Chapter 27
Erica
I sit at my cubicle, trying to drown out the noise of the office around me.
I didn’t have my own office for long, but I realize I’ve been spoiled by it now as I sit in my cubicle.
It’s only the second day in my new position, and the work is already piling on.
I remind myself that this is the job I wanted so badly last year, and now I have it.
I give myself a nod of confidence as I go through the schedule of articles for the next week, choosing which ones are going to print and which ones aren’t.
I’m also keeping up with my own column, which I feel like I haven’t given my full attention to in a while.
Working with Marco was stressful in its own way, but it was for personal reasons.
The job itself wasn’t too hard. I was like his second assistant.
Now, as I’m drowning in emails with questions and articles writers are begging to be printed, I need to get back to who I once was.
The Erica who started at this paper, willing to do anything and everything to get it up off the ground.
“Hey, Erica,” says Jose, popping his head over my cubicle.
“Hey, Jose.”
“Good to have you back.” He winks.
“Good to be back,” I say, trying to muster up a smile.
“How was it working up close and personal for The Shark?” he asks.
“As you’d expect.” I shrug.
“I guess you got your promotion finally. The one you really wanted.”
“I guess I did.” I look around my small desk and wonder if it’s really that, or if it’s the demotion I see it as. My salary certainly has taken a cut.
“Well, congrats!” he says enthusiastically. “Hey, now that you’re the head of the department…can you take a look at the article I wrote last week?”
“Uh, sure. Did you already send it?”
“Mhmm. Just this morning.”
I scroll through my emails and see his name in my inbox. “Ahh, here it is.”
“I’m really hoping it can go to press this week. I’m really proud of it. Maybe you can nudge it up in the schedule?”
“I’ll see what I can do,” I say, trying not to roll my eyes.
It’s barely my second day and he’s already asking for favors. Typical Jose. He’s nice enough, but is often looking for his work to be at the top of the list, and it’s mediocre at best. I’m surprised George kept him on for so long, and even more surprised that Marco allowed him to stay on staff.
“Thanks, Erica,” he says, rapping his knuckles on the top of my cubicle. “Again, good to have you back.”
I let out a sigh and open his email, spending the next few minutes reading his article that has a good chance of putting the city to sleep.
I close out of it and try to find some excuse not to run it.
I decide to stretch my legs, so I get up and walk the office.
I cross the length of the floor, through the different departments, until I see my old office come into view.
It’s now empty aside from the furniture I picked out.
I peek into Marco’s office, but it remains empty and dark.
I took this same walk yesterday to find his office empty.
I don’t know why I’m even over here. I don’t want to run into him.
I don’t know the first thing I would say to him.
There is nothing to say. I know he hates me.
I guess I just want to check on him. He was so upset the morning he found out about Josie, and rightfully so.
My guilt has been eating at me every day.
I assume his office is empty because he’s off working on his other conquests. It’s not like The NY Daily News is the only paper he owns, let alone company. Still, I’ve grown so used to seeing him every day. Seeing his office empty is strange and leaves a lonely feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Hey, Erica,” says Jessica, walking up behind me.
“Oh! Hi, Jessica,” I say, jumping slightly.
I could easily ask her where he is. She is his assistant, after all, but I don’t.
“How are you liking the new job?” she asks with a smile.
“It’s just fine. Thanks.”
“Well, we miss you around here.”
“I’m just across the way, so come by any time.”
“This floor is so big, you may as well be across Manhattan.” She laughs.
“See you around.” I give a small wave and head back in the direction of the editorial department.
She’s right about the size of this floor. Of this building. You could get lost in it. There’s a likely chance that even if Marco was here, I wouldn’t run into him.
When I get to my desk, I find a text waiting from my nanny.
Audrey: Josie is just waking up from her nap.
A photo of my sleepy-eyed girl flashing a gummy smile comes through. I smile down at the photo, and my heart aches in the usual way it does from wanting to be with her.
Audrey: I’m going to take her to the park for a picnic. Is that okay?
Me: Of course. I’ll be home by 6. Thank you, Audrey.
Audrey: See you then!
I put my phone down and run my hands down my cheeks.
Tonight I have to let Audrey know that I won’t be needing her anymore.
She barely worked for me and I already have to let her go.
With my new salary, I can’t afford her anymore.
It saddens me that Josie had started growing attached to her.
I feel like there hasn’t been a constant in Josie’s life lately, and it’s my fault.
I took her out of daycare because I found Audrey to nanny, and now that’s changing.
