Chapter 39
Erica
A fter our trip to the zoo, Josie had a hard time leaving Marco.
She cried and kept reaching for him from the stroller, which made saying goodbye difficult.
I’ve never seen her like that with anyone, besides me in her earlier months.
I watched as Marco tried to navigate through it, on his hands and knees reassuring her he would see her soon.
The words were comforting to her, but scary to me.
I didn’t know where this thing was going, especially since my initial plan was to ask him to sign over his rights as her father.
I don’t know what I’m doing, or why I invited him out to dinner last night or agreed to come to the zoo today.
It’s like we’re trying to paint this portrait of a perfect little family, but we haven’t really talked about anything. And there’s a lot to talk about.
Once Josie finally calms down, she rubs at her eyes and settles into her stroller. She looks like she might fall asleep any minute. I check the time. It’s almost her naptime.
“She’s tired,” I say, looking at her fondly.
“It’s been an exciting morning for her,” says Marco, following my gaze.
“Well, thank you for inviting us. And for the penguin.”
“Of course. I’m glad we could do this.”
He looks at me like he wants to say something else, but I don’t give him the chance. I can’t hear him say one more nice thing or have him look at me in that way of his one more time because it will just weaken my resolve even more.
“I should get her home. It’s her naptime.”
“Right. Of course.”
I give him a small wave before pushing the stroller down the sidewalk to where the subway is. I don’t dare turn back because I know he’s watching us go, and part of me wants to stay.
Back home, I place Josie in her crib and set her massive stuffed penguin on the floor next to her, so he’s eye level with her.
I’m sure she will be happy to see him when she wakes up.
I run my fingers through her soft dark hair before slipping out of the room quietly.
I walk to the living room and collapse on the couch with a sigh.
It couldn’t have been a more perfect morning, so why am I so perturbed by it?
Marco did everything right. For not having any experience as a father, and for having a daughter quite literally sprung on him, he looked the part.
With Josie sitting on his shoulders like that, it was the picture-perfect moment.
The two of them in their own little world together, and me feeling like an outsider looking in. I liked what I saw.
I fall asleep thinking about last night’s dinner and this morning’s trip to the zoo.
An hour later, I wake up to Josie babbling in her room.
I pull myself from the couch and stretch.
I never nap, so I must be tired. Mentally tired, that is.
I get her from her room and bring her back to the couch to snuggle as we both wake up from our afternoon snoozes.
I look at my phone to see if I have any notifications from when I was sleeping.
There’s a text from Sadie confirming tonight’s dinner at her place, but nothing from Marco.
I feel silly for expecting him to text me after I had just seen him.
I tell Sadie I’ll be at her place at six, and get back to snuggling Josie.
“That was a fun morning, wasn’t it, love?” I ask, as I nuzzle her neck.
She giggles and plays with my hair.
“What did you think of Marco?” I ask, as if she’ll answer me with her honest thoughts. If she could talk, she’d probably tell me she loves him and wants to see him again soon.
“Ma-coooo,” she coos.
I laugh softly, though the word sounds funny when I know it should be something like “dada.” But she doesn’t know that.
Or does she? The way she is so comfortable with him and the way she reaches for him, it’s like she senses the bond between them.
Maybe she sees herself in him. I wonder if that’s possible for a baby.
We spend the rest of the afternoon playing on the living room floor, going through every book in her wicker book basket, and fiddling with her play gym.
Outside, this morning’s perfect weather has turned into rain and dark gray clouds.
I welcome it gladly. It’s been a while since we’ve had a good rainy day, and it seems to match my solemn mood.
My mind continues to drift to Marco, but not in a way that relates to Josie. I wonder what he’s doing now. If he’s watching the same rain fall as me through the large windows of his apartment. I bet it’s a beautiful view.
He’s showing me a side of him that I’ve seen before.
That I’ve fallen for before. It’s hard not to get lost in him.
Being so close to him at the zoo today, I could smell that familiar waft of cologne.
I could see his tousled hair that I love peeking out from the bottom of his baseball cap.
I could see that smile that I was convinced he saved for me.
He was so warm. He earned bonus points for how he was with Josie.
A flash of lightning breaks me from my thoughts. I check the time and see it’s approaching five o’clock.
“We better get going to Auntie Sadie’s,” I say to Josie before scooping her up.
Sadie likes to play hostess once a month, trying out new recipes and wine pairings, and tonight she’s doing an Italian theme. My stomach grumbles at the thought of it. Sadie is an excellent cook and a nice glass of wine sounds good right now.
I take Josie to her room and change her diaper, swapping her outfit for something more weather appropriate.
I rummage through my closet for a raincoat and an umbrella before heading out the door.
I hold her tightly to me, even though she keeps reaching her hand out to feel the rain.
We stay mostly dry until we reach the subway station.
