Chapter 53
Erica
M y phone buzzes on my desk and I can’t help but smile when I see Marco’s name on the screen.
I look around to make sure no one else sees the flush of my cheeks and the giddiness I feel sitting here in my cubicle, as if they would even know who was texting me.
No one knows anything, and if they do, they’re sworn to remain silent, thanks to Marco.
Ever since he told me how he handled the employee in the daycare, I feel much more comfortable.
Safe. Josie is back to coming with me to work, which is convenient for me, but also makes her happy.
She loves it there. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t sexy knowing Marco took control of the situation and shut it down to protect our daughter before any other tabloid articles got wind of her.
He did it without me even asking in a situation I felt helpless in.
I’m sure it was to protect himself, too.
And me. Still, I found myself impressed by his actions.
“Calm down,” I think to myself, looking down at my phone with the text notification. I pick it up and eagerly open the message.
Marco: You’re looking at the new owner of the Toronto Times.
I feel a flush of pride for him and his new accomplishment, and the fact that he wants to share the news with me.
Me: I knew you’d get it. Congrats!
Marco: Can we celebrate when I get back?
I take a deep breath as I read his text again.
There’s no mention of Josie, just that he wants to celebrate.
I wonder if he means the three of us, or just us two.
Either one, I’d be happy with, but the idea of us being alone together scares me and thrills me at the same time.
It’s been a while since our night together, when the next morning everything exploded in our faces.
I think about what to respond back with, and soon see three dots bounce on the screen. He’s typing. I wait to see what he says.
Marco: Dinner at that new restaurant in midtown? You, me, and Josie.
I let out the breath I’ve been holding. It’s like he knew what I was thinking and gave me the clarification I needed before my mind ran away from me.
Me: Sounds perfect.
Marco: I’ll be back tomorrow.
Truthfully, I was hoping he would come back tonight. I can’t help but feel disappointed knowing I won’t see him for a little while longer.
Erica: Safe travels!
I set my phone on my desk and sit back in my chair, stretching my arms overhead before slumping forward again.
I miss him. As much as I’ve tried not to, I do.
As much as I’ve pretended I don’t, I do.
Josie does, too. Every night around 6:30, she looks to the door, hopeful that there will be a knock. I do, too.
It’s been nice having someone to spend our evenings with, especially when it’s in the form of a handsome and charming man.
One who is patient and does everything with Josie with great care, from holding her to reading her books to drawing her a bubble bath and making sure the temperature is just right.
One who listens to me intently, makes me laugh, and makes me feel things I haven’t felt in so long.
I long for him when he’s away, and even when he’s sitting next to me on the couch.
It’s almost cruel to know what his lips feel like against mine or how his large hands take control of my body with a gentle grip that I succumb to eagerly, knowing I might never experience it again. Curse us for doing everything backward.
The last night he was here, I almost asked him to stay.
Josie was already asleep and we were settled in our usual spot on the couch.
The conversation was easy and I felt so effortlessly myself around him, poking him with my usual sarcastic humor that I don’t use with just anyone.
He took it like a champ, serving it right back.
My bedroom was right there. It would have been so easy to lead him to it, but I couldn’t get myself to do it, no matter how much I longed for him. I wonder if he would have said yes if I had asked him to stay. Lying in bed that night, I imagined he was there next to me.
Would it complicate things? Would it ruin everything we’ve been through to get to this point?
I don’t even know what we are. Friends? Co-workers?
Co-parents? Dating? All of the above? Whatever we are, it’s working right now, and Josie is happy.
I try to remind myself that at the end of the day, this is for her. I don’t want to ruin that for her.
As much as I think about being with Marco again and how nice it is to have him around, I also don’t like the idea of relying on him.
On anyone. I’ve been doing this whole thing with Josie for a while now, and though it’s been a lot of work, it’s been safer knowing that no one will let me down.
The only person who can mess up is me, and I’ve done my fair share, but that’s easier than trusting in someone else.
I’ve seen how Marco’s moods can change. It’s like a snap of the fingers and he’s a completely different person.
Cold. Distant. Angry. I’ve seen certain dark parts of him, and it scares me.
I can’t imagine how Josie would feel if she were to know that side of him.
But then again, I’m the reason behind the darkness.
I caused the storm by accidentally dropping a bomb on him.
If someone had kept something that big from me, I wonder how I would react.
My phone buzzes on my desk, breaking me from my thoughts.
It’s Sadie calling. I suddenly feel nervous.
I haven’t talked to her in a little while, which is unusual for us.
I think I’ve been avoiding her ever since I let Marco back in my life.
I’m just not ready to face what she has to say.
She’s my best friend, and usually her blunt honesty is welcome, but I’m enjoying my bubble with Marco and Josie. I don’t want anyone to pop it.
“Hello?” I answer.
“I was starting to wonder where my best friend disappeared to…” Sadie says.
