Chapter 30
Marco
“ W ow. The man, the myth, the legend,” says Jacob from underneath the glow of the bar as I approach. “You’re alive!”
“Ha ha,” I say sarcastically.
“I was starting to worry when you weren’t answering my calls after you left me at the club with those two girls. You have no idea what you missed out on. Your loss is my gain, I guess.” He shrugs, signaling for the bartender to come over.
I order an old fashioned and sit back in the leather barstool, wondering why I decided to come out in the first place, if I have to put up with him giving me shit.
It’s been almost three weeks since I found out about Erica and her baby.
I don’t even say “our” because it’s not ours. Erica made sure of that.
I’ve spent the last few weeks numbing myself over the fact that I’m a father, and have been for some time unknowingly.
I’m still pissed about it all, but I’ve been finding release in bourbon and working out at the gym still.
My trainer says I’m in the best shape of my life, and the man at the liquor store knows me on a first-name basis now.
Besides work and the gym and the liquor store, I haven’t been out in the world.
It might not be the healthiest way to cope, but it works for me.
“What’s going on with you really, man?” asks Jacob warily.
“Work.” I shrug.
“You can’t use that as an excuse anymore.”
I take a sip of my drink.
“It’s that girl, isn’t it?” he asks.
“Nah. We’re over. Everything got so…complicated.”
“Women.” Jacob shakes his head.
If only he knew. I want to tell him. I want to tell anyone. Carrying this secret has been weighing heavily on me for the past few weeks. It makes me wonder how Erica had coped with it for so long, but I can’t feel bad for her. She made her bed. She can lie in it.
“How’s your mom?” asks Jacob cautiously.
“She’s good. Or at least, she says she is. She’s always doing something. Bridge club. Pickleball. Lunch with friends. She should slow down.”
“She’s just like you. Or you’re like her. Always on the move. It’s in your blood.” Jacob laughs.
“True.” I look down at my drink.
“She’s strong too, you know. Like you.”
“Also true.”
“To Mama Vallejo,” he says, holding up his drink.
I clink mine to his and take a long sip.
I think of her now and can’t help but feel like I’m disappointing her.
I know I’m not where she wants me to be in life, apart from my work, I haven’t found anyone to settle down with or give her a grandchild with.
If things had gone differently with Erica, I could have given that to her.
Just when I think I’m finally at a place to move past everything, my thoughts run away from me and I’m back to being miserable.
I know I need to face Erica. We haven’t talked since she left my apartment.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss her.
I’ve gone from seeing her practically every day to not.
Her empty office is a reminder of what I lost. What she ruined.
“You’re thinking about her again, aren’t you?” asks Jacob.
I sigh frustratedly. “I hate it.”
“You’ve gotta fire her, man, or you’re going to drive yourself insane.”
I nod, thinking about this possible solution to my problems. But firing her would mean facing her. I can’t simply have HR do it for me. The situation is too delicate. Too messy.
The next day, I work up the nerve to intercom my assistant, Jessica, and tell her to bring Erica in for a meeting.
I feel like I’ve been holed up in my office for the past few weeks, trying to avoid any run-ins with her, and now I’m asking for her directly because I can’t keep going on like this.
I’m the CEO of this paper. Of this building.
I know I have to meet with her to hash everything out, so I can get on with my life. And she can get on with hers.
I sit in my office for the next few minutes, tapping my foot anxiously against the floor and watching the door.
I feel like my heart might explode from my chest. I’m just hoping my nerves don’t show when she walks in here.
The last mental picture I have of her is being wrapped in one of my bath towels crying on the floor.
My guilt eats away at me still, but how else was I supposed to react?
I just found out the woman I was falling for lied to me.
There’s a knock at the door and Jessica peeks her head in.
“I have Ms. Gunner here.”
I nod and hold my breath as Jessica pushes the door open.
I see Erica standing just outside the doorway, staring down at her shoes.
Nude patent leather pumps that make her legs look a mile long in her cream skirt suit.
I hate her for looking so beautiful just by standing there.
Jessica looks between us both cautiously before walking away, like a bomb might suddenly go off.
She leaves Erica and me in this awkward stand-off.
I clear my throat to signal that I’m waiting for her to enter.
She hardly looks at me as she steps inside.
“Please, close the door behind you,” I say.
She pulls the handle, gently shutting it behind her.
“Take a seat.” I gesture toward the chair opposite me, keeping my voice firm and steady.
She hesitates a moment before doing so. I can tell she’s nervous.
I’m glad she is. She deserves to be nervous in this situation.
I like the idea of her being uncomfortable.
