Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Eve
I stop at the top of the stairs, surveying the scene. This pop up bar is held in a big open space by the marina, in a place that is clearly normally occupied by the attached restaurant. Right now, both spaces are packed, from the bar to my left to the tables in the middle to the huge crowd of hip young people dancing out on the lawn while the DJ spins records, the music loudly pumping through the space. It’s getting hot as the sun sets over the ocean; the huge roll away windows are all rolled up to let the heat and fading sunlight in.
Everywhere I look, there are girls in bikinis and guys taking their shirts off to expose more skin.
“Vi…” I moan as she drags me down the stairs. I have to yell to make myself heard over the music. “This is every bit as cheesy as I thought it would be.”
Vi links arms with me, looking me up and down. “What, were you just going to study all night? You said yourself that your concentration was shot. So just relax. Enjoy a drink. Meet some people! You may actually have fun, if you let yourself, Eve!”
I pull a face. Vi grins and pushes further into the dense crowd, heading for the bar.
A waitress in a purple sarong and a pink bikini top wades through the crowd, carrying a big tray. “Do you want some Jello shots? They’re a buck each!”
She lowers her tray and shows us a selection of plastic ramekins, each filled with a different color of Jello. Orange, blue, green, and purple.
Vi stops, flashing me a grin. “We’ll take four!”
She hands the waitress cash and receives one of each flavor. I take the red and orange Jello from her, eyeing them suspiciously.
“I’ve never had one of these before.”
Vi holds up a little ramekin filled with purple goo, wiggling her eyebrows. “No time like the present.”
She opens her mouth and upends the contents into her mouth in one smooth motion. I shake my head and then copy her, emptying my red Jello into my mouth.
Having to chew my liquor makes my eyes water. The taste of the vodka is much stronger than whatever cherry flavor they mixed in with it.
I swallow, looking at Vi with my face scrunched up. “That was vile.”
Vi wiggles her eyebrows and takes her second shot. She swallows and grins, her lips and tongue still stained with a hint of purple.
“Come on. Eat your other shot. Then we will get in line for the bar.”
Sucking in a breath, I take the second one. Like the first, the overwhelming flavor is that of vodka. Shivering, I stack my ramekins and follow Vi.
When we come to the end of the line — well, it’s less a line than a crowd waiting for drinks — we stop and look around. Everywhere I look, there is exposed skin, belonging to some towering dude with great abs or a bikini clad woman.
“Try to look available,” Vi whispers in my ear before flipping her hair over her shoulder in an extravagant gesture. “Who do you think is cute? Him?”
She points to a guy standing near us. He’s tall with a blond surfer vibe. And like everyone else here, he seems allergic to his own shirt. “He seems available.”
I scrunch my face up. “Do you want to go talk to him? I can hold your place in line.”
Vi gives me an odd look. “We don’t go talk to guys. Guys come to us. That’s like half of the reason why this pop up is so popular.”
My brows rise. “Oh? So you knew that this was…” I cast around for a second. “Basically just a big make out party?”
“Duh!” Vi grins. “It’s time to find your fall hookup. When the weather gets cold, we’ll move on to more serious pursuits. But for now…”
She waves her hands with a giggle.
It’s hard not to be in a good mood around her. I smile and shake my head. “You’re terrible.”
A stunning brunette in a dark bikini and heels walks by, making eye contact with us for the briefest moment. Vi grips my arm. “She is so hot. What do you think? Did she give you a bisexual vibe at all?”
I squint, turning my head and watching the brunette walk away. “I don’t know. Is that… I mean, are you…”
Vi has already moved on, scoping a guy in front of us out. “Bi? Yes. I mainly date guys… but we’re just talking about one night stands here.”
I nod, silently digesting that. “I see.”
She elbows me. “What about that muscular Greek god over there?”
I glance over, seeing a Black guy with a shaved head and abs that seem to go on forever. “He’s very attractive,” I answer, shrugging a shoulder.
“I’m sensing a but.”
“No but. He is attractive. I’m just not really looking.”
The words are out of my mouth before I can even think about what they mean. Vi crooks an eyebrow, looking at me.
