Chapter 44
Marco
Custody.
Paternal rights
Terminated.
Permanently.
It’s like the words have been highlighted and bolded, landing on me like blows to my stomach, leaving me fighting for breath.
I don’t understand this at all. Erica went to a lawyer to get these drawn up.
She made the conscious effort to go through the process of finding said lawyer, making an appointment, and requesting these papers to get drawn up.
This wasn’t something on a whim. This was thought out, planned, and paid for, and I was blissfully unaware of it.
“I don’t understand,” I say slowly, laying the papers down on my desk in disbelief.
“It’s all right there. Take them to your attorney if you don’t understand,” says Erica coolly. She’s ignoring the real question here.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask.
“I made a mistake of letting you into her life.”
“It’s not a mistake.” I shake my head. “She’s the best thing…”
“Don’t,” says Erica, putting up her hand. “You barely know her.”
“I don’t have to know her to love her. To feel that bond—”
“Don’t make it harder than it has to be,” she interrupts me.
“I won’t accept this.” I look down at the papers. “I can’t accept this.” The words are choked.
None of this makes sense. It feels like my world is spinning, like I’m in some sort of storm and Josie is being ripped away from me.
I see her face fading from view, her little hands outstretched toward me.
I have to sit down to steady myself, as if it will help me navigate out of the nightmare it feels like I’m in. But it’s not a bad dream. It’s real.
I slump in my desk chair, staring at the papers before me, wishing their cruelty was shoved back in the manila envelope they were delivered in. Wishing they were never typed. Never thought up.
I can’t even look up at Erica, but I can feel her coldness.
It’s such a stark contrast from where we were a few days ago.
She wasn’t exactly warm at the zoo, but she wasn’t like this.
I thought we were getting somewhere, the two of us.
The three of us. It felt like there was a chance we could actually be a family, or something like it.
I could picture it. I was a fool to let myself picture it.
I had let my hopes run away with me, which is something I never do.
I am someone who is analytical, who sees a situation from all angles. It’s what has gotten me where I am today. It’s something I’ve prided myself in. But with Josie, becoming a father, I couldn’t see any other angle than me being a part of her life. Now, that is trying to be taken away from me.
I finally tear my eyes away from the papers and look up at Erica. She is trying to be strong, but I can see right through her. Doesn’t she know how well I know her? How well she knows me?
“Why?” I ask again, more adamant.
She reaches into her bag and slams something onto my desk. “This is why.”
I look down and see the glossy front cover of a tabloid magazine, and a headline with my name. Shit. I read over the brief article. I feel my fear turn to anger once I finish it.
“This is bullshit,” I say, my voice raised as I slam my palm down on the tabloid.
“You put my daughter in danger…” she says, her voice narrowed.
“I had no idea about this,” I say. “Who the hell is this source ?”
“I don’t know! Does it matter? Whoever it is, it’s already out there for the world to read.”
“Maybe it’s your so-called friends ,” I say in air quotations, thinking back to our awkward phone call on Saturday night.
“How dare you,” says Erica pointedly.
“How am I supposed to know who you let spend time with my daughter…” I regret the words as soon as they come out, knowing I’ve gone too far. I’m just angered by all of this.
“ Excuse me?” Erica raises a brow. “First of all, she’s my daughter. She didn’t even know you existed until recently, so please don’t pretend like you are freaking father of the year. Because you are far from it.” She laughs somewhat unstably.
“And my friends would never do anything to hurt me or Josie. My friends are actually the two people who have been there for me more than anyone for the past two years. They were with me when I was throwing up from morning sickness, bringing over cures they Googled every day. They were there right after Josie was born in the hospital, after I delivered her alone, crying through every single push and wishing I had a hand to hold. They were there when I needed to go back to work, taking care of her when I needed the help.”
Every word is like a knife, digging further into me, its blade dipped in guilt as it seeps into me.
I never even thought about everything Erica had to have gone through as a single mom.
Now, I can see she resents me. I resent myself.
But then I remember, she was the one who kept our daughter a secret. My guilt dissipates to spite.
“And whose fault is that?” I ask, cocking my head and watching the words penetrate her tough exterior.
She opens her mouth to say something, but can’t seem to get the words out. She looks like a fish out of water and I can’t help but relish in it.
“ You’re the one who kept her a secret. You’re the one who chose to do this on your own. Everything you’ve had to go through alone, was your own doing.”
