This Is War - Chapter 5 – Incident #7?
I know you’re probably thinking that my entire life was in shambles. But it actually wasn’t.
No. Stop it. I didn’t love him at all. Tanner was a stupid asshattery.
So yeah, I was crushing it at work.
All my performance reviews had been amazing. I was on the fast track to upper management. And thanks to my boss getting pregnant, my promotion was going to happen today.
Sucks for her . Soon Bee would be home with a screaming baby, spending all her hard-earned money on diapers.
Meanwhile, I’d be making bank, and I sure as hell wouldn’t be wasting any money on a dumb baby.
Rent, boxed wine, food, boxed wine, healthcare, boxed wine, and Netflix.
Those were my only expenses, and I was happier than ever.
Seriously, so happy.
I didn’t even think about Tanner at all anymore.
But like…where was he?
Was he in Europe?
Had he found someone new?
Did he still go to the Society?
I did a quick scan of all his closest known associates on every social media platform, but there were still no pictures of him. Which wasn’t a surprise since I’d just checked an hour ago.
Okay, fine. I admit it. I still thought about Tanner occasionally .
Especially when I had to go into the amazing closet he’d built for me with all the fancy clothes.
I’d been in there earlier this morning picking out the perfect outfit for my promotion. As the soon-to-be VP of Business Development at BIMG, I needed to look the part. And nothing said, “I’m a freaking boss,” like a pair of $3000 Odegaards and a matching power suit.
Chastity must have agreed, because she honked my boobs as soon as I walked off the elevator. Which, according to one of Chastity’s weird Single Girl Rules, meant that she loved my outfit.
And then she gasped. “Wait a second. That whole outfit is from the Odegaard 2023 Spring collection. Which means…”
“Yup. I went into the closet.” It was the first time I’d worn something from his closet since he’d left.
Unless you counted the times when Chastity and I had gotten super drunk, dressed up, and tried to find the Society’s secret headquarters.
Which had been pretty frequently. At least like four times a week.
“Well that’s awfully ballsy of you,” said Chastity.
“It’s fine. I’m over him.”
“Oh, I didn’t think it was ballsy of you to go into the closet. But that outfit feels like a premature celebration for you getting the promotion. Aren’t you worried about jinxing it?”
Shit! Did I jinx my promotion? “Psssh, jinxes aren’t real. And anyway, I’m not celebrating. I’m always super stylish.”
“You wore sandals and socks to work last Sunday.”
“That was one time! And it was the weekend!” I squinted at her. “And how did you know about that?”
“The security cameras. I know we said we’d only hack them one time to look for Tanner, but that’s some good viewing.
You should see what Bee and Mason do in the wee hours.
Let’s just say I’m not at all surprised that she’s having a baby.
I practically got pregnant watching the things Mason did to her on that desk. ” Chastity fanned herself.
I cringed and pulled my hand off the desk. “When I get promoted, my first act of business shall be to burn every piece of furniture in this office.”
Madison walked over to us. “Oh my God! Did they already announce it?”
“Announce what?” I asked.
“Your promotion,” she whispered, as if it was a dirty word.
“No. Why would you think that?”
“You just said it. Which is crazy, because you’re totally gonna jinx it.”
Damn it! Now I’d double jinxed it? “Now you believe in jinxes too?”
Madison shrugged. “All I’m saying is that you need all the luck you can get. What do you think the odds are that they’d really give this promotion to a woman?”
“High, I hope. Bee wouldn’t want this place to become a boys’ club while she’s away on maternity leave.”
Chastity cut in. “You’re definitely gonna get it. I mean…I was a shoo-in before I got reported for sexually harassing that hot secretary. There was literally no way for me to know that he was gay. And now that I’m ineligible, you’re next in line.”
I gave Chastity a sympathetic smile. I felt guilty that I was getting the promotion ahead of her.
She’d been here for years more than I had.
Hell, she was the one who got me this job.
“Well, when I’m in charge, I’m going to hire the hottest, straightest male secretaries.
And you can harass them to your heart’s content. ”
“Yes! You’re going to be the best boss ever. And I bet you’ll even give us unlimited lunch breaks.”
“Of course.” Just like Tanner had. No! Don’t think about him . He was dead to me.