“What, you already found a hottie?”
I blush, hugging myself. “Not really. I mean… there is a guy…”
Vi squeals. “Tell me everything!”
I pause, my cheeks red. How much would Carter actually want me to tell Vi about him? Probably very little. Especially not that he’s our Cell Biology teacher.
I take a breath. “I’m not sure what to tell you. I mean, he’s made it clear that he doesn’t think we can work long term, so…”
Carter’s words echo in my head. Not now, not ever…
“So there’s been a short term?” Her eyes widen. “And here I was, thinking that you spent all your time studying!”
My face is red as a beet. “Not all of the time, admittedly.”
“But he doesn’t think you two will work? Why not?”
I screw up my face, choosing my words carefully. “We have a ton in common… but on paper, we don’t seem like a good match.”
Vi arches a brow. “He’s worried about how you two will be perceived?”
I blow out a breath. “By pretty much everyone, yes. Our relationship crosses several boundaries. It’s pretty forbidden.”
“Taboo, huh? Interesting…” She nods slowly. “He’s not your brother, right?”
The image of Aiden flashes in my mind and makes me grin. “Definitely not.”
“Then who cares what people will think?” She lifts both her arms in the air. “Love is love. And anything forbidden can be well… hot as fuck, to tell you the truth.”
I laughed. “Well, it’s not just me. He’s in the relationship, too, right? And he has more to lose if this all goes south.”
I’ve been so angry with Carter since he’d walked out on me. Unfortunately, I know he is right, as much as I hate it. That doesn’t do much to assuage my anger, though. We came so close to sleeping together, and he broke it off so abruptly.
Forbidden or not, I’d be lying if I said that didn’t hurt.
She heaves a sigh. “I had a forbidden love once. And yes, it was super hot, but very secret. But the time came when we had to either tell everyone or stop seeing each other.” She stretches and pulls a face. “I told her I couldn’t see her anymore. Now I’m really regretting it and wondering what could have been. Because in hindsight, I see all those things I was worried about happening if we were exposed, never really mattered.” She throws an arm around my shoulders. “Don’t be me, Eve. Be smarter than me. Learn from my colossal mistake.”
Her words hit a nerve. Again, I’m tempted to confess everything to her, but fear holds me back.
My lips twist. “What if the relationship stays for a while before anybody finds out about us? Just to figure out if it’s even viable. I mean, that’s a solution, right?”
A humorless laugh leaves her lips. “That never holds. You’ll be exposed. Sooner rather than later. And then that’s when you’ll make hasty, rash decisions. It’s better to be the one that tells the world your secret first, rather than letting them find out and make up their own minds about it.”
I nod slowly, digesting. Vi is basically telling me to shout Carter’s name, here and now. But I can’t be hasty.
“That’s a good point. I’ll consider it.”
Vi looks at me slyly. “You should call him.”
“What? Why?”
“Life is short. Why waste precious time, when you already know what you want?”
Her words dug even deeper than the last.
“You want him, right?”
“God, yes,” I admit, my insides going soft at the thought of being with Carter.
“Well, then, I don’t know what you’re waiting for.”
“Okay, I will.” My cheeks go pink.
“No, I mean now. You should call him and go to him and tell him you’re ready to hang your dirty laundry out. Right this very second!”
I give her a look. “And what about you? We’re hanging out! I can wait.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m going to find my summer fling tonight. I’ll be perfectly fine by myself. Watch.”
To prove it, she makes eye contact with the blond surfer in front of us and gives him a seductive smile. He turns around, looking intrigued.
“Hey, I’m Aaron…”
She winks at me and turns her attention to Aaron. “Hey, I’m Vi.”
I shake my head and grin, watching as they abandon the line without a word and walk down to the lawn to dance.
Vi makes it look so easy. I look around the crowd as I continue to wait in line, looking for someone else, anyone else, who might catch my interest enough to take my thoughts off the very forbidden Carter, but everyone looks the same to me. And none of them are right for me.
I give up that endeavor and order another drink when I reach the front of the line. After I pay for it, I say a little prayer of gratitude as I spot an empty seat at the end of the bar.
