Chapter 29
Erica
J osie and I walk into the expansive lobby of my work. She coos as she looks up at the large chandelier. The security guard, Dominic, gives me a warm, but confused smile as he looks at the baby in my arms.
“Ms. Gunner, who is this little one?” he asks, looking at her fondly.
“This is my daughter, Josie,” I say. “She’s starting daycare here today.”
“I didn’t know you had a baby! She’s beautiful. She must be around my daughter’s age,” he says, holding up his hands to play peekaboo with her.
“It’s a fun age. I can hardly keep up. Soon, she’ll be walking,” I say fretfully.
“Then there’s no stopping her,” he says.
Josie giggles at him as he pulls his hands away from his face.
I’m already feeling at ease with her being here with me, and I haven’t even brought her to the daycare yet.
This morning I was a bundle of nerves as I got her dressed for the day, knowing it would be her first day here.
I know it’s the best decision. It’s a great daycare, and she’s close by, and my job covers most of the cost, but the idea of Marco being in the same building as her, no matter how big, is weighing on me.
I swipe my security badge and walk through the metal turnstile, carefully lifting Josie up and over it. I wave a quick goodbye to Dominic and make my way to the elevators to head up to the daycare.
“This is mama’s work,” I say softly, as she takes in the sights.
“Ma-maaaa,” she says.
“That’s right.”
We ride up the elevator to the floor the daycare is on and I walk inside. The same woman I talked to before greets me warmly.
“Hello! It’s great to see you again, Ms. Gunner. We are so happy your little one will be joining us.”
“Me too,” I say, bouncing Josie on my hip.
“Aren’t you a cutie,” says the woman, leaning in closer and giving Josie a little tickle that makes her laugh.
I feel like I’m holding my breath as the woman takes a closer look, as if she will somehow know that she’s Marco’s baby. I wonder if I’m the only one sees it. The only one besides Marco. She doesn’t look at me any different as she heads back behind the desk.
“I have all your paperwork in order and your emergency contacts. Looks like I have everything I need.” She scans her eyes over her computer screen before looking back to Josie. “Are you ready for some fun, Josie?”
She comes back around the desk and holds out her arms. Thankfully, Josie reaches over for her and lets her take her from me with no qualms. She’s always been a pretty easy-going baby. I’m lucky with that.
“I might come back around lunchtime to visit,” I say.
“Come anytime you want,” says the woman.
“Thank you,” I tell her.
I give Josie a wave and walk out the door, not wanting to stretch out our goodbye any longer in case she changes her mind.
I step outside and watch from the window for a moment to see how she settles in.
She’s brought back to the baby area where there’s a little story time going on, even though most of the babies are just rolling around or playing with their toes.
Josie crawls around, occasionally looking at the pictures in the book.
She seems happy. I smile and turn toward the elevators to head to my floor.
As soon as the elevator doors open, I can sense tension in the air.
It must mean that Marco is still on a warpath.
Yesterday, I heard he was back after some time off, and that he was not to be messed with.
I stayed in my cubicle for most of the day for fear of running into him.
I know I’m to blame for the foul mood he is in.
“Better get to your cubicle,” says Jose, walking up alongside me. “The Shark is out for blood again today.”
“Still?” I ask warily.
“Oh, yes. Did you hear? Yesterday he made Angela from accounting cry.”
“Angela?”
She was one of the sweetest people here, and has been here almost as long as I have. I can’t imagine someone even thinking about being cruel to her.
“Yup. I guess she asked for a promotion…”
“Well deserved,” I say.
“Definitely. But Mr. Vallejo didn’t like it.”
“It’s not like he can’t afford it,” I mutter.
“Exactly.” Jose rolls his eyes.
“Poor Angela…” I say, looking around at the rest of the office. Everyone has their heads down working, looking terrified. It’s ridiculous. And unfair. He can’t take our mess out on everyone else.
“I don’t know how you worked for him for as long as you did,” says Jose.
“It was only a few weeks.” I laugh.
“Yeah, but it must have felt like centuries.” He gives me a pat on the back as I step into my cubicle. “See you later.”
I settle in at my desk, relieved we didn’t run into Marco and relieved Jose didn’t bring up his article that I didn’t end up publishing in last week’s issue. I hope he forgot about it.
If Marco is this mad still, then there’s probably little time I have left here.
He should have just done it last week instead of reassigning me.
I don’t know why he’s keeping me on after everything that’s happened.
I know I will probably be called into his office soon, or he’ll end up having HR deliver the news because he doesn’t want to.
The past weekend, I sent out more résumés to other papers, but the problem is there are few independent newspapers in the city that have yet to be acquired by him.