This is one of the reasons why I never wanted to tell Marco about Josie. I didn’t want him to walk out on her if there was a chance he wanted to be in her life. That would crush me. Even though Josie is not even a year old, I can’t risk it crushing her too.
At lunchtime, I go down to the floor where the daycare is.
I want to scope it out again, if there’s a possibility that I bring Josie here.
It would be so easy to have her go here, rather than taking her back to the place near Beth’s flower shop.
I wouldn’t have an extra stop in the morning or evenings to take her or pick her up.
I could just bring her to work with me. I never did because I was too scared of Marco finding out about her, but now that he knows, I guess there’s no reason not to.
I look through the large, glass window at the pastel-painted room and the wooden shelves full of toys and puzzles.
I see there’s a gated off area for newborns and another for babies Josie’s age.
It looks like there is a music class going on.
All the children and babies are in a circle watching a woman sing and dance while playing a tambourine. It looks ideal.
One of the daycare employees spots me and gives me a wave before heading over. She opens the door and heads into the hallway where I’m standing.
“Hello there,” she says.
“Hello. I’m Erica. I work up at The NY Daily News.”
“Nice to meet you. You don’t have a little one in here, do you?”
“No. Not yet.”
“I didn’t think so. I know all the parents and their kiddos. So you have an interest in our daycare? How old is your little one? Or ones?”
“I just have my little Josie. She’s going to turn one soon.”
“Aww. Such a fun age!”
“I think she’d really like it here. I’m just looking at my finances right now.”
“Oh, well our daycare is subsidized by Vallejo, Inc. It’s probably a third of what you’d pay elsewhere. You can even have it come out of your paycheck each month for a percentage off.”
“Wow. That’s great,” I say, taken aback.
To have such a wonderful daycare on site and know that it’s mostly paid for is impressive. I give credit to Marco for thinking of his employees. Another way he surprises me by being less and less like The Shark people make him out to be.
“Let me grab you a brochure,” she says, going back into the room before emerging with a glossy brochure. “Look it over. You can even bring your little one in for a tour to see if she likes it.”
“Thank you. I just might do that.”
On the subway ride home, I look through the brochure and decide I don’t even need a tour.
It’s the perfect place for Josie. She’ll be close to me.
I can come visit her whenever I like. I can even take her out for lunch some days.
I will feel so much better about coming to work, knowing she’s just a few floors away.
I won’t have to rely on Sadie and Beth to help me as often either. They’ve already done so much.
I just have to do the hard part of letting know Audrey tonight. I take a deep breath as I unlock my apartment and see her stacking colorful plastic rings with Josie on the floor.
“Look who’s home,” she says with a smile.
Josie looks up and gives me that sweet grin of hers that is just for me. I scoop her up and smother her with kisses.
“Ma-ma,” she says.
“Hello, baby girl. Did you have a fun day?”
“We did,” says Audrey, getting to her feet. “The weather was perfect. After her lunch of smashed peas, she crawled all around the grass. She’s so fast!”
“Thank you for taking her to the park,” I say.
“Of course. Dinner is almost ready. It’s in the oven.”
“You didn’t have to cook dinner,” I say.
She’s unknowingly making me feel worse about what I have to do.
“Oh, it’s fine. It’s an easy casserole. I figured you could use a break from cooking since you started your new position.”
“Well, thank you.” I put Josie on the floor for her to crawl around. “Speaking of the new position, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“Oh?” says Audrey, smiling down at Josie.
“It came with a new salary, and not a better one. I’m sorry, but I can’t afford to have you take care of Josie anymore.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that. I feel like she was really starting to warm up to me.”
“I know! You’re the best. Here you are, taking her on outings and making me dinner. I feel like a real asshole.”
“You’re not, Ms. Gunner. But no offense, it sounds like your employer is.”
I let out a laugh through my nose. If only she knew. I am the asshole.
“Well, I’m really sorry about this. You can finish out the week if you’d like.”
“Of course, I will. I have to soak up the time I have left with this one.” She scoops Josie up and twirls her around the room, while Josie giggles loudly.
After Audrey leaves, I breathe a sigh of relief.
It could have gone a lot worse than it did.
I’m grateful she was understanding, but I still feel bad, especially since Josie really grew to like her in such a short time.
While we eat dinner, I show the brochure to Josie, pointing at the pictures between taking bites and feeding her noodles and peas.
“You get to come to work with Mommy now,” I say enthusiastically.
And your daddy too, I think. I hope he’s too busy to notice a new family joining the daycare.