“See? The best. And to thank you, I have the ultimate celebration planned for tonight.”
Oh God. “Does it involve male strippers?” There was a 98% chance that it did. That was kind of her go-to move for celebrations.
Chastity looked shocked. “How dare you accuse me of such a thing.”
“Single Girl Rule #10,” I said. “All celebrations of important life events must involve strippers.”
She gave me a high five. “Nice job quoting the rules! But no, I actually didn’t hire any strippers for this evening. I didn’t want to jinx you. And anyway…what I have planned is even better than strippers.”
Better than strippers? “I’m not going to an orgy.”
Chastity laughed. “It’s not an orgy. Or maybe it is. You’ll just have to see!”
“I’m not going unless you tell me exactly what I’m getting myself into.”
“I don’t want to spoil the surprise. But here’s a hint…” She rummaged around in her massive handbag and pulled out an envelope. A little black envelope. With lacy trim and a golden wax seal.
I tried to snatch it from her, but she pulled it out of reach. “How’d you get that? Did the Society finally contact you?!”
Was Tanner back?! Had he sent her that envelope? My mind started spinning with possibilities. But just then, Bee arrived in all her pregnant glory.
Chastity gave me a mischievous grin and put the envelope away. “Guess you’ll have to wait and see.”
“But…” Damn it!
With Bee’s arrival, the gender reveal party got started.
At first everyone was fawning over her and the baby bump.
Especially Madison, who could not stop touching her belly and telling her how gorgeous she looked.
It was fine at first, but then it got a little aggressive.
I was about to step in to save Bee when some random coworker started talking to me.
Ah! Stranger danger! I’d only talked to the lady like once before. Which meant I was terrified to be talking to her now. Making small talk felt like repeatedly getting punched in the boob. Painful and awkward. Only this was worse, because it made me all sweaty too.
The torture didn’t stop with Jill from accounting, though. All sorts of people started talking to me. And they were all being way too friendly. It seemed like I was almost more popular than Bee.
What the hell is going on?
I excused myself from the crowd and pulled Chastity aside. “Why are all those people being so nice to me? It’s freaking me out.”
“They must have heard you’re gonna be the boss.”
“Ooooh.” It all made so much sense now. Part of me was slightly terrified that I was going to have to put up with all that attention, but the other part of me was FREAKING JAZZED.
Because it was practically a sure thing now.
If all those people were sucking up to me, it was definitely happening. I was really getting promoted!
Mason clinked a glass to get everyone’s attention. He was Bee’s husband. And the CEO of the company. And Matthew freaking Caldwell’s older brother, but we didn’t need to get into the OG Incident right now because I was already sweaty enough.
This is it!
“Thank you all for coming,” he began. “Actually. Why am I thanking you? You should be thanking me for letting you party during work hours.”
Bee slapped his arm. “Don’t listen to him. You’re all like family to us. Which is why we wanted to share the big reveal with you.”
“That’s my queue,” whispered Chastity. She slipped away and wheeled a giant cake out into the center of the room. And when I say giant, I mean giant . Like…big enough for a person to fit inside of.
“But before we do the big reveal,” said Mason, “I want everyone to guess what the sex will be. Show of hands for a boy?”
About half the room raised their hands. I didn’t.
Mason nodded. “Great. The rest of you are fired.”
Everyone laughed and Bee hit Mason again. “He’s joking. I’m sure he’ll be delighted if we have a little girl. Isn’t that right?”
Mason nodded reluctantly.
“Oh come on,” said Bee. “Don’t you want another little me running around?”
“Well that would be adorable,” he conceded. “As long as she never leaves the house.”
God, how are they so cute together? It was a total #CoupleGoals moment.
For some reason an image of Tanner popped into my head.
No! Go away! I had no couple goals beyond me and my future cats.
Ew, what? Why had I subconsciously turned future me into a cat woman?
Cats were disgusting little monsters that walked in litter boxes and then walked across the kitchen counter.
Imagine if a human casually stepped into a full toilet and then danced on a table?
I started gagging just thinking about it.
The next time I saw a cat, I’d punt the little demon out a window.
And if I ever saw Tanner again…I’d punt his lying ass into a pit of cats. Take that.