I carry my drink over and plop down on the stool. I’m perfectly content to let myself become increasingly buzzed while I people watch and silently lament the impossibility of the situation I’ve found myself in.
Not only can I not have Carter, I have absolutely no interest in anyone else. That’s a problem, in and of itself. I can only hope time and a steady stream of margaritas will help ease the painful yearning that seems to have taken up residence in the center of my heart.
My eyes trail around the crowd once more, in awe of the easy way people seem to interact with each other. My father kept me so sheltered, the concept of effortlessly mingling with strangers is foreign to me. I wish it wasn’t. I sit there, silently drinking and watching and cursing my father and his helicopter parenting that has left me so tied up and awkward.
The fact that one of the rare times I ever feel free and easy to be myself is with Carter only adds salt to the wound. I wonder what the odds of finding someone else exactly like Carter might be. I want to think there have to be a lot of Carters in the world, but something deep inside of my gut tells me that’s not true. Carter is special and unique. Nobody makes me feel the way he does. Just one look at him is enough to send me reeling and if there is a whole ocean of Carter’s out there, then why doesn’t anyone else make me feel that way?
My theory falls flat.
I sulk at the end of the bar and try to take stock of the characteristics that Carter possesses that makes me so drawn to him. Maybe I can’t find someone exactly like him, but close.
I think about his lips. I think about his big body, pressed against mine. I think about his dark hair. His eyes, this gorgeous deep amber that takes my breath away…
But the worst part about crushing on Carter? His brain is one of the most attractive things about him. I could listen to him drone on about science for hours. There's something about the sound of his voice that seems to have crawled inside of my head and never left.
There is so much about Carter that I just can’t shake.
But mainly, it is the way he makes me feel that attracts me the most. Nobody has ever had the same effect on me, leaving me shaking and breathless and feeling like I’d just run a fucking marathon after five minutes in his presence.
How can anyone ever replicate that?
I come to the conclusion that I am doomed to live this unsatisfying, yearning existence for the rest of my life and order another drink, ready to accept my miserable fate.
I vow to do my best to forget him every time he pops into my mind.
So, when he strolls through the door, pausing at the top of the stairs to take in the scene below, it feels like a dagger has gone straight through my heart. How am I supposed to forget about him, when he just shows up like I conjured him up with my thoughts? His gaze rolls over the dancing crowd on the lawn and then over to the bar.
His eyes crash into mine and suddenly he looks like a deer in headlights. I feel just as frozen as he looks. I swallow hard, smile tightly, lift my drink in greeting and tear my eyes away from his.
The feel of his lips on my mine burns in my brain.
I pretend I’m not watching, straining the limits of my peripheral vision as he descends the stairs, heads to the opposite end of the bar I’m sitting at and orders a drink. I can feel the heat of his gaze like sunlight on my skin but still, I don’t look. My gaze stays trained on my glass in front of me, not daring to lift my eyes, because I know if I do, I will melt into a pool of desire in front of all these strangers.
When he takes his drink and slides into a booth in the restaurant, I breathe a sigh of relief.
If he stays on his side of the room, and I stay on mine, what could go wrong? Maybe we could co-exist in this town together just fine. Maybe I can trick my mind into thinking that he’s just another dude, swimming in a huge pool of other dudes.
Maybe I can convince myself there’s nothing special about Carter. If I just try hard enough, maybe it’s possible to reprogram my brain. Maybe I can forget about the heat of his hand running over the curve of my hip… Maybe I can forget about the way his eyes curl up at the corners when he laughs… Maybe I can forget about the way my stomach flutters every time my name slides off his lips…
Maybe I can forget that his lips ever touched mine …
“Excuse me? Is this seat taken?”
A velvety baritone voice breaks through my trance. I look up and see a gorgeous, dark-haired guy smiling down at me, his hand on the chair next to me. I hadn’t even noticed the person sitting next to me had left. The man is breathtakingly handsome, even to my distracted eyes. His smile is brighter than the sun, and I blink a few times when he flashes it at me, patiently waiting for a response that I finally summon.
“Yes, of course!” I say.
He hesitates.
“Oh? It’s taken?”