The ride is short, and on the way I read the back of the latest issue of The NY Daily News that an older gentleman is reading across from me. I smile seeing it. An actual physical issue of my paper. I’m glad someone still gets it.
Thankfully, the rain has let up a little when we get to the subway stop closest to Sadie’s apartment. I don’t bother with the umbrella and let Josie feel the tiny raindrops against her face. I laugh as she holds her mouth open, trying to catch one.
After walking the short block to Sadie’s apartment, we reach the brownstone building and buzz her. She opens the door for us and has the door open when we arrive, the smell of fragrant garlic and bread wafting down the hallway.
“It’s dangerous leaving your door open like this,” I say, stepping inside. “You’re going to have the entire complex showing up to eat whatever you’re cooking.”
“Haha! Wouldn’t that be something?” Sadie calls from the kitchen.
I slide off my raincoat, followed by Josie’s, and hang them on the coat hooks by the door. I carry her to the kitchen where I find Sadie in her usual apron, surrounded by bubbling pots and pans and a few bottles of wine.
“Do you need any help?” I ask.
“No, no,” she waves me off. “Help yourself to some wine, though. The prosecco will go perfectly with the appetizers.”
“Don’t have to ask me twice.”
I prop Josie on my hip while I work at the cork, popping it with my thumb. I pour three glasses, and Josie reaches for one.
“Nu-uh, missy. Twenty more years, okay?”
Sadie laughs as she brings out a tray of antipasto and various breads, placing it on the countertop.
“Wow, this looks incredible,” I say.
“I’m here!” calls Beth from the doorway breathlessly.
“Just in time for appetizers and sparkling wine!” calls back Sadie.
We gather around the counter, clinking our glasses and digging into the various cheeses and tapenades. Everything is mouthwateringly good, and we haven’t even gotten to the main courses or dessert. Sadie tends to go all out with these things.
“What did everyone do today?” asks Sadie.
“I had to run floral arrangements to the library for a wedding today. It’s really a beautiful venue for a ceremony. I have another wedding tomorrow morning, so not too much wine for me.” She winks.
“Good for you, Beth. Sounds like business is good,” I say proudly.
I know how hard Beth has worked to get her flower shop up off the ground.
It’s such a quaint little place. Like a little cottage in the middle of the city.
It grew popular for its whimsical feel, and she landed a big wedding that has only led to more and more.
She always says she can’t wait to do mine or Sadie’s wedding, as if we have any prospects for husbands.
“And you?” she asks me. “What did you and miss Josie do on your day off?”
“Oh, uh. We went to the zoo,” I say nonchalantly.
“How fun! Josie girl, did you go to the zoo with Mama?” asks Beth in her baby voice.
“Ma-coooo,” says Josie excitedly.
Beth jerks her head back in surprise. “Did she just say…”
“Ma-coooo,” repeats Josie.
I laugh nervously. My own daughter sold me out. I was planning on telling my friends after another glass of wine. Or two.
“Uh, yeah. Marco came with us,” I say, taking a sip of prosecco, focusing on the bubbles running down my throat and not at the looks my friends are giving me.
“Back up. Marco? He’s met Josie?” asks Sadie, her eyes narrowed in on me.
“Yesterday I ran into him, after I’ve carefully avoided him since everything happened. He seemed different. Maybe he is really sorry, like the card from the flowers…”
They wait for me to continue.
“So, he asked if he could meet her and I agreed. I met him at the daycare after work and you guys wouldn’t even believe it. Josie acted like she’s known him all her life. It was the strangest thing.”
“She’s just a friendly baby,” says Sadie.
“It was different. Even at dinner, she just kept smiling at him.”
“Dinner?”
“We went after work.”
“And the zoo this morning…”
I grimace slightly at the way Sadie looks at me from across the counter.
“This is exciting, Erica,” says Beth, trying to run interference in her usual positive way.
“What about the lawyer? And the custody thing? Did you change your mind?” asks Sadie.
I feel like I’m being interrogated by that lawyer right now. I put my hands up in defense. “I-I don’t know. I’m figuring it all out.”
“Why is he Mr. Nice Guy all of a sudden?”
“Maybe he’s had a change of heart,” offers Beth.
Sadie rolls her eyes. For once, I want Beth to be right and for Sadie to ease up.
“Or maybe he’s trying to butter you up, while he plans to take the one thing that means the most to you.”
“He wouldn’t do that,” I say defensively, even though I’m not so sure myself.
“Wouldn’t he?” asks Sadie, raising a judgmental eyebrow.
She kind of has a point. This is what he does in business. He says everything people want to hear, convincing them to sell their business, and then hollows it out from the inside. What if he’s doing the same thing to me?
I take a sip of prosecco as I think about what Sadie said.
“Let’s not talk about it, okay?” I ask softly. “I don’t want to ruin dinner.”
My appetite is already ruined though.