“Alright,” said Bee. “I think we better reveal the gender before Mason hurls any more insults at our unborn baby girl.” She rubbed her huge pregnant belly.
Chastity drummed on a desk and counted down. “Three, two, one…surprise!”
A man popped out of the cake. No, not just any man. This was a gorgeous man. Six feet of pure muscle. Dark hair. And the bluest eyes I’d ever seen.
Oh my God. Chastity had really done it. She’d hired a stripper for a baby reveal.
I considered tackling him back into the cake before he could rip his pants off. But he actually kept his clothes on. Instead he yelled, “It’s a boy!” and threw blue confetti in the air.
“I thought for sure he was gonna be a stripper,” I whispered to Chastity.
“He might be,” she said. “Hell, I hope he is. But I didn’t hire him.”
“Then who is he?”
“Maybe your future husband. It’s about time you start talking to men again.
” She shoved me towards him. Hard. In sneakers I would have kept my balance just fine.
But in my sky-high Odegaards, it was a completely different story.
I stumbled and reached out to break my fall…
by grabbing onto the guy. His butt, to be precise. And my face went into his crotch.
He grabbed me with one of his strong hands and helped me to my feet.
“Nice to meet you,” I said, pretending like I hadn’t just molested his ass and rubbed my face on his crotch.
“The pleasure is all mine,” he said, his beautiful blue eyes dancing with amusement. “Is that always how you greet people?”
“Yup.”
He stuck out his hand. “Xander Frost.”
“Cool.” I slapped his hand as if it was part of some secret handshake and then ran back to Chastity. Cool? What the hell is wrong with me?!
“How’d it go?” she asked.
“Terrible!” It probably should have been Incident #7, but I promised myself I wouldn’t have any more incidents. I’d just have to bury this memory somewhere deep inside of me and never think of it again.
Chastity frowned. “Damn. Small dick?”
“What?”
“I mean, you put your face all over it. I figured you’d at least have some idea of how big it is. Bold move, by the way. To pretend to fall.”
“I wasn’t pretending!” I whisper-yelled. “You shoved me!”
“You’re welcome.”
“I wasn’t thanking you.”
“You should. You must have really made an impression. I think he’s staring at you.”
“I have to leave. I can never see that man again.” I took off for the bathroom.
Chastity grabbed my arm. “You can’t leave. They’re about to announce the new VP.”
Oh, right. I was about to get promoted. “After I burn all the desks, my second order of business shall be to ban that man from this building. Or maybe I’ll ban him first…”
“Can’t we hire him as a secretary? I’d love to start every morning by slapping his tight ass after he brings me a steaming cup of coffee.”
Mason clinked his glass again. “As you all know, Bee is taking some time off to be with Mason Jr. And we need someone to help fill her very large shoes while she’s gone.”
“They’ve only grown half a size!” protested Bee. “And we’re definitely not naming him that.”
“We’ll discuss that later. And I meant that you do a lot for this company, not that your feet have grown. Anyway, it’s my pleasure to introduce you to our new VP of Business Development…”
I took a deep breath. This was the moment. Oh no. Was I going to have to give a big speech? What if I made a fool of myself in front of all my new underlings? I’d already molested the cake stripper. That felt like enough embarrassment for one day.
“Our new VP is one of the most respected marketers in the industry, and I’m sure he’ll be a great addition to our team.”
He? Did Mason just refer to me as a he? No, I must have heard him wrong. I couldn’t hear right with all the blood rushing to my ears.
“So, without further ado, I’d like you all to meet the one, the only, Xander Frost.”
I took a step forward. Everyone was cheering. Wait…Xander Frost? That wasn’t my name!
Xander raised his hand for silence. “Thank you, thank you. I’m so happy to be here.”
“What the hell?” whispered Chastity.
“Told you they’d hire a man,” said Madison.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. That promotion was supposed to be mine. I’d worked my ass off for this company. Yes, I’d only been here a short time. But I’d been putting in so many hours!
What a freaking waste of time.
BIMG could kiss my 90-hour work weeks goodbye. And since I was totally over Tanner, I wouldn’t have to work that much anyway. I could finally start living my life again. And the best way to do that was with the little black envelope Chastity had shown me. It was time to rejoin the Society.