Chapter 35
Erica
A fter dinner the other night, and after I put Josie to bed, Beth, Sadie, and I stayed up scouring the web for a family lawyer with a reasonable cost. Not an easy feat when looking in Manhattan, but we were able to find one.
I’m meeting her today during my lunch break, and am feeling particularly nervous about it.
I’ve never needed a lawyer for anything, and now I’m hiring one to help me keep custody of my daughter.
I perused my closet, trying to find an outfit that says I’m a good mom and a hard worker. I don’t know why I feel the need to impress this woman. As long as she’s paid by me, it doesn’t matter what I look like. She is going to represent me. I just want to look the part.
Finally, I settle on a black pantsuit and a pale blue pinstriped button-down. I smooth the creases in the mirror, scolding myself for not giving the suit a good steam, but there’s no time now. I don’t want to be late for work. In fact, I want to be extra early, to avoid any run-ins with Marco.
I still don’t know what to make of the flowers.
They sit on my coffee table looking beautiful, but also sending some sort of message that I can’t translate.
It could be he really is sorry, or it could be something else.
I don’t know what his underlying motive is, hence the lawyer. I can’t be too careful.
I saw how angry he was after he discovered the truth about Josie.
The look in his eyes and the tone of voice he used when he told me to leave his apartment, and later in his office when he said he wished he never met me.
It was a side of him I had never seen before.
He was so cold that it sent a shiver straight through me.
I try to put myself in his shoes, though.
I would have probably reacted the same exact way.
Scooping Josie up from her playpen, I give her a kiss on the cheek, leaving a trail of lipstick behind.
I gently rub at it with my thumb as she reaches for my own cheeks, opening and closing her fingers.
I lean in and let her take a hold of my face.
She just looks at me with those big brown eyes of hers, and I look right back at her.
A little frozen moment in time between us that I want to hold on for forever.
I wonder if she can sense my unease lately, if she’s trying to soothe me. She’s not even a year old yet and is already trying to take care of me. My eyes water at the thought.
“Don’t worry about me,” I whisper.
She squeezes my cheeks and giggles, making my heart swell. I swing her around my bedroom while she laughs maniacally. I stop and look around my room. My apartment. This place that we’ve called home. It’s small, but it’s enough for us.
I know I can’t give her all that Marco can, and maybe a judge would rule that in his favor. But I’m her mother. That’s something he can’t take away from me.
“Let’s go to work, okay?”
“Tay,” says Josie.
Thirty minutes later, I look through the glass doors to the lobby, making sure Marco isn’t around.
When I see the coast is clear, I take Josie up to the daycare.
She’s become a favorite around there. They tell me she’s such an easy baby, and also very curious.
I can see how much she loves it there in the times I come and visit her.
Sometimes, I’ll just stand out of view to watch her play without her knowing I’m there. She’s becoming such a little person.
“Hello, Miss Josie! Hello, Erica!” says the young daycare worker.
“She’s ready for the day!” I say, handing Josie over to her.
“Will you be visiting at lunch today?”
“Not today. I have a meeting.”
“Not to worry. We will keep Josie company. Won’t we?” She starts talking in baby talk gibberish and I smile warmly at the two of them. This is the perfect place for her.
“See you later,” I say, giving Josie a wave goodbye.
The next three hours tick by like sluggish steps through mud.
I keep checking the time, which is distracting me from my work.
I’m supposed to have the layout for the next issue done by end of day, and I’ve barely made any progress on it.
I keep thinking about the meeting with my lawyer.
I’m trying to be hopeful, but I’m also scared to receive honest truths that I’m not sure I’m ready to face.
I sigh as I look at the articles spread out before me on my desk.
I begin rearranging them, trying to find the perfect fit for each one and the right order to keep readers’ attention.
It’s funny because I thought this was the job I wanted so badly, but a part of me misses working alongside Marco.
Not just because the pay was significantly better, but because I had a say in what went on with the paper.
He valued my opinion most of the time. Other times, he would call me stubborn, which I am.
I had more time to write then too. Lately, with the new job, I spend most evenings trying to reach my word count, when all I want to do is sleep.
When I feel like I finally have the layout right, I pin the articles to my mockup board, finishing just in time for my lunch break.
I grab my purse and head out to meet my lawyer at her office, which is just a few blocks away.
I decide to walk, since the weather is starting to catch a break from the heat.
When I arrive, I’m pointed in the direction of her office by the front desk and take a seat in the waiting room.
I rub my palms against the fabric of my pants, trying to wipe away the nervous sweat.
My phone buzzes in my purse. I pull it out and see a text from Sadie: Good luck today! Thinking of you.
Me: Thank you! Waiting to go in now.
