Chapter 52
Marco
“ I have to leave for a few days,” I say, taking a sip of wine as I try to gauge Erica’s reaction as she sits across from me on the couch.
I see her face falter just for a second, and as much as I hate to see her frown, a part of me is glad.
Does it mean she will miss me? She doesn’t let it show for long as she pulls her mouth into a weak line and gives me a nod.
“Business?” she asks.
“Yeah. Canada.”
“The U.S. just isn’t enough, huh?” she asks, smiling behind her glass of wine.
She’s messing with me. I like it. This past week I have gotten the rare pleasure of seeing her wit every so often.
Since I’ve been spending every evening here, it feels like she’s growing more comfortable with me.
And I feel more comfortable with her. I came to get to know Josie, but I leave each night with so much more.
“Europe doesn’t quite cut it either,” I say with a smirk.
She rolls her eyes before throwing a pillow at me from across the couch.
“Hey!” I say loudly, dodging it and being careful not to spill red wine on her cream couch.
She giggles and holds her finger up to her mouth, checking the monitor on the coffee table. I put my hand to my mouth, forgetting we have to be quiet so not to disturb Josie, who went down an hour ago.
“She’s still out like a light,” says Erica relieved.
“Good,” I say.
“Yeah, she’s a pretty heavy sleeper. She snores, too. Just like you.” She shoots me an amused look.
“ I do not snore,” I say defensively.
Erica laughs and takes another sip of wine. Even though I think of our nights together often, I seem to forget that besides the great sex, she also slept over. Something I don’t let women do ever.
“At least I don’t think so,” I say thoughtfully. “No one’s ever slept over but you. At least not for years…”
Erica looks surprised as her eyes find mine.
I’m not sure if she’s surprised by my admission or that I’ve brought up our past, which is something we tiptoe around, even though evidence of it is sleeping just in the other room.
She looks like she might say something, but thinks better of it, her perfect mouth closing and locking her thoughts inside.
“So, what are you doing in Canada?” she asks, changing the subject.
“I’m meeting with an independent paper in Toronto. I want to branch out to a new market. A new country.”
Ever since I met Josie, it’s lit a new fire within me to go after more. To expand. To build something she can be proud of. All of what I do now is for her. I want to leave my legacy for her, and with her mother’s love of newspapers, I want that to be a big part of it.
“How do you do it all?” she asks curiously.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve always been this way. Plus, I have an entire team behind me that makes this ship run.”
“Still, it’s pretty impressive.”
I fight back the urge to smile at her compliment.
“And look at you. Working and being a hands-on mom. You do it all on your own. You remind me of my mother.”
“She was a single mother?” asks Erica in surprise.
“Not technically, but may as well have been with how absent my father was,” I say with a shake of my head.
“I’m sorry,” says Erica softly.
I wave her off and finish the rest of my wine. “Old news. Really.”
Even though he just haunted me in my drunken stupor recently. I don’t normally talk about him, but it’s easy with Erica. Even just saying the little bit I have, it’s more than I’ve done with anyone.
“I should go,” I say, checking the time on my watch. “Early flight.”
“Right. Of course.”
Erica uncurls her legs from beneath her and stands to walk me out.
I like seeing her like this. Comfortable in a pair of sweats and her hair piled on her head in a messy bun.
I feel like each time I’ve been over, she’s removed another layer of armor.
The first night, she was still in her work clothes.
The next, in a dress. Then jeans. Then sweats.
I feel like little by little I’m undressing her, and I don’t mean physically. Little by little, she’s letting me in.
I follow her to the door, even though the last thing I want to do is leave.
She opens the door and before I step through it, she looks up at me.
I wait for her to say something, as I try my hardest not to kiss her.
It’s been something I’ve physically had to stop myself from doing the past few nights when our eye contact lasts a little longer and her lips slowly part as if they’re asking for mine.
“Thank you,” she says finally. “It’s been…nice. Having the help with Josie.”
“Of course. I want to be here…with Josie.”
I wonder if I’ve just broken the spell we’re under by not being honest about my feelings. As much as I love being here with Josie, I also love being here with Erica.
“Right. Well, safe travels.” She opens the door wider.
“Thank you.” I slip out and walk down the hallway, hearing the click of her door behind me. I miss her already.
My flight to Toronto is just under two hours. I spend the time going through the research on the newspaper I’m trying to acquire. I like going in knowing a few rare facts that no one else would know. It shows I have a real interest.