“I’m still here. I promise.”
“Good. Are you free for lunch?”
“In thirty minutes…” I reply.
“Good. I’ll swing by your work.”
“See you soon!”
Forty minutes later, we settle in at a table at the corner deli with our pastrami sandwiches.
“How long until you have to be back at the office?” I ask, taking a sip of my iced tea.
Sadie checks her watch. “Like forty-five minutes, but it’s a slow day. I can be late. You?”
“Same. Marco is out of town anyway, so everyone is a little more lax.”
She nods and takes a chip from her bag, popping it in her mouth as she looks at me curiously.
“How is Marco?” she asks, emphasizing his name.
“He’s good.” I shrug.
“You’re not going through with the custody papers, are you?”
I sigh and look at her, ready to take the brunt of her thoughts on the matter. “No. I’m not.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “I think that’s good.”
“Wait. You do?” I ask in surprise.
“He’s her dad. Whatever my thoughts are about him are trumped by that.”
“He’s really not that bad, Sadie.”
“Are you three still trying the whole ‘family’ thing?”
“He’s been helping out in the evenings. To be honest, it’s really nice having the help. The company. Josie loves him. You should see her with him.”
“And what about the tabloid? Aren’t you worried?”
“He took care of it,” I answer.
“Really?” She looks impressed.
“Terminated the daycare employee. Drew up an NDA. The whole thing.”
“Not bad, Mr. Vallejo,” she says, almost to herself.
I laugh softly, happy that she might be softening to the idea of Marco being a part of my life. Of Josie’s.
“And what about you?” she asks.
“Me? What about me?”
“ You’re in this too. Don’t act like you don’t have feelings for the guy because I can see it in the way you talk about him.”
I bite back a grin. “Am I that obvious?”
“Girl. Even if I wasn’t your best friend, and nothing but a stranger on the street, I could see it.”
I groan and look up at the ceiling. “I don’t know.” I shake my head. “I can’t get him off my mind. Is it so bad to want to have it all? The guy? The happy little family?”
“No,” says Sadie softly. “It’s what we all want.”
I lift my head and look at her, somewhat surprised. This is the first time she’s really ever admitted to wanting love, a family.
“I don’t want you to not tell me things because you’re scared of what I might think. Okay?” she says, reaching over and giving my hand a squeeze.
“Thank you,” I murmur, squeezing her hand back.
We spend the rest of lunch having girl talk all about Marco.
It feels good to share this with one of my best friends, stuffing our faces with sandwiches and giggling like we’re back in middle school.
By the end, we establish I have a big, fat crush on the father of my daughter. What a strange thought.
When I get back to the office, I settle in at my desk and open my emails.
There is one at the top of the list from the HR director, asking me to come to her office.
My stomach sinks. The last time I saw her was down in the lobby when I thought I had lost my job after the whole debacle with security. I wonder what she wants now.
When I arrive at her office, she’s in the same upbeat and cheery mood when she told me I was being promoted, even though it was really a demotion.
With her attitude, it’s hard to tell where this is going to go.
I think back on the past few weeks in my current position.
I haven’t missed any deadlines or pissed any of the writers off.
“Thanks for coming, Ms. Gunner,” she says, gesturing for me to take a seat in front of her desk.
“Of course. May I ask what this is about?” I say, sitting down and clutching my hands in my lap nervously.
“You’re being transferred,” she says as if she’s holding back a smile.
“Again?” I ask, raising my brows.
“This happens with acquisitions. There are a lot of moving parts. You seem to be one of them. I’m sorry for that, but I received an email from Mr. Vallejo and he’s adamant about this.”
I wonder why he didn’t tell me. I just texted with him this morning.
“Where am I being transferred?” I ask, my brows drawing together.
“To head of The NY Daily News .”
“Excuse me?” I almost choke, my voice catching in my throat.
“You’ve been here a long time, Ms. Gunner. I agree with him on this. You’ve earned your way up. The job is yours. If you want it, of course…”
I can hardly believe what I’m hearing. He’s giving me the paper, my pride and joy outside of my daughter.
“I don’t believe it…” I say dumbfounded.
“Well, believe it. I have his email here, if you don’t believe me.” She turns her laptop to face me. There it is, clear as day. An email from Marco listing off a slew of reasons why I should take over the paper. His faith in me brings tears to my eyes. He knows me better than I thought.
“I have your contract drawn up. You can take it. Mull it over.” She slides over a manila envelope, which I take from her, hoping she doesn’t see the trembles of my hand.
“Thank you,” I say, shaking my head.
I stand from my seat and leave her office.
I wonder why Marco didn’t tell me this himself, or was it meant to be a surprise?
He knows how much this means to me. Maybe it’s his way of showing me what I mean to him.
I clutch the manila envelope to my chest and head back down to my cubicle, feeling like I’m in some sort of dream.