him run from me.
The latter wouldn’t be unprecedented. But this felt different. He’d said that for once in his life he had something real. He’d said I was it for him.
So there was no way he’d run.
I could feel it in my bones. Something terrible had happened to him. And he needed my help.
If he was even alive.
It was equally horrifying and easy to picture him at the bottom of the Hudson River with weights tied to his ankles. Or with a bullet in his head. Or surrounded by sluts at a sex auction.
Gah!
I hated all of it.
I just wished he would call me and explain everything. And as I thought it, my phone buzzed.
Holy shit! Had my wish really just come true?
I jumped out of bed and grabbed my phone. My eyes weren’t adjusted to the light so my phone was kind of blinding. I squinted and clicked on the text.
“Ah!” I screamed when the text opened. It was a picture of Chastity giving two thumbs up. She was wearing nothing but a fireman’s hat and a face full of cum.
I immediately hit call.
I know, I know. Phone calls are for freaks. But this was important! I needed to know everything.
“Hey girl!” she said. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be up yet.”
“What about me made you think that I’d be able to sleep a wink?”
“Good point. I couldn’t sleep either, so I figured I’d get a head start on the scavenger hunt. I hope you don’t mind that I headed to the fire station without you.”
“I’m sure I’ll get over it,” I said. “Find anything helpful?”
“Girl, I found all sorts of helpful things.”
“Such as…?”
“Lots of big cocks, mainly.”
“I gathered that from the picture you sent. I was more interested in what clues they had for us.”
“Oh. Let me ask.” Chastity started talking to the firemen, but it was all muffled on my end. “Apparently they’ve never heard of Tanner or the Society.”
“Seriously? Then why’d you send me that selfie with two thumbs up?!”
“Because I had a great time. Didn’t you see all that cum on my face?”
“Damn it, Chastity! I can’t believe you got me all excited for nothing.” She was seriously the worst.
“Well you should still be excited. The firemen said we can come back any time.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better. Tanner is missing! And we have no clues.”
“It’ll be fine,” said Chastity. “I bet we’ll get an envelope from the Society soon telling us what to do.”
Hmm… “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but that kind of makes sense.” Or was I just clinging to false hope?
I had no idea.
The only thing I knew for sure was that I loved Tanner. And he loved me back.
***
No envelope arrived. So we started our hunt again.
We searched for Tanner for days.
Weeks.
Months.
The whole summer went by.
For real. I wasn’t just exaggerating because I was locked in a bathroom. I was free and in hell.
Tanner was gone. There wasn’t a single trace of him. Or Nigel.
And I had no idea how to find him. I didn’t even know where he lived. I’d only ever been to his fake apartment.
I even tried calling the number Nigel had left on my kitchen counter after he’d bagged me, but the number was no longer in service.
Neither was Angel’s number. Not that I’d had the courage to call him…
I’d made Chastity do it. I could never see or speak to Angel or Diablo again.
I’d booped their penises like a sex-starved maniac.
We also had the key that Tanner had given me the same night he’d disappeared. But I’d put it into a lot of holes and nothing ever happened. And therefore it was useless. Seriously, who gives someone a key with zero context? It could literally go to anything in the whole city.
The only lead we had was Club Onyx. In Tanner’s note that I’d opened early, he’d said if he ever disappeared that I should go to Club Onyx.
That it would be where I’d find what I was looking for.
And I was looking for him. So…I needed to find Club Onyx.
But that wasn’t a lead because I didn’t know where it was or how to get in without Tanner.
The Society app on my phone disappeared the morning after Tanner disappeared.
Poof. Gone. Without the app I couldn’t even work my way up to getting access to the club.
Not that I wanted to go on a date with anyone but Tanner anyway.
And I only had one possible resource to locate Club Onyx – Dr. Lyons. But I couldn’t see him because there was no way I wouldn’t do something that would result in me going to jail. And he was in three out of my six incidents. You didn’t hang out with people who were in half of your incidents.
“You know there’s another option,” Chastity said as we finished another box of wine.
I’d been finishing a lot of boxes of wine recently.
“Don’t you say it.” I clenched my jaw. I knew exactly who she was going to say. Tanner’s best friend. The one man on this earth I was more embarrassed around than Dr. Lyons. And that was really saying something because I’d tried to rape Dr. Lyons.
Chastity opened her mouth.
“Don’t you freaking say it!”
“Matthew Caldwell.”
“No! We don’t even know for sure that they’re friends!”
“I looked into it. He’s definitely the Matt from Tanner’s phone. We both saw how Nigel reacted to me asking about him.”
I shook my head.
“And honestly, maybe this is for the best. You can’t date Tanner if he’s friends with Matt. You wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
“Yes I could! I’d do anything for Tanner.”
“Anything?”
“Of course.”
“Got you. So if you won’t see Dr. Lyons, then you can at least contact Matt. End of discussion.”
“I can’t talk to Matt or Dr. Lyons.”
“You just said you’d do anything. And we’ve been searching for months. Matt is our last option. Trust me, I wouldn’t mention him if it wasn’t dire.”
“I can’t.”
“Ash, Matt’s dick is fine. I’m sure he forgives you for setting it on fire.”
“No man forgives a girl for something like that.” Although it did kind of seem like Matt had forgiven me.
The few times I’d run into him after the incident he’d been perfectly kind.
Too kind. He was probably luring me into a false sense of security while he put his case together to sue me for all I’m worth.
“He has reservations in half an hour at that new restaurant with all the rave reviews. Get dressed. We’re going.”
I looked down at my stained sweatpants. “I am dressed.”
“God, you’ve really gone downhill fast.”
Had I? Because I’d dressed like this before I met Tanner. Before my heart had been ripped in two.
I followed Chastity out of the apartment. She kept giving me wary looks. But had she forgotten about the night the people on the sidewalk had literally parted for me because I was wearing only a towel? That was who I was now.
“There,” Chastity said and pointed to where a car had just pulled up to the curb.
Matt stepped out as a valet helped his wife to the sidewalk.
“Now’s your chance.”
I stayed firmly rooted in place.
“Hey, Matt!” Chastity yelled.
He started to turn his head.
And I threw myself into oncoming traffic to avoid his gaze. Literally. I threw myself onto the hood of a car, skidded across it and fell onto the pavement. And then I stayed down for good measure. Although I wasn’t entirely sure I could get up. I’m pretty sure my whole body was broken.
But somehow Matt missed the whole thing. It was a miracle.
When Chastity helped me to my feet, I could tell something was wrong. It was all over her face.
“I talked to Matt,” she said.
“And what did he say?”
“That Tanner does this sometimes. Goes abroad for long periods of time to close deals.”
“He’s…abroad? Closing a deal?” He was away on business? That couldn’t be right. I’d seen DODO take him. I’d seen it. “I mean, when was the last time Matt talked to Tanner? Are they even really friends anymore? I’m Tanner’s girlfriend. I’m…”
“Ash, I’m so sorry.” She pulled me into a hug.
I was pretty sure my whole body was broken. And I probably needed a tetanus shot after getting hit by that car. But none of that mattered.
I’d been so sure of one thing. That Tanner loved me. That was all that kept me going. And I was barely going. I was dressed like a homeless person and had almost died tonight.
Now the truth was painfully obvious.
Tanner didn’t love me.
The thought echoed around in my head, refusing to settle into place.
He’d run off because I’d stalked him and freaked him out.
Because we both knew I was the stalker in this situation. Fuck you, Tanner Rhodes.