“How dare you…” she whispers.
“How dare you,” I fire back. “I may not have reacted well when I found out about Josie, but I’ve apologized. Since then, I’ve done nothing but prove that I want to be in her life. For a moment, it seemed like you wanted me to be. And now you do this…” I gesture to the papers.
She glares at me.
“I’m not signing them,” I say.
“Marco…” she says pleadingly.
“I think it’s best you leave.” I look toward the door.
She doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t move.
“Go, or I’ll have someone escort you out.”
She sucks in a shaky breath before turning and leaving, closing the door behind her. As soon as she’s gone, I grab the papers and shove them back in the envelope they came in. I can’t look at them. I can’t believe Erica would do this.
The only thing I want to do is go down to the daycare again to see Josie, but I know how it would look.
If the source leaking information to the tabloid is one of the staff members, I don’t need to add fuel to the fire.
The fact that this is in the press is bad enough already.
I don’t need another article coming out.
Plus, knowing Erica, she’s heading there now.
I can’t believe the story was published.
I’m never in the tabloids, and I’ve prided myself on leading a private life, allowing only my business accolades to be printed in high profile publications, not fake news.
Now, my first time in the tabloids is on the front page and smearing my personal life across it.
I feel sick to my stomach knowing my daughter is the center of gossip.
That’s more upsetting than anything tarnishing my reputation.
I’m surprised my publicist missed this, but then again, it’s a less than stellar publication.
They do what they want without caring about the consequences.
I’m just glad there isn’t a photo of Josie or me.
Or Erica. Somehow, her name hasn’t been leaked to the press, making this an even messier situation.
If it’s not someone from the daycare, I suppose someone could have easily snapped a photo at the zoo, but since I’ve always been pretty private, no one would think twice about who I am or the family of three they saw walking around the zoo on a Saturday morning.
Plus, they could have sold the photo for an exorbitant amount of cash.
No, it has to be someone from the daycare. I want Josie pulled immediately from there, but I have no say in that. Knowing Erica, she’s probably already looking for other places. As much as I’m angry at her right now, I know she’s a good mother. A protective mother. I know Josie is in good hands.
But then again, maybe Erica won’t make any rash decisions, like pulling Josie from daycare because it will only add fuel to the fire.
This whole situation has to be handled carefully, and I wish we could work together to fix it.
But I can see that’s not an option. I’m being pushed aside. I feel completely helpless.
I suddenly stand from my chair and shrug on my jacket.
I need to get the hell out of here. I walk out of my office and let Jessica know I’m taking a personal day.
Before she can stop me and remind me of the lineup of meetings I have for the day, I keep walking until I find myself outside on the sidewalk.
I decide to walk, needing the fresh air and a chance to sort through my thoughts.
The tabloid and the custody papers are in my briefcase, and I clutch the handle.
Thirty minutes later, I find myself back at the zoo, this time painfully aware that I’m alone.
I walk to the arctic exhibit and sit on the cool, stone bench where I sat this past weekend with Erica as we watched Josie press her face against the glass in glee.
I smile at the memory, watching the penguins whiz by.
Soon, I feel a tear roll down my cheek and I briskly wipe it away.
It’s unfair how much can change in just a few days. It’s cruel, really. One day I had a daughter who rode atop my shoulders, her little fingers clutching my hair, her laughter in my ears. The next, I’m sitting alone, wondering if I’ll ever see her again.
I know I can, if I want it bad enough. I have the best lawyers in the city.
I could easily refuse to sign the custody papers and take Erica to court to gain custody over our daughter.
But the question is if I want to do that to her and Josie.
It would mess up their lives. It would bring the public into it, adding more articles to be published.
It would be painful for all parties. Still, I can’t imagine life without Josie, now that she’s been in it, no matter how short of time. The thought is too painful to bear.
I leave the zoo and take a cab back to my penthouse, needing a drink desperately.
I know that going to the gym won’t ease these feelings.
The only thing that will numb me is the smooth brown liquid in the glass bottle on my bar.
When I walk through my door, I make a beeline for the corner of my living room, pulling the bottle off the shelf.
I don’t bother with a glass, and take a long swig straight from the bottle.
It runs down my throat with ease, leaving a slight burn in its path.
It’s not even lunchtime, and I have no other plans but to stay here and get drunk.