“What?” I asked, confused, until I realize that I’m just an idiot. “No, sorry. It’s not taken.”
He nods politely, pulls out the chair and sits down and gestures to the bartender.
While he’s ordering, I take the opportunity to keep drinking him in. He’s young, fit, athletic. Perfectly tanned skin stretched across rippling muscles. His bright blue eyes are trained on the bartender — another beautiful person in a sea of other beautiful people — wearing almost too short jean shorts and a bikini top that I half expect her to spill out of each time she bends over. I watch as she turns away and the man’s eyes rake over her frame, landing squarely on her very shapely ass. When she turns back, his eyes snap back up when she hands him his beer.
When she’s gone, he turns his eyes my way.
He’s gorgeous, in a pretty way. He could get the attention of any woman in this place. In fact, he has already snagged the attention of several. I spot a group of girls in the corner behind him pointing and whispering. But he’s not paying any attention to them.
“I’m Halston,” he says, holding out his hand and offering it. I shake it and smile, trying not to laugh at his pretentious name.
“Eve.”
“Eve, I like that name,” he says, taking a sip of his beer.
“Thanks,” I said.
“Do you like apples?”
“What?” I ask. Then I see the look on his face and roll my eyes. “Oh, right. My name. Haha.”
The joke is common and falls flat every time.
“Are you a student?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
“Me? Oh, god no. I’m just passing through. Are you?”
“Yeah, pre-med,” I admit.
He nods slowly. “Impressive. I don’t have the patience for school.”
“What do you do then?”
As I wait for him to answer, I can’t help but glance over his shoulder. Carter is still seated in his booth, looking my way, his brows furrowed disapprovingly.
I don’t know what possesses me — but I seem to be suddenly inhabited by Vi’s personality. I smile, flip my hair over my shoulder and to my own silent horror, I bat my eyelashes.
Halston smiles back and lifts his glass to me.
“I just sort of drift from city to city,” he says. “I’m in tech.”
I indulge in a quick glance back to Carter and see that the lines in his forehead have deepened, and he is watching us even more intently now.
Good, I think, let him watch. How could he have kissed me and then just…walked out on me like that?
Maybe it’s wrong, but I relish in the opportunity to inflict a little pain, a little payback.
“So what do you do in these cities?” I ask Handsome Halston. I’m expecting an interesting answer. Like, maybe he’s studying the environment in different regions. Maybe he’s a traveling artist. Maybe he’s a pilot or a spy…
“Party and code.”
His answer trips me up. I look at him and see pride in his eyes.
And not much else, to be honest.
“You just travel and party and write code?”
“Yeah, bro,” he shrugs. “Life’s a party, right?”
“How do you support yourself, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Oh, I just couch surf and crash wherever I feel like, you know? It’s easy.”
“Easy, is it?” I ask. I was definitely intrigued now.
“Sure,” he shrugs again. “I guess my trust fund helps, too.”
There it is. He's rich. His family has provided for him.
My father’s face flashes in my mind. He’s been taking care of me and my expenses all my life and he’d felt entitled to control every aspect of my life because of it, too. If I had chosen to live my life like Handsome Halston here, my father would have snatched me up so quickly and locked me in my room.
I’d never hear the end of it or be allowed to make any decisions for myself again.
I may not be attracted to Halston, but I certainly envy his freedom. I glance over his shoulder at Carter again and feel the frustration inside of me grow. I can’t even choose who I want to be with because of my father.
And even though I can’t have Carter, there he is, glaring at me because I’m talking to someone else.
Suddenly, I am so tired of everyone else’s influence in my life. I’ve had enough. I look into Halston’s eyes and smile boldly.
“That sounds like a great life,” I say, letting my hand fall on his bicep. He flexes under my palm. “You must have a lot of fun.”
“I do my best,” he says, flashing me another charming smile.
I’m so not attracted to him, but I figure I can fake it till I make it. Why should I mope around and be sad about what I can’t have when I am pretty sure if I keep up the act, I can get further with Halston than I ever did with Carter?
“Can I get you another drink?” he asks.
I look down at my glass and I’m surprised to see it’s empty.