The remaining few I have been eagerly waiting to hear back from.
I know I could shoot my shot with the bigger papers, but I’m trying to be realistic about my options.
I’ve even tried for assistant jobs around the city, but I don’t necessarily have experience in that, other than the first few months working for George or the past few weeks working with Marco.
I highly doubt he would give me a letter of recommendation or allow me to put him on a list of references.
Sadie and Beth have tried giving me suggestions on what I can do, even asking around with people they know if there are any job openings.
So far, I’ve come up empty. No one they know is hiring, and I haven’t heard back from any of the places I sent résumés out to.
I spend most of my nights scoping the job search sites, readying myself for the inevitable.
If I do end up getting fired, Sadie suggested I sue him for wrongful termination, but I know it could possibly lead to an ugly custody battle for Josie.
I can’t have that. I find it physically hard to breathe to even think about losing her like that.
He would take me to court too. If I piss him off even more, there’s no telling what he will do.
Plus, I can’t even afford an attorney to do all that.
If I could, they wouldn’t stand a chance against Marco’s attorneys.
I’m sure he has the best of the best. No, it’s best to keep my head down and lay low.
Now that I know he’s back and with a vengeance, I won’t be making any more trips to his part of the office.
At lunchtime, I head downstairs to visit Josie and eat lunch in the small dining room the daycare has for its visiting employees.
She lights up when she sees me, and it makes me wonder why I hadn’t brought her here sooner.
It’s not like Marco spends his free time down here.
Still, I couldn’t risk it. I’m just glad I have this option now, while it lasts.
It makes me sad I might have to upturn Josie’s childcare situation again if I lose my job.
That night, Beth and Sadie come over with a bottle of wine and Chinese takeout.
We set up our white cartons filling the room with savory smells on the coffee table and pour wine into stemless glasses, harder for Josie to spill.
Ever since she’s learned to pull herself up, nothing is safe.
As we fill our plates with food, she lies on her back, tinkering around with the play gym my brother gave her.
“How was Josie’s first day at the new daycare?” asks Sadie, serving herself some beef and broccoli.
“It was really good. I love being able to go visit her on my breaks. It’s the perfect setup.”
“That’s great! How did the nanny take it?”
“Better than expected.”
“And how are things with Marco?” asks Beth hopefully.
“There are no things with Marco,” I say with a shrug.
“You haven’t seen him?”
“Nope. I’ve been avoiding him.” I take a bite of an eggroll.
“Erica…” she starts.
Oh, here we go, I think to myself.
“He’s the father of your baby. You two have something. ”
“Had,” I correct her.
“I just think you’re giving up too easily. Both of you.”
“What would you like us to do, Beth?” I ask, giving her a sharper look than I intend to. “Pretend I haven’t lied to him the past year and become one big happy family?”
Beth is quiet for a moment. Sadie watches us both nervously as she chews her food.
“I just think that if he didn’t care about you or Josie, he wouldn’t be this upset.”
“If he wanted me or wanted to be a father, he knows where to find me.”
“You didn’t exactly ask him to—”
“Can we just drop it?” I ask with an exasperated sigh.
Beth puts her hands up in defense. “Okay,” she says softly. “It’s dropped.”
“Thank you. Now, who needs a refill?” I stand up and take the three glasses, balancing them in my hands on the way to the kitchen.
I can hear Beth and Sadie murmuring back and forth to each other.
I know Beth means well, but sometimes she’s so blindly optimistic, looking for happy endings, that it’s enough to get my own hopes up.
I can’t have that happen. Not when I know how badly this can all end. How it already has ended.
The truth is, I miss Marco. It’s like my heart is being clenched by a fist whenever I think about him.
And I think about him every single day. It’s like all of the resentment I had built up inside of me has faded away to leave only the good memories I have of him.
His laugh, the completely unserious one he sometimes let out with me.
His hands scared to wander when we danced at the party, but adventurous when we were alone.
His serious face when he was conducting business, only so often sneaking a smile my way.
His way of listening, as if I were the soundtrack to his favorite movie.
My eyes burn with tears I haven’t let fall since I was at his penthouse that morning.
I’ve been bottling them up because if I let them fall it would make this whole mess real.
It would mean I have to come to terms with losing him, and the life I so rarely let myself imagine with him and Josie in it.
I fight back the tears as I pick up the freshly filled wine glasses and walk them back over to my best friends and the baby I love so much.
“I’m sorry, Beth,” I say softly, handing her a glass. “It’s just been hard.”
“I know,” she says sadly.
“Right now, I just need to focus on Josie, and keeping her life happy and stable.”
“I just don’t want you to forget about you too.”
“Ditto,” says Sadie.