She probably thinks she’s getting fired, and I suddenly feel like I’m having déjà vu from the last time she came into my office fearing her job was on the line when I took over the company.
I want to fire her. I thought about it all night after Jacob suggested it. The vengeful side of me has toyed around with the idea of taking away one of the things she loves the most. This paper. That side of me wants to hurt her to get even for all the pain she’s caused me.
Also, if I fire her it means I wouldn’t have to see her again.
Then I could walk around here, not anxious about bumping into her.
I could come to work and not feel her presence.
I could get over her. But I know if I fire her, she could take me to court.
It could lead to an ugly lawsuit for wrongful termination.
Not to mention once the press got hold of the story. I could see the headlines now.
Deadbeat Billionaire Father.
Acquired Business. Abandoned Baby.
The Shark Abandons Ship.
I could lose everything. My entire reputation would be ruined.
Everything I’ve built, gone. No one would believe me if I told them the truth of me not knowing about the baby.
They’d think I abandoned her when she needed me most. They’d spin it so I look to be the bad guy in the story when really Erica is.
No, she still has to work here. I’m stuck in a bind, but we don’t have to be anything more than acquaintances. In fact, I hope we just pretend the other doesn’t exist.
“You wanted to see me,” she says softly. She chews on her cheek nervously as she waits for me to tell her why she’s here.
“Yes. There are a few things I need to make clear.” I lean back in my chair.
She lifts her brows expectantly.
“You and I are no more,” I say, pointing between the two of us.
She nods slowly.
“You are my employee, and nothing more than that.”
“Y-you’re not firing me?” she asks, looking taken aback.
“Not yet.”
She swallows hard.
“Trust me, I would love to wash my hands of you. Honestly, I wish I never met you. I could go on living my life blissfully aware that you don’t exist.”
She stays quiet. I know my words are sharp and they’re cutting deep by the way she looks at me. I feel guilty for the way I’m hurting her, but the satisfaction I’m getting is winning the battle.
“But you do exist, and you’ve put me in a very tricky situation.”
“I’m sorry…” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.
“For which part? Lying to me about having my baby, or for sleeping with me after the fact?”
“All of it.”
“Do you know what would happen if this got out?” I ask, ignoring her apology.
“It won’t.”
“Good. You can continue carrying your little secret. You’re so good at it,” I sneer. “After this meeting, I want nothing to do with you. Or the baby. That’s what you want anyway, right?”
“I-I don’t know what I want. It was never meant to end up like this.”
“Like what?”
“I never meant to hurt you, Marco…”
“You didn’t.” I lie. “You’re just like every woman I’ve been with who finds out who I am. Trying to use me to their advantage.”
“I would never,” she says, her voice rising.
“Good. Because you will never get a single cent from me. Do you understand?”
“I never asked for anything.”
“And you won’t. I will not help financially in any way. You will not sue me for child support. In exchange, you can keep your job here.”
She looks off in the distance as she listens to my words. It’s as if they’re each delivering a blow to her, making her wince.
“We will pretend that nothing ever happened between us. If I see you in the office, I will pretend you don’t exist. I will pretend the baby doesn’t exist. You can go on pretending it’s fatherless.”
I pretend I’ve forgotten the baby’s name, even though Josie echoes through my mind every night like some sort of calling. I can still see her face, memorized and beautiful in the darkest corners of my mind.
“Are we understood?” I ask, raising a brow.
Erica looks up at me and nods, lifting her chin high with pride, even though I can see the tears forming at the back of her eyes. I can see my callous message was delivered loud and clear.
“You may go now.” I nod toward the door and reach for paperwork that means nothing to me to appear busy.
She slowly rises from her seat and walks toward the door.
Only when I know she’s not looking, I slightly glance up to watch her leave.
I know this will be the last time she leaves my office.
This will be the last time we probably speak.
I hope what I just did is worth it for the gaping absence I already feel.
Before she opens the door, she stops.
“Just so you know…” she says softly, not looking at me. “I would never try to exploit you in any way. That was never my intention. I knew you were Josie’s father the moment I saw you on the television all those months ago. If I wanted anything from you, I’ve had almost a year to ask.”
“You also had almost a year to let me be a part of her life.” I immediately regret the words as they slip from my mouth. They’ve exposed the feelings I’ve tried to hide away.
Erica doesn’t say anything. She just opens the door and slips out, closing it behind her.
It feels like a black hole is swallowing me whole in the lack of her presence.
I thought the past few weeks had helped me get over her, but I realize now that I’m far from over her. And I’ve just pushed her away forever.