“Yes, please.”
He orders and the drink comes and we sit there together while he begins telling me all about the places he’s traveled to, completely unprompted. I’m bored, though, because he’s talking about nothing but drinking and smoking pot and talking about how big of a bonfire he can make. And coding. Lots of coding.
By the time he’s onto delivering detailed instructions on how to make the bonfires grow even bigger, I’m on my fourth margarita and very glad I am walking home.
Through my blurry vision, though, I can see that Carter is still in the same seat and has been watching us intently this entire time. I continue to ignore him as I order my fifth drink.
“So, as you can see, driftwood is always the best choice,” Halston is still going on, but handsome as ever, even if his features have blurred a little by now.
I laugh, even though he hasn’t said anything funny.
The urge to pee overwhelms me, so I head to the ladies room, sashaying past Carter’s table and completely ignoring him. It appears he’s been drinking a bit himself, because I spot five empty beer cans on his table.
By the time I come back, I half expect Halston to be gone. I haven’t done or said anything to keep his interest. But there he is, with another fresh drink waiting for me.
I giggle, sit down, and grab the drink.
When his hand lands on my knee, my eyes widen, the straw still in my mouth as I look down at his hand. I don’t say a word and it begins to creep up my thigh.
He leans over and whispers in my ear.
“Maybe we should get out of here. You said you live nearby?”
I am fairly certain I did not offer that information, but all I can really think about is the feel of his fingers quickly inching up towards a place I’m pretty sure I’m not ready for him to visit. I put my hand over his and pull it away, smiling up at him.
I mean, he’s handsome, that’s undeniable. And Carter, watching from his dark corner, is completely and utterly untouchable. Maybe getting under Halston is exactly what I need to get over Carter.
“Okay, sure,” I mumble. “Let’s go to my place.”
When he leans over and brushes a kiss across my lips, I’m shocked. I expected to him to wait. But now, Carter has clearly seen another man kiss me and I have no clue what to do about that.
“Let’s go,” he says, smiling at me.
I nod in agreement and attempt to slide off the stool. My foot slips and I crumble to the ground, giggling like a fool the whole time.
Halston reaches down to help me up, but I slip again, falling into a pool of hysterical laughter. I don’t know why I think it’s so funny, I should be mortified, but there I am, laughing like an idiot.
But then I see Carter. In a flash he appears over Halston’s shoulder, then pushes him out of the way and leans down and grabs me under my arms and pulls me to my feet.
“You’re drunk!” Carter admonishes me, but all I can do is feel his hands on me.
“You’re touching me!” I retort. “I thought I was off limits!”
“Goddammit, Eve!” He says. To his credit, Halston stands back, watching Carter man-handle me. “I’m taking you home. You’ve clearly reached your limit.”
“You’ve clearly reached your limit!” I mumble under my breath, mocking him.
“Let’s get you home,” he says.
“You good, Eve?” Halston says, finally, eyeing Carter curiously.
“I’m fine,” I say, trying not to slur my words. “This is my forbidden lover!”
“Eve! Stop! Shut up!” Carter hisses, looking around desperately.
“Right on,” Halston says. “Well, take care, I guess.”
Carter ushers me outside and sets me down on a bench while he calls for a ride.
“I’m fine, you don’t have to take me home,” I insist.
“I know I don’t have to, but I wasn’t about to let you get assaulted while you’re this fucking drunk, for fuck’s sake,” he said, shoving his phone back in his pocket and sitting down next to me.
“Assaulted?” I ask, wrinkling my nose. “I said I was fine.”
“Whatever, that guy would have taken advantage of you as soon as he had you alone, and we both know that’s true.”
“At least he wants me,” I said, shrugging.
He looks over at me, sadness filling his eyes. He grabs my chin, staring intently into my eyes.
“Don’t ever think for a fucking second I don’t want you, Eve.”
His words pierce my heart.
“I want you so much it fucking hurts,” he continues. “You and I both know why we can’t be together. But that doesn’t make my feelings go away.”
The car pulls up before I can respond. Within seconds, Carter has me belted into the backseat while the driver whisks us back to my house.