As my private jet approaches the airport, a text comes through on my phone. I’m surprised to see it’s Erica: Good luck today…
I smile to myself, knowing she’s thinking of me. We haven’t texted about anything other than Josie, so this is a pleasant surprise. I quickly type back a response.
Me: Thanks. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Simple enough, but lets her know that I plan on talking to her again later. I want to share it with her. I want to get to know her, and her me, outside of co-parenting. If she’ll let me.
I watch as the city below comes into view, the skyscrapers towering high as we begin our descent.
Once we’re on the ground, I get into the waiting town car and head directly to the meeting.
I’m cutting it close, and really should have left last night, but I didn’t want to miss out on an evening with Josie and Erica.
Knowing I’ll be away from them for a few days is hard enough.
I didn’t want to add another night away if I could help it.
I make it to the meeting with a few minutes to spare and breathe a sigh of relief as I walk into the building.
An hour later, I walk out with a smile on my face.
While I didn’t close the deal, I know I will.
I’m meeting with the owner again tomorrow over lunch.
I figured a stiff meeting in the boardroom is great for talking facts, but a conversation over lunch would be more personable.
I ride in the town car to my hotel and check in at the front desk, before taking the elevator up to my room, which takes up the entire top floor and has 360 views of the city.
Even though I have a similar view in New York, seeing a new city like this is exciting, especially when I’m about to land a major deal in it.
I wish I had someone to share this view with.
I pull out my phone and text that someone.
Me: Nothing official yet, but it’s looking good.
Erica: The Shark strikes again ;)
Me: How is Josie?
Erica: She’s good. We are heading to lunch.
Me: I miss her.
Erica: She misses you too.
I want to tell Erica I miss her too, but I know if I ever share my feelings it has to be in person. If we get another chance at this, I want to do it right.
Me: Have fun at lunch. Talk soon.
I toss my phone onto the large couch in the center of the suite before plopping down onto it.
I could use a nap before I spend the rest of the day exploring the city.
I know if I don’t do something, I’ll just pine away in my room thinking about Josie and Erica.
I miss them already and it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since I last saw them.
That little girl has me wrapped around her finger, and that mother of hers has had me since I met her.
The more time I spend with them both, I realize how much I want us to be a real family.
I can see it so clearly. I can see it because we’re living it, but it almost feels like we’re playing a game of pretend.
Like we’re playing house. I get to come over and eat dinner with them and then help with the bedtime routine with Josie, which is the highlight of my day, but then I go home and end up feeling even lonelier.
It’s like I have everything I want for a few hours, and then I have to wake up from my dream.
I feel selfish for wanting more, especially when Erica made it clear that I need to be patient with her as she opens up their lives to me.
I’ll forever be grateful she did, especially after everything we’ve been through.
So much has happened, and there were times I acted like an utter asshole.
It’s a wonder she’s given me another chance as it is.
I don’t want to blow this chance, and I have to be sure that if I act on my feelings toward Erica, I won’t lose them both.
Hopefully, she knows that my need to be in Josie’s life is very real.
I didn’t know how badly I wanted to be a father until I was one.
I love that little girl more than life itself.
It doesn’t matter that I’ve just met her or learned of her existence.
Some part of me must have known for me to be this enthralled by her.
But I’m scared if I don’t act on my feelings, I might lose out on something that could be life-changing.
Erica could be the one . The more time I spend with her, I’m convinced she is the one.
I can’t stop thinking about her, and not just when I’m in bed remembering the way she tastes.
But I can’t stop seeing the little things she does for Josie.
How big her heart is and how damn good she is at being a mother.
I replay the things she says to me, dripping with sarcasm, that make me laugh long after she’s said them.
I see her green eyes, all shades of them, when I close my eyes to go to sleep.
I hear her laugh, memorized from the rare times she’s let it tumble out of her.
I know the more time I spend with her, the more I’ll fall for her.
I have to win her back. An idea comes to me.
I pick up my phone and open my emails. I search for the director of HR and type out an email, asking for Erica to be promoted to be the head of the paper.
It’s not simply to win her over, but because I know she deserves it.
She knows that paper more than anyone. It’s the one thing she loves, besides Josie.
I’m hoping that if I give her something she loves, then maybe she’ll see that I’m falling in love with her.