Chapter 18 Making a Mistake
MAKING A MISTAKE
DEREK
I might have ascended to heaven tasting her because I never wanted to stop.
“P-Paige?” I asked, my voice rough as I looked up at her face. Her eyes were closed, her breathing deep and even. Did she pass out?
I straightened up carefully, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, and tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. She looked peaceful, beautiful, and completely sated, which gave me a bit of an ego boost.
She was going to be so embarrassed when she woke up.
I pulled the blanket up over her gorgeous body, covering her gently, and allowed myself one moment just to look at her.
I couldn’t believe it. Paige was sleeping in my bed. The woman I was in love with for decades.
How the hell did Jack fumble someone like her?
I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. It was already five in the morning. We had been awake almost all night, and exhaustion was starting to creep in at the edges. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Not with Paige in my bed, not with the taste of her sweet pussy still on my tongue.
I needed to move, to think and put some distance between myself and her.
I pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and slipped out of bed.
I pushed myself harder than I had in months at the gym. Punishing the heavy bag, running until my lungs burned, lifting until my muscles screamed. Trying to outrun the thoughts that kept circling back to Paige.
To the sultry sounds she had made and the way she trusted me to take care of her. The hazy way she looked at me.
After my workout, I showered and got dressed in one of my suits. Paige was still asleep, curled up in my sheets, making me smile. I wanted to climb into bed, wake her slowly and show her all the other ways I could worship her body.
Instead, I grabbed a notepad from my office and scribbled a quick message:
Went to work early. Take the day off and call if you need anything.
- Peterson
I left the note on the kitchen counter after checking in on Lily. Who was still sleeping peacefully in her crib, one tiny fist curled near her face. Then I headed for the office before I could change my mind.
Don’t forget that this is an arrangement. Nothing else.
I had been staring at the same contract for a few minutes when Sean appeared in my doorway.
“You’re here early,” he said, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. “And you look like hell.”
“Thanks. Does Chelsea ever tell you that you have a gift for compliments?” I rolled my eyes.
“She tells me I have a gift for knowing when my friend is spiraling,” he said, stepping into my office and closed the door behind him.
“Want to tell me what’s going on? Because the photos from last night are everywhere, and you’re hiding in your office at ten in the morning looking like you haven’t slept. ”
“I’m working.”
“You’re avoiding something,” Sean said, dropping into the chair across from my desk. “This is about Paige, isn’t it?”
I didn’t answer, which was an answer itself.
“Derek,” he said, his tone serious. “You’re falling for her.”
“It’s an arrangement,” I said automatically, not looking at him. He knew me too well. “That’s all.”
“Bullshit,” he scoffed, leaning forward. “Derek, I’ve known you for fifteen years. I’ve seen you with dozens of women. And I’ve never… ever seen you look at anyone the way you look at her.”
“You’re imagining things.”
“Am I? Because at that gala, when Jack was threatening her, you looked ready to commit murder. And when you carried her down those stairs?” He shook his head. “That wasn’t acting, man. That was real.”
“She just left her husband, Sean.” I set down my pen, finally meeting his gaze. “She’s vulnerable. I was just helping her.”
“Uh-huh, sure. Because that’s what it looked like. Helping her.”
“Look. I’m only pretending because I can’t do relationships. I don’t do commitment, remember? That’s my whole thing. Three months, maybe four if I’m really trying, and then I bail.”
“Maybe you haven’t met the right person yet. And now you have.”
“Or maybe I know exactly who I am.” I stood up and walked to the window overlooking the city. “You know what Kelly said when I broke up with her? She said I was in love with someone else. That I had always been in love with someone else.”
Sean was quiet for a moment. “She wasn’t wrong, was she?”
“No,” I said with a sigh. “No, she wasn’t. But that doesn’t change anything. I’m not good at this, Sean. I’m good at work. Good at keeping things casual. But a real relationship? Being what Paige needs? Being a father figure to Lily?” I shook my head. “I’d fuck it up. It’s what I always do.”
“Maybe you’re not giving yourself enough credit.”
“I know exactly who I am, Sean. And it’s not good enough for her,” I said, turning around to face him.
I almost slept with her last night even though I knew she was vulnerable.
“Paige deserves someone who can be a real partner. Someone who won’t run when things get hard.
Someone who knows how to be a husband and a father. That person isn’t me. It can’t be me.”
Sean leaned back and narrowed his eyes at me. “So what are you going to do?”
“Stick to the plan. Help her through the divorce and keep up appearances until Jack signs the papers and then we end it.”
He studied me for a long moment, and I could see the concern in his eyes. “And you think you can do that? Pretend this is fake when it’s clearly not?”
“I have to.”
“You don’t—”
“I have to,” I repeated. “Because the alternative is watching myself hurt her when my commitment issues inevitably kick in. I don’t want to disappoint her or Lily.” I dragged a hand through my hair. “I can’t do that to them. I won’t.”
“You’re making a mistake,” Sean said, standing up.
“But I can see you’re not ready to hear that.
” He moved toward the door, then paused with his hand on the handle.
“Just... don’t wait too long to figure out what you really want.
Because from where I’m standing, you’re about to let the best thing that ever happened to you walk away and call it fake. ”
“Sean, you know I—”
“Break it off before either of you gets hurt,” he said.
“That’s my advice as your friend. But as your business partner?
” He shook his head. “Make sure you know what you’re doing.
Because if this blows up, it’s not just your heart on the line.
It’s hers. And Lily’s. And your career, if Jack decides to make a noise about his assistant sleeping with her boss. ”
He left, closing the door softly behind him, and I sank back into my chair.
He was right about all of it.
But that didn’t change the fundamental truth that I wasn’t built for this. I spent my entire adult life proving that relationships weren’t my thing. That I was better alone, better keeping things casual, better not letting anyone get too close.
Paige and Lily deserved better than a man who would inevitably let them down.
My phone buzzed with a text.
Paige: Found your note. Thank you for last night. Are you okay?
I stared at the message. What was I supposed to say? That I left because I was terrified of what last night meant? That I couldn’t trust myself not to hurt her? That being with her felt too right, too fucking perfect, and that scared me more than anything?
Instead, I replied,
I’m good. I had a busy morning. You should stay home and rest.
I hit send before I could second-guess myself, then set my phone face-down on my desk.
Sean was right. I needed to end this before it went any further. Before I did irreparable damage to the one person I spent my entire life trying to protect.
I’ll stick to the plan. Help Paige get her divorce and play the part of a devoted boyfriend until Jack signs the papers. Then I’d let her go, the way I should have done years ago.
It was the right thing to do and the smart thing.
So why did it feel like I was already breaking?
I turned back to my computer, forcing myself to focus on work. On contracts and depositions. On anything except the taste of her pussy lingering on my lips and the look in her pretty eyes when she had trembled before falling apart in my mouth.