Sadie: Ask questions. Even the hard ones. You want to see this thing from all angles.
Me: Got it. Okay. I owe you for finding this lawyer.
Sadie: Don’t thank me until you’ve won.
Me: If it even gets there…
Sadie: I hope it won’t. If it does, we’re here for you and this lawyer is going to kick ass.
Me: I’ll call you later. ?
“Erica Gunner?” a voice calls. I look up from my phone and see a woman in a smart tan suit looking expectantly between the one other woman in here and me.
“Here!” I say, suddenly feeling foolish, like I’m answering to roll call. I stand up and walk over to the woman.
“It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Gunner. I am April Goss. Your lawyer.”
I take her hand and shake it firmly. “So nice to meet you, Ms. Goss. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.”
“Follow me,” she says, gesturing to the hallway behind her.
Her stride is powerful. Swift. It takes effort to keep up with her.
I can tell already she is a no-nonsense kind of woman, which is intimidating, but will be good for court.
She leads me to her corner office with a peripheral view of Central Park.
The place is smartly decorated with modern pieces of furniture and her various accolades framed on the walls.
I take a seat across from her glossy black desk and take a deep breath.
“So, per our email, you are looking to fight for custody of your daughter. Is that right?” she asks, sitting back in her chair, her eyes grazing over our printed-out email communication.
“Yes, ma’am. Well, the father hasn’t exactly asked for custody…yet, at least. I just want to be prepared, in case he does.”
“And what role does he have in her life now?”
“He doesn’t have one.”
“And has he ever had a role in her life?”
“No, ma’am. He’s never met her.”
She looks at me curiously. “And is that by his choice?” She raises a perfectly penciled in brow.
“Um, no. Well, not necessarily,” I say meekly.
“Ms. Gunner. If I’m going to represent you, I’m going to need all the facts.”
I nod warily. “The truth is, I met a man at a party and got swept up in him and cheap champagne. We ended up going back to his place. One thing led to another, and well…you know…”
“You had sex,” she says bluntly.
“Yes. But when I woke up the next morning, he had left. I figured it was just a spontaneous, one-time thing, and that I would never hear from him again.”
“And did you use protection?” she asks, jotting a few notes down on a legal pad.
“I was on the pill.”
“No other contraceptives were used?” she asks.
“No, ma’am.”
“And when did you find out you were pregnant?”
“About six weeks later,” I answer.
“Did you try to contact him?”
“No, I didn’t have any information besides his first name.”
She tilts her head. “But you were at his apartment?”
“Well, yes.”
“So, you could have found him if you wanted to.”
Her questions are firing away at me, and I’m feeling defenseless against them. I know she’s just doing her job, but this is hard to relive. Hard to see where I could have done things differently.
“Well, yes. I suppose I could have. I actually found out who he was when I was at the doctor’s office.”
“And how did that happen?”
“I saw him on the TV,” I say quietly.
She cocks her head curiously. “Is he an actor? A news anchor?”
“No, ma’am.”
I feel uneasy even saying his name to someone who feels like a complete stranger, but I know she needs the facts.
“He is a well-known businessman here in Manhattan. Marco. Marco Vallejos.”
I watch April’s eyes grow wide before she leans forward, putting her chin on her fingertips and looking at me.
“And you’re positive it’s him?” she asks.
“Yes. There was no one else.” I say, trying not to take offense.
“And what’s your relationship with him now?”
“I-I work for him,” I stammer.
She raises her brows. “And he’s never met your daughter in the time you’ve worked for him? He’s never asked about her?”
“Well, no…” I pause. “He only just found out about her last week.”
“You mean, you’ve kept her a secret all this time?”
“Yes. I know it looks bad. I was just trying to protect her,” I say, my eyes starting to tear up. When I hear it all out loud, it makes me feel so stupid.
“Well, Ms. Gunner. We have a situation here that doesn’t look pretty. Given who the baby’s father is, he has a lot of power. A lot of sway. Billionaires like that can get away with pretty much anything, including paying off judges.”
I swallow hard.
“Aside from that, given his financial status, that will rule in his favor…”
“But I’m her mother,” I say, louder than I intended.
“But you also kept her a secret. That’s not in your favor either.”
“So, this whole thing is useless?” I say, shaking my head at her.
Her face softens slightly as she reaches over the desk and places her hand on mine.
“It’s not useless. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, Ms. Gunner. But I have to be straight with you.”
“What can I do?” I whisper.
“We can try to stay out of the courts. If you can get him to agree to sign a written agreement that he gives up any rights to his daughter, then you’ll be in the clear. He won’t be able to sue you for custody.”
I nod.
“Do you think you can get him to do that?”
“I can try.”
But that would mean seeing him…